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=> GENERAL DISCUSSION => Topic started by: sweetcell on July 07, 2011, 01:13:07 am

Title: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 07, 2011, 01:13:07 am
the original WRRTO threads appears to have been the victim of a spam purge... shed a tear, keep a memory, and let it rise again anew. 

Kendal thief goes to court in the coat he stole
http://www.thewestmorlandgazette.co.uk/news/9099905.Kendal_thief_goes_to_court_in_the_coat_he_stole/

Police: Pa. Man Buys 'Fake' Pot With Fake $1M Bill
http://www.wtae.com/news/28393847/detail.html

edit: speaking of The Onion, they currently have their "summer music issue" up, with classics such as "Rock Fans Outraged As Bob Dylan Goes Electronica" and "Is This The New Face Of Jazz Or Getty Images Stock Photo #LS008662?" ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: nkotb on July 07, 2011, 07:33:45 pm
Heatstroke never got me so horny:

(http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2011/07/sunhandjob.jpg)

From Gawker: http://gawker.com/5819042/the-dirty-kind-of-sun-stroke
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on July 13, 2011, 07:36:50 pm
This is great! You know these people must have one great sense of humor.

Austrian driver's religious headgear strains credulity (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14135523)

He's a 'Pastafarian'. No joke!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 13, 2011, 08:44:02 pm
Swiss ?Party? Campaigns Against PowerPoint
http://blogs.wsj.com/tech-europe/2011/07/08/swiss-party-campaigns-against-powerpoint/

the "party" in question:
http://www.anti-powerpoint-party.com/party/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 19, 2011, 02:50:27 pm
Tonight I'm gonna workout like it's 1999....

Scientist: Tae Bo workout sent skyscraper shaking (http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/19/scientist-tae-bo-workout-sent-skyscraper-shaking/?hpt=hp_p1&iref=NS1)

Seventeen people performing a vigorous Tae Bo workout caused tremors that forced the evacuation of a South Korean skyscraper earlier this month, the building's owners say.

Prime Group, owner of the 39-story TechnoMart commercial-residential high-rise in Seoul, said 17 middle-aged people were working out to the pop song "The Power" by Snap on July 5 when their movements set the upper floors of the tower shaking for 10 minutes, according to a report from the Korea JoongAng Daily.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: HoyaSaxa03 on July 19, 2011, 03:16:09 pm
http://dcist.com/2011/07/bicycles_and_babies.php

Dupont Circle is closed by police--cop cars, bike police, fire truck, ambulance all blocking traffic because of an incident between a bike commuter and a car commuter.

Oh shit! Did the car run over the bike? No.

There is some bike/car skirmishing in traffic between some dude on a sick ride with fenders, kinda dutch style and a crappy blue Honda--but no contact. The woman in the car curses out the biker for crusing [sic] around between cars and being in her way. He curses back. Then she really starts cursing him out, screaming and yelling, following him around the circle in traffic telling him to go f*ck himself the whole time. She's yelling so forcefully and aggressively that her water breaks. She goes into labor. And biker calls ambulance to take her to hospital to have her baby.

That is all.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: HoyaSaxa03 on July 21, 2011, 02:57:45 pm
sounds like a certain poster here:

http://literallyunbelievable.org/post/7884374600/do-not-be-blind-sheep
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on July 21, 2011, 03:10:18 pm
sounds like a certain poster here:

http://literallyunbelievable.org/post/7884374600/do-not-be-blind-sheep

you mean like buster, the chairman dog of petco.  he's so cute.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 22, 2011, 10:50:49 am
Neo-Nazis tricked by T-shirt that changed message after it was washed
http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2011/08/10/neo-nazis-tricked-by-t-shirt-that-changed-message-after-it-was-washed/

(http://cdn.thenextweb.com/shareables/files/2011/08/image1-520x292.jpg)
 
Attendees at a nationalist, right-wing concert in Germany were duped into wearing souvenir T-shirts that at first bore a pro-nationalist stance and symbology but later revealed an anti-far right message offering assistance after they had been washed.

The t-shirts originally read ?hardcore rebels? and sported a skull and nationalist flags. However, once the garment had been washed, the shirt revealed a new message that offered to help far-right extremists break away from the neo-Nazi scene.

The message reads:
    ?If your t-shirt can do it, you can do it too ? we?ll help you get away from right-wing extremism.?

The t-shirts were handed out to around 250 at a ?Rock for Germany? concert in Gera by organisers, who received them anonymously. The group that provided them was EXIT, a help group that assists individuals that wish to break away from far-right collectives.

The organisers were unhappy at the stunt, branding it a waste of money. Bernd Wagner, EXIT?s founder, said the shirts did what they were meant to do; reach right-wing extremists contemplating getting away.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 22, 2011, 04:57:23 pm
get ready for PETA-p0rn!
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/08/16/peta_to_launch_animnal_pron_site/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/19/peta-porn-site_n_931509.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on August 22, 2011, 10:14:10 pm
(http://www.punmaster.com/20_Liam%20Gallagher.jpg)

hello, i am a spoiled loser.  i need to always have my name in the press, mate . . . because it's sure clear my "talent" ain't got them phones ringing.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on August 23, 2011, 11:32:08 am
This story makes it in this thread on two accounts:

1) The 'claim'. (That I'm not buying.)
2) The amazing writing skills of the 'journalist'. Way to go, AP!  ::)


Amy Winehouse spokesman says toxicology tests show no illegal drugs in her body (http://news.yahoo.com/amy-winehouse-spokesman-says-toxicology-tests-show-no-135738596.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 25, 2011, 11:47:54 am
Muammar Qadhafi has the hots for.. Condoleezza Rice?
- http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0811/62051.html
- http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/08/25/7470058-in-the-ruins-of-gadhafis-lair-rebels-find-album-filled-with-photos-of-his-darling-condoleezza-rice

diplo-pr0n!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on August 31, 2011, 12:11:13 pm
Jack White produces Insane Clown Posse single about...well....you're just going to have to read it:

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/jack-white-produces-insane-clown-posse-single-20110831 (http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/jack-white-produces-insane-clown-posse-single-20110831)

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: gaaaaaaaaah on September 08, 2011, 06:57:50 pm
Drunken moose ends up stuck in Swedish apple tree (http://edition.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/europe/09/08/sweden.drunken.moose/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 12, 2011, 01:46:33 am
Yes, It's True: Ben & Jerry's Introduces 'Schweddy Balls' Ice Cream Flavor
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/09/07/140266537/yes-its-true-ben-jerrys-introduces-schweddy-balls-ice-cream-flavor?sc=fb&cc=fp

(http://media.npr.org/assets/img/2011/09/07/newest_flavor_sept_2011_custom.jpg?t=1315434247&s=51)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 12, 2011, 04:57:40 pm
Male models smoke joint in front of 150 cops, surprised when arrested
http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/125744/male_models_arrested_at_fashion

their statement that pot can be used for weight-control is controversial, to say the least.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on September 12, 2011, 05:32:40 pm
Male models smoke joint in front of 150 cops, surprised when arrested
http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/125744/male_models_arrested_at_fashion

their statement that pot can be used for weight-control is controversial, to say the least.

Time to move fashion week to SF....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: HoyaSaxa03 on September 13, 2011, 10:00:15 am
Male models smoke joint in front of 150 cops, surprised when arrested
http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/125744/male_models_arrested_at_fashion

their statement that pot can be used for weight-control is controversial, to say the least.

Brint: Or the way Hansel combs his hair?
Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?
Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.
Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.
Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh, okay I knew that!
Meekus: Uh earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you did cuz you were all 'well I'm sure he's heard of styling gel' like you *didn't* know it was a joke!
Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 14, 2011, 09:25:43 am
Customer asked for a hand-drawn picture of a smiley dinosaur after he was overcharged for a sandwich & the ensuing refund was delayed
original website: http://loonyletters.com/ms-sandwiches/
in the Guardian: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/sep/13/smiley-dinosaur-marks-and-spencer

i love that sh*t.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 16, 2011, 10:27:22 am
Jersey Shore cast on the corporate welfare dole (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/new-york/jersey-shore-tax-credit-approved-nj-taxpayers-angry-190418604.html)

?Jersey Shore? tax credit approved; NJ taxpayers angry they?re paying for Snooki, The Situation

The state Economic Development Authority has approved covering a $420,000 tax credit for production costs from the "Jersey Shore's" first season.
 
That means tax dollars will be used to offset the cost of all the club hopping, fist-pumping and fake tanning from the hit reality show's 2009 season.
 
The irony that New Jersey residents will be forced to foot the bill for a show that many view as an affront to the state's self-image is not lost on some.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 16, 2011, 07:14:34 pm
video: chris farley back from the dead, and involved in a car accident
http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/traffic/power-lines-fall-on-crashed-vehicle-9-15-2011
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on September 29, 2011, 01:37:00 pm
'Unfunny, unlike': The Onion joke raises eyebrows (http://news.yahoo.com/police-probing-joke-report-shooting-us-capitol-153347880.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on September 29, 2011, 05:59:42 pm
After reading this article, I'm sure that Smackie and Mankie are lamenting that all they got was spam.

Man To Admit To Shipping Unsolicited ?Erectile Pumps? In Medicare Scam (http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2011/09/29/man-to-admit-to-shipping-unsolicited-erectile-pumps-in-medicare-scam)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 30, 2011, 11:31:07 pm
A mobius strip of metasatire:

The Onion awakens a sleeping giant (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/09/30/1021381/-The-Onion-awakens-a-sleeping-giant?detail=hide)

And the most ridiculous part of this story?

The United States Capitol Police on Thursday said they were investigating The Onion, a satiric media organization, for making false reports on Twitter claiming that there was a hostage situation ...

A satiric media organization is being investigated for engaging in satire? It's straight out of The Onion.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 03, 2011, 01:24:06 pm
Cancer kills Nobel physician before hears of prize
A scientist who won the Nobel prize for medicine on Monday used his own discoveries to treat himself for cancer, but died of the disease just days before he could be told of the award.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/10/03/us-nobel-medicine-idUSTRE79213M20111003
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on October 06, 2011, 04:43:27 pm

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/tributes-pour-in-for-steve-jobs-20111006 (http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/tributes-pour-in-for-steve-jobs-20111006)

Doesn't it seem that they put a couple gag ones in there to f with people?

Like:

Jared Leto: Maybe we can turn our phones + comps off at a certain time in honor of his contributions.

or

Neil Diamond: iSad.


Come on!  It's FUN!  Come up with your own fake celebrity Tweets about the death of Steve Jobs!

Tony Bennett:  We lost a super terrific cat who made the world groove to his music.  We'll miss you.  Wonderful.



Brian



Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on October 06, 2011, 05:25:48 pm
i wonder what brian tweets?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 09, 2011, 08:26:50 pm
Authorities: 2 women throw bleach on each other during fight at Walmart; hazmat team called

ARBUTUS, Md. ? Authorities in Maryland say two women threw bleach and another chemical on each other during a fight at a Walmart, prompting officials to evacuate the store for two hours and call in a hazardous materials team.

Fire officials say 19 people had to be taken to hospitals, although only one was thought to have serious injuries. That person was taken to the Wilmer Eye Institute with a potentially serious eye injury.

Fire officials were called to the store in the Baltimore suburb of Arbutus shortly before 11 a.m. Saturday.

Fire Department spokesman Glenn Blackwell says one person was arrested and charges are pending.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/authorities-2-women-throw-bleach-on-each-other-during-fight-at-walmart-hazmat-team-called/2011/10/08/gIQAPhSkVL_story.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 13, 2011, 10:38:23 pm
Moviegoer sues: Not enough driving in 'Drive' (http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/10/13/moviegoer-sues-not-enough-driving-in-drive/?hpt=hp_c2)

The suit alleges that the company "promoted the film ?Drive? as very similar to the ?Fast and Furious,? or similar, series of movies." But, Sarah was sad to learn, "?Drive? bore very little similarity to a chase, or race action film? having very little driving in the motion picture."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: HoyaSaxa03 on October 14, 2011, 09:13:50 am
Tony Bennett:  We lost a super terrific cat who made the world groove to his music.  We'll miss you.  Wonderful.

this is very funny.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on October 14, 2011, 04:37:05 pm
Fred Durst Signs On to 'Douchebag' Sitcom, Seriously (http://www.billboard.com/news/fred-durst-signs-on-to-douchebag-sitcom-1005411392.story#/news/fred-durst-signs-on-to-douchebag-sitcom-1005411392.story)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 17, 2011, 01:02:00 pm
There are some sick people out there.

Honestly, I'm still haunted by the scene of Kermit going down on Fozzie in that Kermit version of "Hurt," so much so that had they replaced the Sesame Street videos with Muppet Porn, the therapy bills would be through the roof!

Sesame Street's YouTube channel hacked, replaced with porn (http://nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2011/10/17/sesame-streets-youtube-channel-hacked-replaced-with-porn/)

Sesame Street had its YouTube channel hacked on Sunday, and its highly popular child-friendly videos of muppets like Kermit the frog and the Big Bird replaced with something far less savoury: Hard core porn movies.

What would Bert and Ernie say? The truth of the matter is that the channel is regularly visited by young children, and parents trust that the page will be safe for them to view.

The NSFW content was available for all the world to see for approximately 20 minutes, before the channel was suspended for "repeated or severe violations of our Community Guidelines."

You have to wonder what was going through the mind of whoever hacked Sesame Street's YouTube page.

Aside from uploading pornographic videos, the hackers also changed the Sesame Street's channel profile on YouTube:

WHO DOESN'T LOVE PORN KIDS? RIGHT! EVERYONE LOVES IT! IM MREDXWX AND MY PARTNER MRSUICIDER91 ARE HERE TO BRING YOU MANY NICE CONTENT! PLEASE DON'T LET SESAME STREET TO GET THIS ACCOUNT BACK KIDS :( PLEASE...LET ME AND MRSUICIDER91 HAVE IT AND WE GONNA MAKE ALL THE AMERICA HAPPY!

Now, if it really was YouTube user "MrEdxwx" who hacked the Sesame Street account you would have to suggest he go back to his first day at school, because it would be remarkably silly to leave a message telling the world that he was the perpetrator.

"MrEdxwx" is clearly feeling the heat, however, as he has decided to upload a video denying any involvement in the hack.

Precisely how Sesame Street's YouTube channel got hacked is presently a mystery - but it's natural to assume that they were sloppy with their password security.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 20, 2011, 04:10:09 pm
This one has to have the staff of The Onion feeling outright pwned right now:

MC Hammer launching his own search engine (http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/20/tech/web/mc-hammer-search-engine/index.html?hpt=hp_t2)

(CNN) -- You can't Google this.

OK, maybe you can. But MC Hammer doesn't want you to.

The venerable rapper, who helped usher hip-hop into the pop mainstream in the early '90s, has rolled out a search engine he hopes will outperform Google, Bing and other established tools.

The project, called WireDoo, has been two years in the making, said Hammer (real name Stanley Burrell) Wednesday at the Web 2.0 summit in San Francisco.

At the conference, he said what will make his search tool better than Google (or, too legit to quit, if you will) will be its "deep search" ability.

"It's about relationships beyond just the keywords," he said, according to Mashable, a CNN.com content partner.

The rapper-turned-entrepreneur (after some late-90s difficulties) said a search would render not just direct results, but also information on possibly related topics. Its tagline is: "Search once and see what's related."

Other details about the product were scarce.

WireDoo, which Hammer said he has a team developing, is still in pre-beta. Its website is currently letting people sign up to test the search engine when a beta release is ready.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 21, 2011, 07:53:58 pm
(http://www.rhino.com/sites/default/files/productshots/081227976002_cd.png) (http://www.rhino.com/shop/product/scott-weiland-the-most-wonderful-time-the-year?eml=rn/102011/scottwtxt)

C'mon! Click on it....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on October 21, 2011, 10:14:43 pm
41
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: wml7 on October 25, 2011, 05:11:09 pm
For all you lego fans  ;D
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/florida-authorities-seize-giant-lego-man-beach-193609351.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on October 25, 2011, 07:02:17 pm
Fairfax neighbors head to court over unscooped dog poop:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/fairfax-neighbors-head-to-court-over-unscooped-dog-poop/2011/10/19/gIQAPCRkDM_story.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on October 26, 2011, 06:29:10 pm
Worst California biker feud in decade erupted at Starbucks (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/10/26/us-bikers-war-idUSTRE79P5BG20111026)

This is the best part:

""It was all about who would be allowed to hang out at the Starbucks downtown," Santa Cruz Deputy Police Chief Steve Clark said."

... and...

""He added: "Only in Santa Cruz would you have biker wars over who's going to control pumpkin spice lattes.""



This begs the question, will the next Starbucks CD feature the song 'Born To Be Wild'?


(http://fun-gallery.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Biker-Cat.jpg)

Biker Cat says, "Make mine a pumpkin spice latte."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 26, 2011, 06:59:14 pm
i heard this during my morning commute:

"ARI SHAPIRO, host: Good morning. I'm Ari Shapiro. An unnamed actress is suing Amazon.com for more than a million dollars. The alleged offense? Revealing her age. Amazon owns the Internet Movie Database, or IMDB. That's the website that posted the offending number. The lawsuit says the actress is many years older than she looks, and her lawyers say it will hurt her career if she is, quote, "perceived to be over the hill" - i.e., approaching 40. It's MORNING EDITION."

more details:
Actress sues Amazon for revealing her age on IMDb
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/10/18/ap/tech/main20121919.shtml
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on November 04, 2011, 12:02:06 pm
Star Wars fan killed his wife after 'she smashed his toy collection' (http://www.mirror.co.uk/mobile/topnews/2011/11/03/star-wars-fan-killed-his-wife-after-she-smashed-his-toy-collection-115875-23533623/)

"and then ran sobbing to his mother who lived nearby."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 04, 2011, 08:09:12 pm
(http://l.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/1u7oAThbeWS4vvDBZepZTQ--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTMxMA--/http://media.zenfs.com/en/blogs/thelookout/juggalos.jpg)

FBI classifies Juggalos as a ?gang? (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/fbi-classifies-juggalos-gang-201339557.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 08, 2011, 02:28:08 pm
because when one thinks of Iggy, one naturally thinks of fresh sexy smells:

Iggy Pop Shills For Weird French Perfume
http://www.spin.com/articles/iggy-pop-shills-weird-french-perfume
 
(http://www.spin.com/sites/spin.com/files/imagecache/huge_page_view/sites/spin.com/files/11118-iggy-pop.png)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on November 08, 2011, 04:00:42 pm
always have been curious about iggy . . . is it just old age or did he live a fast life of booze/drugs/and what not, that made him look the way he does now?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 08, 2011, 04:07:04 pm
dude, you really need to learn to google.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on November 08, 2011, 04:19:33 pm
Doesn't he look like what any slender 64 year old who hasn't had plastic surgery would look like if he grew his hair out?


always have been curious about iggy . . . is it just old age or did he live a fast life of booze/drugs/and what not, that made him look the way he does now?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 10, 2011, 01:37:55 pm
Sammy Hagar: Jackson Verdict Makes It Harder For Musicians to Get Drugs
http://fuseblog.typepad.com/fuseblog/2011/11/sammy-hagar-jackson-verdict-makes-it-harder-for-musicians-to-get-drugs.html

Doesn't he look like what any slender 64 year old who hasn't had plastic surgery would look like if he grew his hair out?

yes, he does look worse than his age.  all those years of heroine haven't done him any favors.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 14, 2011, 06:57:27 pm
yeah, sure you did:

I made sex tape to improve my performance, time and motion consultant tells girlfriend
http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/i-made-sex-tape-to-improve-my-performance-time-and-motion-consultant-tells-girlfriend-2932448.html

legal questions relating to questionable sexual behavior - i know vansmack will have some thoughts on this one.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on November 14, 2011, 07:03:28 pm
Putting that excuse away in the lock box....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 15, 2011, 11:27:29 am
this seems as good a place as any to post this as the onion definitely could have written some of these:

15 Most Ill-Advised Career Reinventions in Rock Music History
http://www.cracked.com/article_15622_15-most-ill-advised-career-reinventions-in-rock-music-history.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on November 15, 2011, 01:20:37 pm

Don't Radiohead qualify?

Cracked is blocked here at work but I LOVE that website.

Kiss's Music From The Elder is on there isn't it?  How about Hammer's "Bumps and a Pump?"  Chris Gaines?

Brian

this seems as good a place as any to post this as the onion definitely could have written some of these:

15 Most Ill-Advised Career Reinventions in Rock Music History
http://www.cracked.com/article_15622_15-most-ill-advised-career-reinventions-in-rock-music-history.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 15, 2011, 03:23:37 pm
Don't Radiohead qualify?

nope, 'cause despite how much you hate their reinventions it's hard to call them ill-advised.  they were critical darlings, sold a buttload of albums, sold out the ensuing tours, etc etc.  when you see the list tonight, even you will have to admit that "kid a" doesn't belong with the others.

Kiss's Music From The Elder is on there isn't it?  How about Hammer's "Bumps and a Pump?"  Chris Gaines?

Brian

nice calls: #14, #1 and #13.  i'm impressed!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on November 15, 2011, 05:51:19 pm
Don't Radiohead qualify?

nope, 'cause despite how much you hate their reinventions it's hard to call them ill-advised.  they were critical darlings, sold a buttload of albums, sold out the ensuing tours, etc etc.  when you see the list tonight, even you will have to admit that "kid a" doesn't belong with the others.

Kiss's Music From The Elder is on there isn't it?  How about Hammer's "Bumps and a Pump?"  Chris Gaines?

Brian

nice calls: #14, #1 and #13.  i'm impressed!

Don't be.  I think that's an old list that I've already read.

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on November 22, 2011, 12:46:02 pm
Fox News viewers less informed about current events (http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-fox-news-poll-20111121,0,3985116.story?track=rss)

At least in New Jersey.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 30, 2011, 01:52:51 pm
Tattoo artist Ryan Fitzgerald from Dayton, OH was hit with a $100,000 lawsuit last week by his ex-girlfriend Rossie Brovent.  She claims that her boyfriend was supposed to tattoo a scene from Narnia on her back but instead tattooed an image of a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.

Apparently, Ryan found out that Rossie had cheated with a long-time friend of his, but instead of confronting her about it he acted like everything was normal and hatched a plan for revenge. Originally, Rossie tried to have Ryan charged with assault, but the ingenious tattoo artist had covered his bases by plying Rossie with wine and tequila shots and getting her to sign a consent form that stated the design was ?at the artist?s discretion.?

No word from Rossie on whether the illicit night of passion with Ryan?s friend was worth it. Moral of the story? Never cheat on a tattoo artist.

(http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv9wahoia61qar86bo1_500.jpg)

http://early-onset-of-night.tumblr.com/post/13348728615/tattoo-artist-ryan-fitzgerald-from-dayton-oh-was
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: thatguy on November 30, 2011, 01:58:38 pm
the shit tattoo story is a fake.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/poop-tattoo-story-is-crap-8764319 (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/poop-tattoo-story-is-crap-8764319)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on November 30, 2011, 06:21:54 pm

This won't end well:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/30/courtney-love-says-shes-lindsay-lohans-new-sober-coach_n_1121140.html
 (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/30/courtney-love-says-shes-lindsay-lohans-new-sober-coach_n_1121140.html)

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on December 03, 2011, 09:05:58 pm

"....I believe it was the GREAT MAN, DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR!......or else....Jigglypuff...who SPOKE THESE WORDS that I am REMINDED OF TODAY!"

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/03/cain-quotes-pok-mon-movie-in-final-speech.html (http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/03/cain-quotes-pok-mon-movie-in-final-speech.html)

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: gaaaaaaaaah on December 13, 2011, 06:17:07 pm
http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Jerry-Sandusky-8217-s-lawyer-suggests-calling-a?urn=ncaaf-wp11446
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 16, 2011, 01:54:15 am
Loud Music Tricks Your Brain Into Thinking Alcohol is Delicious (http://jezebel.com/5868563/loud-music-tricks-your-brain-into-thinking-alcohol-is-delicious)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on December 16, 2011, 08:36:46 am
Loud Music Tricks Your Brain Into Thinking Alcohol is Delicious (http://jezebel.com/5868563/loud-music-tricks-your-brain-into-thinking-alcohol-is-delicious)

Note: to self make sound person has me nice and loud during future DJ slots. Just doing my part to the beer flowing before the band hits the stage..
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 18, 2012, 11:51:19 am
Newt campaign site asks: Where my dogs at?
http://www.hlntv.com/article/2012/01/13/newt-gingrich-pets-web-site

Sometimes there just aren't enough babies to kiss or hands to shake. That's when it's time to bust out the big guns:

Pets.

Lots and lots of cute, cuddly, maybe-if-you-look-at-them-long-enough-I-can-have-your-vote pets.

That's the basic logic behind Newt Gingrich's campaign launching "Pets With Newt," (http://petswithnewt.com/home/page) a fantastic little corner of the Internet for anyone who's ever wondered "Who are Newt Gingrich's supporters? And what do their pets look like?"

(Also a fantastic little corner of the Internet for anyone who just likes quirky timekillers and/or pet pics)

Gingrich fans are invited to submit photos of themselves with their pets to the site, along with "A sentence or two about what you like about Newt." Submissions aren't just automatically posted to the site, either -- so don't waste your time dressing kitty up in a tiny "Romney 2012" shirt.

The animal-centric site also includes a list of the candidate's favorite zoos in America and informs us that "Newt and Callista (Gingrich) visit zoos and museums everywhere they go. Newt has visited nearly 100 zoos around the world."

So far there are photos up of cats, a parrot and various breeds of dogs. But guess what animal nobody has thought to submit a picture of yet?

Yeah -- a newt.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 23, 2012, 04:06:15 pm
(http://cdn.s7.disneystore.com/is/image/DisneyShopping/7505002523769?$mercdetail$) (http://www.disneystore.com/tees-clothes-waves-mickey-mouse-tee-for-adults/mp/1295574/1000228/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 24, 2012, 02:14:12 pm
Food containing fetuses targeted under new Oklahoma bill (http://www.krmg.com/news/news/local/food-containing-fetuses-targeted-under-new-oklaho/nG7P7/)

You might think this is a story out of 'The Onion' but it is a real story.

An Oklahoma lawmaker files a bill to ban the making and selling of food or products that use aborted human fetuses.

State Senator Ralph Shortey says he's done research and found reports that companies have used stem cells in the research and development of food.

?I don?t know if it is happening in Oklahoma, it may be, it may not be.  What I am saying is that if it does happen then we are not going to allow it to manufacture here," says Shortey

The lawmaker that represents Oklahoma County couldn?t give any specific examples.

?There is a potential that there are companies that are using aborted human babies in their research and development of basically enhancing flavor for artificial flavors," says Shortey.

Some argue there has to be more to the proposed bill and believe it is a back door attempt to ban stem cell research.

Shortey says it is not, although he admits, he would support and vote for a ban on stem cell research in the state.

A number of food makers have denied the claims.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on January 24, 2012, 02:33:43 pm
speaking of food

http://www.examiner.com/trendy-living-in-national/how-to-make-your-thanksgiving-unforgettable-with-fried-turkey-testicles
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 24, 2012, 02:46:28 pm
Food containing fetuses targeted under new Oklahoma bill (http://www.krmg.com/news/news/local/food-containing-fetuses-targeted-under-new-oklaho/nG7P7/)

(http://www.newstarfresh.com/images/products/newstar/images/small/baby_spinach__5clam.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: nkotb on January 24, 2012, 03:03:08 pm
This is so weird that it took me about ten minutes of staring at this to even make the connection.

Given the amazing juxtaposition between Disney and Joy Division, I can't tell if this is the most amazing thing ever or the worst.  For sheer insanity, I'm leaning toward the former.

(http://cdn.s7.disneystore.com/is/image/DisneyShopping/7505002523769?$mercdetail$) (http://www.disneystore.com/tees-clothes-waves-mickey-mouse-tee-for-adults/mp/1295574/1000228/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 24, 2012, 03:34:51 pm
i saw deadmau5 more than disney.

Food containing fetuses targeted under new Oklahoma bill (http://www.krmg.com/news/news/local/food-containing-fetuses-targeted-under-new-oklaho/nG7P7/)

(http://www.newstarfresh.com/images/products/newstar/images/small/baby_spinach__5clam.jpg)

<wipes soda off monitor>
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: HoyaSaxa03 on January 24, 2012, 04:10:05 pm
(http://www.newstarfresh.com/images/products/newstar/images/small/baby_spinach__5clam.jpg)
<wipes soda off monitor>

co-sign
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: distance on January 25, 2012, 10:32:50 pm
this seems like it fits here

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/26/us-usa-campaign-gingrich-space-idUSTRE80P05K20120126
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 27, 2012, 01:48:03 pm
This is so weird that it took me about ten minutes of staring at this to even make the connection.

Given the amazing juxtaposition between Disney and Joy Division, I can't tell if this is the most amazing thing ever or the worst.  For sheer insanity, I'm leaning toward the former.

