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=> GENERAL DISCUSSION => Topic started by: jkeisenh on August 26, 2004, 10:28:00 am
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And Now, Another Olympic Moment
August 25, 2004
By JOHN KENNEY
The scene is a conference room at NBC Olympic broadcasting
headquarters in Athens. Three people sit at a table: a
network producer, researcher and writer.
PRODUCER So who's next?
RESEARCHER (referring to a folder
in front of him) Let's see, a Romanian swimmer.
PRODUCER O.K. What can we do with him?
WRITER Is his
mother alive?
RESEARCHER Yes, she is. Why?
PRODUCER Too bad.
WRITER Any family history of illness?
RESEARCHER It says here that his aunt had shingles once.
WRITER This could be good.
PRODUCER This could be very
good. Were they close?
RESEARCHER He only met her once. Apparently she was insane.
Claimed she was a porpoise.
PRODUCER I like this. One meeting with her is all it took.
RESEARCHER What are you talking about?
WRITER A profound meeting. Life altering. Spurred him to
greatness.
PRODUCER He has a picture of her.
RESEARCHER There's no mention of that here.
WRITER In his
mind.
PRODUCER He sees her face when he runs.
RESEARCHER He's a swimmer.
WRITER Even better. She gave
him his first bathing suit.
RESEARCHER Where are you coming up with this? He was 2
years old when he met her and he didn't start competing
until he was 15. She was in an asylum!
PRODUCER The connection's there. Can't you see it?
WRITER
I see it. His healthy mother still remembers the meeting.
The child glowed.
PRODUCER But in the intervening years, bad things happened.
Communist repression.
WRITER The boy loves his trunks. From his aunt. What boy
doesn't love his swim trunks?
PRODUCER He swims for his aunt, the aunt who can't swim. Do
you see? This is his mission. He loves her still.
WRITER Yes. Of course he does. Perhaps she's terminal.
PRODUCER I love it. Write it. I'll book a crew. Who's next?
RESEARCHER A Belgian cyclist.
(Pause)
PRODUCER Hmm. Belgium.
WRITER It's cold in Belgium.
RESEARCHER It is?
WRITER Often. So he rides at night.
RESEARCHER Why would he ride his bike at night? That would
be insane. Do you know how fast they -
PRODUCER Shhh. Go on.
WRITER His bike is old. It's not a
new bike. The bike was a gift from his mother, a charwoman.
PRODUCER Yes, she's a charwoman. I like the word charwoman.
Poor. There is no money. But he loves the sport too much to
stop. He rides at night. Waits for her to come home from
cleaning.
WRITER He fashions a new bike from wood. He's poor, you
see.
RESEARCHER What on earth are you - this guy's a
professional. He's sponsored by Nike. He started his own
software company. He's a billionaire!
(Pause)
WRITER I once read of a child who needed a kidney.
RESEARCHER What?
PRODUCER Be quiet.
WRITER The boy was ill. From Chicago, I believe.
PRODUCER
Bosnia.
WRITER Better. There was a war. Winter. Frozen mud.
Dysentery.
PRODUCER The boy -
WRITER Orphan -
PRODUCER Beautiful. The orphan lay near death. He needed a
kidney -
RESEARCHER But what does this have to do with -
PRODUCER Someone must give him one.
WRITER Someone must
sacrifice an organ for the orphan -
RESEARCHER Please tell me what this has to do -
PRODUCER
The Norwegian skeet shooter -
RESEARCHER He's a Belgian cyclist!
PRODUCER Sure. He saw
the story -
RESEARCHER What story?
WRITER It touched home.
PRODUCER He's never forgotten it.
WRITER Who could forget? He rides for the boy.
PRODUCER I love it. Write it. We've got a crew in Prague
now. Who's next?
RESEARCHER A Nigerian fencer.
WRITER My God, this is a dream come true. Where is Nigeria?
PRODUCER Near Belgium.
RESEARCHER Africa, on the west coast.
WRITER Do you know
what I think?
PRODUCER Tell me.
WRITER I think he's gay.
