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=> GENERAL DISCUSSION => Topic started by: kosmo vinyl on July 17, 2008, 07:33:00 am
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Inspired by walkonby's thread and I'm sure we done this one before, but...
Children of Men
"Woke up, felt like shit. Went to work, felt like shit."
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Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
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definitely Clark Griswold from Christmas Vacation:
"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, shitless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"
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"...Bunch of slack-jawed faggots, around here! This stuff'll make you a Goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurs! Just like me."
Or that Christopher Walken speech from Pulp Fiction....although that might not qualify as a quote.
Or...about a half dozen quotes I can think of from Raising Arizona...
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Originally posted by sweetcell:
Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
[/b]
Oh damn. Forgot about that one. I never liked that entire saga, but that WAS a good one.
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"look whatcha did you little jerk!"
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"YER KILLED ME FOOK'N SCOO'A"
Quadrophenia
Honorable mention
"OH AH AH OOOH OOOOH AH AH OH I LOVE YOUR COCK IN ME...OOH OOH I'M GONNA CUM. THAT'S IT OH YEAH OH YEAH....I WANT YOUR CUM IN MY MOUTH BABY"
Pick a porno movie!!!
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Yes, I can. The truth -- well, the truth is that I've had a long-standing problem with heroin addiction. I've been known to sniff it, smoke it, swallow it, stick it up my arse and inject it into my veins. I've been trying to combat this addiction, but unless you count social security scams and shoplifting, I haven't had a regular job in years. I feel it's important to mention this.
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"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older and they stay the same age."
"I hate the fucking Eagles man."
"Are you ready to die, punk?"
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"The world is full of guys. Be a man."
"Who wants a moustache ride?"
"I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."
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"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice." - Bill Murray as Carl Spackler in Caddyshack
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8 year-olds, dude
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Shaun of the Dead
[looking through Shaun's LPs for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies]
Ed: 'Purple Rain'?
Shaun: No.
Ed: 'Sign o' the Times'?
Shaun: Definitely not.
Ed: The 'Batman' soundtrack?
Shaun: Throw it.
Ed: 'Dire Straits'?
Shaun: Throw it.
Ed: Ooh, 'Stone Roses'.
Shaun: Um, No.
Ed: 'Second Coming'.
Shaun: I like it!
Ed: Ahhh! 'Sade'.
Shaun: Yeah, but that's Liz's!
Ed: Yeah, but she did dump you.
Shaun: Oh!
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"I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot."
~ Hansel
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never rub another man's rhubarb. batman
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Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!
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"Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka! "
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friday - "Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chitlins... All the pig's feet... All the collard greens... All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins... I like pigs feet."
blue velvet - "Don't be a good neighbor anymore to her. I'll have to send you a love letter! Straight from my heart, fucker! You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker! You receive a love letter from me, and you're fucked forever! You understand, fuck? I'll send you straight to hell, fucker!..."
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More Hansel:
So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
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texas chainsaw massacre 2 - {on the secret of his chili after winning first place} "No secret, it's the meat. Don't skimp on the meat. I've got a real good eye for prime meat. Runs in the family."
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"I never wanted to use macramé to kill!"
- Polyester
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Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves.
Choose your future. Choose life...
But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life.
I chose somethin' else.
And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
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What's your name?
Fuck you. That's my name. You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name.
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my favorite quotes courtesy of Heathers (oh this is ridiculous - i could go on and on):
Heather C: Corn-nuts!
Heather C: Grow up Heather, bulimia's so 87.
Heather D: Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
It will be very. or How very. (sadly i still use this line all the time and most people dont get the reference).
Veronica: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.
Heather C: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?
and of course Es-ki-mo
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"sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and i want you to remember this, that love...true love never dies. you remember that, boy. you remember that. doesn't matter if it's true or not. you see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in."
and from the same movie:
"I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN and loved only one woman with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!"
i would post something from say anything, but i can't pick one. too many great lines.
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"do you like apples?"
"uh, yeah..."