(http://cdn.s7.disneystore.com/is/image/DisneyShopping/7505002523769?$mercdetail$) (http://www.disneystore.com/tees-clothes-waves-mickey-mouse-tee-for-adults/mp/1295574/1000228/)

the mickey/joy division shirt is no more (hence the broken link to the image above)
http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/01/26/disney-pulls-joy-division-inspired-mickey-mouse-shirt/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 27, 2012, 02:25:36 pm
This is so weird that it took me about ten minutes of staring at this to even make the connection.

Given the amazing juxtaposition between Disney and Joy Division, I can't tell if this is the most amazing thing ever or the worst.  For sheer insanity, I'm leaning toward the former.

(http://cdn.s7.disneystore.com/is/image/DisneyShopping/7505002523769?$mercdetail$) (http://www.disneystore.com/tees-clothes-waves-mickey-mouse-tee-for-adults/mp/1295574/1000228/)

the mickey/joy division shirt is no more (hence the broken link to the image above)
http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/01/26/disney-pulls-joy-division-inspired-mickey-mouse-shirt/

Fact check fail: "The band?s bass player, Peter Hook, who now plays in New Order, spoke to NME about the shirt."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on January 27, 2012, 08:59:30 pm
Some dude did the research and found Ice Cube's Good Day (http://murkavenue.tumblr.com/post/16553509655/i-found-ice-cubes-good-day)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 29, 2012, 07:45:06 pm
J.C. Penney slashing prices on all merchandise (http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/retail/story/2012-01-25/penneys-price-overhaul/52787388/1?csp=obnetwork)

This story wouldn't otherwise qualify for this thread if not for this passage:

Penney has been a laggard among department stores as its core middle-class customers are among the hardest hit by the weak economy. It's also failed to attract a younger, hip customer despite adding brands such as its Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen teen clothing collection. Its stores are described by some in the industry as "boring."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 30, 2012, 02:52:28 pm
The Muppets Respond To Fox News Attacks
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/01/29/the-muppets-respond-to-fox-news-attacks-video/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 30, 2012, 02:57:31 pm
best headline ever?

Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/weird/gordon-ramsays-dwarf-porn-double-found-dead-in-a-badger-den-in-wales/story-e6frev20-1226137951576
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on January 30, 2012, 03:06:34 pm
should have stuck to beavers

best headline ever?

Gordon Ramsay's Dwarf Porn Double Found Dead in a Badger Den in Wales
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/weird/gordon-ramsays-dwarf-porn-double-found-dead-in-a-badger-den-in-wales/story-e6frev20-1226137951576
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 31, 2012, 01:19:44 pm
This is so weird that it took me about ten minutes of staring at this to even make the connection.

Given the amazing juxtaposition between Disney and Joy Division, I can't tell if this is the most amazing thing ever or the worst.  For sheer insanity, I'm leaning toward the former.

(http://cdn.s7.disneystore.com/is/image/DisneyShopping/7505002523769?$mercdetail$) (http://www.disneystore.com/tees-clothes-waves-mickey-mouse-tee-for-adults/mp/1295574/1000228/)

the mickey/joy division shirt is no more (hence the broken link to the image above)
http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/01/26/disney-pulls-joy-division-inspired-mickey-mouse-shirt/

Atrocity Exhibition: 18 Dubious Uses for Joy Division
http://www.spin.com/gallery/atrocity-exhibition-18-dubious-uses-joy-division
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on January 31, 2012, 02:54:12 pm
Eel enters man's penis in spa treatment, is surgically removed


 A Chinese man had to have an eel surgically removed from his bladder after a mishap while undergoing an unusual spa treatment.

Zhang Nan, a 56-year-old resident of Hubei province, was bathing with live eels, in the hopes that the tiny, serpentine critters would nibble away layers of dead skin, revealing more youthful-looking skin below.


It's similar to those unusual pedicures that have fish eat dead skin off people's feet -- except that you're fully submerged, and you're probably naked, and there are eels all over you.

Anyway, Nan felt a sharp pain, realized a 6-inch eel had entered his penis and was wriggling up through his urethra. He tried to pull it out but its tiny body was too slippery to hold, and it disappeared up his penis and into his bladder, according to the story.

This, the writer points out, is not the first time such an incident has been described: A teenage boy had to undergo emergency surgery to remove a 0.79-inch fish that climbed into his urethra while he was holding it and urinating.

(Superfluous health advice of the day: Don't hold live animals while you're relieving yourself. No matter how good an idea it seems at the time.)

Freakish as this sort of accident sounds -- and it is, of course -- there's actually a particular type of fish that has a reputation for bladder-diving. According to a Kansas State page on parasitology, there are some types of parasitic catfishes in the Amazon (mostly in the genus Vandellia, and commonly called candiru) that have been known to invade the human urethra, often while humans are urinating into a body of water.

For the record, though, most men out there should be more worried about bacteria and viruses entering the urethra than eels doing so. For some perspective, here's a rundown from the Cleveland Clinic on some of other, more common conditions affecting the penis.

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/sep/16/news/la-heb-eel-penis-spa-urethra-20110916

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 03, 2012, 07:48:19 pm
Some dude did the research and found Ice Cube's Good Day (http://murkavenue.tumblr.com/post/16553509655/i-found-ice-cubes-good-day)

Was Ice Cube?s Good Day Actually November 30, 1988? An Alternate Theory
http://gawker.com/5880878/was-ice-cubes-good-day-actually-november-30-1988-an-alternate-theory
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 06, 2012, 06:19:22 pm
And that variation, When Stupid People Believe an Onion Article:

Congressman Falls for The Onion's Planned Parenthood 'Abortionplex' Story (http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2012/02/congressman-falls-months-old-onion-story-about-planned-parenthood-abortionplex/48344/)

(http://cdn.theatlanticwire.com/img/upload/2012/02/06/261494_10150240454271773_372154186772_7642741_4601199_n/large.jpeg)

Meet John Fleming, the unfortunate Republican U.S. Representative from Louisiana who made that wonderful and all-too-common mistake of thinking that an Onion article was real and telling his Facebook followers to read it.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 16, 2012, 05:55:10 pm
http://www.thatsnerdalicious.com/restaurants/heart-attack-grill-lives-up-to-its-name/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: HoyaSaxa03 on February 17, 2012, 01:40:30 am
http://espn.go.com/high-school/story/_/id/7581140/piggyback-bandit-puzzles-high-school-sports-officials-northwest
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 17, 2012, 03:04:32 am
Bound, naked in a Subaru: Valentine's Day role-playing ends badly
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/nationnow/2012/02/valentines-day-role-play-portland.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on February 20, 2012, 05:05:14 pm
Flying Deer Kills Man in Car Crash

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/46455012/ns/local_news-washington_dc/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 11, 2012, 04:52:25 pm

WRRTO story of the year, so far:


(http://timenewsfeed.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/ches.jpg)

Chess Championships Lose Sex Appeal With New No-Cleavage Rule
 (http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/03/11/chess-championships-lose-sex-appeal-with-new-no-cleavage-rule/#ixzz1oqDXZgmP)
This isn?t the beer pong world championships ? distractions during a championship chess game are surely unwarranted. An opponent across the table sporting a low-cut top could cause even the most expert chessman to focus on checking her out rather than delivering checkmate. So the European Chess Union has decided to lay out a dress code to keep the classiness in the game.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on March 24, 2012, 12:55:06 am
'Kazakhstan's prostitutes cleanest in the region': Shocking blunder as Borat's mock national anthem is played out at medal ceremony

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2119505/Kazakhstans-prostitutes-cleanest-region-Shocking-blunder-Borats-National-Anthem-played-medal-ceremony.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 03, 2012, 03:56:32 pm
Mansfield police officers smash Mercedes window to save toy dog

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-17590000
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: lomein on April 05, 2012, 01:41:42 pm
Pastor in Krispy Kreme crash charged with DUI drugs

http://www.nbc12.com/story/17333191/pastor-charged-in-krispy-kreme-crash
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 14, 2012, 10:59:34 am
Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist


http://www.technolog.msnbc.msn.com/technology/technolog/woman-impregnated-motorhead-concert-seeks-father-craigslist-715264
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 19, 2012, 01:44:39 pm
Forest Service may blow up frozen cows in cabin
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2017999538_apusfrozencows.html
 

Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist


http://www.technolog.msnbc.msn.com/technology/technolog/woman-impregnated-motorhead-concert-seeks-father-craigslist-715264
 
http://www.fuse.tv/2012/04/exclusive-kansas-woman-accidentally-creates-national-megadeth/motorhead-hoax
 
great CL post, tho.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 19, 2012, 01:56:57 pm
the world of computers have turned humans into something i cannot put my finger on yet.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 20, 2012, 01:12:12 pm
not sure if this really belongs here, then again i'm not sure where it belongs:

university to use smelly fish fertilizer to break up 4/20 gathering:
http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/20/us/university-colorado-marijuana-rally/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

(can't see how any fertilizer in the world can be worse than what some of those hippies smell like...)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 20, 2012, 01:21:19 pm
not sure if this really belongs here, then again i'm not sure where it belongs:

university to use smelly fish fertilizer to break up 4/20 gathering:
http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/20/us/university-colorado-marijuana-rally/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

(can't see how any fertilizer in the world can be worse than what some of those hippies smell like...)

Pot-stink, hippie-stink, fish-stink. What a lovely day....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 20, 2012, 01:39:38 pm
Hologram Michael Jackson may go on tour!

http://www.spin.com/#articles/jackson-5-reunion-tour-may-unfortunately-star-hologram-michael
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on April 20, 2012, 05:00:43 pm
not sure if this really belongs here, then again i'm not sure where it belongs:

university to use smelly fish fertilizer to break up 4/20 gathering:
http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/20/us/university-colorado-marijuana-rally/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

(can't see how any fertilizer in the world can be worse than what some of those hippies smell like...)

Pot-stink, hippie-stink, fish-stink. What a lovely day....

Sounds like it will smell like a dirty whore convention.

Bet this will all backfire and the neighbors and local businesses will be really pissed off once the day is through and the stink from all those dead rotten fish continue to waft through the air. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 25, 2012, 02:35:51 pm
Koala Bear Urinates on Boy Band Members, May Have Given Them STD
http://www.fuse.tv/2012/04/koala-bear-urinates-one-direction-liam-payne-harry-styles-chlamydia
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: jrho on April 25, 2012, 05:20:01 pm
Koala Bear Urinates on Boy Band Members, May Have Given Them STD
http://www.fuse.tv/2012/04/koala-bear-urinates-one-direction-liam-payne-harry-styles-chlamydia

Certainly a more original story than saying you got it from a dirty toilet seat.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 26, 2012, 02:42:37 pm
New site promises hot people a free ride
The Internet blew up Wednesday over Misstravel.com, a site that launched April 9. According to its founder, Brandon Wade, the site connects rich people with good-looking people who want to gallivant around the world on the rich person's dime.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/25/travel/misstravel-dating-site/index.html

hey smackie... hope you've been saving up ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 26, 2012, 10:51:13 pm
Norwegians sing to annoy mass killer
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/04/26/norwegians-sing-to-annoy-mass-killer/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on May 26, 2012, 05:25:06 pm
This story could just as easily make the 'Bacon' thread, or even the 'Beer' thread. Could be right out of a John Waters movie! She couldn't have picked a better named store either.

Bacon Lover In Piggly Wiggly Rampage (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/shoplifter-went-on-piggly-wiggly-rampage-789304)

Make sure you read the entire article, right down to the very end. It's full of all kinds of insanity!!!  :o :D ;D :D :o
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 26, 2012, 07:18:52 pm
This story could just as easily make the 'Bacon' thread, or even the 'Beer' thread. Could be right out of a John Waters movie! She couldn't have picked a better named store either.

Bacon Lover In Piggly Wiggly Rampage (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/shoplifter-went-on-piggly-wiggly-rampage-789304)

Make sure you read the entire article, right down to the very end. It's full of all kinds of insanity!!!  :o :D ;D :D :o

And the comments from "Top Commenters" are just as classy. Makes me glad that "minority" babies now outnumber white.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on May 26, 2012, 08:14:07 pm
I must have some sort of over-active virus protection going on because I can't see any comments. Or maybe it's the proxy server I changed to recently which I'm convinced has slowed down my surfing potential. Sometimes you just can't win for being careful!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 31, 2012, 04:47:26 pm
Whoops, nothing to see here....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 08, 2012, 05:33:58 pm
must-read: http://ohno-polio.tumblr.com/post/24599718126

"Tip for modern adulterers: If you?re planning to cheat on your wife of 10 years by awkwardly hitting on the model seated next to you on your flight out of Los Angeles, make sure she isn?t live-tweeting the entire miserable experience to her 13,000 followers"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on June 08, 2012, 06:34:40 pm
must-read:

Brilliant.

The models are why I only fly where Virgin flies.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 18, 2012, 10:31:59 am
Massachusetts cyclist attacked by man swinging sausages (http://www.wusa9.com/news/article/209139/158/Cyclist-Attacked-by-Man-Swinging-Sausages)

BROCKTON, Mass. (AP) - A Massachusetts man is facing charges for allegedly attacking a bicyclist with sausage links and a wrench before making off with jewelry and the bike.
 
Police say Michael Baker is scheduled to be arraigned Monday on charges including assault and battery with a dangerous weapon in connection with the Sunday morning attack.
 
According to The Enterprise, the victim told police his assailant at first started swinging a string of sausage links at him before hitting him with a wrench. The victim was hospitalized.
 
Police say Baker was caught a short time later with the bike and a wrench.
 
Police later found that sausages and other food had been stolen from a food stand at the Brockton Fairgrounds.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 19, 2012, 01:33:34 am
so there's this kid on youtube, ReactionResponseKING, whose shtick is eating ridiculous thing (hot peppers, the cinnamon challenge, menthos + coke, etc) and filming the outcomes.  pretty standard fare is this post-jackass era, really.  what makes this video a classic are the auto-generated captions.

1) go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnVOFSs75RA, start & immediately pause video (skip the commercial if one is served to you)
2) press the "CC" button in the video player's bottom toolbar
3) select "transcribe audio", click OK to the pop-up disclaimer
4) lol

hondacarland & drug use dead,
SC
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on June 20, 2012, 09:27:13 pm
This guy has balls

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2161294/Wesley-Warren-Jr-Man-100-pound-scrotum-REJECTS-free-1m-corrective-surgery.html?ICO=most_read_module
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: gaaaaaaaaah on June 21, 2012, 12:59:58 am
http://deadspin.com/5918718/manny-ramirezs-dreads-will-lead-to-drug-use-abortion-gayness-fan-tells-oakland-athletics-triple+a-affiliate-in-insane-voicemail
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on July 31, 2012, 06:40:56 pm
NBC interviews famous tourist in London for Olympics  and doesn't realize who it is.

http://deadspin.com/5930258/nbc-interviewed-a-random-tourist-about-the-queen-and-didnt-realize-he-was-evander-holyfield
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on August 10, 2012, 09:06:36 pm
Four bears break into cabin; drink 100 beers (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/family-four-bears-breaks-cabin-drink-100-beers-181034427.html)

The party was wild enough. Can you imagine the hangover period!?!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on August 12, 2012, 02:44:59 pm
Every soon-to-be father's dream come true:

Study: Oral Sex Cures Morning Sickness (http://washington.cbslocal.com/2012/08/10/study-oral-sex-cures-morning-sickness)

The 1st comment is a classic! Even as a woman, I had to laugh.

Sorry ladies, but this finding is just too crazy not to post. But do take note: that stuff must be from the biological father or it's no cure for you.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on August 12, 2012, 03:41:21 pm
oral sex in the morning . . . also cures a bad relationship.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 16, 2012, 10:44:19 am
Rattlesnake Bites Pot Grower at Walmart
http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/05/15/rattlesnake-bites-pot-grower-at-walmart/

(from Time, no less...)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 16, 2012, 03:33:16 pm
Insane Clown Posse's Fans Aren't a Gang, Duo to Sue FBI
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/14/tagblogsfindlawcom2012-celebrityjustice-idUS232271613920120814

more: http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/16/showbiz/icp-juggalo-fbi-lawsuit/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 27, 2012, 03:41:32 pm
If you live in Arizona, you could be pregnant even before you have sex.

http://www.examiner.com/article/new-law-arizona-states-pregnancy-begins-two-weeks-before-conception
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 27, 2012, 05:39:41 pm
If you live in Arizona, you could be pregnant even before you have sex.

http://www.examiner.com/article/new-law-arizona-states-pregnancy-begins-two-weeks-before-conception

so.  fucking.  ridiculous.

how can these people take themselves seriously?  how can they not be embarrassed by their so-called "logic"?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 28, 2012, 10:04:06 am
They'll feel empowered if Romney gets elected.  Paul Ryan's reaction to the Akin mindfuck was to agree with him, saying that rape is just another means of conception...HuffPo link complete with video.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-slansky-/paul-ryan-said-something-_b_1832377.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 28, 2012, 03:19:20 pm
Curiosity rover to beam Will.i.am song from Mars (http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2012/aug/28/will-i-am-mars)

Clearly, with so much of their collective brain power being used on the actual mission, there was nothing left for music.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 28, 2012, 04:53:15 pm
Man Killed Attempting Bigfoot Hoax (http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/31390498/detail.html)

Trooper: Montana Man Hidden In Foliage-Camouflaged Suit Hit By Cars On Darkened Highway
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 31, 2012, 01:49:36 pm
Quebec baffled by $30 million maple syrup heist (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/08/31/quebec-baffled-by-30-million-maple-syrup-heist/)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on August 31, 2012, 01:59:09 pm
Boy finds whale vomit thats worth $63,000

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/28/charlie-naysmith-whale-vomit_n_1837241.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on September 21, 2012, 06:01:52 pm
Tiger 1, Man 0 (http://bigstory.ap.org/article/man-mauled-tiger-bronx-zoo-loses-leg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on September 24, 2012, 07:10:14 pm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/post/mitt-romney-wants-to-know-why-airplane-windows-do-not-open/2012/09/24/1fdf30be-068c-11e2-a10c-fa5a255a9258_blog.html (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/post/mitt-romney-wants-to-know-why-airplane-windows-do-not-open/2012/09/24/1fdf30be-068c-11e2-a10c-fa5a255a9258_blog.html)

Mitt Romney wants to know why airplane windows do not open

?When you have a fire in an aircraft, there?s no place to go, exactly, there?s no ? and you can?t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don?t open. I don?t know why they don?t do that. It?s a real problem. So it?s very dangerous. And she was choking and rubbing her eyes. Fortunately, there was enough oxygen for the pilot and copilot to make a safe landing in Denver. But she?s safe and sound.?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 11, 2012, 03:14:31 pm
1. Go to Google Image Search (http://images.google.com)
2. Search for "completely wrong".
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 11, 2012, 03:19:17 pm
Quebec baffled by $30 million maple syrup heist (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/08/31/quebec-baffled-by-30-million-maple-syrup-heist/)

recovered... *PHEW*
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/food/canadian-police-seize-more-than-600-barrels-of-maple-syrup-as-part-of-theft-investigation/2012/10/03/1292c9c4-0dbd-11e2-ba6c-07bd866eb71a_story.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 11, 2012, 03:25:11 pm
Maple syrup recovered. Bacon shortage averted. Breakfast is saved! Diner stock skyrockets!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 26, 2012, 11:10:03 am
Quote
?There has stormclouds come over the United States.?
- Meat Loaf, endorsing Mitt Romney
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/25/rocking-the-vote-meat-loaf-endorses-romney/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 09, 2012, 03:30:34 pm
DC Employees Ranked Most Likely to Drop an F-Bomb at Work
http://www.washingtonian.com/blogs/capitalcomment/local-news/dc-employees-ranked-most-likely-to-drop-an-f-bomb-at-work.php
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on November 13, 2012, 04:24:37 pm
http://www.examiner.com/article/ugandan-leader-passing-kill-the-gays-bill-will-be-christmas-gift (http://www.examiner.com/article/ugandan-leader-passing-kill-the-gays-bill-will-be-christmas-gift)
Ugandan leader: Passing ?Kill the Gays bill? will be ?Christmas gift?

What the hell is wrong with people? 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on November 13, 2012, 04:27:57 pm
Why you should never steal an image off the internet:

http://apple.copydesk.org/2012/11/13/why-you-should-never-ever-steal-an-image-off-the-internet/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 10, 2012, 05:55:22 pm
Monkey in sheepskin jacket on the loose at Ikea in Toronto
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20667481

i'm shocked that anyone noticed, really...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 11, 2012, 11:02:36 am
Monkey in sheepskin jacket on the loose at Ikea in Toronto
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20667481

i'm shocked that anyone noticed, really...

#IkeaMonkey: what we know about Canada's most famous shopper
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2012/dec/10/ikea-monkey-canada-famous-shopper
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on December 18, 2012, 01:50:38 pm
"Tuning '77" - a seamless audio supercut of an entire year of the Grateful Dead tuning their instruments, live on stage. Chronologically sequenced, this remix incorporates every publicly available recording from 1977, examining the divide between audience expectation and performance anxiety.

http://archive.org/details/gd1977-12-31_505
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bombay Chutney on December 18, 2012, 04:28:04 pm
"Tuning '77" - a seamless audio supercut of an entire year of the Grateful Dead tuning their instruments, live on stage. Chronologically sequenced, this remix incorporates every publicly available recording from 1977, examining the divide between audience expectation and performance anxiety.

http://archive.org/details/gd1977-12-31_505

I can't begin to tell you how much I love this. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 04, 2013, 10:45:38 am
(http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9200000/Elvis-Presley-On-Stage-50-s-Live-in-Miami-Florida-elvis-presley-9203155-391-500.jpg)

Still too sexy for Utah

Utah school recasts musical with sexy Elvis songs (http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_268767/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=fSw4YF7Z)

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - A parent who was "All Shook Up" about Elvis Presley songs in a high-school drama prompted educators to cancel the musical, deeming it too sexual. But the decision was reversed Thursday by administrators at the high school south of Salt Lake City.

The administrators at Herriman High School received permission from the copyright owners of "All Shook Up" to edit some of Presley's songs and make scene changes in the American jukebox musical that borrows from William Shakespeare.

"The show will go on," said Sandy Riesgraf, a spokeswoman for the Jordan School District. "Our biggest concern early on, we wanted to make some changes to keep the play within community values. It's a win-win for all of us."

Presley warbles about a sweetheart whose "lips are like a volcano that's hot" in his song from 1957. "I'm proud to say she's my buttercup. I'm in love. I'm all shook up."

His song lyrics together with a scene suggesting cross-dressing were deemed offensive by a person the school is refusing to identify.


(cont.)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on January 09, 2013, 03:41:33 pm
Baseball writers reject Bonds, Sosa, Clemens, elect no one to Hall of Fame.
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2013/01/09/no-new-baseball-hall-of-fame-members-this-year/?hpt=hp_t2
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: atomicfront on January 09, 2013, 04:43:41 pm
Baseball writers reject Bonds, Sosa, Clemens, elect no one to Hall of Fame.
http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2013/01/09/no-new-baseball-hall-of-fame-members-this-year/?hpt=hp_t2

i don't see how you can keep bonds out of hall of fame.  his stats even before he started using steroids were easily way over the threshold for HOF election.  Who knows if Nolan Ryan and Cal Ripken weren't using steroids.  Are they going to keep everyone out of the hall for a 20 year period? 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 18, 2013, 06:35:09 pm
i couldn't decide if this belongs here, or in nkotb's thread:

This Guy Sounds Legit: Craigslist Ad Requesting Ladies Interested In Star Trek Role Playing (In A Garage)
http://www.geekologie.com/2013/01/sounds-legit-star-trek-role-playing-crai.php

of course it's legit: "nothing weird is going to happen".
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: nkotb on January 19, 2013, 12:13:05 pm
(https://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/6/26/pMR8ivX4WEuOUmpwdpaG7g2.jpg)

i couldn't decide if this belongs here, or in nkotb's thread:

This Guy Sounds Legit: Craigslist Ad Requesting Ladies Interested In Star Trek Role Playing (In A Garage)
http://www.geekologie.com/2013/01/sounds-legit-star-trek-role-playing-crai.php

of course it's legit: "nothing weird is going to happen".
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on January 19, 2013, 01:47:11 pm
i get excited . . . when nkotb posts.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on January 24, 2013, 07:31:23 pm
INCONCEIVABLE!

http://www.nbcnews.com/travel/travelkit/princess-bride-loving-flier-hassled-over-inigo-montoya-t-shirt-1C8088359
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on January 26, 2013, 08:54:26 am
Justin Bieber investigated for alleged assault with Nerf gun

http://www.nme.com/news/justin-bieber/68371
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 28, 2013, 12:03:36 am
image below is kinda big, original here: http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/76500672/Village+People+png.png

(http://backdropsrus.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/fox-news-figures-strangely-resemble-kids-in-the-hall-characters.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on January 31, 2013, 08:45:53 am

Man accidentally invites fiancee's best friend over for three-way in public, incredible YouTube video.  :o

"I just figured it was something we could do sometime."

http://www.happyplace.com/20948/man-accidentally-posts-invitation-for-three-way-to-public-youtube-account
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on January 31, 2013, 10:23:00 am
"Illinois school drill to include shooting blanks in hallway"

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57566440/illinois-school-drill-to-include-shooting-blanks-in-hallway/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 01, 2013, 03:21:29 pm
Axl Rose's Congenital Lateness May Cost Him Slash Lawsuit

http://www.spin.com/articles/axl-rose-lateness-slash-lawsuit-activision-guitar-hero
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: slappy on February 01, 2013, 03:22:41 pm
Not sure if this is real or an elaborate 4chan/Onion joke?

https://www.teapartycommunity.com/

It looks like they just stole all the coding from an old version of Facebook.
I signed in as Norv Rogers (Shaggy from Scooby Doo's real name ) if anyone wants to be a tea bag friend.

Actual quotes from the 'news feed' and 'polls'.

"This is probably a picture of a Jewish child murdered by a palastinian dog. They do that you know. They do what their homosexual god mohamid told them to do."

"Whose going to win the superbowl?
1 hour ago by PFT Commenter
_ ravens (have murderer ray louis)
_ SF 69ers (gay city, star receiver who wears #15!)"


"Wat is the worst thing1 abouut Barack Obami?
11 minutes ago by Rochelle Simone
_ hes not even a real citizn
_ we have to pay taxes
_ Bush hasn't been president in 4 years
_ he voted to take away our right to have babieas"


"Which subject would you most like to learn more about?
34 minutes ago by kilogulf59 aka Ken
  Handgun Procedures and Queries
  Long-Arm Procedures and Queries
  Combatives, H2H, and Traditional Martial Arts
  Mindset, Tactics, and Intelligence Dissemination, Plus Post Confrontation Issues and Procedures
  Emergency Survival & Preparedness, Equipment, and Instructions
  Your Vehicles and Their Usage
  Basic First Aid, Home/Field Medical Awareness, Physical Training, and Conditioning
  Handguns
  Long Arms
  Non-Firearm Weaponry
  Firearm Accoutrements, Trappings, Paraphernalia
  The Tech Room (Technical Issues)
  Legal/Political Issues Pertaining to Firearms Ownership and Their Usage"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 07, 2013, 12:45:24 pm
666 on tax form causes Christian worker to quit his job (http://www.wusa9.com/news/article/242106/158/666-On-Tax-Form-Causes-Worker-To-Quit-His-Job)

And the number keeps coming up in his life. This guy is doomed.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: chaz on February 13, 2013, 04:16:35 pm
 Heart Attack Grill spokesman dies of apparent heart attack (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/heart-attack-grill-spokesman-dies-apparent-heart-attack-162858075.html)

9,982 calorie burger at this place?  Not surprising this is their 2nd unofficial spokesman to die in as many years.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 18, 2013, 07:32:06 pm
Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on February 18, 2013, 08:05:21 pm
Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 21, 2013, 03:35:39 pm
Ooooh, this one hits close to home...

Slash vs. Eddie Van Halen Argument Lands Cleveland Couple in Jail
http://www.spin.com/articles/cleveland-couple-arrested-slash-eddie-van-halen-guitarist
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: chaz on February 21, 2013, 03:43:19 pm
Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best

why?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: nkotb on February 21, 2013, 03:45:43 pm
All of this labeling of people IS DRIVING US APART!!!!!!!!!

Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best

why?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: nkotb on February 21, 2013, 03:45:54 pm
You fucking libertards!!!!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 21, 2013, 03:57:55 pm
All of this labeling of people IS DRIVING US APART!!!!!!!!!

Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best

why?

Wedgies of the world unite!  or divide things as need be...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on February 21, 2013, 05:59:52 pm
Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best

why?

For the same reason it would be stupid to require everyone at a Joe Jackson show to smoke the entire show.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: chaz on February 21, 2013, 06:19:00 pm
Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best

why?

For the same reason it would be stupid to require everyone at a Joe Jackson show to smoke the entire show.
Oh...NOW I understand.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on February 21, 2013, 06:32:25 pm
Staples Center in Los Angeles to Go Vegetarian for Morrissey Concert (http://pitchfork.com/news/49611-staples-center-in-los-angeles-to-go-vegetarian-for-morrissey-concert/)

Idiocy at its best

why?

For the same reason it would be stupid to require everyone at a Joe Jackson show to smoke the entire show.
Oh...NOW I understand.