PRODUCER Fantastic. A gay
Belgian gymnast.
RESEARCHER Nigerian fencer! And he's married with three
children!
PRODUCER No matter. Lifelong dream, to fence in the
Olympics.
WRITER Swords, foils, epées. Marvelous words. First time on
a plane, probably.
RESEARCHER For the love of - he's a pilot! He went to
Stanford!
PRODUCER Stanford. Of course. Don't you see? It's so
obvious.
RESEARCHER What?
PRODUCER Tell him.
WRITER He could have stayed in the West. But he went back
to his village after college in America to help the
starving children.
PRODUCER He saved many of them. Operated on them in the
night. He is a doctor. Practiced fencing with a broomstick.
RESEARCHER He's not a doctor! He works on Wall Street.
PRODUCER Of course he does. All the better.
RESEARCHER
What are you talking about?
WRITER His one chance for redemption.
PRODUCER For the
little boy he lost.
RESEARCHER What boy?
WRITER There was a boy. He lost him. On the operating
table.
RESEARCHER He's not a doctor!
PRODUCER Perhaps he knows first aid -
WRITER He sure well
better know first aid if he's going to be operating on poor
little children in Chad -
RESEARCHER Nigeria!
WRITER You're missing the point. The boy died. Now he swims
for the boy.
RESEARCHER He's a fencer!
PRODUCER Can we make him a swimmer? Ask him if he'd like to
swim instead. Who's next?
John Kenney, a former advertising copywriter, is writing a
novel.
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/25/opinion/25kenney.html?ex=1094450649&ei=1&en=73d070816dbb9869 (http://www.nytimes.com/2004/08/25/opinion/25kenney.html?ex=1094450649&ei=1&en=73d070816dbb9869)
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Even though that's very funny....it's totally bogus.
There's no way they'd be interested in athletes who weren't doodle.
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Except for that Russian gymnast Svetlana Khortina, who they had a story on. Or the Romanian gymnasts who they ran stories on.
Originally posted by Bollocks:
Even though that's very funny....it's totally bogus.
There's no way they'd be interested in athletes who weren't doodle.
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i thought it was so funny because for the first half of the article, i thought it was real.
i actually had the mishap of seeing the NBC news last night and they had a piece about a runner from MS whose town was so small and poor they didn't even have a track for him to run on. *tear*
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<img src="http://b3ta.adennak.com/dong.gif" alt=" - " />
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What I wanna know is why is not India representin' in the Olympics?
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They're too busy doing all of our outsourced work.
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India has earned one silver medal.
Originally posted by Celeste:
What I wanna know is why is not India representin' in the Olympics?
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in what?
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Telemarketing.
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Originally posted by Celeste:
in what?
weightlifting I think.
For those interested in the runny-kicky gold medal game.
Half time
Doodlesses 1 - 0 Brasilarinas
The Brasillians team yet again dispelling the myth all Brasillian women are hot. Hot if you're a bulldyke maybe...
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Meanwhile on Bravo... (http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=833)
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Shooting. Specifically, the highly contentious double trap event.
Originally posted by Celeste:
in what?
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If they had the food Olympics India would dominate the medals, and doodleville would get a single bronze for apple pie, which they stole from the Brits anyway, but you can keep it.
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Why do you only see Indian men working at Indian restuarants, and not Indian women?
Surely the Indian women would make more attractive servers...
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Originally posted by Bollocks:
Originally posted by Celeste:
in what?
weightlifting I think.
For those interested in the runny-kicky gold medal game.
Half time
Doodlesses 1 - 0 Brasilarinas
The Brasillians team yet again dispelling the myth all Brasillian women are hot. Hot if you're a bulldyke maybe... [/b]
brasil has tied it, a while ago, ESPN says its in the 3rd half. or something.
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I was up in Jyoti's last night for dinner and there was an Indian woman serving us.
Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
Why do you only see Indian men working at Indian restuarants, and not Indian women?
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I've had a female hostess, and I once saw a woman slaving away washing dishes in a place full of male servers...but have never had a female server.
Originally posted by econo:
I was up in Jyoti's last night for dinner and there was an Indian woman serving us.
Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
Why do you only see Indian men working at Indian restuarants, and not Indian women?
[/b]
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Originally posted by Bollocks:
If they had the food Olympics India would dominate the medals, and doodleville would get a single bronze for apple pie, which they stole from the Brits anyway, but you can keep it.
Actually, I believe we stole apple pie from the dutch. maybe i'm crazy.
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Deep Fried Twinkies. (http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/West/09/18/offbeat.twinkie.reut/) 100% American!
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Originally posted by chimbly sweep:
Originally posted by Bollocks:
If they had the food Olympics India would dominate the medals, and doodleville would get a single bronze for apple pie, which they stole from the Brits anyway, but you can keep it.
Actually, I believe we stole apple pie from the dutch. maybe i'm crazy. [/b]
But I'm sure they got it from us..... ;)
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USA defeats Brasil in extra time 2-1 to win the gold medal, yay doodles, at least the girls can play!
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Originally posted by sonickteam2:
Originally posted by Bollocks:
Originally posted by Celeste:
in what?
weightlifting I think.
For those interested in the runny-kicky gold medal game.
Half time
Doodlesses 1 - 0 Brasilarinas
The Brasillians team yet again dispelling the myth all Brasillian women are hot. Hot if you're a bulldyke maybe... [/b]
brasil has tied it, a while ago, ESPN says its in the 3rd half. or something. [/b]
Is ended up 1-1 so went to extra time, but we lost the signal at work so no idea what's going on.
Direct TV sucks by the way if anyone is thinking about it. Go with cable.
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i just told you what happened.
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Originally posted by sonickteam2:
USA defeats Brasil in extra time 2-1 to win the gold medal, yay doodles, at least the girls can play!
So in other words, the USA beat the rest of the world at their national pastime. :D
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Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by sonickteam2:
USA defeats Brasil in extra time 2-1 to win the gold medal, yay doodles, at least the girls can play!
So in other words, the USA beat the rest of the world at their national pastime. :D [/b]
But it was the girls so nobody else but the doodles give a toss.
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Originally posted by Bollocks:
But it was the girls so nobody else but the doodles give a toss. [/QB]
Of course the losers would say that. :roll:
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well, i think its only a matter of time until women's sports catches up with America. Right now, most countries dont really take women's sports all that seriously, or not as seriously as we do. I mean, watching the hockey last year? hahahaha. I mean, Canada HAS a team, but those other countries? looked like a goddamn joke.
in 20 years, it'll be more competetive
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Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by sonickteam2:
USA defeats Brasil in extra time 2-1 to win the gold medal, yay doodles, at least the girls can play!
So in other words, the USA beat the rest of the world at their national pastime. :D [/b]
sounds fair, everyone whipped them at thiers!
or would've if they would have QUALIFIED!!!
can anyone guess who DID win the gold medal in thier national pasttime?
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Originally posted by sonickteam2:
Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by sonickteam2:
USA defeats Brasil in extra time 2-1 to win the gold medal, yay doodles, at least the girls can play!
So in other words, the USA beat the rest of the world at their national pastime. :D [/b]
sounds fair, everyone whipped them at thiers!
or would've if they would have QUALIFIED!!!
can anyone guess who DID win the gold medal in thier national pasttime? [/b]
Romania? :D
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Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by Bollocks:
But it was the girls so nobody else but the doodles give a toss. [/b]
Of course the losers would say that. :roll: [/QB]
I'm not Brasillian and it was me who said it.
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BTW
I finally saw a shaggable doodless athlete this morning on today on NBC. She's on the water polo team and had the spikey hairdo...
YOWZA BABY!!!!!
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Originally posted by Bollocks:
Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by Bollocks:
But it was the girls so nobody else but the doodles give a toss.
[/b]
Of course the losers would say that. :D
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Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by Bollocks:
Originally posted by Rob_Gee:
Originally posted by Bollocks:
But it was the girls so nobody else but the doodles give a toss.
[/b]
Of course the losers would say that. :D [/QB]
Have you finally figured out how to open the child safe pill container or something?