930 Forums
=> GENERAL DISCUSSION => Topic started by: redsock on August 14, 2003, 04:00:00 pm
-
So, i'm curious, for any of you either in bands (not too many) or those of you who have dated folks in bands....how you manage/managed it. My girlfriend is in a local band with her sister and two other guys...and it's tough. We are in love (no awwwww's please), ane are at least thinking about a serious future together. But they practice at least three days/nights a week, plus time spent on writing music, promoting the band, gigs, etc...., plus work and life stuff. I mean, it's not easy, and they are really just getting off the ground -- all things considered. Obviously, you compromise, and sacrifice, especially if you both realize you want to be with the other person. And we are both very happy, I just wished i saw her more. It's kinda tough too, since I am not a musician, to be able to relate to some of the stuff they are working on. I'm kinda jealous of the other folks, cause they can relate to her passion. But I still a super supporter the band, it's her dream you know, so that makes it our dream. Who knows, this band may fizzle, though they are good, but still, it is the now that is hard.
So, any bad or good stories to relate? I'm curious.
-
She's banging the drummer, isn't she?
-
GGW -- your response made me laugh out loud.
Redsock -- What happens on the road stays on the road. All jokes aside though, you seem to want to be able to relate to her passion. Well, you are a fan already. So why don't you pick up a guitar and practice when she's off at band practice.
-
Originally posted by thirsty moore:
GGW -- your response made me laugh out loud.
Redsock -- What happens on the road stays on the road. All jokes aside though, you seem to want to be able to relate to her passion. Well, you are a fan already. So why don't you pick up a guitar and practice when she's off at band practice.
The one thing i don't need to worry about is sex with bandmates or random fans. for many reason, thats just not gonna happen.
And since we've been together I have been trying to teach myself guitar and I'm taking piano lessons. Mostly for myself, but I'd be lying if I didn't say some of it was to understand her.
-
Regardless of what the hopeless romantics say, love does NOT conquer all, and if you don't share the same passion for the band as she does, sooner or later she's going to meet someone who does, or you're going to meet someone with similar interests to you....If it's meant to be it will be. I wouldn't sit at home while she's at practice though, you need to live your life too.
-
I remember I used to date Courtney Love. Man did her breath stink. She used to go on about how she thought she was Marlon Brando's granddaughter. Man, I just had to bail.
-
Originally posted by mankie:
and if you don't share the same passion for the band as she does, sooner or later she's going to meet someone who does, or you're going to meet someone with similar interests to you....
Well we do both share a huge passion for music. It's just that she can play it, and I can't at the moment. If I hated music, well that's be different. And I wouldn't be posting on this board.
-
Mankie does bring up a good point. Also, something to notice. Are you the only one concerned about the fact that both of you aren't seeing that much of each other?
-
I think it's fine to have differing passions. Though it is better for the person who is less passionate about something to at least be interested in it, and to support their partners passion.
Sounds like you are on the right track. The most important thing is that you are passionate about each other.
-
Become their manager or roadie.Then you can share EVERYTHING!!!Not always a good idea.Seperate interests can be a good thing,you don't really want a clone do you?As long as you still share some common passions,you'll be fine.Don't obsess over it,it'll only make it worse.
-
Can you join the band?
Maybe they need a tambourine player. Or a roadie.
-
Originally posted by redsock:
Well we do both share a huge passion for music. It's just that she can play it, and I can't at the moment. If I hated music, well that's be different. And I wouldn't be posting on this board. [/b]
I did say "same passion for the band".
If she ends up devoting more and more time to the band at the expense of time with you, I'd say that's your answer.
-
Yes, women who are passionate about their careers suck, don't they?
Originally posted by mankie:
Originally posted by redsock:
Well we do both share a huge passion for music. It's just that she can play it, and I can't at the moment. If I hated music, well that's be different. And I wouldn't be posting on this board. [/b]
I did say "same passion for the band".