Finally
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on February 22, 2013, 12:32:06 pm
Slash vs. Eddie Van Halen Argument Lands Cleveland Couple in Jail

http://www.spin.com/#articles/cleveland-couple-arrested-slash-eddie-van-halen-guitarist

EDIT: double post, I didn't see this article ON THIS SAME DAMN PAGE ALREADY, how do I delete!? :(
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 22, 2013, 05:19:05 pm
Hooters theft ends up with a big surprise for a couple of boobs

http://m.now.msn.com/jukebox-not-atm-stolen-from-san-diego-hooters

The two young thieves who broke into a San Diego Hooters used a truck with a tow strap to wrench what they likely thought was an ATM machine out of the lobby of the chain breastaraunt. But when they got the free-standing machine home, they were probably sad to see it wasn't stuffed with stacks of bills. Instead, it was full of the greatest hits of the ?80s and ?90s, because they stole the Hooter?s juke box. Police are pretty sure the thieves thought it was an ATM. (Because thanks to mp3 players, unless you?re an uncle with a billiards room you don?t need a jukebox.) Sucks to be you, dummies! Enjoy the Lynyrd Skynyrd.

there is footage to boot

http://www.10news.com/news/police-thieves-stole-jukebox-from-rancho-bernardo-hooters-thought-it-was-atm
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 28, 2013, 01:40:13 pm
'Marijuana cannon' used to fire drugs over US border seized in Mexico
Compressed-air gun mounted on truck could throw 13-kilo packets over fence into California
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/feb/27/marijuana-cannon-us-border-seized-mexico

they say marijuana can't kill you... i bet getting hit upside the head with 13 keys will.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on February 28, 2013, 09:38:24 pm
'Marijuana cannon' used to fire drugs over US border seized in Mexico
Compressed-air gun mounted on truck could throw 13-kilo packets over fence into California
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/feb/27/marijuana-cannon-us-border-seized-mexico

they say marijuana can't kill you... i bet getting hit upside the head with 13 keys will.

This is old news, isn't it? I know this article is new but there was a story like this about a year ago. Would assume it's the same incident; then again, I don't know.

Good story, none the less.

Right now, I'm just hoping that the new bill proposed by a Baltimore City politician goes through and passes to legalize marijuana in Maryland. The tax is waaaay too hight though. Can't remember his name off-hand. Curt something or other. I use to know his sister when I was teaching. (A real pain in the ass.)

Hey, Az. Might be time for us to get our recipes together for Club 4:20.  8)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 04, 2013, 01:15:24 am
(http://www.vanityfair.com/online/oscars/2012/08/guantanamo-prisoners-fresh-prince-of-bel-air-harry-potter/_jcr_content/par/cn_contentwell/par-main/cn_blogpost/cn_float_container/cn_image.size.will-smith-fresh-prince-of-bel-air.jpg)

Schools put on lockdown when ?Fresh Prince? song is misinterpreted (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2013/03/03/misheard-fresh-prince-song-sparks-schools-lockdown/?tid=pm_local_pop)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 10, 2013, 05:53:19 pm
Man who stole woman's iPhone accidentally posts pic of himself smoking weed on her Facebook page.

http://www.happyplace.com/22024/iphone-thief-posts-pic-of-self-smoking-weed-on-victims-facebook-page
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 15, 2013, 10:33:29 am
http://m.rollingstone.com/?redirurl=/music/news/mumford-sons-keyboardist-i-thought-philip-phillips-was-us-20130315
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on March 15, 2013, 10:55:48 am
Really?  "Post-Mumfords" is a device RS uses to describe music? 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on March 28, 2013, 05:00:42 pm
http://live.huffingtonpost.com/#r/archive/segment/david-lee-roth-on-insuring-his-penis/5152b5d578c90a38b1000013

David Lee Roth Insures His Penis
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Jaguar on March 30, 2013, 05:32:22 pm
Prostitute who ?died? during romp came back to life in coffin (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4864611/prostitute-who-died-during-romp-came-back-to-life-in-coffin.html?OTC-RSS&ATTR=News)

Includes a good collection of comments.  ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 05, 2013, 11:57:04 pm
headline of the year:

Penguins summon Satan

click for the story... (http://www.cbc.ca/sports/hockey/story/2009/04/10/sp-penguins-satan.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 06, 2013, 06:18:02 pm
Our schools are failing our future bank robbers:

Police say robber tried, failed to rob two banks three blocks apart (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/police-say-robber-tried-failed-to-rob-two-banks-three-blocks-apart/2013/04/06/fcad38ac-9ee8-11e2-a2db-efc5298a95e1_story.html?hpid=z3)

The words on his robbery note were spelled incorrectly, authorities said, and he was unable to articulate his demands. So the confused teller at the downtown Washington bank turned the man away, saying she couldn?t help.

The FBI says the man didn?t fare much better at a second bank three blocks away. There, authorities said, it took the teller a few moments to realize the man standing at her window on April 1 was not a customer.

?Oh my God, are we getting robbed?? the teller said, according to an affidavit filed in federal court.


cont.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on April 09, 2013, 12:20:12 pm
Only in Tennessee, which begs the question does it really belong in this thread.

Former Tenn. Lawmaker Allegedly Drove 90 MPH While Masturbating Out Window

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/tenn-lawmaker-allegedly-drove-90-mph-while-masturbating

"Recalling dozens of complaints in recent years, Terry Christian, a Kingsport detective, told WJHL that Blakely's behavior has gone on "for so long an (sic) nobody's addressed it."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 23, 2013, 01:23:24 am
(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18lf76w8cdpm6gif/original.gif)

Apparently, this is real: Amanda Palmer's "A Poem for Dzhokhar" Is the Worst Poem of All Time (http://gawker.com/amanda-palmers-a-poem-for-dzhokhar-is-the-worst-poem-476820444)

It's too bad that he's going to be in jail for the rest of his life because now he can't transfer his wealth to Ms. Palmer.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 23, 2013, 05:23:03 pm
App lets you order pizza and play video games (http://www.wusa9.com/news/article/256098/158/App-lets-you-order-pizza-and-play-video-games)

(USA TODAY) -- Call it the ultimate multi-task for any Millennial: order a pizza and play a video game - essentially at the same time.

On Tuesday, Pizza Hut and Xbox Live maker Microsoft will announce plans to introduce a game-changing ordering app that allows gamers to purchase physical goods - in this case, anything on the Pizza Hut menu - right from the gaming counsel.

Just pause the game, and order.

For Pizza Hut, it's about reaching out to its hard-to-reach target - young men 18 to 24 - where they live and play. For Microsoft, it's a nifty way of cosmically expanding the virtual world into something far closer to the real world. And for consumers, well, we'll just have to wait and see how folks respond.

One expert thinks it could be huge.


continued....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: atomicfront on April 23, 2013, 05:48:19 pm
(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18lf76w8cdpm6gif/original.gif)

Apparently, this is real: Amanda Palmer's "A Poem for Dzhokhar" Is the Worst Poem of All Time (http://gawker.com/amanda-palmers-a-poem-for-dzhokhar-is-the-worst-poem-476820444)

It's too bad that he's going to be in jail for the rest of his life because now he can't transfer his wealth to Ms. Palmer.

How is that the worst poem of all time? 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on April 23, 2013, 07:05:57 pm
Former Tenn. Lawmaker Allegedly Drove 90 MPH While Masturbating Out Window

I hope people realize how impressive that is.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 23, 2013, 11:22:03 pm
i've never been able to pull it off over 60 mph.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on April 24, 2013, 01:57:00 pm
i've never been able to pull it off over 60 mph.

Exactly.  Masturbating at high speeds, no problem.  Out the window?!  Tip of the cap, my friend...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 24, 2013, 06:48:06 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BIQRfT_CUAAPfcF.jpg)

TV captioning service apologizes for mistakenly naming Zooey Deschanel as Boston bombing suspect (http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/tv-column/post/tv-captioning-service-apologizes-for-mistakingly-naming-zooey-deschanel-as-boston-bombing-suspect/2013/04/24/54748b72-ad2a-11e2-b6fd-ba6f5f26d70e_blog.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on April 30, 2013, 04:01:29 pm
Manchester Man Loses Life Savings Trying to Win a Carnival Game (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/carnival-life-savings-135411650.html?vp=1)

?For once in my life I happened to become that sucker,? Gribbohm said.

Smackie doubts it was just once...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: radley17 on April 30, 2013, 05:45:12 pm
Manchester Man Loses Life Savings Trying to Win a Carnival Game (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/carnival-life-savings-135411650.html?vp=1)

?For once in my life I happened to become that sucker,? Gribbohm said.

Smackie doubts it was just once...

That banana with dreadlocks was a pretty awesome consolation prize...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 01, 2013, 04:41:21 pm
Cue the Van Halen! Nothing sexist about this slide show:

Notorious Teacher Sex Scandals (http://www.wusa9.com/news/article/257346/158/Notorious-Teacher-Sex-Scandals)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 02, 2013, 09:28:47 am
Picking your nose and eating it may be good for you (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/story/2013/04/25/sk-picking-your-nose-may-be-healthy-eating-boogers-snot-130425.html?cmp=rss)

Despite everything you may have heard from your mom, picking your nose and eating what you find may have some health benefits, according to a biochemistry professor at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon.

"By consuming those pathogens caught within the mucus, could that be a way to teach your immune system about what it's surrounded with?" is the hypothesis Scott Napper posed to his students.

    'I've got two beautiful daughters and they spend an amazing amount of time with their fingers up their nose.'?Scott Napper, biochemistry professor

Napper noted that snot has a sugary taste and that may be a signal to the body to consume it and derive information for the immune system.


continued...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on May 14, 2013, 05:56:03 pm
http://www.nme.com/news/jay-z/70294
 Jay-Z accused of being a time traveller
(http://static.nme.com/images/gallery/2013JayZReddit140513.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on May 29, 2013, 07:09:23 pm
New Mexico driver charged with driving drunk while having sex, then hiding in cactus from police. (http://www.sfgate.com/news/crime/article/Police-NM-driver-drove-drunk-while-having-sex-4556881.php?cmpid=twitter)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on May 30, 2013, 12:13:20 pm
Man threatens to blow up a state building's misspelled sign with fake pressure cooker bomb

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/misspelled-sign-pressure-cooker-bomb-130257088.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on June 01, 2013, 01:50:56 pm
Kindergarten Graduation Brawl:

http://www.sacbee.com/2013/05/31/5461532/brawl-breaks-out-at-ohio-kindergarten.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on June 07, 2013, 01:16:03 pm
Man overdoses on soy sauce, sent into coma

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/07/soy-sauce-overdose-coma-hypernatremia_n_3402726.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 08, 2013, 10:28:28 am
Hat tip to thatguy (https://www.facebook.com/pages/That-Guy-at-the-930-Club/373749270760?hc_location=stream).

Canadian Truck Explodes After Hitting Moose, Sets Off Fireworks Display (http://gawker.com/canadian-truck-explodes-after-hitting-moose-sets-off-f-512000502)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 14, 2013, 07:06:48 am
Seriously?  This is really a thing?

http://consumerist.com/2013/06/10/rent-to-own-car-tires-become-popular-are-a-terrible-idea/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on June 14, 2013, 05:09:55 pm
Who was the mysterious man wearing a big bear head during last Wednesday?s Sting show?
http://blogs.citypaper.com/noise/index.php/2013/06/who-was-the-mysterious-man-wearing-a-big-bear-head-during-last-wednesdays-sting-show/
Quote
During last Wednesday?s Sting concert at Pier Six Concert Pavilion, a man wearing a gigantic bear head got on stage a minute and twenty seconds into a performance of The Police song ?Next to You? and started shaking his head, waving his hands in the air, and dancing about the stage.

A YouTube video of the performance shows a clearly confused Sting giving a puzzled look over his shoulder as the man continued to shimmy around the bassist and pointing his thumb back toward the bear-man while mouthing the words, ?Who?s that??

The video, which you can see below, shows the man wearing the bear head dancing with various members of Sting?s backing band for about a minute and generally having what appears to be a pretty good time. There is no footage of what happened to the man wearing the bear head or when he left (or was escorted off) the stage. City Paper is seeking information regarding the identity of the man with the bear head. All tips can be sent to editorial@citypaper.com.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vko3zN8Vp3I
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 18, 2013, 03:17:14 pm
(http://cdn.pikstra.com/pics/2013/06/17630.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 18, 2013, 07:27:32 pm
(http://cdn.pikstra.com/pics/2013/06/17630.jpg)

It's funny, cuz y'know, dog hearing.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 19, 2013, 12:20:26 am
It's funny, cuz y'know, dog hearing.

that is correct.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on June 24, 2013, 02:48:48 pm
http://mobile.avclub.com/articles/black-veil-brides-caught-using-fake-stage-amps,99352/?mobile=true

Band caught using fake amps.. although I think the second picture is far funnier
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 02, 2013, 04:27:50 pm
Dennis Rodman Says He Deserves Consideration for Nobel Peace Prize (for his "diplomatic" mission to north korea)

Rodman: "My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it?s been left to me to smooth things over, I don?t know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it?s the black guy?s [Obama's] job. But I?ll tell you this: If I don?t finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something?s seriously wrong."

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1691480-dennis-rodman-says-he-deserves-consideration-for-nobel-peace-prize
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on July 12, 2013, 08:53:37 pm
I can't believe they actually aired this....

http://deadspin.com/pranked-tv-station-reports-ho-lee-fuk-wi-tu-lo-as-758955806?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on July 19, 2013, 12:54:16 pm
http://now.msn.com/westboro-baptist-church-founders-dead-mother-turned-gay-by-satanic-temple

Satanists claim they've turned Westboro founder's dead mom gay
Quote
After the Westboro Baptist Church threatened to picket the funerals of Boston Marathon bombing victims, a group calling itself the Satanic Temple decided that enough was enough. So they performed a "Pink Mass" at the grave of Westboro founder Fred Phelps's mother ? a ritual they claim has made her a lesbian. "We believe that Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay in the afterlife," Satanic Temple spokesperson Lucien Greaves told Vice. Same-sex couples are invited to visit her Miss. grave and make out so that Phelps's mother will be "pleasured in the afterlife" (by lady spirits, we assume). The Temple says it will turn more of Phelps's dead relatives gay if the Westboro Baptists continue to "picket funerals or applaud horrific terrorist actions." [Source]
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: jrho on August 01, 2013, 01:56:39 pm
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-06-07/odd-jobs-turning-your-ashes-into-a-vinyl-record

You can have your 'cremains' pressed into a record. You can even pay extra to have the company write a song just for you.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 17, 2013, 10:02:01 am
Princess pleads not guilty in cockfighting case (http://www.wusa9.com/news/article/271027/158/Princess-pleads-not-guilty-in-cockfighting-case)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on August 30, 2013, 06:39:36 am
Foam Finger Inventor Says Miley Cyrus 'Degraded an Honorable Icon'

http://www.thewrap.com/music/article/foam-finger-inventor-prefers-julie-andrews-miley-cyrus-114036
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on September 03, 2013, 04:54:24 pm
Samantha Lynn Goudie, Drunk Girl, Blows .341 In Jail, Tweets 'YOLO'

My fucking hero

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/03/samantha-lynn-goudie-drunk-girl-341-tweets-yolo_n_3859634.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on September 11, 2013, 01:34:17 pm
Bloodhound Gang members may be put in wanted list for desecrating Russian flag

http://indrus.in/news/2013/09/09/bloodhound_gang_members_may_be_put_in_wanted_list_for_desecrating_russia_29203.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on September 12, 2013, 06:19:18 pm
Mumford and Sons got booted from an Atlanta strip club, dagnabbit!

"According to TMZ, it was karaoke night at Clermont, and Mumfords? Ben Lovett hit the stage to sing some Bon Jovi and Loverboy. The band snapped some pics of their mate in action, but were quickly confronted by security. Words were exchanged, ?Don?t cha know who I am??s were spewed, Marcus took off his straw hat and vest, rolled up his denim sleeves, and raised his fists, but ultimately security resolved the situation by booting the band from the venue.

http://consequenceofsound.net/2013/09/mumford-and-sons-got-booted-from-an-atlanta-strip-club-dagnabbit/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: nkotb on September 13, 2013, 08:37:40 am
This line can't be true, can it?

Mumford and Sons got booted from an Atlanta strip club, dagnabbit!

"Marcus took off his straw hat and vest, rolled up his denim sleeves, and raised his fists

http://consequenceofsound.net/2013/09/mumford-and-sons-got-booted-from-an-atlanta-strip-club-dagnabbit/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on September 13, 2013, 09:10:42 am
This line can't be true, can it?

Mumford and Sons got booted from an Atlanta strip club, dagnabbit!

"Marcus took off his straw hat and vest, rolled up his denim sleeves, and raised his fists

http://consequenceofsound.net/2013/09/mumford-and-sons-got-booted-from-an-atlanta-strip-club-dagnabbit/


hahha... I doubt it, but it's funny as all hell.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on September 13, 2013, 09:34:33 am
I can't get the TMZ video to play, but the screen capture shows the straw hat.  These guys are one step away from becoming Civil War re-enactors
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on September 13, 2013, 12:32:44 pm
http://adhoc.fm/post/one-direction-fan-kills-chihuahua-after-band-doesn/
"One Direction Fan Reportedly Kills Chihuahua After Band Doesn't Follow Her on Twitter"

Quote
A fan of the world-conquering boy band, One Direction, reportedly killed her pet chihuahua after the band didn't respond to her on Twitter. The woman posted a photo of a chihuahua being choked, demanding the members of One Direction to "FOLLOW ME OR I'LL BREAK MY DOG'S NECK." After a couple weeks with no response, she posted a photo of her with a seemingly dead dog and the caption, "I LOVE YOU PLEASE FOLLOW ME MY DOG JUST DIED." This is obviously incredibly disturbing-- but, fortunately, it's starting to look like a hoax. The woman has also posted similar tweets, with fairly absurd pictures, threatening to kill her mom and blend her cat if One Direction doesn't follow her. Regardless of the story's truth, angry 1D fans have started a petition to imprison her. What a world we live in. (via The Daily Mail. Their pictures are a little NSFW and also just fucked up.)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on September 18, 2013, 01:51:32 am
Woman stabs roommate who refuses to stop listening to the Eagles:

http://gawker.com/woman-stabs-roommate-for-refusing-to-stop-listening-to-1335462841
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 18, 2013, 08:15:40 am
Who hasn't done that at least once?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on September 20, 2013, 11:47:17 am
Robert Pollard To Release Six New Records
http://adhoc.fm/post/robert-pollard-release-six-new-records-shares-trac/
Quote
"Prolific" isn't adequate to describe Robert Pollard. Hot off the heels of the very-good Honey Locust Honky Tonk, he's pulled a Robert Pollard and announced six forthcoming releases with his various projects, all slated for the next few months. There'll be two solo 7"s, a solo LP, a couple Circus Devils LPs, and, finally, another new Guided By Voices LP. Although listening to every Pollard release became an impossible (and largely unnecessary) task over a decade ago, everything he touches still manages to turn at least partially to gold. I suppose we'll have to keep using "prolific" until the ultra-prolific Pollard branches out into writing doctrines on semantics. Listen to one of the 7"s via Stereogum. Details about the new releases are after the jump.

Robert Pollard-- "Tonight's The Rodeo," out October 15 on GBV Inc.
Robert Pollard-- "Return Of The Drums," out November 26 on Fire and GBV Inc.
Robert Pollard-- Blazing Gentlemen, out December 10 on GBV Inc.
Circus Devils-- When Machines Attack, out October 29 on Happy Jack Rock
Circus Devils-- My Mind Has Seen The White Trick, out October 29 on Happy Jack Rock
Guided By Voices-- Motivational Jumpsuit, out in late February on Fire and GBV Inc.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: atomic on September 20, 2013, 11:51:34 am
Woman stabs roommate who refuses to stop listening to the Eagles:

http://gawker.com/woman-stabs-roommate-for-refusing-to-stop-listening-to-1335462841

She looks mean

(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/190gqnxor5wyfjpg/original.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on September 20, 2013, 11:57:18 am
I can't get the TMZ video to play, but the screen capture shows the straw hat.  These guys are one step away from becoming Civil War re-enactors
Fuck this made me lol
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on September 20, 2013, 11:58:15 am
Woman stabs roommate who refuses to stop listening to the Eagles:

http://gawker.com/woman-stabs-roommate-for-refusing-to-stop-listening-to-1335462841

She looks mean

(http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/190gqnxor5wyfjpg/original.jpg)
Final Words: Fuckin' Skynyrd.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on September 26, 2013, 05:02:13 pm
https://www.aclu.org/blog/religion-belief-racial-justice/judge-sikh-man-remove-rag-or-go-jail
Judge to Sikh Man: Remove ?That Rag? or Go to Jail

Blatant racism like this is one of the reasons I moved away from Louisiana when I was 19 and never moved back.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 30, 2013, 03:52:16 pm
Rob Zombie Complains about Skate Park (http://adhoc.fm/post/rob-zombie-complains-about-skate-park/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 03, 2013, 12:41:49 pm
"My Bloody Valentine's Kevin Shields suggests Britpop was part of a government conspiracy"
http://www.nme.com/news/my-bloody-valentine/73013
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 17, 2013, 02:19:42 pm
Drug Dealer Crushed to Death By His Own Stash
http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/04/drug-dealer-crushed-to-death-by-his-own-stash/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 08, 2013, 09:48:08 pm
(http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-shot-2013-11-08-at-4.09.36-PM.png)
Your New Online Dating Service? EDM-DATE (http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2013/11/08/edmdate)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on November 12, 2013, 07:47:23 pm
SWANTS!

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/celebrity/news/make-swants?src=soc_fcbks
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 13, 2013, 10:46:12 am
http://collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/11/12/fan-blames-michigan-oc-al-borges-for-drunk-driving-charge/

It wasn't me, just to be clear.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 14, 2013, 11:08:08 pm
this gets my vote for blog post of the decade:

http://junkee.com/an-opinion-piece-on-a-controversial-topic/23161

actually, i think the internet can be shut down after this one.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on November 19, 2013, 10:05:43 am


Cunts.

http://www.nme.com/news/arcade-fire/73920 (http://www.nme.com/news/arcade-fire/73920)

Are they aware that U2 will have an album out and will be touring at the same time?  Why do you need The Arcade Fire when U2 are around?  You don't need the back-up quarterback of shit, pretentious music when your starter is healthy.

Enjoy your Nick Cave shows and your thirtysomething delusions.

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on December 04, 2013, 09:25:27 am
Florida theater accidentally screens 'Nymphomaniac' trailer instead of Disney's 'Frozen'

http://www.upi.com/blog/2013/12/03/Florida-theater-accidentally-screens-Nymphomaniac-trailer-instead-of-Disneys-Frozen/7681386117571/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 05, 2013, 04:47:29 pm
Does smoking pot cause man boobs? (http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/05/health/youn-pot-moobs/index.html?hpt=hp_t3)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on December 05, 2013, 06:56:11 pm



Ja Rule Responds To Gay Rumors, Denies Leaving His Wife For Prison Cellmate

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/05/ja-rule-gay_n_4392632.html (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/05/ja-rule-gay_n_4392632.html)


Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 07, 2013, 01:36:29 pm
i only wish this was true:

Kanye West: ?I Am The Next Nelson Mandela?
http://dailycurrant.com/2013/12/06/kanye-west-i-am-the-next-nelson-mandela/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: stevewizzle on December 07, 2013, 08:16:45 pm
Seattleite's celebrate pot legalization (http://blogs.seattletimes.com/today/2013/12/seattle-center-pot-party-draws-hundreds-of-tokers/)

this article is chalk-full of incredible quotes

my favorite: ?I want to tell my grandchildren I was part of this revolution that took the wave across America for the betterment of mankind.?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on December 07, 2013, 09:54:23 pm
http://www.msnbc.com/melissa-harris-perry/ted-cruz-slammed-mandela-tribute

welcome, to the, twilight zone
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 11, 2013, 11:57:04 pm
Man Forced To Watch Concert With His Own Eyes

A thirty-eight year old man from Brisbane was left with no alternative but to watch an entire concert with his eyes, after he mistakenly left his phone at home.

?I was pretty gutted when I realised what I?d done. It?s not every day that you get to look at a video on your phone,? Christian Howard, of Holland Park said. Despite being phoneless, Mr Howard decided to stay on at the concert anyway.

?My mates thought I was crazy. It was pretty weird, I must admit. I had no idea what to do with my hands. And everything seemed really large and vivid. It was almost as if I was actually there?.

Mr Howard said he rushed home after the concert to watch a low-grade recording of the concert on YouTube. ?At least I feel like I?ve got my money?s worth now,? he said.

http://theshovel.com.au/2013/12/09/man-forced-to-watch-concert-through-his-own-eyes/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 12, 2013, 01:50:08 am
Sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela's memorial was a fake
http://www.theverge.com/2013/12/11/5200050/mandela-memorial-interpreter-fake

wow.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on December 12, 2013, 04:40:53 pm
Man Forced To Watch Concert With His Own Eyes

http://theshovel.com.au/2013/12/09/man-forced-to-watch-concert-through-his-own-eyes/

Right, but I think this thread is about when real stuff happens that sounds like the Onion.  Not when other satire sites sound like the Onion.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 13, 2013, 01:35:44 pm
Sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela's memorial was a fake
http://www.theverge.com/2013/12/11/5200050/mandela-memorial-interpreter-fake

wow.

Mandela 'fake' interpreter Thamsanqa Jantjie: I was hallucinating
http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/mandela-fake-interpreter-thamsanqa-jantjie-i-was-hallucinating-1.2460912
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on January 08, 2014, 11:00:15 pm
Insane Clown Posse Sues FBI For Name-Calling

"for categorizing fans, or "juggalos" as gang members".

uh ok
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on January 28, 2014, 06:29:04 pm

I didn't know where to put this but apparently one of the interns at NME.com couldn't detect the sarcasm in Chad Smith's voice:

http://www.nme.com/news/red-hot-chili-peppers/75140 (http://www.nme.com/news/red-hot-chili-peppers/75140)

This was right after he asked whether they had Prince Albert in a can.

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Brian_Wallace on January 31, 2014, 09:37:26 am

"People in the media are so gullible sometimes. We will, however, be performing side one of Rush's '2112.'"

http://www.nme.com/news/red-hot-chili-peppers/75193 (http://www.nme.com/news/red-hot-chili-peppers/75193)

Brian
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on January 31, 2014, 10:18:34 am
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/t1/1662416_10152598579127796_987602290_n.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on January 31, 2014, 10:38:24 am

I didn't know where to put this but apparently one of the interns at NME.com couldn't detect the sarcasm in Chad Smith's voice:

http://www.nme.com/news/red-hot-chili-peppers/75140 (http://www.nme.com/news/red-hot-chili-peppers/75140)

This was right after he asked whether they had Prince Albert in a can.

Brian


As a rule, bands shouldn't do Zeppelin covers.  That being said, Cave In pulled off an amazingly credible cover of Dazed and Confused at the original Black Cat many years ago.   They subsequently did a studio version which sucked ass.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 31, 2014, 03:41:44 pm
http://www.nationaljournal.com/politics/mitt-romney-is-the-2016-republican-front-runner-20140130

Aside from the WTF-ness of these survey results, I love that the writer went with "This is not an 'Onion' story," as the sub-headline.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 08, 2014, 07:47:46 pm
McGruff The Crime Dog gets 16 years for having 1,000 pot plants and a grenade launcher (http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/trending/McGruff-The-Crime-Dog-gets-16-years-for-having-1000-pot-plants-and-a-grenade-launcher.html#jfQb3i8o7mgp28Ro.01)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 08, 2014, 08:10:18 pm
The case against Wub Wub and for Manowar

http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20140208/logan-square/dubstep-concert-canceled-after-ceiling-collapse

Concord Music Hall Ceiling Collapses, Injuring Three

Cellphone footage shows a small amount debris falling from the ceiling as the bass hits. Seconds later a large chunk of the ceiling is dislodged unleashing a large amount of debris along with parts of the ceiling. The concert was canceled shortly after.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 18, 2014, 06:12:33 pm
Billy Corgan to Perform Eight-Hour Ambient Jam Inspired by Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha
http://m.pitchfork.com/news/54028-billy-corgan-to-perform-eight-hour-ambient-jam-inspired-by-hermann-hesses-siddhartha/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Hexenjagd on February 18, 2014, 08:57:25 pm
That would be so cool... Road trip anyone?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 19, 2014, 08:54:27 am
http://www.clashmusic.com/news/so-what-do-mumford-sons-do-with-their-spare-time

So What Do Mumford & Sons Do With Their Spare Time?

Chilling out and forming "rubbish" supergroups, seemingly...

Meanwhile, the band's banjo player Winston Marshall formed a one-night-only supergroup named Salvidor Dali Parton - featuring members of The Vaccines, JEFF the Brotherhood, Apache Relay and Old Crow Medicine Show.