"WELL I GOT HER NUMBER - HOW YOU YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!?"
owned :)
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Originally posted by thatguy:
i would post something from say anything, but i can't pick one. too many great lines.
True dat. After you and smackette snuggle up and watch Nemo, I'll curl up with you and watch Say Anything on mute. I call Diane Court.
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joe lies when he cries
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Talladega Nights
Ricky Bobby: Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Jean Girard: It's a sign of affection in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
Jean Girard: It is not sexual in any way. My erection has nothing to do with you.
Reese Bobby: There's nothing more frightening then driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.
More Gary Cole classics from Dodgeball
Cotton McKnight: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
Cotton McKnight: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match!
Pepper Brooks: Unbelievable!
Cotton McKnight: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
And Rip Torn had some classics in Dodgeball as well...
Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?
[Patches throws a wrench and hits Justin in the face]
Patches O'Houlihan: [giving the pre-match pep talk] And will someone catch a goddamn ball? It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!
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Originally posted by god's shoeshine:
joe lies when he cries
That'll never be me,
that'll never be me.
That'll never be, never be me.
NO... NO, NEVER, NEVER, EVER. AND DON'T YOU EVER THINK IT.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxzB8FlrVGg (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxzB8FlrVGg)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbDOBpZ6grY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbDOBpZ6grY)
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classic stuff, stumbled across this on TV last night and watched the second half - suits and ties have not aged well though
heres another great scene....."you fucking child"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HURJNd0J4U (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HURJNd0J4U)
Originally posted by Relaxer:
What's your name?
Fuck you. That's my name. You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name.
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"Lane, I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years...I'm no dummy..."
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you've got red on you.
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Michele: Actually I invented a special kind of glue.
Christie: Oh really? Well then I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a detailed account of exactly how you concocted this miracle glue, would you?
Michele: No. Um, well, ordinarily when you make glue first you need to thermoset your resin and then after it cools you have to mix in an epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? And then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process and it turns out I was right.
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Romy: You're a bad person with an ugly heart, and we don't give a flying fuck what you think!
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Earl Peterson: [answering phone] Hello?
Dawn Davenport: Is Earl Peterson there? Earl Peterson! This is Dawn Davenport. Dawn Davenport... you made love to me Christmas morning.
[gasps]
Dawn Davenport: Well I just called to tell you I'm pregnant and I want money.
Earl Peterson: You stole my wallet, you fat bitch!
Dawn Davenport: So what if I did? I want money!
Earl Peterson: You'll never get any money from me, cow! Just cause you got them big udders don't mean you're somethin' special. Get the hook! Go fuck yourself for all I care. YEAH! Go fuck yourself!
[hangs up]
Dawn Davenport: Hello? Hello? UGH!
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Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb: [to a mirror] Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.
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Elliot Moore: [shots are heard firing in the distance] Oh no...
Alma Moore: What "oh no"?
Elliot Moore: The toxin? The toxin's affecting them?
Woman in Group: Are those people killing themselves?!
Realtor: You were with the Private, what do we do?
Alma Moore: We need to do something!
Elliot Moore: Just let me think...
Alma Moore: [as shots continually fire in the background] They're dying!
Elliot Moore: I need a second...
Realtor: They released it? We're not near the roads!
Alma Moore: We can't just stand here as uninvolved observers!
Elliot Moore: I need a second okay? Just give me a second!
Alma Moore: We're not gonna be one of those assholes on the news who watches a crime happen and not do something! We're not assholes!
Elliot Moore: Just a second!
Woman in Group: There were children in that group!
Alma Moore: Elliot please tell us what to do!
Elliot Moore: I need a second okay? Why can't anybody give me a goddamn second?!
[talks to himself]
Elliot Moore: All right, be scientific, douchebag. Identify the... rules... design the experiment... careful observation, measurements, that's what I'm trying to do, interpret the experimental pattern, interpret.. What if it IS the plants? That group was larger than ours. This thing's been escalating all day. Smaller and smaller populations have been setting this off. They react to human stimulus. Maybe people are setting off the plants?
Alma Moore: What are you saying? That guy was crazy! We have to save them!
