Author Topic: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo  (Read 39332 times)

Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« on: September 04, 2013, 12:36:55 pm »
It's fully possible to appreciate Julian's America as a genuine cultural phenomenon. It's also fully possible to appreciate Julian's America as a metaphor for what it takes to become a genuine cultural phenomenon. Either way, for too long, Julian's America has registered as an anachronism, a nostalgic reminder of times long past when people only wore seersucker sincerely, never ironically. For too long, Julian's America has seemed to lay dormant like a vintage 1980's wide diagonal-striped Jean Paul Gaultier tie sitting in the back of a magnificently oak-lined closet awaiting the day it came back in style. No more.

For the past few years, I have heard from Julian Americans all around the actual America, western Europe, and the Maldives asking the same question: "where are you now, in a post-didn't elect Hillary world, when we need you most?" Allow me to answer in a short parable. One day a man is walking along a beach and has a vision of myself. He sees scenes of his life and two set of footprints in the sand, one he identifies as a pair of Prada docksiders and one as a pair of Bottega Veneta captoes. At the particularly troubling points, he notices only the footprints of his beloved Prada docksiders and he turns to me and asks, "Why is it at the lowest points of my life did you cease to walk with me?"

To which I answered: "The one set of footprints you see ... that is when I took off my Ferragamo's -- which you quite inaccurately identified as Bottega Venetas -- because I did not want the sand of the beach to wear away prematurely at the leather soles." Think about that: I did not want the sand of the beach to wear away prematurely at the leather soles.

Julian's America has always remained alive in the hearts and minds of all true Julian Americans everywhere. Its alive in the hearts of young children, hiding under their palatially arranged 1000 thread count sheets with a flashlight to sneak peaks at L'uomo Vogue and n+1. It was alive walking beside you all this time, telling you which way to go in its trademark still, small voice; it just did not want the sand of the beach to wear away prematurely at its shoes' leather soles. Its time again to rejoice and highlight the things that make life great, the things that make life worth living! It's time to leave the summer vacation of our collective discontent and enjoy the cool autumn breezes in Julian's America!
« Last Edit: May 02, 2017, 03:27:28 pm by Julian, Coastal ELITE »
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stevewizzle

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2013, 12:41:23 pm »
wat

kosmo vinyl

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2013, 12:44:18 pm »
Don't ask
T.Rex

James Ford

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2013, 12:46:26 pm »
Isn't it funny how julian reappears just as atomicfront leaves the country?

Yada

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2013, 12:47:16 pm »
i'm a biker living in london UK, and i've discovered 3 major ways of pozzing up unsuspecting negs. the first i discovered by accident when i was fucking a guy and the condom broke. i said i was sorry, and i was. but later on it made me smile. then i was doing another guy, and the condom broke when i put it on. i fucked him anyway, feeling guilty and horny as hell at the same time. then i started pricking the rubbers in their packets, so that when i started fucking, they'd split. but this doesn't always work, so now, to be extra sure, i go to clubs with a pair of nail scissors, pick up a handfull of condoms, go to the loo (john), sit down and carefully cut open the packets, remove the condoms and snip a bit off the tip. the i roll it back up and slide it back into the packet. then i look for guys who are into safer sex only. i've done 100's of guys using this method over the years.

the second method is more work, but more fun. i chat up negs on-line who want to bareback with other negs, i say, 'i tested neg 1 month ago. i think because i only top, i've always tested neg'. if they want, i tell them i'll pull out before shooting. i never do. there's loads of guys into being fucked by a guy in bike leathers and crash helmet, so i do them like that the first time, then i get more intimate, smiling, and kissing passionately. i make sure i fuck them at least 5 times, then i stay in touch with them to see how they get on. i've done about 20 guys using this method over the years, and i've only failed once. when they tell me they've tested poz i say, 'o god! how did that happen? do you think i should get tested too?' thank god for chat rooms. they can't see how much i'm smiling.

the third method is the most dangerous and the hottest. i had a biker mate, and for a while we'd go round together using the above 2 methods. one nite we couldn't find anyone so we rode up to hamstead heath, London's cruising area. we wandered about till we saw a cute young asian guy. he was a bit drunk, i think it was his first time on the heath. we smiled, said hello, and led him to a quite part of the heath. i started kissing him while my mate pulled down his pants. then my mate pinned him to the ground, and using just spit for lube, raped his ass. i held him down and pushed his face into the mud to stop him screaming. when my mate finished it was my turn. after we'd finished we both pissed on him and told him we both had hiv. we left him there, sobbing, soaked in piss, with our poz loads in his cunt. i still get a hard on thinking about it.

Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2013, 12:52:39 pm »

Alessi Kitchen Designs

Giovanni Alessi's dream remains alive with the house of Alessi's Italian 2013 kitchenware line! Its bold, thoughful design spruces up even the drabbest of kitchens. It's literally like saying "my cat just died, but I don't care because these ice trays make perfect Italian Lira mark shaped ice cubes!" Every Alessi item fits the company's tag line of "art + poetry" with stunning attention to detail and forward thinking.

Team Julian has been going absolutely crazy over the spring 2013 Liconi set of deconstructed bowls made to look like tin foil meshings. I had a dinner party two weeks back and we used the Liconi 18" bowl as a crescent roll holder and the entire party screeched to a halt as no one wanted to pass the bowl around to the next person waiting. It literally upstaged Syria as the evening's topic of conversation.

What makes Alessi's products particularly attractive is the blend of avant garde sensibilities with classic western European touch. It's not Waterford or T + C, and it's never going to be. But it is always going to be feel both new and familiar all at once. Its a respectful nod to the past and a bold stepping through the door to the future all at once. Every Julian's American kitchen deserves to have a design upgrade before Thanksgiving cocktail season rolls around. What's in your cupboards?

Julian's America Score: 6.7 out of 10
« Last Edit: September 04, 2013, 01:20:39 pm by Julian, Former Weblebrity »
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Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2013, 12:53:16 pm »
Don't ask
You know deep down you've always loved it.
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Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2013, 12:53:36 pm »
Isn't it funny how julian reappears just as atomicfront leaves the country?
NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG.
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Yada

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2013, 01:26:20 pm »
at least we know atomicfront spends his European vacation time trollin the forum.


sweetcell

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2013, 01:40:40 pm »
<sig>

i am gay and i like cats

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2013, 05:24:04 pm »
i shake my heads for many a reason.  one is for obvious, and the other reads oblivious.  the turn of this screw.  the return of the blade.  i sense so much passsion, so why did you fade, away?  it has come down to this.  the facts of the name change game move so lengthy around the board.  your arrival is predicted.  your arrival is accepted.  your arrival, is timing at its shittiest. 

Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2013, 08:16:00 am »
i shake my heads for many a reason.  one is for obvious, and the other reads oblivious.  the turn of this screw.  the return of the blade.  i sense so much passsion, so why did you fade, away?  it has come down to this.  the facts of the name change game move so lengthy around the board.  your arrival is predicted.  your arrival is accepted.  your arrival, is timing at its shittiest. 
Tremendous.
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Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2013, 10:46:52 am »

Jack Rudy Small Batch Tonic Syrup

If Julian's America is built on any founding principle, its that the G & T is the perfect beverage for any occasion. The crisp, quinine fueled elegance of the properly proportioned gin and tonic pleases even the most renowned of palettes. However, its simple ingredient list has long allowed the gin and tonic to flourish even among undesirable people who previously only stocked gin to make white-trash "strong islands" in the back of their pickup trucks while watching SEC football games. What's a lover of opulence to do?

For years, our best solution has been to step our gin game up with supreme offerings from Kensington XO and budget gin-gineers like Hendricks and Magellan allowing every true Julian's American to have a G&T that's genuinely a step above. Back in 2009, this very column suggested allowing your endless pockets to shell out for Q Prime Tonic Water, but now the next evolution in the gin and tonic has arrived.

Can I tell you how much I love Jack Rudy Small Batch Tonic concentrate? Its literally the best tonic I have ever experienced. Cinchona Tree extract quinine with a bitter yet botanical blend provides a literal masquerade ball on your tongue. To drink regular Canada Dry tonic water after having this is tantamount to funding a dog fighting ring. I was drinking some Jack Rudy G&Ts (with the excellent new gin from Michigan's Grand Traverse distillery) with soon-to-be Virginia governor Terry McAullife and both of us agreed the governor's mansion should be stocked to the hilt with this vibrant tonic upgrade.

My only complaint against Jack Rudy's Small Batch Tonic? The price. At just $32 for a two bottle case (each bottle should get you around 16-18 cocktails in my experience) its simply a matter of time before middle class people emulate the opulence of this incredible cocktail mixer. So, my Americans, get yourself a case of Jack Rudy's Small Batch Tonic and have a gimlet tonite on your boat while you still acceptably can. It's like that perfect, last summer weekend in the Hyannisport with every glass. Bottoms up!

Julian's America Score: 9.3 out of 10
« Last Edit: September 06, 2013, 10:49:33 am by Julian, Former Weblebrity »
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Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2013, 03:53:39 pm »
America's Cup deciding race in 15 minutes!! TURN THIS ON. Sporting event of the Fall!
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James Ford

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Re: Julian's America II: Electric Boogaloo
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2013, 03:58:32 pm »
For someone claiming sophistication, you sure watch a lot of television.

America's Cup deciding race in 15 minutes!! TURN THIS ON. Sporting event of the Fall!