Not that Marcus Mumford was impressed... "Winston went to Nashville and set up a band, played six gigs, recorded a live show and then they broke up, citing artistic differences at the end of the night, after playing six gigs in one night," the singer said.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 19, 2014, 11:05:53 am
that's a very generous use of the term "supergroup"...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Hexenjagd on February 25, 2014, 06:35:08 pm
http://www.capitalgazette.com/blogs/under_the_dome/annapolis-police-chief-cites-hoax-story-in-opposition-to-marijuana/article_97c304e5-b485-5981-9197-9b5f9f5f97e7.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on February 25, 2014, 09:52:05 pm
http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20140225/williamsburg/facial-hair-transplants-growing-amid-hipster-beard-craze-doctors-say
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 26, 2014, 04:12:15 am
http://www.capitalgazette.com/blogs/under_the_dome/annapolis-police-chief-cites-hoax-story-in-opposition-to-marijuana/article_97c304e5-b485-5981-9197-9b5f9f5f97e7.html


excellent.  better than an expert witness: and idiot opponent.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on February 26, 2014, 09:23:22 am
hoax news websites should be banned.  im tired of what people have assumed the masses enjoy as entertainment at the expense of a real effort at journalism.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 26, 2014, 12:03:25 pm
hoax news websites should be banned.  im tired of what people have assumed the masses enjoy as entertainment at the expense of a real effort at journalism.

i think they're great because they show how lazy and/or gullible people are when they are presented with a story that reaffirms their beliefs.  this man is a cop, a detective - how hard is it to google "colorado marijuana 37 overdoses"?  if he read a story titled "heroine cures cancer" i'm pretty damn sure he would have either a) ignored it, or b) tried looking for corroboration or counter-proof. 

ya can't - and shouldn't - believe everything you read...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 26, 2014, 08:26:53 pm
http://www.redeyechicago.com/news/chi-police-man-busted-for-running-meth-lab-again-20140226,0,3535410.story

 Man busted for running meth lab Again...

His mugshot

(http://www.trbimg.com/img-530e3201/turbine/chi-police-man-busted-for-running-meth-lab-aga-001/468/423x468)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on March 10, 2014, 07:22:33 pm
http://gawker.com/the-vladimir-putin-butt-plug-is-now-an-uncomfortable-re-1540451938
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 11, 2014, 07:41:11 am
neil young is selling digital music players (http://www.salon.com/2014/03/10/neil_young_solving_music_snobs_problems_for_399/)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on March 11, 2014, 08:26:37 am
jesus, everything about Neil Young is expensive these days
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on March 11, 2014, 08:53:51 am
get old . . . need money . . . rest homes dont pay for themselves
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 12, 2014, 07:46:53 pm
or you could buy a player with what seems like a better set of specs for about the same price...

http://www.fiio.com.cn/products/index.aspx?ID=100000055517771&MenuID=105026016

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: evilizac on March 13, 2014, 02:53:36 pm
or you could buy a player with what seems like a better set of specs for about the same price...

http://www.fiio.com.cn/products/index.aspx?ID=100000055517771&MenuID=105026016


That does sound cool especially considering the shape, size and functionality of the Ponos player. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 16, 2014, 04:48:35 pm
Fans sue Boise arena because ?large? beer is same size as ?regular? (video)


In a lawsuit that is going to prompt measuring experiments among members of the beer-drinking segment of the sports-going public ? which is to say, almost all of it ? hockey fans in Idaho contend that they were the victims of fraud when they were sold a $7 beer that purportedly is larger than a $4 beer.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp/2014/03/13/fans-sue-boise-arena-because-large-beer-is-same-size-as-small-video/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on March 16, 2014, 04:58:44 pm
Regardless of the finding that the two beers were the same size, the odd thing to me was that the 16 oz beer is $4 and the 20 oz beer is $7. It's like you're paying $3 for an extra 4 ozs. Why not just but two 16 oz beers for $8?


Fans sue Boise arena because ?large? beer is same size as ?regular? (video)


In a lawsuit that is going to prompt measuring experiments among members of the beer-drinking segment of the sports-going public ? which is to say, almost all of it ? hockey fans in Idaho contend that they were the victims of fraud when they were sold a $7 beer that purportedly is larger than a $4 beer.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp/2014/03/13/fans-sue-boise-arena-because-large-beer-is-same-size-as-small-video/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 16, 2014, 06:18:39 pm
Could be a serving limit. Also harder to carry two.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 20, 2014, 07:50:03 am
'The Walking Dead' family friendly edited version coming to broadcast

http://insidetv.ew.com/2014/03/19/the-walking-dead-broadcast/

Translation: The characters will wander around aimlessly, occasionally run away from zombies and then discuss their feelings over a campfire.  Oh wail that's the current season of The Walking Dead or Revolution as the article points out.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: atomic on March 20, 2014, 10:15:59 am
Regardless of the finding that the two beers were the same size, the odd thing to me was that the 16 oz beer is $4 and the 20 oz beer is $7. It's like you're paying $3 for an extra 4 ozs. Why not just but two 16 oz beers for $8?


Fans sue Boise arena because ?large? beer is same size as ?regular? (video)


In a lawsuit that is going to prompt measuring experiments among members of the beer-drinking segment of the sports-going public ? which is to say, almost all of it ? hockey fans in Idaho contend that they were the victims of fraud when they were sold a $7 beer that purportedly is larger than a $4 beer.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp/2014/03/13/fans-sue-boise-arena-because-large-beer-is-same-size-as-small-video/

Maybe their wife limits how much they are allowed to drink in a day.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 14, 2014, 04:26:07 pm
"According to a report on Al Jazeera, terror suspect Abu Zubaydah was the only prisoner to be subjected to all 10 enhanced interrogation methods...[including being] shackled by his wrists to the ceiling of his cell and subjected to an endless loop of loud music...the music used to batter the detainee's senses was by the Red Hot Chili Peppers (http://www.wtop.com/209/3602073/Red-Hot-Chili-Peppers-sick-over-torture-news)."

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: chaz on April 14, 2014, 08:48:41 pm
?I?m forever near a stereo saying, ?What the fuck is this garbage?? And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.?


― Nick Cave
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 14, 2014, 08:52:18 pm
?I?m forever near a stereo saying, ?What the fuck is this garbage?? And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.?


― Nick Cave

translation . . . i wasnt as successful or huge or sold as many albums or filled as many seats or made an lasting impact, like they did, so they must, indeed, suck.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Hexenjagd on April 15, 2014, 10:10:00 am
Us airways tweets plane porn in response to complaint
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/us-airways-just-tweeted-out-one-of-the-most-graphic-things-y?s=mobile
The link is nsfw if you click on the image in the list... Has a censored image shown at first.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Hexenjagd on April 15, 2014, 10:17:57 am
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/04/14/dozens-of-teenagers-are-now-tweeting-bomb-jokes-to-american-airlines/?tid=sm_fb
More twitter/airline weirdness

Teens Tweeting bomb threats to AA...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 15, 2014, 04:26:16 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BlMDetjCYAAqPTL.jpg) (http://dcist.com/2014/04/dc_walmart_will_change_sign_that_al.php)

One of the two new Walmart locations in D.C. will change a sign that informs English speakers they may check out 25 items and Spanish speakers they may check out 20.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: chaz on April 16, 2014, 12:48:25 pm
?I?m forever near a stereo saying, ?What the fuck is this garbage?? And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.?


― Nick Cave

translation . . . i wasnt as successful or huge or sold as many albums or filled as many seats or made an lasting impact, like they did, so they must, indeed, suck.

red hot chili pepper apologist
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 16, 2014, 12:56:59 pm
I like them . . . so sue me
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: heather on April 16, 2014, 02:35:44 pm
?I have never eaten here but their logo is a PENIS WITH A MOUSTACHE. 5 stars.?

http://www.arlnow.com/2014/04/16/despite-ridicule-from-yelp-reviewers-ballston-cafe-keeps-phallic-sign/ (http://www.arlnow.com/2014/04/16/despite-ridicule-from-yelp-reviewers-ballston-cafe-keeps-phallic-sign/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: chaz on April 16, 2014, 02:57:51 pm
I like them . . . so sue me
my condolences
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on April 16, 2014, 04:19:40 pm
https://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/kate-upton-wishes-she-had-smaller-boobs-141200322.html

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 17, 2014, 10:30:41 am
apparently DC is full of dorks, ebcause kickball is popular.  so here is some social guidance on how to behave on a kickball team:

Adult Kickball Team Email: Please Don't Fuck Your Teammates Yet
http://deadspin.com/adult-kickball-team-email-please-dont-fuck-your-teamma-1564098194
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 17, 2014, 02:00:52 pm
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/04/17/study-people-of-color-breathe-air-that-is-38-percent-more-polluted-than-white-peoples/

even air, is racist.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on April 17, 2014, 02:03:21 pm
apparently DC is full of dorks, ebcause kickball is popular.  so here is some social guidance on how to behave on a kickball team:

Adult Kickball Team Email: Please Don't Fuck Your Teammates Yet
http://deadspin.com/adult-kickball-team-email-please-dont-fuck-your-teamma-1564098194
I laughed so hard at this.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on April 21, 2014, 03:09:24 pm
One mans quest to purchase every copy of Speed on VHS and to build a mobile museum to display them explained thru simplistic Freudian archetypes.

http://m.vice.com/read/this-guy-is-trying-to-collect-every-single-copy-of-the-movie-speed-on-vhs
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 21, 2014, 08:59:56 pm
virginia, is for, white eggs

http://gawker.com/white-supremacists-sabotage-kids-easter-eggs-with-racis-1565747901
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: stevewizzle on April 28, 2014, 09:47:10 pm
Runaway beer blimp loose over New Brunswick

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/new-brunswick/runaway-beer-blimp-loose-over-new-brunswick-1.2624506
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 05, 2014, 10:26:28 pm
U2 Fouls The Air In California (http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/05/us/california-ground-stop-spy-plane-computer/index.html?hpt=hp_t2)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: bellenseb on May 06, 2014, 11:28:35 am

One Direction Management Fails To See Humor In "One Erection" Condoms

http://www.hypebot.com/hypebot/2014/05/one-direction-management-fails-to-see-humor-in-one-erection-condoms.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on May 06, 2014, 01:57:42 pm
Man in Florida is attempting to legally marry his laptop that is filled with porn:

http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/florida-gay-marriage-troll/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 07, 2014, 08:58:46 pm
How to Be Cool: 5 Research-Backed Tips (http://time.com/82905/how-to-be-cool-5-research-backed-tips/?hpt=hp_t3)

Brought to you by Time Magazine
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 08, 2014, 02:10:17 am
go ahead, tell me this doesn't belong here:

Mtley Cre's Tommy Lee Will Drum on the Smashing Pumpkins' Next Album
http://pitchfork.com/news/55101-motley-crues-tommy-lee-will-drum-on-the-smashing-pumpkins-next-album/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 12, 2014, 07:55:01 pm
$50 ferris wheel ride coming to National Harbor (http://www.wjla.com/articles/2014/05/capital-wheel-at-national-harbor-set-to-open-to-the-public-on-may-23-103036.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on May 12, 2014, 09:27:10 pm
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/cher-wu-tang-collaborate-for-two-songs-on-secret-album-20140507

do you believe in life after . . .  old dirty bastard.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on May 28, 2014, 01:43:40 pm
GWARbar!

http://eater.com/archives/2014/05/28/gwar-launches-campaign-to-raise-funds-for-gwarbar.php
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 29, 2014, 12:02:09 pm
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/t1.0-9/10406913_10202132464983335_3843049451513733002_n.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Hexenjagd on June 03, 2014, 04:13:44 pm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/06/03/the-complete-terrifying-history-of-slender-man-the-internet-meme-that-compelled-two-12-year-olds-to-stab-their-friend/
"The complete, terrifying history of ?Slender Man,? the Internet meme that compelled two 12-year-olds to stab their friend"

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Slender_Man

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/two-12-year-old-girls-stabbed-their-friend-19-times-saying-i
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 03, 2014, 06:00:39 pm
Prince At The French Open With A Scepter
http://deadspin.com/prince-at-the-french-open-with-a-scepter-1584735274
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 03, 2014, 06:02:46 pm
Prince At The French Open With A Scepter
http://deadspin.com/prince-at-the-french-open-with-a-scepter-1584735274
We almost need a When Reality Infringes On Julian's America thread for stuff like this.

Almost.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 03, 2014, 08:52:21 pm
Prince At The French Open With A Scepter
http://deadspin.com/prince-at-the-french-open-with-a-scepter-1584735274
We almost need a When Reality Infringes On Julian's America thread for stuff like this.

Almost.

sweetcell likes this.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on June 03, 2014, 09:01:43 pm
im not sure what i hate more . . . princes gay hair, princes gay scepter, princes gay glasses, or princes gay high school mustache.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 03, 2014, 11:47:44 pm
im not sure what i hate more . . . princes gay hair, princes gay scepter, princes gay glasses, or princes gay high school mustache.

or the fact that prince isn't actually gay, so he's appropriating all those stereotypes?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on June 04, 2014, 08:59:38 am
ive always felt, that prince, would have sex, with anything that moved.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 05, 2014, 06:00:28 pm
Sorry for crossposting  ;D

AXL ROSE CONFIRMS TWO NEW GUNS N' ROSES ALBUMS

Is EDM's next big star Axl Rose?

Probably not, but the Gun N' Roses frontman has confirmed not one, but two new GN'R albums are in the works, including a Chinese Democracy remix album. We have no idea what that entails but it's safe to say we're VERY curious.

continued: http://www.fuse.tv/2014/06/new-guns-n-roses-albums
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 05, 2014, 06:35:43 pm
lol
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 06, 2014, 07:11:52 pm
Boy tried as an adult as a result of a large penis
http://mobi.iafrica.com/world-news/2014/06/06/teen-charged-as-adult-due-to-big-penis/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 07, 2014, 03:17:13 pm
Headbanging Can Cause Brain Damage? (http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2014/07/07/headbang-brain)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 21, 2014, 02:51:24 pm
Nude Beach Blow Job Jet Ski Fight Leads to Wife?s Death
http://gawker.com/nude-beach-blow-job-jet-ski-fight-leads-to-wife-s-death-1608253016

... oh my.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 22, 2014, 08:32:13 am
George Harrison Memorial Tree Killed by Actual Beetles (http://www.spin.com/articles/george-harrison-memorial-tree-killed-beetles-beatles/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on July 25, 2014, 05:39:13 pm
Guy in England creates giant "fart machine" to fire at France (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/comedy/10985111/British-inventor-builds-giant-fart-machine-to-fire-at-France.html)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 29, 2014, 11:33:26 pm
Candlelight Red Confirm Departure of Frontman Ryan Hoke (http://loudwire.com/candlelight-red-split-with-frontman-ryan-hoke/)

But who cares. Here is what it looked like in fb (I don't follow it; a friend commented on it and it appeared in my feed):

(https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5566/14595890468_e80fd9c97f_o.jpg)


This really made me think that Loudwire is yet another media parody.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 30, 2014, 11:03:52 am
Jetstar apologises after crew member advises passengers to flush their drugs (http://www.smh.com.au/travel/travel-incidents/jetstar-apologises-after-crew-member-advises-passengers-to-flush-their-drugs-20140730-3csuy.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 30, 2014, 11:13:08 am
Boy suspended for chewing breakfast pastry into a gun shape will get hearing (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/boy-suspended-for-chewing-breakfast-pastry-into-a-gun-shape-will-get-hearing/2013/09/13/8326c878-1bf6-11e3-8685-5021e0c41964_story.html)

Surprised we missed this considering its local.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on August 05, 2014, 08:27:08 pm
http://gawker.com/suspected-juggalos-try-to-cut-off-mans-tattoo-then-set-1616612425
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 10, 2014, 09:38:37 pm
 News Van Broken into while Crew is doing a story on an App that Identifies "Sketchy"  Neighborhoods (http://m.sfgate.com/news/crime/article/DC-news-van-broken-into-while-crew-reporting-story-5678756.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 11, 2014, 05:38:19 pm
New SiriusXM Channel Will Play Pitbull Nonstop? (http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2014/08/11/pitbullxm)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 11, 2014, 05:59:02 pm
New SiriusXM Channel Will Play Pitbull Nonstop? (http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2014/08/11/pitbullxm)

I'm cancelling....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 18, 2014, 09:29:43 am

Facebook to roll out satire tags to protect people from The Onion articles.  (http://ajc.com/fullsite?return=%2Fnews%2Fbusiness%2Ffacebook-tests-satire-tag-protect-users-onion%2Fng4NY%2F)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on August 18, 2014, 09:47:30 am
"to protect people from The Onion"

 ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on August 18, 2014, 11:26:02 am
New SiriusXM Channel Will Play Pitbull Nonstop? (http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/permalink/2014/08/11/pitbullxm)

I'm cancelling....

i give it, six months. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: heather on August 22, 2014, 08:16:35 am
Montgomery landlord is accused of using a paid enforcer for evictions. Police say he paid $1,000 to a 220-pound tree-removal guy named Bunny to force the renters out.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/montgomery-landlord-allegedly-paid-enforcer-for-evictions/2014/08/21/0344f7e6-2939-11e4-958c-268a320a60ce_story.html (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/montgomery-landlord-allegedly-paid-enforcer-for-evictions/2014/08/21/0344f7e6-2939-11e4-958c-268a320a60ce_story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 22, 2014, 01:21:52 pm
nice!  I wonder if I can get Bunny's contact info, I've got some work for him
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 24, 2014, 12:27:36 pm
Suge Knight shot 6 times at Chris Brown?s pre-VMAs party in Los Angeles (http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/suge-knight-shot-6-times-chris-brown-pre-vmas-party-report-article-1.1914946)

The rap mogul was reportedly seriously injured and rushed to the hospital, where he is said to be recovering in ICU. Knight and two others were reportedly the victims of shots said to be aimed at Brown and possibly Justin Bieber. All the victims are expected to recover, the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department said in a statement.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on August 25, 2014, 07:47:53 pm
That Jailed Scott Weiland Impersonator Had a Stone Temple Pilots Cover Band

http://www.spin.com/articles/scott-weiland-impersonator-stone-tempered-pilots-meth-jail/

It was funny when he was in jail four weeks claiming to be Scott Weiland and no one questioned it, this makes it even more orionesque. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 27, 2014, 03:41:00 pm
Child firing Uzi at Arizona shooting range accidentally kills instructor, police say

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/08/26/us/arizona-girl-fatal-shooting-accident/index.html?hpt=hp_c3
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 27, 2014, 03:54:24 pm
Child firing Uzi at Arizona shooting range accidentally kills instructor, police say

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/08/26/us/arizona-girl-fatal-shooting-accident/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Therefore, it's the little girl's fault.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 27, 2014, 04:15:55 pm
Filmed by her father.

Where was the good guy with the gun to prevent this from happening?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on August 27, 2014, 04:36:52 pm
Getting his perfect score, a few ranges down.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 27, 2014, 04:55:28 pm
guys, you all need to stop talking about this tragedy - partially out of respect for the deceased, but mostly because there aren't any arguments that the gun nuts can make right now, and the idiocy of their position is laid bare, and frankly, it's an awkward situation to be in.

thanks.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Relaxer on August 27, 2014, 05:13:01 pm
If only the instructor had been armed before teaching her how to use the gun that she then killed him with, this never would have happened.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 28, 2014, 03:40:28 pm
(http://www.trbimg.com/img-53ff4122/turbine/cg-navyohio-state-under-armour-uniforms-pictur-006/920)

Navy unveils special Storm Trooper uniforms for Ohio State game (http://www.capitalgazette.com/blogs/navy_sports/cg-navy-unveils-special-under-armour-uniforms-for-opener-20140828,0,6131935.story)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on September 09, 2014, 01:49:49 pm
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2736376/Deputy-killed-former-Napster-COO-drifting-bike-lane-distracted-laptop-NOT-face-charges-answering-work-related-email.html
So if you are a cop you can drive while using a COMPUTER, and KILL a guy by drifting into the bike lane; but you will not get into trouble, as long as you were answering a work email?

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on September 09, 2014, 04:13:32 pm
cops, are above, the law.  just ask reno nine, one, one.

and who, are you, anyway?  i smell, a tarp.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 09, 2014, 04:15:20 pm
and who, are you, anyway?  i smell, a tarp.
Its kil,lsa,ly a,k,a, hex,en,jagd,.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on September 09, 2014, 04:22:05 pm
i thought as much.  i enjoyed that comma before the end, period.  good one.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on September 09, 2014, 04:23:32 pm
What?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on September 10, 2014, 05:17:09 pm
http://www.avclub.com/article/cornered-justin-bieber-responds-booing-crowd-takin-209068
"Cornered Justin Bieber responds to booing crowd by taking off clothes"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on September 12, 2014, 04:26:45 pm
http://news.kron4.com/news/teen-could-get-two-years-for-facebook-photos-with-jesus-statue/
Quote
EVERETT, Pennsylvania (KRON) ? A Pennsylvania teenager is facing criminal charges after posting pictures to Facebook of him simulating a sex act with a statue of Jesus.

The young man posted that he took the pictures in late July at the statue of a kneeling Jesus in front of the ?Love in the Name of Christ? Christian organization in his hometown of Everett.

The criminal charge, which will be heard in family court, consists of ?Desecration of a Venerated Object.?

Pennsylvania law defines desecration as ?Defacing, damaging, polluting or otherwise, physically mistreating in a way that the actor knows will outrage the sensibilities of persons likely to observe or discover the action.?

The teen, whose name has not been released, could face up to two years in a juvenile jail if convicted.

(Copyright 2014, KRON 4, All rights reserved.)
(http://news.kron4.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/desecration.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 12, 2014, 04:45:04 pm
http://news.kron4.com/news/teen-could-get-two-years-for-facebook-photos-with-jesus-statue/
Quote
EVERETT, Pennsylvania (KRON) ? A Pennsylvania teenager is facing criminal charges after posting pictures to Facebook of him simulating a sex act with a statue of Jesus.

i wondered about the constitutionality of such prosecution (first amendment, anyone?) so i started googling around and came across the following bit of legalistic musing on WaPo:

?Desecration ? of venerated objects?
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/09/12/desecration-of-venerated-objects/

sounds like a law profession assigning homework to his class.  what really caught my eye was the closing line of the article:

Quote
[This sentence constitutes the obligatory statuary rape joke.]

WTF?!?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on September 12, 2014, 10:57:57 pm
You, Wondered?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on September 14, 2014, 03:37:31 pm
Mobile Payments Finally a Reality Thanks to Apple (http://techcrunch.com/2014/09/13/mobile-payments-finally-a-reality-thanks-to-apple/?ncid=fb&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=fb&utm_content=FaceBook)

Um.....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on September 14, 2014, 04:56:46 pm
Kanye West stops concert, singles out audience members to stand up ? except one is in a wheelchair

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/09/14/kanye-west-stops-concert-singles-out-audience-members-to-stand-up-except-one-is-in-a-wheelchair/?hpid=z5


Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on September 15, 2014, 12:03:58 pm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/09/15/urban-outfitters-red-stained-vintage-kent-state-sweatshirt-is-not-a-smart-look-this-fall/
Urban Outfitters apologizes for its blood-red-stained Kent State sweatshirt

CYA - Cover Your Ass
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 15, 2014, 12:20:21 pm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/09/15/urban-outfitters-red-stained-vintage-kent-state-sweatshirt-is-not-a-smart-look-this-fall/
Urban Outfitters apologizes for its blood-red-stained Kent State sweatshirt

CYA - Cover Your Ass

Does anyone in the target demographic for Urban Outfitters even know about what happened at Kent State? This would be edgy... thirty years ago.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on September 18, 2014, 12:37:08 pm
U2 and Apple working on "Secret Project" to save the music industry
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on September 18, 2014, 12:40:31 pm
LOL
Quote
"The point isn't just to help U2 but less well known artists and others in the industry who can't make money, as U2 does, from live performance. 'Songwriters aren't touring people,' says Bono. 'Cole Porter wouldn't have sold T-shirts. Cole Porter wasn't coming to a stadium near you.'"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 18, 2014, 12:41:21 pm
U2 and Apple working on "Secret Project" to save the music industry
I have the scoop: its the iGlasses. Apple's version of Google Glass that automatically runs all guitar sounds through shitty effects pedals and poorly translates lyrics into Portuguese. Unlike Google Glass, they're permanently welded to your head so people know what a douche you are 24/7.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 18, 2014, 12:55:33 pm
Boy engages in elaborate catfishing scheme, convinces peer to kill him (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/manchester/3758209.stm)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on September 18, 2014, 01:01:10 pm
Bono's sentiment is a breath of fresh air compared to usual tech writers BS that all music should be free because all musicians make their touring and via t-Shirt sales.  There is no easy fix and Bono needs to take off the rose colored glasses.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 18, 2014, 01:06:17 pm
Bono's sentiment is a breath of fresh air compared to usual tech writers BS that all music should be free because all musicians make their touring and via t-Shirt sales. 
I agree with that completely but its obnoxious coming from a guy whose band makes half a billion per tour. I wish the Future Islands, and Death Cab For Cuties, and Waxahatchees had the courage to step up and talk about how music is damaged by file sharing and how it literally takes food out of their mouths.

But coming from Bono its just a total wank. Its like John Lennon singing "imagine no possessions," a song he wrote in his NYC penthouse that was retrofitted with a walk-in humidor for his fur coats. Its totally the wrong messenger.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 19, 2014, 01:21:07 pm
kid-rock-subpoenaed-to-produce-glass-dildo-as-evidence-in-insane-clown-posse-lawsuit (http://www.stereogum.com/1693871/kid-rock-subpoenaed-to-produce-glass-dildo-as-evidence-in-insane-clown-posse-lawsuit/news/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 19, 2014, 01:43:31 pm
kid-rock-subpoenaed-to-produce-glass-dildo-as-evidence-in-insane-clown-posse-lawsuit (http://www.stereogum.com/1693871/kid-rock-subpoenaed-to-produce-glass-dildo-as-evidence-in-insane-clown-posse-lawsuit/news/)
Shut it down. Thread over. It's all downhill from here. Nothing is more When Reality Reflects The Onion than that.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 07, 2014, 10:56:49 am
Woman turns herself in to get unflattering photo off police Facebook page

Don?t you just hate it when an unflattering photo of you ends up online?

So does Monica Hargrove, and she did what any of us might do: The 34-year-old called the person who had posted the offending image and asked that it be taken down.

But the person tagging her on Facebook wasn?t a friend. It was the Columbus police, who had a warrant for her arrest on an aggravated-robbery charge.

The division?s public-information team posted Hargrove?s mug shot on Sept. 10 on its Facebook page with a description of the charge: On Aug. 30, police said, she gave a friend a ride to a pharmacy to pick up a prescription and then robbed the friend.

Hargrove called police and said she wanted her picture taken off the page. The detective said sure, just come on down to headquarters. She did and was promptly locked up.

She since has been indicted on robbery, aggravated-robbery and kidnapping charges.

In the end, though, she did get her way: Her photo is gone from the Police Division?s Facebook page.

http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2014/10/07/vanity-carries-high-price-for-woman.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 07, 2014, 11:22:30 am
I've a friend who is a police officer in NY and they very often make fake profiles of cute girls and track what 'perps' are up to. So be careful who ya 'friend'.  Still can't get JF to accept my invite :(
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 07, 2014, 12:49:45 pm
I've a friend who is a police officer in NY and they very often make fake profiles of cute girls and track what 'perps' are up to. So be careful who ya 'friend'.  Still can't get JF to accept my invite :(
why would you want to be james fords FB friend? What about him makes you go "hey I would like more of this in another venue?" His crass, assholeish condescension?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on October 07, 2014, 12:56:26 pm
Thank goodness the guy wasnt home or he might be dead.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/10/07/us/georgia-okra-marijuana-raid/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 07, 2014, 01:29:57 pm
I've a friend who is a police officer in NY and they very often make fake profiles of cute girls and track what 'perps' are up to. So be careful who ya 'friend'.  Still can't get JF to accept my invite :(
why would you want to be james fords FB friend? What about him makes you go "hey I would like more of this in another venue?" His crass, assholeish condescension?
the irony was lost there....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 07, 2014, 03:06:53 pm
Lab grown Penises ready to be tested (http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/laboratory-grown-penises-ready-be-tested-humans)

"The team has already engineered six human penises that are ready for transplantation...the researchers hope that they could be used all over the world to help people..."

anyone need some help?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 10, 2014, 12:01:14 pm
Chris Pronger hired by NHL to oversee player safety, discipline (http://espn.go.com/nhl/story/_/id/11672459/nhl-hire-chris-pronger-player-safety-department)

Are you fucking kidding me? This is tantamount to the NBA naming Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson Fan Experience Liasons.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 10, 2014, 01:00:15 pm
Chris Pronger hired by NHL to oversee player safety, discipline (http://espn.go.com/nhl/story/_/id/11672459/nhl-hire-chris-pronger-player-safety-department)

Are you fucking kidding me? This is tantamount to the NBA naming Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson Fan Experience Liasons.