If she ends up devoting more and more time to the band at the expense of time with you, I'd say that's your answer. [/b]
-
Originally posted by thirsty moore:
Mankie does bring up a good point. Also, something to notice. Are you the only one concerned about the fact that both of you aren't seeing that much of each other?
No, we both talk about it. She knows she's not being a really good girlfriend, and actually seems to know what one is. i'm not stressing over this, nor looking for relationship advice, we're cool...maybe i'm just looking for a success story.
-
The last time I dated a musician, I was 23. The last time I saw her, I walked in on her having a threesome with her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Pretty much told me that relationship was over.
-
Originally posted by redsock:
[]No, we both talk about it. She knows she's not being a really good girlfriend, and actually seems to know what one is. i'm not stressing over this, nor looking for relationship advice, we're cool...maybe i'm just looking for a success story.
John and yoko?
-
Originally posted by redsock:
Originally posted by thirsty moore:
Mankie does bring up a good point. Also, something to notice. Are you the only one concerned about the fact that both of you aren't seeing that much of each other?
No, we both talk about it. She knows she's not being a really good girlfriend, and actually seems to know what one is. i'm not stressing over this, nor looking for relationship advice, we're cool...maybe i'm just looking for a success story. [/b]
Personally, I don't think the ideal relationship is about two people chasing the same passions.
She does her thing, you do yours. Giving the other one support while they chase their dreams is far more important, in my book, than being totally in sync.
After all, a couple is still composed of two individuals. Sometimes the strongest couples are those comprised of two people strong enough to realize that and able to give their partner the room to be an individual.
So she's occupied with her band now? I don't think that makes her a "bad girlfriend" (I'm sure you don't either). Support her, encourage her, etc... while doing your own thing, and I'm sure everything will be fine.
-
Originally posted by ggw™:
[[/qb]
Personally, I don't think the ideal relationship is about two people chasing the same passions.
She does her thing, you do yours. Giving the other one support while they chase their dreams is far more important, in my book, than being totally in sync.
After all, a couple is still composed of two individuals. Sometimes the strongest couples are those comprised of two people strong enough to realize that and able to give their partner the room to be an individual.
So she's occupied with her band now? I don't think that makes her a "bad girlfriend" (I'm sure you don't either). Support her, encourage her, etc... while doing your own thing, and I'm sure everything will be fine. [/QB][/QUOTE] I wholeheartedly concurr!!
-
I'm seeing someone who is in a band, and I know what you are saying. It's tough when everyone is sitting around talking about music (the writing aspect, not just what bands they're listening to at the moment) and feeling almost out of place because you can't fully relate. Then comes in the practicing, playing shows, recording, etc etc. My boyfriend's band is very dedicated and all, but because most of the guys are still going to college and working to pay rent, it hasn't consumed their lives entirely - yet.
I don't go to every show, waiting around for him to be free so we can talk, but I support them and help them out in any way possible. But I also have my own life and everything that everyone else has said. It's great that you're trying to learn music yourself, which shows that you are committed to her and want to make an effort. But you're going to have to work at it (both sides, not just one or the other). The truth is, love isn't the only thing that keeps relationships working. If you both try to make time for each other (maybe one night a week make dinner together and just enjoy the time to yourselves, or whatever) and be supportive, understanding, and compromise, then it will all be ok.
I think I wrote too much.
Good luck redsock!! :)
-
Originally posted by paige:
. It's great that you're trying to learn music yourself, which shows that you are committed to her and want to make an effort.
Would that mean if she were a hairdresser,eventually he should become a stylist? :eek:
-
If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don't even think about me
If you love somebody
If you love someone
If you love somebody
If you love someone, set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
If it's a mirror you want, just look into my eyes
Or a whipping boy, someone to despise
Or a prisoner in the dark
Tied up in chains you just can't see
Or a beast in a gilded cage
That's all some people ever want to be
If you love somebody
If you love someone
If you love somebody
If you love someone, set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
You can't control an independent heart
Can't tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we can't live
We can't live here and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything we see that we want to possess
If you need somebody, call my name
If you want someone, you can do the same
If you want to keep something precious
You got to lock it up and throw away the key
If you want to hold onto your possession
Don't even think about me
If you love somebody
If you love someone
If you love somebody
If you love someone set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
-
Originally posted by SPARX:
Originally posted by paige:
. It's great that you're trying to learn music yourself, which shows that you are committed to her and want to make an effort.