Elliot Moore: They're already dead! What if they're targeting us as threats? This part of the field may not have been set off. Something in this field could be releasing the chemical into the air when there's too many of us together. Let's just stay ahead of the wind!
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Originally posted by ixkpd-bk:
Dawn Davenport:
Just seeing that name makes me chuckle. :D
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Plate of Shrimp (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4QKiYar9pI)
Well, it's one louder, isn't it? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akaD9v460yI)
You could pretty much pull any 2 minutes from either movie and it's a classic.
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Originally posted by Bombay Chutney:
Originally posted by ixkpd-bk:
Dawn Davenport:
Just seeing that name makes me chuckle. :D [/b]
I did the same thing. As soon as I read the first line, I yelled out "You stole my wallet, fat bitch!" Good times. Other ones leap to mind:
"I can't eat spaghetti, I'm not Italian."
"I wouldn't suck your dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!"
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HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Bobbi Fleckman: "Money talks, and bullshit walks"
Divine: "My diet pill is wearing off"
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It would be nice if some of you actually gave credit to the film that your quotes are from. I'm curious about a couple that I can't place.
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The Dawn Davenport quotes are from John Waters' underrated classic Female Trouble.
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Sean Smith: Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
Ronald Fisher: We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Sean Smith: Smurfette?
Ronald Fisher: Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Donnie: Smurfette doesn't fuck.
Ronald Fisher: That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
Sean Smith: No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Ronald Fisher: Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?
Sean Smith: What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Ronald Fisher: Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.
Donnie: [shouts] First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
Sean Smith: [pause] Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?
Donnie Darko
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Ah, Randall Graves...
"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"
"You hate people!"
"But, I love gatherings, isn't it ironic?"
"I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule."
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From Reservoir Dogs:
Mr. Brown: Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the 'Great Escape', he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Joe: Chew? Toby Chew?
Mr. Brown: It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, 'Like a Virgin'.
Joe: Wong?
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Originally posted by Relaxer:
The Dawn Davenport quotes are from John Waters' underrated classic Female Trouble.
Thanks. It's been so many years since I've seen that film there was no way I was gonna place that quote.
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God, there are so many more that come to mind:
(From Truck Turner)
Dorinda: Those two bitches that left - they had better learn to sell pussy in Iceland because if I ever see them again I'm gonna cut their fuckin' throats! We are family... and that's what we're gonna stay. Now I got important business out there today. And when I call you, I want you to come out there and shake your asses proper! You hear? Hah? Now get out there and make it look good! And Raquel, take that fuckin' jacket off! Move it!
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(from Boogie Nights)
Amber Waves: [screams] Oh, I don't want to do this any more. Honey, I can't. Let's just? Let's have fun now! Let's just go and go and go, because it's over. There's just too many things, too many things, too many things. Too many things.
Rollergirl: Okay.
Amber Waves: Let's go walk.
[sniffs]
Rollergirl: I don't want to leave this room.
Amber Waves: [laughs] Me, either! I love you, honey!
Rollergirl: I love you, Mom
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(from Magnolia)
Young Pharmacy Kid: Strong, strong stuff here. What exactly you have wrong, you need all this stuff?
Linda Partridge: Motherfucker...
Young Pharmacy Kid: What are you talking about?
Linda Partridge: Who the fuck are you, who the fuck do you think you are? I come in here, you don't know me, you don't know who I am, what my life is, you have the balls, the indecency to ask me a question about my life?
Old Pharmacist: Please, lady, why don't you calm down - ?
Linda Partridge: Fuck you, too. Don't call me "lady". I come in here, I give these things to you, you check, you make your phone calls, look suspicious, ask questions. I'm sick. I have sickness all around me and you fucking ask me about my life? "What's wrong?" Have you seen death in your bed? In your house? Where's your fucking decency? And then I'm asked fucking questions. What's... wrong? You suck my dick. That's what's wrong. And you, you fucking call me "lady"? Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on both of you.
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(from Gummo)
Midget: I can't shoot ball like Michael Jordan can... but that's alright, though, you know? I'm also gay.