"Pronger during his playing career was among the more outspoken NHL players and was respected for his intelligent opinions on a number of matters."

this isn't a reflection of the Onion, this IS the Onion.  fucking hell.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 10, 2014, 01:30:26 pm
his intelligent opinions on a number of matters...
TIL sociopathic grinning in response to press questions about your battery of countless other human beings constitutes "intelligent opinion on a number of matters".
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on October 10, 2014, 01:30:44 pm
Red Bull to Pay $13.5mn Settlement Becasue It Doesn't Actually Give One Wings (http://www.grubstreet.com/2014/10/red-bull-lawsuit-settlement.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 10, 2014, 01:56:39 pm
that link is worth $10! ^^
or $15 worth of RB products
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 10, 2014, 05:05:40 pm
that link is worth millions to some law firm.

but yeay for us, $10!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on October 11, 2014, 01:22:23 pm
i have never tasted red,bull.  am i missing, out?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 11, 2014, 01:51:49 pm
i have never tasted red,bull.  am i missing, out?
Its literally the worst drink I've ever tasted.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on October 11, 2014, 02:47:28 pm
It's like drinking lasers, in a good way.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 12, 2014, 11:47:43 am
(http://media.salon.com/2014/10/10-620x350.jpg)

Fracking company teams up with Susan G. Komen, introduces pink drill bits ?for the cure?  (http://www.salon.com/2014/10/08/susan_g_komen_teams_up_with_fracking_company_introduces_pink_drill_bits_for_the_cure/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 13, 2014, 04:13:15 pm
Parrot missing for years returns speaking Spanish (http://wtop.com/681/3721310/Parrot-missing-for-years-returns-speaking-Spanish)

TORRANCE, Calif. (AP) -- A pet parrot that spoke with a British accent when it disappeared from its home four years ago has been reunited with its owner -- and the bird now speaks Spanish.

The reunion was brought about by a Southern California veterinarian who mistook Nigel, an African gray parrot, for her own missing bird, the Daily Breeze reported Sunday (http://bit.ly/1qU5dU3).
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 14, 2014, 04:08:41 pm
Apple and Facebook are now paying for women employees to freeze their eggs (http://www.theverge.com/2014/10/14/6976295/apple-and-facebook-pay-women-employees-egg-freezing)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: stevewizzle on October 14, 2014, 04:20:11 pm
Apple and Facebook are now paying for women employees to freeze their eggs (http://www.theverge.com/2014/10/14/6976295/apple-and-facebook-pay-women-employees-egg-freezing)

not to be all "that's not a random thought!", but that doesn't seem all that onion-y.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 14, 2014, 04:29:39 pm
not to be all "that's not a random thought!", but that doesn't seem all that onion-y.

Oh really?

The Onion already has quotes (http://www.theonion.com/articles/facebook-apple-paying-for-female-employees-to-free,37180/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: stevewizzle on October 14, 2014, 04:31:50 pm
well now you're just cheating.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 14, 2014, 04:40:15 pm
well now you're just cheating.

Truthfully, I saw it on FB via The Verge with the headline "Not the Onion"

Then Hoya posted the Onion piece on FB.... 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 16, 2014, 03:11:31 pm
Which CNN anchor are you? (http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2014/10/specials/quiz-roots-which-cnn-anchor-are-you/?hpt=hp_c3)

A quiz brought to you by CNN  ::)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on October 16, 2014, 03:15:51 pm
ha...
    You report like
    Dr. Sanjay Gupta
    Sanjay Gupta, MD Sat. 4:30PM ET

    You watch movies like
    Anderson Cooper
    AC360 8PM ET

    You eat like
    Don Lemon
    CNN Tonight 10PM ET
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on October 22, 2014, 08:17:21 am
Toys R Us pulls "Breaking Bad" dolls

http://www.wric.com/story/26854979/toys-r-us-pulls-breaking-bad-dolls

Quote
The dolls are based on the series about Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher who turns into a crystal meth dealer, and his sidekick Jesse Pinkman. The figures have a detachable bag of cash and a bag of methamphetamines.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 22, 2014, 08:44:14 am
Taylor Swift Releases 8 Seconds of White Noise, Jumps To Top of Canadian Itunes Chart (http://www.cbc.ca/newsblogs/yourcommunity/2014/10/taylor-swift-accidentally-releases-8-seconds-of-white-noise-tops-canadian-itunes-chart.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 22, 2014, 08:49:20 am
Toys R Us pulls "Breaking Bad" dolls

http://www.wric.com/story/26854979/toys-r-us-pulls-breaking-bad-dolls

Quote
The dolls are based on the series about Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher who turns into a crystal meth dealer, and his sidekick Jesse Pinkman. The figures have a detachable bag of cash and a bag of methamphetamines.

Best quote in this was: On Monday, Bryan Cranston, the actor who played White, responded to the controversy, tweeting, "I'm so mad. I am burning my Florida mom action figure in protest."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 22, 2014, 09:59:24 am
Taylor Swift Releases 8 Seconds of White Noise, Jumps To Top of Canadian Itunes Chart (http://www.cbc.ca/newsblogs/yourcommunity/2014/10/taylor-swift-accidentally-releases-8-seconds-of-white-noise-tops-canadian-itunes-chart.html)

"John Cage did it first, 4'33."

that story is incredible.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on October 24, 2014, 09:53:43 pm
http://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/camel-maker-reynolds-snuffs-out-workplace-smoking-n232216
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 25, 2014, 12:38:14 am
Man Calls a Suicide Prevention Hotline, SWAT Team Shows Up and Kills Him
http://thefreethoughtproject.com/call-suicide-prevention-hotline-killed-swat-team/

(still not sure how legit & impartial this site is... but it's a good story, bro)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 25, 2014, 01:01:30 pm
Man Calls a Suicide Prevention Hotline, SWAT Team Shows Up and Kills Him
http://thefreethoughtproject.com/call-suicide-prevention-hotline-killed-swat-team/

(still not sure how legit & impartial this site is... but it's a good story, bro)

Okay, so if I'm feeling suicidal, don't call the suicide hotline. Got it...  :-\
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 25, 2014, 09:21:40 pm
local fox news on the incident (http://fox13now.com/2014/10/21/standoff-in-roy-ends-in-officer-involved-shooting-officials-say/)
So local news corroborated the story as a suicide by cop ultimately
but it does have a very Onion'esque feel too it
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 25, 2014, 11:57:53 pm
local fox news on the incident (http://fox13now.com/2014/10/21/standoff-in-roy-ends-in-officer-involved-shooting-officials-say/)
So local news corroborated the story as a suicide by cop ultimately

"The case is being investigated as a suicide by cop" - they're looking at it that way, but it isn't corroborated.  and it's rather convenient for the cops to claim this...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on October 26, 2014, 01:30:46 am
http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/showbiz/2014/10/21/mike-tyson-mysteries-lisas-desk-orig-jtb.cnn.html

Mike Tyson gets a Scooby Doo type show.
"It involves a ghost, a prostitute-loving pigeon and a cartoon version of Tyson himself"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 27, 2014, 12:56:24 pm
Al-Quida Free Terror Network Closes LAX (http://abc7.com/news/lax-flight-delayed-after-wifi-hotspot-name-prompts-concerns/367110/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 28, 2014, 02:23:51 pm
Man cleared of owning 'extreme porn' after tiger in sex video revealed to be man in costume (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/man-cleared-porn-possession-tiger-sex-video-revealed-costume-article-1.1989701)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on October 30, 2014, 09:44:02 am
The man who invented the legendary game "Operation" (http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/10/29/359915688/inventor-of-operation-game-says-he-cant-afford-his-own-operation) says he can't afford his own operation. Two friends of his heard about this and decided to launch a crowdfunding project to try to help him out.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on October 30, 2014, 10:00:23 am
Tripping on magic mushrooms may actually free the mind, a new study says.
 (http://www.businessinsider.com/magic-mushrooms-change-brain-connections-2014-10)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 02, 2014, 11:35:04 pm

Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 03, 2014, 12:32:54 am
^chutzpah
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 03, 2014, 12:58:45 am

Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)

The first 3/4 of that article is 100% irrelevant to the discussion at hand.  The last 1/4 is more opinion and conjecture than anything else.  I don't at all know the underlying legal issues being challenged, but it will be very interesting to see what the court has to say about this and their justification for whatever their decision is.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 03, 2014, 10:46:03 am

Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)

The first 3/4 of that article is 100% irrelevant to the discussion at hand.  The last 1/4 is more opinion and conjecture than anything else.  I don't at all know the underlying legal issues being challenged, but it will be very interesting to see what the court has to say about this and their justification for whatever their decision is.

Snyder is a dick. No conjecture about that....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 03, 2014, 02:11:54 pm

Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)

The first 3/4 of that article is 100% irrelevant to the discussion at hand.  The last 1/4 is more opinion and conjecture than anything else.  I don't at all know the underlying legal issues being challenged, but it will be very interesting to see what the court has to say about this and their justification for whatever their decision is.

Snyder is a dick. No conjecture about that....

I have no idea who Snyder is.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on November 03, 2014, 02:31:22 pm

Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)

The first 3/4 of that article is 100% irrelevant to the discussion at hand.  The last 1/4 is more opinion and conjecture than anything else.  I don't at all know the underlying legal issues being challenged, but it will be very interesting to see what the court has to say about this and their justification for whatever their decision is.

Snyder is a dick. No conjecture about that....

I have no idea who Snyder is.

He's the douchebag that likes to sue people who don't say nice things about him. Not because the not-nice things are not true, but because Snyder has deep pockets and he can saddle his not-as-wealthy opponents with unsustainable expenses defending themselves, thus forcing them to be quiet.  That's why he isn't appealing the court ruling against him but instead taking the very unusual route of going after the five native Americans who initially complained to the Patent Office about the name.  He can threaten to bankrupt them with legal fees.

http://deadspin.com/5838709/dan-snyder-is-suing-washington-city-paper-over-a-story-he-has-never-read

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/07/business/media/07carr.html


Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: James Ford on November 03, 2014, 02:32:32 pm
Apparently the guy who hasn't read a book since 1980 hasn't read a newspaper since then either.


Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)

The first 3/4 of that article is 100% irrelevant to the discussion at hand.  The last 1/4 is more opinion and conjecture than anything else.  I don't at all know the underlying legal issues being challenged, but it will be very interesting to see what the court has to say about this and their justification for whatever their decision is.

Snyder is a dick. No conjecture about that....

I have no idea who Snyder is.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 04, 2014, 06:23:43 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B1oTQJVIIAA34Ny.jpg:large)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 04, 2014, 06:35:04 pm
Apparently the guy who hasn't read a book since 1980 hasn't read a newspaper since then either.


Washington Redskins File Lawsuit Against Native Americans For Suggesting Team Name Is Offensive (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/11/01/washington-redskins-file-lawsuit-against-native-americans-suggesting-team-name-offensive/)

The first 3/4 of that article is 100% irrelevant to the discussion at hand.  The last 1/4 is more opinion and conjecture than anything else.  I don't at all know the underlying legal issues being challenged, but it will be very interesting to see what the court has to say about this and their justification for whatever their decision is.

Snyder is a dick. No conjecture about that....

I have no idea who Snyder is.

What's a newspaper?  I remember my dad talking about that when I was a kid back in the 60s.  :)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 05, 2014, 09:39:43 pm
Any idea as to why the VA election has not bee called yet?  It seems that the lead that Warner's has makes him pretty much a lock. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 05, 2014, 09:44:11 pm
Any idea as to why the VA election has not bee called yet?  It seems that the lead that Warner's has makes him pretty much a lock. 

only thing i can think of is that many absentee ballots have not been counted and maybe a lage number of these are from military so they might skew heavily for gillespie...


i don't get it either...17,000 is a pretty hard number to come back from...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 05, 2014, 11:19:38 pm
Any idea as to why the VA election has not bee called yet?  It seems that the lead that Warner's has makes him pretty much a lock. 

only thing i can think of is that many absentee ballots have not been counted and maybe a large number of these are from military so they might skew heavily for gillespie...


i don't get it either...17,000 is a pretty hard number to come back from...

That may well be it.  I ran a few numbers on the outstanding ballots by locality and I could not come up with the missing 5% so that may well be what is out.  BTW when the led early in the night was about 80k for Gillespie I was thinking 'if this lead hits 100k he has the election won'.  Looks like my estimate was pretty much spot on.

Thanks to everyone who voted no matter what your selection was on any vote.  That's the only way the system works...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 06, 2014, 04:29:13 am
Here is a question for you.  In VA, if an election is decided by % or less, the state will pay for a recount if requested by the potential losing candidate.  That number would be roughly 11,000 votes in this election.  With the difference being 16,727 as of the latest tally, it seems unlikely that Gillespie could catch Warner.  However, it is not far fetched to think he can close to within the 11,000 or so to qualify for a state funded recount.  If the count does end up with a difference should the potential loser (probably Gillespie) request a state funded recount?

Correction, the criteria for a recount at state cost is slightly different from what I suggested above (although looking back my previous statement was ambiguous).  It is not % of the total votes cast in the election for that office, it is % of the votes cast for the candidate involved in the recount.  There are actually three criteria where the recount is state funded...

>> The candidate challenging the results is declared the winner after the recount.
>> The petitioners in a recount of a referendum win the recount.
>> The final margin between the candidate challenging and the candidate winning the recount is not more than 1/2 of 1% of the total votes cast for the two candidates prior to the recount.

Details can be seen at http://www.13newsnow.com/story/news/politics/elections/2013/11/06/how-a-recount-works-in-virginia/14835662/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 06, 2014, 05:39:08 am
It is just amazing that we cannot do better than this as potential leaders of our country.

(http://a57.foxnews.com/www.foxnews.com/images/root_images/0/0/2016ContendersMidterms660250_20141106_042047.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 06, 2014, 10:06:59 am
Here is a question for you.  In VA, if an election is decided by % or less, the state will pay for a recount if requested by the potential losing candidate.  That number would be roughly 11,000 votes in this election.  With the difference being 16,727 as of the latest tally, it seems unlikely that Gillespie could catch Warner.  However, it is not far fetched to think he can close to within the 11,000 or so to qualify for a state funded recount.  If the count does end up with a difference should the potential loser (probably Gillespie) request a state funded recount?

Correction, the criteria for a recount at state cost is slightly different from what I suggested above (although looking back my previous statement was ambiguous).  It is not % of the total votes cast in the election for that office, it is % of the votes cast for the candidate involved in the recount.  There are actually three criteria where the recount is state funded...

>> The candidate challenging the results is declared the winner after the recount.
>> The petitioners in a recount of a referendum win the recount.
>> The final margin between the candidate challenging and the candidate winning the recount is not more than 1/2 of 1% of the total votes cast for the two candidates prior to the recount.

Details can be seen at http://www.13newsnow.com/story/news/politics/elections/2013/11/06/how-a-recount-works-in-virginia/14835662/
Didn't an election fall just inside the 1/2% margin recently in Virginia and the loser conceeded because he did not want the state to pay for it? Its too early in the morning for me to remember who it was, though.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 06, 2014, 11:27:23 am
Here is a question for you.  In VA, if an election is decided by % or less, the state will pay for a recount if requested by the potential losing candidate.  That number would be roughly 11,000 votes in this election.  With the difference being 16,727 as of the latest tally, it seems unlikely that Gillespie could catch Warner.  However, it is not far fetched to think he can close to within the 11,000 or so to qualify for a state funded recount.  If the count does end up with a difference should the potential loser (probably Gillespie) request a state funded recount?

Correction, the criteria for a recount at state cost is slightly different from what I suggested above (although looking back my previous statement was ambiguous).  It is not % of the total votes cast in the election for that office, it is % of the votes cast for the candidate involved in the recount.  There are actually three criteria where the recount is state funded...

>> The candidate challenging the results is declared the winner after the recount.
>> The petitioners in a recount of a referendum win the recount.
>> The final margin between the candidate challenging and the candidate winning the recount is not more than 1/2 of 1% of the total votes cast for the two candidates prior to the recount.

Details can be seen at http://www.13newsnow.com/story/news/politics/elections/2013/11/06/how-a-recount-works-in-virginia/14835662/
Didn't an election fall just inside the 1/2% margin recently in Virginia and the loser conceeded because he did not want the state to pay for it? Its too early in the morning for me to remember who it was, though.

Gillespie will pay for nothing out of his own well-lined pocket. If not the state then his partners in crime.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on November 06, 2014, 02:50:43 pm


In the years after the 9/11 attacks the Central Intelligence Agency searched for novel ways to combat the threat of international terrorism. Some were more novel than others, and none more so than the agency?s partnership with Don Levine, the retired head of research and development at the toy company Hasbro and the creator of G.I. Joe.

To win the hearts and minds of impressionable children in Afghanistan and Pakistan, Mr. Levine was asked to take part in an ?influence operation.? His mission: to develop an Osama bin Laden action figure that projected a negative image of the world?s most wanted terrorist.

The doll, 12 inches tall, presents bin Laden in a white turban, a white four-button robe over a white four-button tunic, off-white pants, and black boots. There are two heads. One shows bin Laden with a stern expression but normal features and skin color. A second head has a demonic red face with black markings and piercing green eyes. The final product would have incorporated both faces in one head, with the first face peeling back to reveal the Satanic bin Laden beneath.


(http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2014/11/05/arts/05artsbeat-osama/05artsbeat-osama-articleInline.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 06, 2014, 03:08:50 pm
Here is a question for you.  In VA, if an election is decided by % or less, the state will pay for a recount if requested by the potential losing candidate.  That number would be roughly 11,000 votes in this election.  With the difference being 16,727 as of the latest tally, it seems unlikely that Gillespie could catch Warner.  However, it is not far fetched to think he can close to within the 11,000 or so to qualify for a state funded recount.  If the count does end up with a difference should the potential loser (probably Gillespie) request a state funded recount?

Correction, the criteria for a recount at state cost is slightly different from what I suggested above (although looking back my previous statement was ambiguous).  It is not % of the total votes cast in the election for that office, it is % of the votes cast for the candidate involved in the recount.  There are actually three criteria where the recount is state funded...

>> The candidate challenging the results is declared the winner after the recount.
>> The petitioners in a recount of a referendum win the recount.
>> The final margin between the candidate challenging and the candidate winning the recount is not more than 1/2 of 1% of the total votes cast for the two candidates prior to the recount.

Details can be seen at http://www.13newsnow.com/story/news/politics/elections/2013/11/06/how-a-recount-works-in-virginia/14835662/
Didn't an election fall just inside the 1/2% margin recently in Virginia and the loser conceeded because he did not want the state to pay for it? Its too early in the morning for me to remember who it was, though.

That may well be.  I do not particularly remember this but it could be.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on November 06, 2014, 03:09:58 pm
Here is a question for you.  In VA, if an election is decided by % or less, the state will pay for a recount if requested by the potential losing candidate.  That number would be roughly 11,000 votes in this election.  With the difference being 16,727 as of the latest tally, it seems unlikely that Gillespie could catch Warner.  However, it is not far fetched to think he can close to within the 11,000 or so to qualify for a state funded recount.  If the count does end up with a difference should the potential loser (probably Gillespie) request a state funded recount?

Correction, the criteria for a recount at state cost is slightly different from what I suggested above (although looking back my previous statement was ambiguous).  It is not % of the total votes cast in the election for that office, it is % of the votes cast for the candidate involved in the recount.  There are actually three criteria where the recount is state funded...

>> The candidate challenging the results is declared the winner after the recount.
>> The petitioners in a recount of a referendum win the recount.
>> The final margin between the candidate challenging and the candidate winning the recount is not more than 1/2 of 1% of the total votes cast for the two candidates prior to the recount.

Details can be seen at http://www.13newsnow.com/story/news/politics/elections/2013/11/06/how-a-recount-works-in-virginia/14835662/
Didn't an election fall just inside the 1/2% margin recently in Virginia and the loser conceeded because he did not want the state to pay for it? Its too early in the morning for me to remember who it was, though.

Gillespie will pay for nothing out of his own well-lined pocket. If not the state then his partners in crime.

Yeah and all other candidates pay their campaign expenses 100% from their personal resources.  How dare Gillespie not foot his own bill!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on November 13, 2014, 07:05:01 pm
www.spin.com/articles/ne-yo-woman-brain-remove-seizure/
"Woman Has Seizures Upon Hearing Ne-Yo, Gets Part of Her Brain Removed to Fix It"
Quote
Maybe you've joked about undergoing elective surgery to get a song out of your head (most recent examples include "Too Many Cooks" and 2012's inescapable "Call Me Maybe"), but Zoey Fennessy, who has seizures whenever she hears any Ne-Yo track, has actually done it. Yes, Fennessey ? who freezes and starts vomiting whenever she hears Ne-Yo (trying like hell to stifle jokes here) ? underwent brain surgery to alleviate her symptoms.

The 26-year-old, who suffers from a rare illness called musicogenic epilepsy and doesn't even dislike Ne-Yo, recently tried to explain her medical phenomenon to the Daily Mail: "[Doctors] are saying it could possibly be something in the tone of his voice, something like that, but it doesn't happen when I hear Usher, or people like him who have a very similar sound," she said. "It is only him, only Ne-Yo."

To help cure her symptoms, doctors removed part of Fennessy's left temporal lobe, which she says has helped to an extent, but she still suffers from seizures when Ne-Yo comes on. Ugh, this is just "So Wrong," Ne-Yo. We're not in any way "Jealous." You're making a woman "So Sick." And it's all "Because of You."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 13, 2014, 09:57:21 pm
I guess her risk assessment skills were also impaired. Brain surgery vs. not listening to Ne-Yo. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 14, 2014, 09:58:19 am
I guess her risk assessment skills were also impaired. Brain surgery vs. not listening to Ne-Yo. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

POTW!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 14, 2014, 11:14:49 am
looks like she went with the Less-brainer approach
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 14, 2014, 05:07:58 pm
Seems like a no-brainer to me.

indeed.  or a half-brainer, at least. 

edit: sidey beat me to it, sorta.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on November 18, 2014, 01:23:04 pm
Benjy, the gay bull of Ireland, has been saved following a worldwide appeal backed by "The Simpsons" (http://www.wtop.com/249/3744990/Gay-bull-Benjy-saved-from-slaughterhouse)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 20, 2014, 05:17:19 pm
From 1781 to 1850, the official name of planet Uranus was "George" (https://www.facebook.com/IFeakingLoveScience/posts/974220379265640:0)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 09, 2014, 10:57:28 am
PR firm named "Strange Fruit" experiences bad PR (http://www.theroot.com/blogs/the_grapevine/2014/12/strange_fruit_pr_firm_vanishes_after_getting_a_history_lesson_from_twitter.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on December 09, 2014, 01:43:54 pm
Man Goes to Jail for Punching a Hole in a Monet Painting Worth $10 Million

http://www.complex.com/style/2014/12/man-goes-to-jail-for-punching-a-hole-in-a-monet-painting-worth-10-million
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 09, 2014, 03:16:35 pm
I guess in good news they  fixed it (http://www.fineartconnoisseur.com/Vandalized-Monet-Painting-Receives-Radical-Restora/19336527)
although they don't put a price on it's current value, but just to be safe it's behind a thin layer of glass
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on December 09, 2014, 06:16:24 pm
http://gothamist.com/2014/12/09/apple_store_williamsburg.php
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on December 09, 2014, 08:14:14 pm
What would you rather see on any street of any major city?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on December 09, 2014, 08:32:29 pm
So the official blog of gentrifying hipsters is complaining about the gentrification of a hipster neighborhood?  Now that's META.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 09, 2014, 08:34:04 pm
So the official blog of gentrifying hipsters is complaining about the gentrification of a hipster neighborhood?  Now that's META.
Yeah, see! Someone gets how you use META. Only took a year.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on December 10, 2014, 01:14:44 am
Hallmark Recalls Hanukkah Wrapping Paper Featuring Swastikas (http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/2014/12/hallmark-recalls-hanukkah-gift-wrapping-because-swastika)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on December 10, 2014, 06:16:55 am
So the official blog of gentrifying hipsters is complaining about the gentrification of a hipster neighborhood?  Now that's META.
Yeah, see! Someone gets how you use META. Only took a year.

And it only took a year for the term to be used correctly anywhere ion these forums, even in the title of threads.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 10, 2014, 10:21:09 am
So the official blog of gentrifying hipsters is complaining about the gentrification of a hipster neighborhood?  Now that's META.
Yeah, see! Someone gets how you use META. Only took a year.

And it only took a year for the term to be used correctly anywhere ion these forums, even in the title of threads.
How has my use of it been incorrect?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 12, 2014, 12:36:06 am
See...Congress is racist!

A new provision was added requiring that food assistance to low income families include an explicit requirement for white potatoes.

omnibus bill makes it through congress (http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/10/politics/policy-riders-spending-bill/)

and as I predited the day DC voters passed it...house republicans will repeal it...by blocking new marijuana legalization bill in D.C.
I just hope the democrats got something good in return for that obvisous sacrificial lamb

but we picked the incandescent light-bulb over the sage grouse!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 12, 2014, 09:43:53 am
A new provision was added requiring that food assistance to low income families include an explicit requirement for white potatoes.
I, for one, appluad Congress for standing up and making their dislike of the local NFL team's name known.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 12, 2014, 10:37:06 am
nice...didn't even see that angle!  they are a crafty bunch
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on December 13, 2014, 05:07:54 pm
Greenpeace Damages Environment while Protesting Damage to the Environment (http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/12/13/world/americas/peru-is-indignant-after-greenpeace-makes-its-mark-on-ancient-site.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on December 15, 2014, 03:24:31 pm
'Don't Jerk And Drive' Campaign Pulled

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/13/dont-jerk-and-drive_n_6319968.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 15, 2014, 03:50:03 pm
'Don't Jerk And Drive' Campaign Pulled

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/13/dont-jerk-and-drive_n_6319968.html
funny the related article at the bottom of that page was :
Robot Handjobs Are The Future, And The Future Is Coming (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/robot-handjobs-vr-tenga_n_4261161.html)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on December 16, 2014, 10:37:00 am
'Don't Jerk And Drive' Campaign Pulled

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/13/dont-jerk-and-drive_n_6319968.html
funny the related article at the bottom of that page was :
Robot Handjobs Are The Future, And The Future Is Coming (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/12/robot-handjobs-vr-tenga_n_4261161.html)


..Coming.... Hard.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 18, 2014, 12:48:27 pm
Virginia State Senator gets charged with statutory rape and child pornography, pleads to delinquency of a minor, is sentenced to 6 months in jail, originally refuses to resign his seat before ultimately agreeing to do so, then announces plans to run for the seat he is vacating in the upcoming special election FROM JAIL. (http://wtvr.com/2014/12/18/joe-morrissey-resigns-from-general-assembly-but-will-run-for-special-election/)

Virginia, folks, Virginia.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on December 18, 2014, 03:03:05 pm
POLICE: MAN LIT JOINT, UNDRESSED, AND DEFECATED INSIDE POLICE STATION (http://6abc.com/news/police-man-lit-joint-undressed-and-defecated-inside-police-station/440606/)

An Upper Darby man is facing charges after allegedly walking into a police station and lighting up a joint, then undressing, defecating on the floor, then smearing his waste on the walls.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on December 18, 2014, 10:33:50 pm
President Obama Signs No Social Security for Nazis Act (http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/president-signs-legislation-ending-nazi-benefit-checks/ar-BBgY8Wf?ocid=UP97DHP)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on December 19, 2014, 01:47:02 am
Virginia State Senator gets charged with statutory rape and child pornography, pleads to delinquency of a minor, is sentenced to 6 months in jail, originally refuses to resign his seat before ultimately agreeing to do so, then announces plans to run for the seat he is vacating in the upcoming special election FROM JAIL. (http://wtvr.com/2014/12/18/joe-morrissey-resigns-from-general-assembly-but-will-run-for-special-election/)

Virginia, folks, Virginia.

Not saying that in this case it SHOULD be allowed by law, but anyone who has the legal right to run is more than welcome to do so.  The bigger question would be seeing if the voters in his district are as idiotic as the DC voters who put Berry back in as mayor!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 19, 2014, 09:41:51 am
The bigger question would be seeing if the voters in his district are as idiotic as the DC voters who put Berry back in as mayor!
Look how gerrymandered the districts are. They probably will! And I made the Marion Berry comparison to someone on FB yesterday, good call.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on December 19, 2014, 10:09:30 am
I thought the age of consent in Virginia was 15.

Where's vansmack?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 19, 2014, 10:23:37 am
I thought the age of consent in Virginia was 15.

Where's vansmack?
It's 18 with a Romeo and Juliet clause for 15-17.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on December 19, 2014, 10:59:40 am
POLICE: MAN LIT JOINT, UNDRESSED, AND DEFECATED INSIDE POLICE STATION (http://6abc.com/news/police-man-lit-joint-undressed-and-defecated-inside-police-station/440606/)

An Upper Darby man is facing charges after allegedly walking into a police station and lighting up a joint, then undressing, defecating on the floor, then smearing his waste on the walls.

'Higgs was taken to a mental health facility where it was determined that he was high on drugs.'

Shocker.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on December 25, 2014, 10:05:32 pm
Artist Who Made A Canoe Shaped Like Her Vagina Charged For Obscenity In Japan

www.buzzfeed.com/franciswhittaker/vagina-junction-whats-your-artistic-function
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on December 28, 2014, 04:35:16 pm
Italian Circus Paints Puppies And Calls Them Pandas
http://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/fake-panda-cubs-cause-outrage
(http://i.imgur.com/RjVQ3Fk.jpg?1)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on December 29, 2014, 12:23:12 pm
President of Argentina adopts Jewish godson to 'stop him turning into a werewolf'

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/president-of-argentina-adopts-jewish-godson-to-stop-him-turning-into-a-werewolf-9946414.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 29, 2014, 12:41:47 pm
excellent!
I'm sure Hutch will get a kick out of this

"According to Argentinian folklore, the seventh son born to a family turns into the feared ?el lobison?.