Would that mean if she were a hairdresser,eventually he should become a stylist? :eek: [/b]
what i meant was it's nice to see a guy make an effort to connect with his girlfriend on a level other than "we both like to watch tv" or something. it's not that easy to learn to play guitar well, or most instruments.
-
what i meant was it's nice to see a guy make an effort to connect with his girlfriend on a level other than "we both like to watch tv" or something. it's not that easy to learn to play guitar well, or most instruments. [/QB]
Who says it's easy to get those tints just right? ;)
-
Originally posted by mankie:
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
Set them free
I've had nightmares about that song, even though i believe what it says.
-
me and my brother always made up lyrics to songs when we were kids (I'm sure we weren't the only ones) and we used to say "Free, free, sex with me" to the tune of this song :o
-
Originally posted by Celeste:
me and my brother always made up lyrics to songs when we were kids (I'm sure we weren't the only ones) and we used to say "Free, free, sex with me" to the tune of this song :o
you had sex with your brother?
-
Sting lyrics on the 9:30 chatboard. I didn't think it could get any worse...
-
Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
Sting lyrics on the 9:30 chatboard. I didn't think it could get any worse...
It's all my fault, I should hand in my log-in name...
-
Originally posted by Robert Pollard:
Originally posted by Celeste:
me and my brother always made up lyrics to songs when we were kids (I'm sure we weren't the only ones) and we used to say "Free, free, sex with me" to the tune of this song :o
you had sex with your brother? [/b]
no, silly, we just used to sing...only the Welsh and Southerners play it like that
-
Originally posted by Celeste:
no, silly, we just used to sing...only the Welsh and Southerners play it like that
oh, ok, I guess West Virginia is the South
-
Originally posted by Robert Pollard:
Originally posted by Celeste:
no, silly, we just used to sing...only the Welsh and Southerners play it like that
oh, ok, I guess West Virginia is the South [/b]
to someone who grew up in Chicago, it is...
-
Originally posted by Rhett Miller:
Sting lyrics on the 9:30 chatboard. I didn't think it could get any worse...
Here's one for Samantha and her stalking ex..........
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you
Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
:D
-
Originally posted by Celeste:
to someone who grew up in Chicago, it is...
That was really for the benefit of Sparx, is St. Louis the South to you then?
-
Originally posted by Robert Pollard:
Originally posted by Celeste:
no, silly, we just used to sing...only the Welsh and Southerners play it like that
oh, ok, I guess West Virginia is the South [/b]
Hey now!! :D
-
Originally posted by SPARX:
Originally posted by Robert Pollard:
Originally posted by Celeste:
no, silly, we just used to sing...only the Welsh and Southerners play it like that
oh, ok, I guess West Virginia is the South [/b]
Hey now!! :D [/b]
I really need to cut down on my emoticon use.it's addictive
-
Hey, I just wanted to thank you all for the kind words and encouragement, and Mankie for the lyrics. I was not super stressing about this, but it was on my mind a little, so getting reassurance that i was donig the right thing helped. Sorta like Chicken Soup for the 930 Board Soul or something like that.
-
Please under no circumstances become overinvolved with the band. I have far too often had to deal with a boy/girlfriend who wants their soulmate to be the most prominent in the music (I mix bands) and to get all the attention. It is very annoying and ends up making you want to spite that person and drop them down in the mix.
That said, there are many things you can do to be helpful, go out together flyering for the gigs, help set up the tours, be involved but don't smother. Being a roadie gimp is good, the rest of the band will like if you bring the beer (if you are drinkers) and help get the cabinets and drums in. But don't then start walking over the rest of the stuff. After a show, be helpful but not overly critical, and don't go blaming others if it does sound like crap. Just be positive.