The werewolf-like creature shows its true nature on the first Friday after boy?s 13th birthday, the legend says, turning the boy into a demon at midnight during every full moon, doomed to hunt and kill before returning to human form.

As well as feeding on excrement, unbaptized babies, and the flesh of the recently dead, the lobison was said to be unnaturally strong and able to spread its curse with a bite.

Fear of the lobison was so rife in 19th Century Argentina that some families abandoned or even murdered baby boys ? an atrocity that sparked the unusual Presidential practice of adoption, aimed at stopping the deadly stigma.

Starting in 1907, the tradition was formally established by a decree in 1973 by Juan Domingo Peron, which also extended the practice to baby girls."


So nice of Peron to include the girls too!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 29, 2014, 12:45:12 pm
So nice of Peron to include the girls too!
Equality.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on January 02, 2015, 04:05:50 pm
Florida Couple Spent Days In Unlocked Closet, Thought They Were Trapped

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/02/florida-couple-trapped-closet-john-arwood-amber-campbell_n_6406464.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Rogue Riderhood on January 02, 2015, 04:38:21 pm
Nice neck tat.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 07, 2015, 03:37:51 pm
or you could buy a player with what seems like a better set of specs for about the same price...

http://www.fiio.com.cn/products/index.aspx?ID=100000055517771&MenuID=105026016


That does sound cool especially considering the shape, size and functionality of the Ponos player. 
well now you can purchase PonoFormat (http://www.mojo4music.com/18401/neil-young-high-def-pono-music-format-launches/) with the cost of an album ranging from $17.99 up to $27.49
thanks Neil for giving us perfect music at more than twice the price


Gizmodo's take (http://gizmodo.com/neil-youngs-music-player-on-sale-monday-with-an-expens-1677931961)
The whole idea behind the player is to provide a home for "Pono" files with soaring resolutions, but there's no evidence to suggest that the HD audio files are audibly any different to the sound provided by CDs. But the files are bigger. And, uh, very expensive.

As Neil Young asks: "But can your soul recognize it? That's what I'm talking about. Do you feel this, or is it just wallpaper?" Quite, Neil.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on January 14, 2015, 02:41:30 pm
http://www.arlnow.com/2015/01/14/police-life-coach-smashes-glass-on-mans-face-in-ballston/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on January 14, 2015, 02:46:00 pm
Police Ask That You Not Call 911 For TV Listings

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/14/911-tv-listings_n_6467848.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 14, 2015, 02:52:59 pm
http://www.arlnow.com/2015/01/14/police-life-coach-smashes-glass-on-mans-face-in-ballston/
Ohio State graduate. How did I know before clicking?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on January 14, 2015, 02:58:18 pm
http://www.arlnow.com/2015/01/14/police-life-coach-smashes-glass-on-mans-face-in-ballston/
Ohio State graduate. How did I know before clicking?

you know what they say...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on January 14, 2015, 03:01:41 pm
http://www.arlnow.com/2015/01/14/police-life-coach-smashes-glass-on-mans-face-in-ballston/
Ohio State graduate. How did I know before clicking?
My god, the comments on this thing are gold.


QTR ?5 hours ago
I hope the glass was empty. A beer is a terrible thing to waste.

Peter A> QTR ?2 hours ago
His was actually half-full.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on January 14, 2015, 03:08:26 pm
http://www.arlnow.com/2015/01/14/police-life-coach-smashes-glass-on-mans-face-in-ballston/
Ohio State graduate. How did I know before clicking?

you know what they say...

No.  What do they say?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 14, 2015, 03:24:17 pm
Takes one to know one
or
He who smelt it, dealt it
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on January 14, 2015, 03:26:43 pm
http://www.arlnow.com/2015/01/14/police-life-coach-smashes-glass-on-mans-face-in-ballston/
Ohio State graduate. How did I know before clicking?

you know what they say...

No.  What do they say?

you can't spell cocksucker without OSU...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 14, 2015, 05:29:19 pm
Congrats, Virginia. You deserve Morrissey. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/joe-morrissey-a-human-train-wreck-that-virginia-voters-support--and-deserve/2015/01/14/ea4223f2-9be0-11e4-bcfb-059ec7a93ddc_story.html?hpid=z2)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on January 14, 2015, 05:32:32 pm
Congrats, Virginia. You deserve Morrissey. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/joe-morrissey-a-human-train-wreck-that-virginia-voters-support--and-deserve/2015/01/14/ea4223f2-9be0-11e4-bcfb-059ec7a93ddc_story.html?hpid=z2)

ah....Henrico county...how I long to be back in your midst....


NOT.


Why can't NOVA secede... we already have a West Virginia..lets get North Virginia going...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on January 14, 2015, 05:34:45 pm
Congrats, Virginia. You deserve Morrissey. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/joe-morrissey-a-human-train-wreck-that-virginia-voters-support--and-deserve/2015/01/14/ea4223f2-9be0-11e4-bcfb-059ec7a93ddc_story.html?hpid=z2)

Nice article from a Marion Barry groupie.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 14, 2015, 05:40:11 pm
Congrats, Virginia. You deserve Morrissey. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/joe-morrissey-a-human-train-wreck-that-virginia-voters-support--and-deserve/2015/01/14/ea4223f2-9be0-11e4-bcfb-059ec7a93ddc_story.html?hpid=z2)

Nice article from a Marion Barry groupie.

BTW, the link headline above was from the WP homepage.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on January 18, 2015, 01:07:07 pm
Rick Springfield Cleared in Butt-Injury Lawsuit
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 20, 2015, 10:38:51 am
Teen caught posing as an OBGYN for a month before being caught (http://fox13now.com/2015/01/19/teen-caught-after-posing-as-obgyn-at-hospital-for-month-fooled-doctors/)
Ok...this guy is my teen hero
yes it's illegal and very inappropriate.
 I know when I was a teen I thought this would be the greatest job of all time (that didn't last long)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: miss pretentious on January 21, 2015, 02:02:08 am
best thing i've read on reddit in a while:
TIFU by reading my wife's text messages. She's cheating on me
http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2snn0q/tifu_by_reading_my_wifes_text_messages_shes/ (http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2snn0q/tifu_by_reading_my_wifes_text_messages_shes/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 21, 2015, 10:36:22 am
best thing i've read on reddit in a while:
TIFU by reading my wife's text messages. She's cheating on me
http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2snn0q/tifu_by_reading_my_wifes_text_messages_shes/ (http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2snn0q/tifu_by_reading_my_wifes_text_messages_shes/)
I saw this over the weekend. I'm still highly skeptical its real.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 21, 2015, 10:37:23 am
best thing i've read on reddit in a while:
TIFU by reading my wife's text messages. She's cheating on me
http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2snn0q/tifu_by_reading_my_wifes_text_messages_shes/ (http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2snn0q/tifu_by_reading_my_wifes_text_messages_shes/)
I saw this over the weekend. I'm still highly skeptical its real.
I agree...read a little this morning and I'm skeptical too
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 21, 2015, 10:39:13 am
I just think if it is real, we live in a really messed up world where someone's thoughts on discovering their marriage is in shambles is to immediately post live updates on reddit every 15 minutes. I also find the ability to get a divorce lawyer and private investigator in 15 minutes on a Friday evening is curious.

Reddit scares the ever-living daylights out of me. As a news aggregator, it's great. As a creator of cult-like group think, it's terrifying.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on January 27, 2015, 03:40:48 pm
Drunk Guy Crashes Drone into White House (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/28/us/white-house-drone.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on January 27, 2015, 04:05:43 pm
some,times . . . I feel this board, is this thread.

and didn't some older boardie on here way back when, used to almost always end their posts with:


cheers
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on January 29, 2015, 05:36:20 pm
Comcast Changes Customer's Name from "Ricardo" to "Asshole" (http://wtop.com/consumer-news/2015/01/comcast-customers-name-changed-derogatory-word/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 30, 2015, 10:21:42 am
Ok...I think Suge Knight (http://www.latimes.com/local/california/la-me-0130-suge-knight-20150130-story.html) took GGW's advice for the best way to kill someone and not do a lot of time
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on February 02, 2015, 11:18:45 pm
Naked Men Riding Panthers 'May Be By Michelangelo,' Experts Say (http://www.nbcnews.com/watch/nbc-news/naked-men-riding-panthers-may-be-by-michelangelo-experts-say-392297027660)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on February 03, 2015, 05:02:33 pm
Morrissey Is Canceling Concerts at Venues That Won?t Go Vegetarian (http://www.grubstreet.com/2015/02/morrissey-vegetarian-concert-venues.html)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on February 03, 2015, 05:10:20 pm
Morrissey Is Canceling Concerts at Venues That Won?t Go Vegetarian (http://www.grubstreet.com/2015/02/morrissey-vegetarian-concert-venues.html)


To be fair, he was probably going to cancel eventually anyway.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on February 03, 2015, 05:16:12 pm
To be fair, he was probably going to cancel eventually anyway.

That's why it's in the Onion thread - he actually gave a reason far enough in advance that people didn't have to buy tickets or get their hopes up of actually being able to see Moz live, when, in reality, we all knew they were never going to happen.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on February 05, 2015, 11:17:23 pm
Researchers Find Half of DNA Found on NY Subway System Does Not Match Any Known Organism (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/06/nyregion/among-the-new-york-city-subways-millions-of-riders-a-study-finds-many-mystery-microbes.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on February 05, 2015, 11:43:05 pm
Morrissey refusing to play at venues that won't go vegetarian is nothing new, its often in his clauses that the venue can't serve meat.

Coachella apparently offered to go vegetarian in an effort to get Morrissey and Marr to play as The Smiths a few years back.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 06, 2015, 08:58:02 am
Can you imagine a unwashed farting mass of people?  The portapotty people would probably require hazmat suits
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on February 06, 2015, 10:16:57 am
?evil Santa?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 06, 2015, 10:49:56 am
As part of the 10k ceremony we have become one...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on February 06, 2015, 03:13:57 pm
Perhaps this is more fitting for the "When Reality Reflects Arrested Development."

Mother Has 6-Year Old Son Kidnapped To Teach Him A Lesson (http://wtop.com/national/2015/02/boys-family-accused-of-staging-kidnapping-to-teach-danger)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on February 06, 2015, 03:22:01 pm
Perhaps this is more fitting for the "When Reality Reflects Arrested Development."

Mother Has 6-Year Old Son Kidnapped To Teach Him A Lesson (http://wtop.com/national/2015/02/boys-family-accused-of-staging-kidnapping-to-teach-danger)
That's why you always leave a note.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on February 06, 2015, 04:14:37 pm
Perhaps this is more fitting for the "When Reality Reflects Arrested Development."

Mother Has 6-Year Old Son Kidnapped To Teach Him A Lesson (http://wtop.com/national/2015/02/boys-family-accused-of-staging-kidnapping-to-teach-danger)
I read this earlier today and was absolutely stunned. Not really sure how its "kidnapping" but everyone involved needs some major child abuse charges, and the "kidnapper" and anyone else who was complicit in the de-pants'ing of the boy needs on the registry.

EDIT: The story in the above link is less detailed than what I read earlier. In that account, once in the basement, the boy's pants were removed and he was threatened with sodomy, IIRC.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 06, 2015, 05:41:45 pm
Extreme's 'More Than Words': The Oral History of 1991's Iconic Ballad

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/extremes-more-than-words-oral-history-1991-ballad-20150206
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 06, 2015, 06:03:07 pm
?We don?t want to see bananas anywhere in the building.?

http://pitchfork.com/news/58365-jack-whites-booking-agency-blacklists-university-of-oklahoma-after-college-paper-prints-his-contract-guacamole-recipe/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on February 06, 2015, 06:07:14 pm
Extreme's 'More Than Words': The Oral History of 1991's Iconic Ballad

Can I have that ten minutes of my life back?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 10, 2015, 11:21:18 pm
San Francisco Water Manager Busted For Peeing In Drinking Water Reservoir

http://www.thrillist.com/news/san-francisco/san-francisco-water-manager-pees-drinking-water-reservoir
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on February 11, 2015, 10:39:45 am
Extreme's 'More Than Words': The Oral History of 1991's Iconic Ballad

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/extremes-more-than-words-oral-history-1991-ballad-20150206
Jesus Christ.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on February 13, 2015, 01:11:51 pm
Christian group sick and tired of dinosaurs being forced on our children. (http://abc13.com/society/are-dinosaurs-a-65-million-year-old-lie/514514)

This is seriously one of the most-apropos entries ever in this illustrious thread ever. The quotes are incredible.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on February 18, 2015, 11:43:30 am
UK branch of Krispy Kreme promotes ?KKK Wednesdays? ? Krispy Kreme Klub Wednesdays (http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/feb/17/hull-krispy-kreme-kkk-wednesdays-promotion)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on February 18, 2015, 12:08:12 pm
Christian group sick and tired of dinosaurs being forced on our children. (http://abc13.com/society/are-dinosaurs-a-65-million-year-old-lie/514514)

This is seriously one of the most-apropos entries ever in this illustrious thread ever. The quotes are incredible.
I joined their Facebook group. Omg. These people are AMAZING!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on February 18, 2015, 05:48:09 pm
Oklahoma Lawmakers Ban the Teaching of US History (http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/02/why-oklahoma-lawmakers-want-to-ban-ap-us-history.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on February 19, 2015, 03:43:45 pm
Indonesian Police ask public to help prevent the sale of kids clothes covered in pandas having sex (http://jakarta.coconuts.co/2015/02/19/indonesian-police-ask-public-help-prevent-sale-panda-sex-kids-clothes)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 19, 2015, 09:25:24 pm
Quiz: North Korean Slogan or TED Talk Sound Bite? (http://www.motherjones.com/media/2015/02/quiz-north-korean-slogan-ted-talk)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 24, 2015, 02:07:19 pm
How to pair your Girl Scout cookies with wine (http://wtop.com/food/2015/02/theyre-back-second-annual-girl-scout-cookie-wine-pairing-guide/slide/1/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 28, 2015, 11:23:13 am
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=http://img.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp-content/uploads/sites/32/2015/02/craig-brittian21.jpg&w=484)

Asshole who made thousands posting women?s stolen nudes goes after news sites that posted pictures of him (http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/02/25/man-who-made-thousands-posting-womens-stolen-nudes-goes-after-news-sites-that-posted-pictures-of-him/?hpid=z7)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on March 02, 2015, 09:25:17 am
Guy creates fake wooden passenger to drive in the HOV lane, gets busted

http://wric.com/2015/02/27/man-caught-driving-in-hov-lane-with-fake-wooden-passenger/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 04, 2015, 06:06:58 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_SH6AcVEAA-gSw.png:large)

Snow forecast or... (https://twitter.com/TerpWeather/status/573232512488615938/photo/1)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on March 09, 2015, 12:23:18 pm
Ok...I think Suge Knight (http://www.latimes.com/local/california/la-me-0130-suge-knight-20150130-story.html) took GGW's advice for the best way to kill someone and not do a lot of time

Watch the video! (http://blackamericaweb.com/2015/03/09/watch-graphic-video-of-suge-knight-running-over-and-killing-man/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 09, 2015, 01:06:57 pm
^there is no way I could actually watch that, but I wonder if we can track Suge's ip address to see when he accessed the forum to get GGW's 'killer' idea
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on March 09, 2015, 01:24:40 pm
^there is no way I could actually watch that, but I wonder if we can track Suge's ip address to see when he accessed the forum to get GGW's 'killer' idea

When exactly did I suggest this "killer" idea?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on March 09, 2015, 01:24:54 pm
Guy creates fake wooden passenger to drive in the HOV lane, gets busted

http://wric.com/2015/02/27/man-caught-driving-in-hov-lane-with-fake-wooden-passenger/

Oldest trick in the book.

I remember an episode of CHiPs where Ponch and Jon pull a couple over who have their dog wearing a hat sitting in the back seat to use the HOV lane.  That was late 70's early 80's.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on March 09, 2015, 01:47:46 pm
I remember the Jetson's movie, George had an inflatable dummy in his spaceship so he could use the HOV lane in space.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on March 09, 2015, 01:52:28 pm
I remember when the...oh wait - that wasn't me.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on March 09, 2015, 02:58:49 pm
The Gold Apple Watch costs $10,000 upwards.... (http://gizmodo.com/the-gold-apple-watch-costs-as-much-as-100-pebble-smartw-1690274467?rev=1425926671128)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 09, 2015, 05:30:37 pm
The Gold Apple Watch costs $10,000 upwards.... (http://gizmodo.com/the-gold-apple-watch-costs-as-much-as-100-pebble-smartw-1690274467?rev=1425926671128)
love the first comment on that article: Gold Apple Watch: When just being a regular douchebag is not enough.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on March 16, 2015, 09:24:03 pm
Guy takes a massive shit on a transcontinental flight, forces plane to turn around

http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/someone-did-a-shit-so-bad-a-british-airways-flight-had-to-turn-around-and-land-475
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on March 17, 2015, 12:21:03 am
apparently being badly beaten by Obama wasn't enough for Romney:

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2399141-evander-holyfield-to-fight-mitt-romney-for-charity-event
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on March 17, 2015, 08:58:17 am
Guy takes a massive shit on a transcontinental flight, forces plane to turn around

http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/someone-did-a-shit-so-bad-a-british-airways-flight-had-to-turn-around-and-land-475
This is hysterical.

Quote
Ask me to shit up a wall and I would not know where to start. If I was trying, I do not think I could shit along a vertical pane. But there are people out there who seem to manage it on the regular. Do they go to the doctor immediately after? When you "deposit" something so forcefully that it ricochets right back out again, do you go straight to A&E and say, like, "Hello, doctor, something is very wrong with me," or do you, like, try and walk it off?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on March 19, 2015, 02:19:35 pm
Almost 60,000 People Sign Petition Asking Glastonbury to Cancel Kanye West Performance
"Let's prevent this musical injustice now!"
http://www.spin.com/articles/kanye-west-petition-glastonbury-festival-cancel/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 19, 2015, 02:54:48 pm
I think the better petition is to replace Kayne with Alan Partridge, in line with another petition to replace Clarkson on top gear with Alan Partridge
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 20, 2015, 07:54:10 pm
(http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-03/19/15/enhanced/webdr02/enhanced-18586-1426794214-11.jpg)

Mr. T Is Hosting A Home Improvement Show And It?s Called ?I Pity The Tool? (http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliekliegman/mr-t-just-got-his-own-home-improvement-show-called-i-pity-th?bffb&utm_term=4ldqpgy#.aj0KNxaPw)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 28, 2015, 02:15:20 pm
Christian minister claims her gift of prophecy allows her to predict movie plots (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/03/christian-minister-claims-her-gift-of-prophecy-allows-her-to-predict-movie-plots/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on March 28, 2015, 08:43:49 pm
http://screamer.deadspin.com/el-salvador-team-fans-baffled-by-wrong-anthem-at-fedex-1694308148/+kevindraper
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on March 29, 2015, 04:19:13 pm
triste pero tipico..
y washington tiene una comunidad salvadorena grande!

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 30, 2015, 10:38:42 am
neither Lionel Messi nor Sergio Aguero took the field ??
Why even come...free trip to the US I guess is fun

I noticed Hutch dropped the Latino from his name....but can't stop posting that way??
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on March 30, 2015, 11:28:15 am
once you have had Spanish all up in you, filling you up with thick spanishishness . . . its hard to let it go.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on March 31, 2015, 09:59:49 am
I Hope you're referring to Spanish the language... Because no one born in South/Central America is Spanish.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on March 31, 2015, 10:11:38 am
I never, know what, I am refer,ring to.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 07, 2015, 04:26:42 pm
Anti-Gay Republican Outed As A Drag Queen Named ?Miss Mona Sinclair?  (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/05/05/drag-queen-gop/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on April 07, 2015, 04:31:21 pm
Anti-Gay Republican Outed As A Drag Queen Named ?Miss Mona Sinclair?  (http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/05/05/drag-queen-gop/)
"34-year-old Steve Wiles. . . . was a frequent patron of the club in the 1990?s. . ."

Oh, the dulcet tones of Teen Night at the local LGBT bar!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: i am gay and i like cats on April 07, 2015, 08:44:18 pm
There are plenty of straight guys, who like to dress as women. And they're are plenty of straight people, who hate gays.  So, this story, is not that strange. Except for that dress, gurl.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on April 08, 2015, 01:49:40 am
There are plenty of straight guys, who like to dress as women. And they're are plenty of straight people, who hate gays.  So, this story, is not that strange. Except for that dress, gurl.

Not discounting any of your comment, merely adding to it, there are plenty in damn near every segment of society hate any other given segment of society.  Pick any two groups and there will be some on each side who are "fill in word here"ist and practice "fill in word here"ism against the other.  It is kind of sad that this is all that some people have to do in life.

On a related note, too many people do not realize that someone not agreeing with you on any particular issue does not mean they hate you or fear you.  I mean I do not agree with my wife on a number of things but that does not mean, wait a minute, bad example! :)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on April 13, 2015, 04:52:11 pm
Ok...I think Suge Knight (http://www.latimes.com/local/california/la-me-0130-suge-knight-20150130-story.html) took GGW's advice for the best way to kill someone and not do a lot of time

Watch the video! (http://blackamericaweb.com/2015/03/09/watch-graphic-video-of-suge-knight-running-over-and-killing-man/)

Man run over by Suge won't ID Suge - "I'm no snitch!" (http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-suge-knight-prelim-20150413-story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 13, 2015, 05:05:25 pm
Ok...I think Suge Knight (http://www.latimes.com/local/california/la-me-0130-suge-knight-20150130-story.html) took GGW's advice for the best way to kill someone and not do a lot of time

Watch the video! (http://blackamericaweb.com/2015/03/09/watch-graphic-video-of-suge-knight-running-over-and-killing-man/)

Man run over by Suge won't ID Suge - "I'm no snitch!" (http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-suge-knight-prelim-20150413-story.html)

That's nuts a multi millionaire runs you over in an attempt to actually kill you and you think that's snitching?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Stillwater on April 29, 2015, 04:35:05 pm
http://consequenceofsound.net/2015/04/dj-david-guetta-recounts-the-challenges-of-playing-coachella-without-his-pre-made-playlist/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on April 30, 2015, 04:05:12 pm
Russian politician fears Apple?s free U2 album will make you gay (http://bgr.com/2015/04/30/apple-free-u2-album-russia)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on April 30, 2015, 04:06:29 pm
Mayweather will bail out Suge Knight to celebrate if he beats Pacquaio (http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/suge-knight-due-court-re-arraigned-murder-charge-article-1.2204763)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on April 30, 2015, 04:38:08 pm
The Gold Apple Watch costs $10,000 upwards.... (http://gizmodo.com/the-gold-apple-watch-costs-as-much-as-100-pebble-smartw-1690274467?rev=1425926671128)

and doesn't work if you have tattoos (http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/04/30/us-apple-watch-tattoo-idUSKBN0NL0EU20150430)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 03, 2015, 08:32:00 pm
Texas Governor Deploys State Guard To Stave Off Obama Takeover (http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2015/05/02/403865824/texas-governor-deploys-state-guard-to-stave-off-obama-takeover?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20150502)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on May 04, 2015, 11:45:16 am
Drama on the Court: Police are called to the rescue of man stuck in basketball hoop:

http://wric.com/2015/05/04/hammer-wielding-man-found-stuck-in-basketball-hoop-in-washington/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 04, 2015, 11:59:46 am
Drama on the Court: Police are called to the rescue of man stuck in basketball hoop:

http://wric.com/2015/05/04/hammer-wielding-man-found-stuck-in-basketball-hoop-in-washington/
The SPD tweet on this is priceless


  Seattle Police Dept.
 ✔  ‎@SeattlePD 
Shirtless man removed from Cal Anderson basketball hoop. He may be arrested for property destruction, or at least goal-tending.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 05, 2015, 10:25:46 pm
School That Teaches Abstinence Education Experiences Chlamydia Outbreak (http://thinkprogress.org/health/2015/05/04/3654650/outbreak-texas-sex-ed/)

A small high school in Texas is currently grappling with an STD outbreak, as 20 cases of chlamydia have been confirmed among the student population. Since Crane High School only has about 300 students, that means about one in 15 kids there has been infected.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 05, 2015, 11:03:41 pm
'The Price Is Right' Awarded a Treadmill to Contestant in a Wheelchair
http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/05/the-price-is-right-awarded-treadmill-to-contestant-in-wheelchair

check out what her job is, too...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 10, 2015, 05:17:53 pm
Are ?Crying Rooms? a luxury of the future? (http://wtop.com/lifestyle/2015/05/are-crying-rooms-a-luxury-of-the-future/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on May 14, 2015, 01:39:54 pm
As women take majority on Austin City Council, staff warned to expect more questions, longer talks (http://cityhall.blog.statesman.com/2015/05/12/as-women-take-majority-on-austin-city-council-staff-warned-to-expect-more-questions-longer-talks/)

Austin Government Paid a Man to tell Workers how to deal with Women Leaders (http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/austin-government-pays-man-to-explain-women.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: challenged on May 15, 2015, 11:33:17 am
The Edge:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rta9CHp7bEE#action=share
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 15, 2015, 11:58:40 am
^the Edge can't find the edge
that made me laugh out loud
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on June 01, 2015, 10:36:38 am
Indicted ex-FIFA official Jack Warner cites 'Onion' article to defend himself
http://edition.cnn.com/2015/06/01/football/fifa-corruption-warner-onion/index.html

(this article http://www.theonion.com/article/fifa-frantically-announces-2015-summer-world-cup-u-50525 )
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 01, 2015, 11:01:45 am
wait isn't that reality reflecting the onion reflecting reality in the onion
I'm soo confused
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on June 01, 2015, 11:11:10 am
META!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 01, 2015, 11:18:46 am
META!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It actually is quite META. Good call.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 02, 2015, 02:09:55 pm
Little Wayne plays in a charity basketball game to raise money/awareness of non-violence, gets into physical altercation with referee (http://radio.com/2015/06/01/lil-wayne-anti-violence-basketball-referee-fight)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on June 02, 2015, 03:22:38 pm
Haha!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 03, 2015, 10:17:00 am
And not Florida Man (https://twitter.com/_floridaman):

Man ran fake DUI checkpoint while drunk (http://wgntv.com/2015/06/02/man-ran-fake-dui-checkpoint-while-drunk-cops/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 06, 2015, 10:09:13 am
(http://i.huffpost.com/gadgets/slideshows/270682/slide_270682_1898646_free.jpg)

Man Calls 911 To Resolve 3-Hour Standoff With Angry House Cat (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/05/man-911-cat_n_7521966.html?cps=gravity_2425_-6719790004090601957)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 08, 2015, 02:28:18 pm
beets, been meaning to thank you for @_FloridaMan
  (https://twitter.com/_floridaman) freakin comedy gold.
Had me crying the other night
Only in Florida!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 08, 2015, 02:44:56 pm
^^Welcome!

This next one could go here or the food or Smackie threads:

This Pizza Hut box turns into a movie projector (http://www.theverge.com/2015/6/7/8743741/this-pizza-hut-box-turns-into-a-movie-projector)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 12, 2015, 09:14:32 am
"Black" NAACP leader outed as Caucasian (http://www.11alive.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/06/11/spokane-naacp-president-questions/71101474/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on June 12, 2015, 12:47:54 pm
Country Singer Randy Howard Dead After Gunfight With Bounty Hunter
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/country-singer-randy-howard-dead-shot-by-bounty-hunter-report-2015116
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 12, 2015, 02:14:02 pm
beets, been meaning to thank you for @_FloridaMan
  (https://twitter.com/_floridaman) freakin comedy gold.
Had me crying the other night
Only in Florida!

just came across @flor1dawoman (https://twitter.com/_Flor1daWoman)
man, I couldn't make up funnier lines if I tried


Florida Woman Calls 911 to Complain About Drug Dealer Not Delivering Weed
Police Tase Blood-Soaked, Naked Florida Woman Claiming to be Both God and Satan
Florida Woman Arrested for Driving Drunk While Breastfeeding
Florida Woman Intentionally Poops in Patrol Car Following Arrest   
Florida Woman Seen Shoplifting in ?Won?t Be Caught? T-Shirt
Florida Woman Files Motion to "Fuck This Court and Everything That it Stands For"
Florida Woman Covers Husband in Barbecue Sauce, Threatens to Carve Him Up Like Roast Chicken Florida Woman Breaks Suddenly For Squirrel, One Dead
Florida Woman Kicks Cop in Groin, Offers to Kiss it Better
Florida Woman Texts While Walking, Walks Into Moving Freight Train 
Florida Woman Says She Stripped Naked at Dunkin Donuts as Part of Initiation Into Dance Troupe Florida Woman Grabs Rapper's Dreadlocks, Smashes Him in Face With Tricycle
Florida Woman Leaves 3 y/o Daughter in Liquor Store So She Can Go Help Boyfriend Who Just Accidentally Shot Himself
Traffic Stopped by Naked Florida Woman Climbing on Cars, Masturbating in Middle of Road
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on June 12, 2015, 03:04:33 pm
^^Welcome!

This next one could go here or the food or Smackie threads:

This Pizza Hut box turns into a movie projector (http://www.theverge.com/2015/6/7/8743741/this-pizza-hut-box-turns-into-a-movie-projector)

I can't imagine the lumens being enough but, sure I'll try that.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on June 15, 2015, 09:50:35 am
First penis transplant patient's girlfriend is pregnant, doctor says
http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/12/health/penis-transplant-south-africa-pregnancy/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on June 23, 2015, 10:29:26 pm
Police in Winnipeg accidentally turn on chopper megaphone, blast 'x-rated' conversation to entire city

http://happyplace.someecards.com/police-behaving-bawdily/police-accidentally-turn-on-chopper-megaphone-broadcast-xrated-conversation-to-entire-city/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on June 24, 2015, 05:38:29 pm
Warehouse fined $2.2 million after testing employee DNA to catch a rogue pooper (http://www.theverge.com/2015/6/24/8840155/forced-dna-testing-mystery-poop-ruling)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 24, 2015, 06:12:44 pm
Warehouse fined $2.2 million after testing employee DNA to catch a rogue pooper (http://www.theverge.com/2015/6/24/8840155/forced-dna-testing-mystery-poop-ruling)

Ever notice how highlighted comments on The Verge are skid mark colored?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 25, 2015, 01:52:34 pm
Canadian Conservative politicians use Nine Inch Nails logo in promotional swag (http://www.avclub.com/article/hip-canadian-politicians-borrow-nine-inch-nails-lo-221375)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 26, 2015, 11:06:13 am
Scalia's dissent in gay marriage ruling openly bemoans that landmark 5-4 rulings makes the Supreme Court some sort of de facto ruler over everyone. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/26/antonin-scalia-dissent_n_7671110.html)

I swear, if he was assassinated and I was on the jury for the assassin, there was no way I could find them guilty. He is, literally, the worst American of my lifetime.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on June 26, 2015, 02:50:25 pm
Scalia's dissent in gay marriage ruling openly bemoans that landmark 5-4 rulings makes the Supreme Court some sort of de facto ruler over everyone. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/26/antonin-scalia-dissent_n_7671110.html)

I swear, if he was assassinated and I was on the jury for the assassin, there was no way I could find them guilty. He is, literally, the worst American of my lifetime.


Wow just wow...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 06, 2015, 12:26:17 pm
Texas Dude Says ?Fuck That Alligator,? Jumps Into River ? Instantly Eaten By Alligator
http://www.barstoolsports.com/barstoolu/texas-dude-says-fuck-that-alligator-jumps-into-river-instantly-eaten-by-alligator/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 08, 2015, 05:01:00 am
Cat terrorist terrorizes town

http://gothamist.com/2015/07/07/cat_terrorizing_upstate_town.php
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 08, 2015, 09:44:47 am
Cat terrorist terrorizes town

http://gothamist.com/2015/07/07/cat_terrorizing_upstate_town.php
This quote is classic

A black cat has been attacking and terrorizing residents of a Rockland County town, as part of an ongoing effort among animals to destroy humankind and return the Northeast to its rightful furry owners.


Although the link to this article made me smile Human Flesh-Craving Squirrels Are Attacking MTA Workers (http://gothamist.com/2015/05/29/human_flesh-craving_squirrels_are_a.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 08, 2015, 10:15:57 am
Britney Spears' music used by British navy to scare off Somali pirates (http://www.theguardian.com/music/2013/oct/29/britney-spears-navy-scare-somali-pirates)

Merchant naval officer Rachel Owens explained the tactics to Metro: "Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. These guys can't stand western culture or music, making Britney's hits perfect. As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 10, 2015, 11:43:15 am
Pope Francis calls the "unfettered pursuit of money" the "dung of the devil" (http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/07/world/pope-mass-ecuador-quito/index.html) as Vatican hoards $15 billion. (http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,833509,00.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on July 10, 2015, 11:58:53 am
he is only one man . . . what do you want for him to do; become jesus and change the world in the blink of an eye?  change takes time, which takes money, which takes patience, which takes hope, which take faith, which takes a chance to try.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 10, 2015, 01:09:45 pm
Boyband member collapses on flight after wearing all his clothes to avoid extra luggage costs (http://www.nme.com/news/various-artists/86797)

"The woman said either one bag went in the hold or we weren't getting on. The rest of the band had gone through so I couldn't give them any of the clothes. I was told I?d either have to pay a 45 fee to get it on the plane, get the flight the next morning, bin the clothes or wear them." In all, McElvar wore six T-shirts, five jumpers, three pairs of jeans, two sweat pants, two jackets and two hats.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 11, 2015, 10:54:11 am
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/55a01a80e4b0a47ac15c889e?

Cosby episode about "secret sauce" that makes people want to have sex.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 15, 2015, 10:47:05 am
Maricopa County?s Sheriff Joe Arpaio gives a play-by-play of the events that led up to the arrest of suspect Michael Crawford, who purchased round-trip air fare and met up with an undercover police officer who was fronting as a horse pimp. (http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/255615/horse-sex-michael-crawford-phoenix-sting/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 15, 2015, 10:50:49 am
Maricopa County?s Sheriff Joe Arpaio gives a play-by-play of the events that led up to the arrest of suspect Michael Crawford, who purchased round-trip air fare and met up with an undercover police officer who was fronting as a horse pimp. (http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/255615/horse-sex-michael-crawford-phoenix-sting/)
Within that article is a link to another worthy submission:

Man dies after butt-fucking himself against scarecrow with strap-on (http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/243158/man-dies-after-butt-fucking-himself-against-scarecrow-with-strap-on/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 15, 2015, 11:00:09 am
Maricopa County?s Sheriff Joe Arpaio gives a play-by-play of the events that led up to the arrest of suspect Michael Crawford, who purchased round-trip air fare and met up with an undercover police officer who was fronting as a horse pimp. (http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/255615/horse-sex-michael-crawford-phoenix-sting/)
Within that article is a link to another worthy submission:

Man dies after butt-fucking himself against scarecrow with strap-on (http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/243158/man-dies-after-butt-fucking-himself-against-scarecrow-with-strap-on/)
that made me laugh out loud
this quote from that was pretty classic too
Moure also told the press that ?there were no signs of violence? and, while they await the autopsy results, believe that the sex was of mutual consent

The scarecrow was consenting...how would they determine that?


although he was Argentine....so that does explain alot (awaits Hutch's smite of furious anger)
Title: Lunatic Fringe: Honorary Board Members
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 15, 2015, 11:06:19 am
There should be a new title to this thread
Title: Re: Lunatic Fringe: Honorary Board Members
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 15, 2015, 11:12:07 am
There should be a new title to this thread
best Red Rider song ever!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on July 20, 2015, 10:34:56 pm
http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/poll-trump-surges-to-big-lead-in-gop-presidential-race/2015/07/20/efd2e0d0-2ef8-11e5-8f36-18d1d501920d_story.html?hpid=z1
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 22, 2015, 10:19:50 am
in the original WRRtO thread, the initial post contained something to the effect that politics should not be included in this thread, since political news in inherently surreal, absurd, etc.  the rise of Trump pushes political news into territory that not even the Onion could have dreamed up.

Trump to introduce Def Leppard at Iowa State Fair

Cedar Rapids, Iowa (CNN)Donald Trump is set to introduce 80s hair metal band Def Leppard at the Iowa State Fair on Aug. 15, two Iowa Trump campaign aides told CNN on Friday.

The concert, which also features bands Styx and Tesla, will take place at the State Fair Grandstand on the fairgrounds in Des Moines.

continued: http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/17/politics/donald-trump-iowa-state-fair-def-leppard/

donald trump... hair metal... get it?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 22, 2015, 11:19:36 am
There should be a genre called "Toupee Metal".
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 22, 2015, 12:07:17 pm
Buttergolem has convinced herself she eats 1800 calories a day despite being morbidly obese (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kitty-stryker/fatphobia-a-guide-for-the_b_5214754.html)

I swear to God, the next revision DSM-V needs to include fatlogic. This has to be a mental illness.

"I became fat during my teenage years due to a combination of medication and genetics." Uhh, no, you became fat because you're a lazy glutton.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 22, 2015, 01:00:46 pm
Weight gain is a side effect of certain medications
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 22, 2015, 01:10:14 pm
Weight gain is a side effect of certain medications

Oh, fuck off. Does the medication shovel the mashed potatoes directly into her mouth? Does the medication stop the fundamental laws of thermodynamics from working? Does the medication -- which almost certainly did not affect her metabolism in any real significant way but let's pretend -- make her incapable of increasing her calories burned through exercise or reducing her food intake to counterbalance her the effect of her medications? She's fat because she's a lazy, stupid being. Your constant fat acceptance on here is disgusting and nauseating. It's the moral equivalent of bringing a case of vodka and a kilo of coke to a rehab center.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 22, 2015, 01:56:35 pm
Your thinking is cloudy, and your judgement seems impaired.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 22, 2015, 02:34:23 pm
Your thinking is cloudy, and your judgement seems impaired.
(http://i.imgur.com/nrT5qhI.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 22, 2015, 04:07:43 pm
Has he never heard of thyroid disorders?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 22, 2015, 04:16:50 pm
Has he never heard of thyroid disorders?
How are you not smart enough to get this? Let's say someone has a thyroid disorder which causes their metabolism to slow greatly and reduces their BMR to, let's pretend, 1100 calories/day. You know what you do? YOU EAT 1,100 CALORIES A DAY. THAT IS ALL THE FUEL THAT HYPOTHETICAL PERSON NEEDS.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on July 22, 2015, 05:30:38 pm
Shark Survives Attack by Australian Surfer (http://newsthump.com/2015/07/20/shark-survives-attack-by-australian-surfer/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on July 23, 2015, 09:34:49 am
http://time.com/3969164/beijing-arrest-spartan-warriors-salad-sweetie/
Foreigners Dressed as Spartans Freak Out the Beijing Police and Get Arrested
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CKkxYKXUEAE2rbo.jpg)
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CKiBIrDUsAAclfc.jpg)
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CKiBIV2UkAATMp-.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 23, 2015, 11:46:25 am
Blackface Show Benefitting Cops Indicted In Freddie Gray Death Nixed (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/blackface-show-benefitting-cops-indicted-in-freddie-gray-death-nixed_55b03ee9e4b08f57d5d3aca8)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on July 23, 2015, 01:11:18 pm
What a confusing headline
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on July 23, 2015, 01:46:58 pm
Risque Photo alert:

Claude Von Stroke?s London office has been inundated with sex workers after the DJ advertised for a ?London based Dirtybird intern?. (http://wundergroundmusic.com/claude-von-strokes-london-office-inundated-with-sex-workers-after-advertising-for-dirty-bird-intern/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 27, 2015, 11:26:10 am
Minor League Baseball Team Apologizes For Corey Feldman Concert  (http://www.stereogum.com/1817943/minor-league-baseball-team-apologizes-for-corey-feldman-concert/video/)

As USA Today reports, the team has now issued an apology for the performance ? partially because the women were scantily clad and people might not have been expecting that, and partially because of how much it sucked
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 27, 2015, 01:04:32 pm
Women's Running magazine puts morbidly obese woman who appears incapable of running more than a few feet on their cover (http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-33646878)

Seriously? "3 Reasons why your weight doesn't matter"? I'm pretty sure people run much quicker when their BMI is below 50.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 27, 2015, 01:08:46 pm
Women's Running magazine puts morbidly obese woman who appears incapable of running more than a few feet on their cover (http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-33646878)

Seriously? "3 Reasons why your weight doesn't matter"? I'm pretty sure people run much quicker when their BMI is below 50.

What are the three reasons?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 27, 2015, 01:12:51 pm
Women's Running magazine puts morbidly obese woman who appears incapable of running more than a few feet on their cover (http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-33646878)

Seriously? "3 Reasons why your weight doesn't matter"? I'm pretty sure people run much quicker when their BMI is below 50.

What are the three reasons?
Oddly enough, in reviewing my periodical selection, it appears I let my subscription to Women's Running lapse, so I couldn't tell you what rambling, feelings-based pseudoscience they came up with.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on July 27, 2015, 01:22:23 pm
that woman is 'morbidly obese'?  I think she is hot.  this is obese

(http://i.ytimg.com/vi/H0bAIFiJB3s/hqdefault.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 27, 2015, 01:41:59 pm
that woman is 'morbidly obese'?  I think she is hot.  this is obese

(http://i.ytimg.com/vi/H0bAIFiJB3s/hqdefault.jpg)
While her Wilhelmina portfolio only gives height and measurements, not an exact weight, she is listed as 5'11" and "around 280 pounds" according to an interview. Taking her at her word, she has a BMI in the 40 range. She is unquestionably morbidly obese, albeit not as morbidly obese as these other women.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on July 27, 2015, 01:54:09 pm
Gilbert Arenas Banned from County Fair for winning all the Prizes (http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/7/27/9046145/gilbert-arenas-county-fair-banned-minions)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 27, 2015, 01:57:18 pm
Gilbert Arenas Banned from County Fair for winning all the Prizes (http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/7/27/9046145/gilbert-arenas-county-fair-banned-minions)
Damn it, you beat me to it.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on July 27, 2015, 02:03:34 pm
Damn it, you beat me to it.

I'm sure it's only because my OC friends greatly outnumber yours.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 27, 2015, 02:04:53 pm
Damn it, you beat me to it.

I'm sure it's only because my OC friends greatly outnumber yours.
If I hadn't spent those five minutes researching his career salary earnings out of my own curiousity. . . if only. . .
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on July 27, 2015, 02:33:00 pm
Minor League Baseball Team Apologizes For Corey Feldman Concert  (http://www.stereogum.com/1817943/minor-league-baseball-team-apologizes-for-corey-feldman-concert/video/)

As USA Today reports, the team has now issued an apology for the performance ? partially because the women were scantily clad and people might not have been expecting that, and partially because of how much it sucked
Oh man this is hilarious. He's set to be at the Potomac Nationals "Goonies Night". I don't know if he's doing a concert though or just sitting there being old and weird. I hope it's both!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 28, 2015, 11:40:05 am
Bald man calls for Hollywood to stop portraying the bald as evil (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/bald-man-calls-for-hollywood-to-stop-portraying-the-bald-as-evil-10417984.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 28, 2015, 07:38:18 pm
In tangent to this thread: stupid headline

Inova building exterminated after bedbugs found  (http://wtop.com/fairfax-county/2015/07/inova-building-terminated-after-bedbugs-found/)

Whoa! Destroyed an entire building over freakin' bedbugs!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 29, 2015, 02:29:28 pm

Body-Positive Feminist is up in arms that Pixar's cartoon depiction of the emotion "sad" is fat. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joni-edelman/pixar-fails-at-body-positivity-in-inside-out_b_7617432.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on July 29, 2015, 02:32:05 pm

Body-Positive Feminist is up in arms that Pixar's cartoon depiction of the emotion "sad" is fat. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joni-edelman/pixar-fails-at-body-positivity-in-inside-out_b_7617432.html)
Sadly this is too real to be considered for this thread, imo.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on July 29, 2015, 02:36:19 pm

Body-Positive Feminist is up in arms that Pixar's cartoon depiction of the emotion "sad" is fat. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joni-edelman/pixar-fails-at-body-positivity-in-inside-out_b_7617432.html)

My wife and I both came out of that movie with the exact observation that sad was fat. I wouldn't say we were up in arms about it though.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 29, 2015, 02:42:37 pm

Body-Positive Feminist is up in arms that Pixar's cartoon depiction of the emotion "sad" is fat. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joni-edelman/pixar-fails-at-body-positivity-in-inside-out_b_7617432.html)

My wife and I both came out of that movie with the exact observation that sad was fat. I wouldn't say we were up in arms about it though.
Just from the image, obviously the "sad" character is fat. That's obvious. The thought that no one who is fat should ever be depicted as "sad" because we have to make fat people feel good about themselves is where things go full cuckoo bananas.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on July 29, 2015, 03:04:19 pm

Body-Positive Feminist is up in arms that Pixar's cartoon depiction of the emotion "sad" is fat. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joni-edelman/pixar-fails-at-body-positivity-in-inside-out_b_7617432.html)

My wife and I both came out of that movie with the exact observation that sad was fat. I wouldn't say we were up in arms about it though.
But Anger and Bing Bong were also fat... Plus, Sad kind of saves the day...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on July 29, 2015, 03:10:45 pm
But Anger and Bing Bong were also fat... Plus, Sad kind of saves the day...

Dude. #spoileralert?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 29, 2015, 07:25:29 pm
Louie "Terror Babies" Gohmert proposes banishing gays to an island to prove same-sex marriage is unnatural  (http://www.salon.com/2015/07/29/louie_gohmert_proposes_banishing_gays_to_an_island_to_prove_same_sex_marriage_is_unnatural/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow)

Tea Partyer calls for island isolation study to see "what nature dictates should be a marriage"

And teh gayz said "Oh no..., not that...,"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 29, 2015, 08:41:02 pm
^^haven't they been doing cruises like this for years?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on July 29, 2015, 08:53:46 pm
Washington man arrested after bizarre standoff involving banjo

http://q13fox.com/2015/07/27/washington-man-arrested-after-bizarre-standoff-involving-banjo/

Neighbors saw the man, identified by police as Andrew Helmsworth, yelling at officers, and said at one point, Helmsworth walked outside with a banjo, which he played for the officers.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on July 30, 2015, 11:37:11 am
^^haven't they been doing cruises like this for years?
(https://deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/homerthesmithers7_thumb.png?w=512&h=384)
"Sorry, sir. They don't allow us to take pictures here."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 30, 2015, 11:37:45 am
Police search for aggresive turkey that's terrorizing University of Michigan's campus (http://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/index.ssf/2015/07/north_campus_turkey_university.html)

(Not a euphemism for Dave Brandon, it's about an actual turkey.)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 03, 2015, 10:10:47 am
DEWEY TO DISCUSS BAR VIOLENCE AT SPECIAL TOWN MEETING (http://henney.com/weekend11/index2015acj.htm)

After two recent violent bar brawls at the North Beach/Ivy complex, Dewey Beach police received assistance this past week with additional state resources. State troopers along with Alcohol & Tobacco Enforcement agents were assigned to the town. Furthermore, the town also sought assistance from DelDOT to provide light trailers to help brighten the dimly lit streets.

This past Saturday, to encourage a more peaceful crowd, the deejay was going to play 1980's music. Police report no fights and no confrontations with the officers, both during the week and weekend.

Last summer, North Beach had trouble with the $1 drink specials on Tuesday nights which were followed by violence during closing time. The Saturday before last was the first time the violence spread to a weekend night, possibly because of a change of music.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 03, 2015, 10:18:22 am
^^^^^^^^^^ Jesus Christ hahahahaha
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 03, 2015, 10:23:40 am
Were they playing Lighthouse and that's what got the kids so rowdy?
I know that would incite me to violent acts, already hit a few coworkers this morning

and 80's music, I assume it wasn't the CroMags, Suicidal Tendencies, COC and Black Flag to calm the crowd down
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 07, 2015, 02:11:56 pm
Male Michigan lawmaker (R) tries to distract attention from his affair with a female Michigan lawmaker (R) by leaking fake emails suggesting he hooked up with a male prositute.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/08/07/a-michigan-state-rep-reportedly-tried-to-fake-a-male-prostitution-scandal-to-hide-his-relationship-with-another-republican-state-rep/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 07, 2015, 03:03:35 pm
Male Michigan lawmaker (R) tries to distract attention from his affair with a female Michigan lawmaker (R) by leaking fake emails suggesting he hooked up with a male prositute.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/08/07/a-michigan-state-rep-reportedly-tried-to-fake-a-male-prostitution-scandal-to-hide-his-relationship-with-another-republican-state-rep/

Reported on the Post's "Acts of Faith" blog. This should be a made-for-TV movie on Bravo.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 15, 2015, 10:13:52 pm
....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on August 16, 2015, 08:31:25 pm
Ed Sheeran, who quit school at 16 to concentrate on singing, is to be given an honorary degree for his "outstanding contribution to music".

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-suffolk-33864684
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 17, 2015, 04:35:07 pm
Citing airplane bathrooms as being "too small," parents instruct child to defecate in aisle. (https://thenanfang.com/chinese-airliners-recipients-kids-taking-dump/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on August 17, 2015, 04:37:22 pm
WTF website is that?

https://thenanfang.com/father-takes-baby-to-pee-into-dirty-dishes-at-restaurant/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 17, 2015, 04:40:10 pm
WTF website is that?
It appears to be some sort Chinese news source with a section dedicated to bizarre stories. I saw the article on voat.co.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 18, 2015, 01:27:23 pm
George Zimmerman, is reportedly teaming up with a Florida gun store owner who wants to make his shop a ?Muslim-free zone? to sell prints of the Confederate flag with the slogan ?the 2nd protects the first,?  (http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/george-zimmerman-teams-up-with-florida-%e2%80%98anti-muslim-zone%e2%80%99-gun-shop-owner/ar-BBlQODA?ocid=spartanntp)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 18, 2015, 02:08:40 pm
George Zimmerman, is reportedly teaming up with a Florida gun store owner who wants to make his shop a ?Muslim-free zone? to sell prints of the Confederate flag with the slogan ?the 2nd protects the first,?  (http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/george-zimmerman-teams-up-with-florida-%e2%80%98anti-muslim-zone%e2%80%99-gun-shop-owner/ar-BBlQODA?ocid=spartanntp)
YOU BEAT ME TO IT!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 19, 2015, 01:11:24 pm
Man guarding ?Muslim-free? gun range bends over, drops weapon, accidentally shoots self

A man guarding a ?Muslim-free? gun range in Oktaha, Oklahoma accidentally shot himself while practicing poor gun safety etiquette, KOTV?s Richard Clarke reports.

The man, whose name was not released, belonged to a group that volunteered to stand guard outside of Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear after the store?s owner received death threats for installing a sign denying Muslims the right to patronize his establishment.

Muskogee County Sheriff Charles Pearson evinced no surprise about the accidental shooting, saying that he ?saw several of those gentlemen out there yesterday. The way they were holding their weapons, with the fingers on the triggers, you can tell a couple of these gentlemen have no idea about weapons safety. It?s like the Clampetts have come to town.?

(Continued... (http://www.salon.com/2015/08/19/dont_paint_us_as_hillbillies_man_guarding_muslim_free_gun_range_bends_over_drops_weapon_accidentally_shoots_self/))

...and the real threat here is...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 19, 2015, 01:13:07 pm
...and the real threat here is...
Do they still do the Darwin Awards? This guy needs submitted.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 19, 2015, 01:34:15 pm
Man guarding ?Muslim-free? gun range bends over, drops weapon, accidentally shoots self

A man guarding a ?Muslim-free? gun range in Oktaha, Oklahoma accidentally shot himself while practicing poor gun safety etiquette, KOTV?s Richard Clarke reports.

The man, whose name was not released, belonged to a group that volunteered to stand guard outside of Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear after the store?s owner received death threats for installing a sign denying Muslims the right to patronize his establishment.

Muskogee County Sheriff Charles Pearson evinced no surprise about the accidental shooting, saying that he ?saw several of those gentlemen out there yesterday. The way they were holding their weapons, with the fingers on the triggers, you can tell a couple of these gentlemen have no idea about weapons safety. It?s like the Clampetts have come to town.?

(Continued... (http://www.salon.com/2015/08/19/dont_paint_us_as_hillbillies_man_guarding_muslim_free_gun_range_bends_over_drops_weapon_accidentally_shoots_self/))

...and the real threat here is...
"Oh, yeah, I saw those guys being stupid with their weapons yesterday. I let them back in today, because, ya know, America. Muslims though. That's the real problem."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 20, 2015, 09:30:06 am
Deez Nuts polling at 9% among voters in NC (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/deez-nuts-polling-9-north-carolina-voters-article-1.2331085)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 20, 2015, 10:24:28 am
I am totally supporting the McCubbins/Nutz ticket   

I think Nutz is more VP material, but Limberbutt McCubbins...he's the cat's meow
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 20, 2015, 10:26:55 am
I am totally supporting the McCubbins/Nutz ticket   

I think Nutz is more VP material, but Limberbutt McCubbins...he's the cat's meow
I concur, the time is meow for McCubbins, but Nutz is enjoying an Obamaesque rise through the political landscape. Deez Nuts just might get erected.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 20, 2015, 10:27:30 am
Deez Nuts just might get erected.
ELECTED. Thanks, autocorrect.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 20, 2015, 10:29:02 am
Deez Nuts just might get erected.
ELECTED. Thanks, autocorrect.
but it was a very Freudian ...so seemed apropos
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 20, 2015, 10:35:34 am
Deez Nuts just might get erected.
ELECTED. Thanks, autocorrect.
but it was a very Freudian ...so seemed apropos

Or he texts "erect" so often that autocorrect assumed....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 20, 2015, 10:37:03 am
You're both idiots, I intentionally typed erect and then tried to play it off because it was a weak pun.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 20, 2015, 10:55:06 am
You're both idiots, I intentionally typed erect and then tried to play it off because it was a weak pun.

(http://i.imgur.com/c7631bG.gif)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 20, 2015, 11:00:20 am
so un-meta
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on August 20, 2015, 11:28:36 am
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J-5ApxpIWW4/UyU9zo0DrRI/AAAAAAAAAbs/jkXZG73ozho/s1600/me+tienen.gif)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 20, 2015, 11:30:44 am
I thought you were going for racist.  So I laughed...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on August 20, 2015, 12:52:58 pm
Iowa host talks up slavery for undocumented immigrants
http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/iowa-host-talks-slavery-undocumented-immigrants

?What?s wrong with slavery?': Iowa radio host wants to turn immigrants into US ?property?
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/08/whats-wrong-with-slavery-iowa-radio-host-wants-to-turn-immigrants-into-us-property/

Conservative Radio Host: Let?s Use Immigrants As Slave Labor To Build Southern Border Wall
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/08/19/conservative-radio-host-lets-use-immigrant-slaves-to-build-southern-border-wall-audio/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 20, 2015, 02:06:52 pm
Jesus Christ
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 24, 2015, 09:43:08 am
The mailer was attempting to answer the essential question "Why Jeb?" and featured the smiling candidate standing with his hands on his hips ? except one of the hands doesn't look like it's his, or white:

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/08/superpac-gives-jeb-bush-a-black-hand-in-mailer.html


The leaflet?s copy, ?Why Jeb?? ended up being co-opted by bemused Twitter users to ask, ?Why, Jeb?? as to why his hand had become black.

Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2015/08/donald-trump-bashes-bush-on-photoshop-fail-121636.html#ixzz3jjvUN3qz
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 24, 2015, 12:14:49 pm
Potential Massacre foiled at the Pokemon Championships (http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/08/23/boston-pokemon.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 24, 2015, 04:19:38 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 24, 2015, 04:22:43 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260
If you want the reverse version where The Onion reflects reality:
?No Way To Prevent This,? Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on August 24, 2015, 05:59:23 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260

Seems like France is working hard to give us a run for our money.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 25, 2015, 11:16:25 am
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260
If you want the reverse version where The Onion reflects reality:
?No Way To Prevent This,? Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens (http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131)
Exactly what the Newsweek article reminded me of.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 25, 2015, 05:44:35 pm
Tank Outing Ends in Death at Jelly Belly Family Reunion (http://nypost.com/2015/08/25/man-crushed-to-a-jelly-on-jelly-belly-chiefs-property/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on August 25, 2015, 08:57:16 pm
Businesses come together to bring the Portland Pooper to justice

http://wric.com/2015/08/25/business-owner-works-to-stop-portland-pooper/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 25, 2015, 09:37:02 pm
Businesses come together to bring the Portland Pooper to justice

http://wric.com/2015/08/25/business-owner-works-to-stop-portland-pooper/

According to police, the man could face charges related to public indecency and offensive littering.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 26, 2015, 12:11:30 pm
Burger King makes overtures to McDonalds to join them in making a McWhopper, bring about world peace (http://time.com/4011090/burger-king-mcdonalds/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 26, 2015, 01:50:34 pm
Kind of a dickish response from the McDonald's guy lol
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 26, 2015, 01:51:47 pm
Kind of a dickish response from the McDonald's guy lol
Idk, I thought the line about "you can just call us next time" was pretty good.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 26, 2015, 05:24:30 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260

Seems like France is working hard to give us a run for our money.

not even close... where do you get your news?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on August 26, 2015, 08:21:07 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260

Seems like France is working hard to give us a run for our money.

not even close... where do you get your news?

France a distant second.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Spree_killers_by_nationality

Though they need to update and add the Charlie Hebdo killlings. Thanks to three brave Americans, another one was narrowly avoided.

Still, with America's population being 5x that of France, it's comparing apple pies to frog legs.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on August 26, 2015, 08:33:46 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260

Seems like France is working hard to give us a run for our money.

not even close... where do you get your news?

This one puts the US at #7.

http://www.ijreview.com/2015/06/348197-obama-said-mass-shootings-dont-happen-in-advanced-countries-like-in-us-one-chart-proves-him-wrong/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 26, 2015, 08:38:51 pm
 As usual Rhett is a complete piece of troll shit. Cites a neocon website who Jimmy rigged statistics with an odd set of years to get what they wanted. The fact the ONE mass shooting in Norway had so many fatalities because people were trapped on an island in no way counteracts the fact it was 1/38th as many incidents as the U.S. in the same time. Or that it in no way defines any terms. Nor is confirmed by any second party fact checking.

No reputable statistician would say the U.S. is seventh in mass shooting because of some esoteric breakdown of total deaths broken down per capita over a statistically insignificant time period at all. That's insane. It also can't fucking count to seven. That's Rhett's ace in the hole: a website that proclaims the U.S. Is at number seven in some insane metric multiple times but by their own fucking insane metric has them at six. Yes, let's listen to the defunct website assholes who lose count the second they have to count higher than the number of fingers on one hand.

I swear you're absolute human garbage.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on August 26, 2015, 08:51:23 pm
As usual Rhett is a complete piece of troll shit. Cites a neocon website who Jimmy rigged statistics with an odd set of years to get what they wanted. The fact the ONE mass shooting in Norway had so many fatalities because people were trapped on an island in no way counteracts the fact it was 1/38th as many incidents as the U.S. in the same time.

No reputable statistician would say the U.S. is seventh in mass shooting because of some esoteric breakdown of total deaths broken down per capita over a statistically insignificant time period at all. That's insane. It also can't fucking count to seven. That's Rhett's ace in the hole: a website that proclaims the U.S. Is at number seven in some insane metric multiple times but by their own fucking insane metric has them at six. Yes, let's listen to the defunct website assholes who lose count the second they have to count higher than the number of fingers on one hand.

I swear you're absolute human garbage.

I won't get into personal opinions of you, since we've never had the pleasure of meeting it wouldn't really be fair, but...

The total population of the other 11 countries on that list is about the same as the population of the United States (actually, slightly less). Those 11 countries have 18 rampage shooting listed. The US has 38. So yes, the US wins. But with nearly half the amount, it's not like rampage killing is nonexistent in the rest of the Western world.

Are you trying to imply that only center and left leaning websites are useful when presenting evidence to support one's opinion? I'm not sure what you're getting at there.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on August 26, 2015, 09:02:21 pm
metallica - fade to black

led zeppelin -  in my time of dying

cutting crew -  I just died in your arms tonight

ke$ha  -  die young

ratm -  killing in the name of

gg allin  -  I want to kill you


There . . . I just out trolled space.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 26, 2015, 09:04:07 pm
As usual Rhett is a complete piece of troll shit. Cites a neocon website who Jimmy rigged statistics with an odd set of years to get what they wanted. The fact the ONE mass shooting in Norway had so many fatalities because people were trapped on an island in no way counteracts the fact it was 1/38th as many incidents as the U.S. in the same time.

No reputable statistician would say the U.S. is seventh in mass shooting because of some esoteric breakdown of total deaths broken down per capita over a statistically insignificant time period at all. That's insane. It also can't fucking count to seven. That's Rhett's ace in the hole: a website that proclaims the U.S. Is at number seven in some insane metric multiple times but by their own fucking insane metric has them at six. Yes, let's listen to the defunct website assholes who lose count the second they have to count higher than the number of fingers on one hand.

I swear you're absolute human garbage.

I won't get into personal opinions of you, since we've never had the pleasure of meeting it wouldn't really be fair, but...

The total population of the other 11 countries on that list is about the same as the population of the United States (actually, slightly less). Those 11 countries have 18 rampage shooting listed. The US has 38. So yes, the US wins. But with nearly half the amount, it's not like rampage killing is nonexistent in the rest of the Western world.

Are you trying to imply that only center and left leaning websites are useful when presenting evidence to support one's opinion? I'm not sure what you're getting at there.



Omg we should totally meet IRL so we can make this personal!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 26, 2015, 09:05:40 pm
metallica - fade to black

led zeppelin -  in my time of dying

cutting crew -  I just died in your arms tonight

ke$ha  -  die young

ratm -  killing in the name of

gg allin  -  I want to kill you


There . . . I just out trolled space.

LOL!  oh wee oh wee oh I want to eat your heart
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on August 26, 2015, 09:17:17 pm
ventricularicious
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 26, 2015, 09:59:48 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260

Seems like France is working hard to give us a run for our money.

not even close... where do you get your news?

This one puts the US at #7.

http://www.ijreview.com/2015/06/348197-obama-said-mass-shootings-dont-happen-in-advanced-countries-like-in-us-one-chart-proves-him-wrong/

This is the same kind of pathetic rhetorical/statistical bullshit that desperate wingnuts use to try to paint Hitler as a liberal.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on August 26, 2015, 10:20:09 pm
I can,t tell, if your name is an ode to beets, or to beef.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on August 26, 2015, 10:31:04 pm
Study: Mass Shootings ?Exceptionally American Problem?
http://www.newsweek.com/study-sees-mass-shootings-exceptionally-american-problem-365260

Seems like France is working hard to give us a run for our money.

not even close... where do you get your news?

This one puts the US at #7.

http://www.ijreview.com/2015/06/348197-obama-said-mass-shootings-dont-happen-in-advanced-countries-like-in-us-one-chart-proves-him-wrong/

This is the same kind of pathetic rhetorical/statistical bullshit that desperate wingnuts use to try to paint Hitler as a liberal.

You can always win the internet with a Hitler reference, can't you?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 26, 2015, 10:42:08 pm
You can always win the internet with a Hitler reference, can't you?

Not always. You still have to be correct, as I was.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 26, 2015, 10:45:57 pm
I can,t tell, if your name is an ode to beets, or to beef.

It's an old-style s that pretty much looks like f but without the horizontal bar: ſ
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 27, 2015, 10:16:46 am
This Porn-Detecting Dog Helped Catch Jared Fogle (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Porn-Detecting-Dog-Bear-Jared-Fogle-Investigation-322875221.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 27, 2015, 11:00:24 am
This Porn-Detecting Dog Helped Catch Jared Fogle (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Porn-Detecting-Dog-Bear-Jared-Fogle-Investigation-322875221.html)
"I thought I was being punked, but it does work," said Steven DeBrota, the lead prosecutor on the Fogle case

this is some bazaar stuff!

but the dog is trained to sniff out electronic data devices ...not specifically ones that contain porn
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on August 27, 2015, 11:09:05 am
This Porn-Detecting Dog Helped Catch Jared Fogle (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Porn-Detecting-Dog-Bear-Jared-Fogle-Investigation-322875221.html)
"I thought I was being punked, but it does work," said Steven DeBrota, the lead prosecutor on the Fogle case

this is some bazaar stuff!

but the dog is trained to sniff out electronic data devices ...not specifically ones that contain porn

Only if there was a Subway in the bazaar.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 27, 2015, 11:24:53 am
This Porn-Detecting Dog Helped Catch Jared Fogle (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Porn-Detecting-Dog-Bear-Jared-Fogle-Investigation-322875221.html)
"I thought I was being punked, but it does work," said Steven DeBrota, the lead prosecutor on the Fogle case

this is some bazaar stuff!

but the dog is trained to sniff out electronic data devices ...not specifically ones that contain porn

Thus the click-bait headline. "Electronic-Detecting Dog" would get a pitiable number of clicks in comparison. In a sense, the companies with ads on the story page benefited from porn, or at least the idea of it. After all, the internet is for porn.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 27, 2015, 11:41:14 am
I did my every five minutes search for the word "porn" in the forum software and was very disappointed once I got here.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 27, 2015, 11:42:42 am
bizarre / bazzar ...you knew what I was intending
do we really need grammar/spelling police here?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 27, 2015, 11:48:48 am
do we really need grammar/spelling police here?
I was more upset he was stealing RatBastard's shtick in playing that role.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 27, 2015, 11:50:32 am
do we really need grammar/spelling police here?

Nope.  Just the shoe police.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 27, 2015, 11:55:25 am
(http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g16/beetsnotbeats/bizinger_zpseljj5mli.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 27, 2015, 02:46:28 pm
More than 253 Maryland corrections employees arrested since 2013 (http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/bs-md-corrections-reform-20150827-story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 01, 2015, 01:39:31 pm
Pope to allow all priests to forgive abortion during Holy Year (http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/pope-to-allow-priests-to-forgive-abortion/ar-AAdPeyG?ocid=spartanntp)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on September 01, 2015, 05:50:23 pm
Man on LSD makes case for LSD over booze with help of very patient friends (http://www.theverge.com/tldr/2015/9/1/9239677/lsd-versus-booze-video)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on September 02, 2015, 09:09:28 am
City contractors in Richmond accidentally hang national flags for welcoming UCI nations upside down

http://www.richmond.com/news/virginia/ap/article_3fd99a54-2a9f-58f2-b8f0-fb77106b15f3.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on September 03, 2015, 02:57:32 pm
Fox News? Harris Faulkner sues Hasbro for $5 million over alleged theft of persona and likeness (http://www.salon.com/2015/09/02/fox_news_harris_faulkner_sues_hasbro_for_5_million_over_alleged_theft_of_persona_and_likeness/)

(http://media.salon.com/2015/09/harris-faulkner-614x412.jpg)


Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 03, 2015, 04:08:03 pm
Fox News? Harris Faulkner sues Hasbro for $5 million over alleged theft of persona and likeness (http://www.salon.com/2015/09/02/fox_news_harris_faulkner_sues_hasbro_for_5_million_over_alleged_theft_of_persona_and_likeness/)

(http://media.salon.com/2015/09/harris-faulkner-614x412.jpg)




that's crazy...Her lawyers are insane, but laughing all the way to the bank
as there is absoulutely no way that has any merit

I do love this line
Because when you?re shopping for the perfect toy for that hard-to-please child, ?Does it bear a resemblance to a daytime Fox News co-host?? is the first question that pops into your head.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 03, 2015, 04:17:47 pm
I'm not clear why they named the toy the same name as her. She arguably has something there. The "resemblance" part is total wtf.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 03, 2015, 04:28:43 pm
I think someone in the r/d dept said
Fav actor - Ed Harris  (or fav controversial neuroscientist & philosopher Sam harris)
Fav Author - William Faulkner
why on earth would they even think that a toy would want the name of a fox news host?


I mean is Harris Faulkner her real name or is it a stage name anyway

apparently her dad is Her father Ret. Lt. Col. Bob Harris???
so her last name became her first name?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on September 03, 2015, 04:30:54 pm
I think someone in the r/d dept said
Fav actor - Ed Harris  (or fav controversial neuroscientist & philosopher Sam harris)
Fav Author - William Faulkner
why on earth would they even think that a toy would want the name of a fox news host?


I mean is Harris Faulkner her real name or is it a stage name anyway

apparently her dad is Her father Ret. Lt. Col. Bob Harris???
so her last name became her first name?

the problem with Faulkner is when he writes in that pidgin dialect or whatevber it is.. I can't understand what the fuck is going on..its a huge project for me to make it through a book of his...

I recently read a bio of eliott smith.. maybe the worse bio I have ever read... the guy knew nothing ..had no access to his friends or family but still wrote it.. as a cash-in I guess.. best thing about it was the cover..
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 03, 2015, 04:32:36 pm
good ta have ya back Hutch
board was getting a little stale
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on September 05, 2015, 06:16:40 pm
FWIW, Kylie is no longer little.

http://www.spin.com/2015/09/tyga-kylie-jenner-where-all-the-little-girls-at-think-about-the-optics/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on September 08, 2015, 09:42:28 am
Hillary Clinton to Show More Humor and Heart (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/08/us/politics/hillary-clinton-to-show-more-humor-and-heart-aides-say.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on September 08, 2015, 03:17:29 pm
Homeopathy conference ends in chaos after delegates take hallucinogenic drug (http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/homeopathy-conference-ends-in-chaos-after-delegates-take-hallucinogenic-drug-10491114.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 08, 2015, 10:36:36 pm
American military, only the brightest and best




US Military Academy pillow fight leaves 30 injured: report


http://tribune.com.pk/story/951147/us-military-academy-pillow-fight-leaves-30-injured-report/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on September 09, 2015, 08:56:03 am
I was going to post that too.

Pillow fights are serious business.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 09, 2015, 10:47:03 am
American military, only the brightest and best




US Military Academy pillow fight leaves 30 injured: report


http://tribune.com.pk/story/951147/us-military-academy-pillow-fight-leaves-30-injured-report/


Future top brass in the Liz Cheney administration.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 09, 2015, 11:04:12 am
American military, only the brightest and best




US Military Academy pillow fight leaves 30 injured: report


http://tribune.com.pk/story/951147/us-military-academy-pillow-fight-leaves-30-injured-report/


Future top brass in the Liz Cheney administration.
here I was thinking Mary would be a good candidate for Dick's old job as SoD
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 11, 2015, 01:01:17 am
More than 1,000 items recovered at D.C.?s ?Beach? exhibit (http://wtop.com/dc/2015/09/more-than-1000-items-recovered-at-d-c-s-beach-exhibit/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 11, 2015, 08:25:19 am
More than 1,000 items recovered at D.C.?s ?Beach? exhibit (http://wtop.com/dc/2015/09/more-than-1000-items-recovered-at-d-c-s-beach-exhibit/)
I nearly lost my wedding ring at that 'beach'
Luckily I was determined and could hold my breath for a long time

That was a fun exhibit with kids, they are moving the balls to the DuPont underground
not sure how that will go, might be another onion story there
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 13, 2015, 10:18:22 am
(https://img.washingtonpost.com/rw/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2015/09/11/Local/Images/Production_Mickey_Mask1442015111.jpg)
(https://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_1484w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2015/09/11/Local/Images/Meeting_cropped1442015111.jpg)

Did you know Walt Disney designed the world?s weirdest gas mask? (https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/did-you-know-walt-disney-designed-the-worlds-weirdest-gas-mask/2015/09/12/885be808-57d8-11e5-8bb1-b488d231bba2_story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 13, 2015, 11:57:18 am
This week at Target: Get a $5 gift card when you purchase a case of Diet Coke and Taylor Swift's CD. (http://weeklyad.target.com/site/#/greenbelt-md-20770/page/Target-150913/product/24-pk-diet-coke-cans-2033321837)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 14, 2015, 08:54:02 pm
Republicans sorry for saying ranger lied about making out (http://wtop.com/politics/2015/09/republicans-sorry-for-saying-ranger-lied-about-making-out/)

ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) ? Two Republican lawmakers whom a park ranger cited for making out in a public park apologized Monday for accusing that ranger of lying and stepped down from a Minnesota House ethics panel in an apparent effort to head off a complaint from Democrats.

In separate statements, Reps. Tara Mack and Tim Kelly made little reference to the Aug. 25 incident in which a Dakota County park ranger said he found the pair making out in a car. The ranger wrote in his notes that Mack?s pants were unzipped and pulled down.

Mack and Kelly ? who are married to other people ? originally called the officer?s account ?an absolute lie,? insisting they met in Lebanon Hills Regional Park in Eagan to swap documents relating to a health insurance company. They vowed to lodge a formal complaint against the ranger.


Et cetera, et cetera....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on September 15, 2015, 11:35:34 am
gurrrl.

why, gay people, why?  we can make out in places just like straight people, now.  stop, just stop.  sex is freedom again, like the seventies . . . whenever that was,

see, previous page, if confused.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 16, 2015, 12:21:40 pm
Oscar Meyer Releases Dating App for Bacon Enthusiasts (http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/oscar-mayer-releases-sizzl-dating-app-exclusively-bacon-lovers-166955)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on September 19, 2015, 05:44:13 pm
Funny, especially considering who wrote it

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/09/19/native-american-boy-pulled-from-class-over-mohawk-haircut/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 19, 2015, 07:49:08 pm
Funny, especially considering who wrote it

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/09/19/native-american-boy-pulled-from-class-over-mohawk-haircut/

Between this kid, the clock kid, and the kid in VA who got expelled for having a leaf that only looked like marijuana, school administrators around the country are pretty much looking like the dumbest people on earth these days.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 20, 2015, 05:41:21 pm
(http://myfunnymemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Cheetah-Questions-Dog-On-His-Day-At-School-While-Driving-Home.jpg)

Meet Two Best Friends, a Cheetah and a Dog (http://wtop.com/health/2015/09/meet-two-best-friends-cheetah-dog/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 20, 2015, 10:01:09 pm
(http://demandware.edgesuite.net/aalw_prd/on/demandware.static/-/Sites-masterCatalog_Converse/default/dwa8fd513e/images/products/149535C/149535C_standard.png)

Does it peel? (http://www.converse.com/regular/chuck-taylor-all-star-andy-warhol/149535C_030.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: RatBastard on September 21, 2015, 03:42:51 am
Funny, especially considering who wrote it

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/09/19/native-american-boy-pulled-from-class-over-mohawk-haircut/

Between this kid, the clock kid, and the kid in VA who got expelled for having a leaf that only looked like marijuana, school administrators around the country are pretty much looking like the dumbest people on earth these days.

Yeah like the admin who kicked a student out of school for wearing a tshirt with a flag n it.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 21, 2015, 08:51:57 am
Between this kid, the clock kid, and the kid in VA who got expelled for having a leaf that only looked like marijuana, school administrators around the country are pretty much looking like the dumbest people on earth these days.
Wait, someone made something that definitely looked like what bombs look like in media depictions and a school administrator called the police to determine if it was, in fact, not a bomb after the student -- by multiple accounts -- refused to engage in any discussion with his teachers about it. Yes, what an idiot that administrator looks like, following the proper protocol for every school district everywhere in the country.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 21, 2015, 09:20:33 am
If a school authoritarian thinks something might possibly be a bomb then the next thing to do would be to evacuate the school. They didn't. Because they knew it wasn't a bomb.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 21, 2015, 09:21:26 am
If a school authoritarian thinks something might possibly be a bomb then the next thing to do would be to evacuate the school. They didn't. Because they knew it wasn't a bomb.
I thought they did evacuate the school? Perhaps I am mistaken?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 21, 2015, 09:30:28 am
Between this kid, the clock kid, and the kid in VA who got expelled for having a leaf that only looked like marijuana, school administrators around the country are pretty much looking like the dumbest people on earth these days.
Wait, someone made something that definitely looked like what bombs look like in media depictions and a school administrator called the police to determine if it was, in fact, not a bomb after the student -- by multiple accounts -- refused to engage in any discussion with his teachers about it. Yes, what an idiot that administrator looks like, following the proper protocol for every school district everywhere in the country.

Are you saying the administrators were right and the kid was wrong?

If that's the case why is the President trying to portray the kid as some kind of hero/martyr?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 21, 2015, 09:34:40 am
Are you saying the administrators were right and the kid was wrong?

If that's the case why is the President trying to portray the kid as some kind of hero/martyr?

right, because if Julian says something in a music forum, then it must be true.  what IS the president thinking?!?!?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 21, 2015, 09:54:53 am
what IS the president thinking?!?!?
You don't think this is entirely overblown? A reasonable person can go "hmm, I am not an expert on bombs but that definitely looks weird," maybe I should get an expert to look at this, and a professional then speaks to the student about it for about 90 minutes after school. The kid is charged with nothing, and received a huge outpouring of support and in fact told Mark Cuban that because of the scholarship offers he's gotten to private high schools and free stuff that this thing is "the best thing that's ever happened to him."

This is not the great civil rights martyr of our time. We have a kid about to be crucified and beheaded in Saudi Arabia, I wish we were discussing that with quite the passion we feel for some kid detained for an hour and a half because of his tinkers project.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 21, 2015, 10:18:39 am
what IS the president thinking?!?!?
You don't think this is entirely overblown? A reasonable person can go "hmm, I am not an expert on bombs but that definitely looks weird," maybe I should get an expert to look at this, and a professional then speaks to the student about it for about 90 minutes after school. The kid is charged with nothing, and received a huge outpouring of support and in fact told Mark Cuban that because of the scholarship offers he's gotten to private high schools and free stuff that this thing is "the best thing that's ever happened to him."

This is not the great civil rights martyr of our time. We have a kid about to be crucified and beheaded in Saudi Arabia, I wish we were discussing that with quite the passion we feel for some kid detained for an hour and a half because of his tinkers project.

Very good points, sir.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 21, 2015, 10:20:44 am
what IS the president thinking?!?!?
You don't think this is entirely overblown? A reasonable person can go "hmm, I am not an expert on bombs but that definitely looks weird," maybe I should get an expert to look at this, and a professional then speaks to the student about it for about 90 minutes after school. The kid is charged with nothing, and received a huge outpouring of support and in fact told Mark Cuban that because of the scholarship offers he's gotten to private high schools and free stuff that this thing is "the best thing that's ever happened to him."

This is not the great civil rights martyr of our time. We have a kid about to be crucified and beheaded in Saudi Arabia, I wish we were discussing that with quite the passion we feel for some kid detained for an hour and a half because of his tinkers project.

Very good points, sir.
I retract my position entirely.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on September 21, 2015, 10:22:43 am
I hope he joins isis.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 21, 2015, 10:59:49 am
Quote from: Julian, Verified SHITLORD link=topic=22097.msg414722#msg414722
in fact told Mark Cuban
I thought that it was a little strange that Mark Cuban has a one on one dialogue with this kid?

WTF, why is Cuban calling 14 yr olds up to have a 'frank discussion about what happened??'

seriously?

a kid brings something in that looks like it could be a bomb...they should call the police/bomb squad.
and they did.  Gold star for administrators IMO

Not 100% sure why the kid was actually arrested, I think he wouldn't talk and explain what it was so they arrested him

But the 'system' did work, people freaked and someone was arrested, then quickly after they realized the error in their assumption and released him.
He missed a day of school, but wasn't lynched by an angry mob or suspended from school for a year

I still think that arresting someone when something suspicious is happening that could be a bomb...is OK

It's sad that this is a sharp kid just trying to make a cool project, but it's not criminal (or a hero)
 in the end, this kids future prospects have just skyrocketed, so he really wasn't harmed
the right did kinda loose it's head when Obama invited him to the WH tho


I'm not sure how we are going to deal with the PC side where we don't want to offend anyone and the reality of the current method of using bombs to address political issues


I know it's something I personally am really struggling on how to deal with
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 21, 2015, 11:03:05 am
I thought that it was a little strange that Mark Cuban has a one on one dialogue with this kid?

WTF, why is Cuban calling 14 yr olds up to have a 'frank discussion about what happened??'

seriously?
Well, he's a technology billionaire from the same metropolitan area. I guess he took an interest in a kid after hearing the story and his interest in "making" things.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on September 21, 2015, 11:04:29 am
/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 21, 2015, 11:07:06 am
"/" is the new "."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on September 21, 2015, 11:21:05 am
 / 8)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 22, 2015, 12:27:38 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CPge5SrW8AAvH3U.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 22, 2015, 12:32:17 pm
Fatties will be flocking from Catholicism.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 23, 2015, 01:08:06 pm
Report: More Deaths From Selfies Than Shark Attacks In 2015
http://tampa.cbslocal.com/2015/09/22/more-deaths-from-selfies-than-sharks/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 23, 2015, 04:30:13 pm
Trump boycotts Fox News over campaign coverage (http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-says-hell-boycott-fox-news/ar-AAeGkKa?ocid=spartanntp)

although they say he's really a democrat, so maybe this isn't ironic

but how else do you reach Republican voters?
Dukes of Hazzard reruns?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 24, 2015, 12:14:18 pm
http://www.mrctv.org/blog/university-delaware-defends-opening-hate-crime-investigation-over-paper-lanterns
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 29, 2015, 10:40:41 pm
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/caron-butler-is-still-addicted-to-mountain-dew-001031497.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 30, 2015, 08:14:49 am
http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2015/09/will-damian-lewis-be-the-next-james-bond.html?utm_source=PMNL&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=150929
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 30, 2015, 08:42:23 am
http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2015/09/will-damian-lewis-be-the-next-james-bond.html?utm_source=PMNL&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=150929
I predict the first Bond movie with him will be quite good, a real surprise, but he'll survive and live through it even though storywise there was not much left for his character. The second movie will be a whirling dervish that tonally craps on everything good about the first one and will defy all logic. The third one will involve no real bad guy and be obsessed with his relationship to a Bond girl we don't care about at all and will end with him dying about 2 movies too late. Then they'll spin off the Bond girl to her own franchise which will be surprisingly not terrible.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 30, 2015, 08:44:06 am
^^ That's a Homeland joke for those lagging behind at home. Returns this Sunday on Showtime @ 9PM EST.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on September 30, 2015, 09:39:48 am
Explaining the joke always makes it funnier...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 30, 2015, 09:53:38 am
Explaining the joke always makes it funnier...
To be fair, it wasn't one of my better efforts to begin with.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 30, 2015, 09:13:46 pm
GOP leader accidentally tells the truth (http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/gop-leader-accidentally-tells-the-truth-about-benghazi-committee)

article/content is mediocre, but that's a great headline msnbc
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 03, 2015, 11:08:25 am
(http://www.trbimg.com/img-560fbbfb/turbine/img-7071-jpg-20151002/1150/1150x647)

Rapper 50 Cent visits Linthicum Heights liquor store (http://www.capitalgazette.com/lifestyle/ph-ac-cn-50-cent-camp-meade-1003-20151002-story.html)

An AA County exclusive!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on October 08, 2015, 12:00:23 pm
Man calls police to tell them he's "too high", is later found covered in doritos

http://wtvr.com/2015/10/08/man-who-calls-police-to-say-hes-too-high-found-in-pile-of-doritos/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 14, 2015, 04:09:19 pm
Man tries to put out garbage fire by driving over it in a van loaded with ammunition (http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/article39003903.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 14, 2015, 04:18:18 pm
Man tries to put out garbage fire by driving over it in a van loaded with ammunition (http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/article39003903.html)
Clicked on it totally expecting it to be "A Florida man". Was surprised.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 17, 2015, 12:55:55 am
file under "jokes that write themselves":

Westboro Baptist Church tells ?fake Christian? Kim Davis to issue marriage licenses for same-sex couples
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/10/westboro-baptist-church-tells-fake-christian-kim-davis-to-issue-marriage-licenses-for-same-sex-couples/


Kim Davis To Receive Wrath Of Westboro Baptist Church On Monday: The infamous hate group will protest Davis for being a "fake Christian" and "self-righteous hypocrite."
http://www.newnownext.com/kim-davis-to-receive-wrath-of-westboro-baptist-church-on-monday/10/2015/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 19, 2015, 12:23:57 pm
Officer accused of biting man's testicle no longer on force
http://foxbaltimore.com/news/local/officer-accused-of-biting-mans-testicle-no-longer-on-force
Quote
A Baltimore man is no longer an Anne Arundel County police officer after he was charged for public intoxication and biting another man's testicles during a fight outside a bar while he was off-duty on Cinco de Mayo.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on October 19, 2015, 04:18:58 pm
Actual Dead Sow Confusion at Zombicon Festival of Living Dead (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/20/us/zombicon-fort-myers-shooting.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 20, 2015, 05:33:32 pm
Hunters shoot two moose before realizing they were firing into a zoo (http://www.sfgate.com/weird/article/Hunters-shoot-two-moose-before-realizing-they-6577586.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on October 20, 2015, 08:25:31 pm
I, read that.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on October 22, 2015, 09:34:32 am
Hunters shoot two moose before realizing they were firing into a zoo (http://www.sfgate.com/weird/article/Hunters-shoot-two-moose-before-realizing-they-6577586.php)
OMG LOL!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 22, 2015, 05:38:24 pm
Russian Ambassador Uses Photo of Actor Kal Penn in Tweet About Terrorists
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/russian-ambassador-mistakenly-uses-photo-actor-kal-penn-tweet-about-n449181
The Tweet and Image:
Quote
US threatens to stop helping Iraq against ISIL if Baghdad asks Russia for help. The terrorists must be rejoicing
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CR09jBzWIAA8XqR.png)

Quote
The only problem was that the "terrorist" depicted in the image was actually an image of American actor Kal Penn from the stoner comedy "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay," during an imagined fantasy sequence of a paranoid airplane passenger.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 22, 2015, 10:31:50 pm
Minnesota Woman Accused of Asking to ?Taste? Children
http://time.com/4084490/minnesota-woman-crime-children-stalking/
Quote
(CHAMPLIN, Minn.) ? A suburban Minneapolis woman is accused of sending anonymous notes to a neighboring family saying that she wanted to ?taste? their children.

Champlin Deputy Police Chief Ty Schmidt said 38-year-old Carrie Pernula was charged Thursday by summons with stalking and disorderly conduct.

Police say Pernula was upset because the children made noise and left items in her yard.

WCCO-TV reports the first anonymous note arrived Sept. 27 by mail and said: ?The children look delicious. May I have a taste?? The family has two elementary school students.

The family then began to receive magazine subscriptions addressed to ?tasty children.?

Police traced the magazines and arrested Pernula last Friday. She was released from jail Monday.

Pernula?s attorney, Debbie Lang, called it ?an unfortunate and complicated situation for everyone involved.?
(https://timedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/children-stalking-cha_wong.jpg?quality=75&strip=color&w=731)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on October 23, 2015, 04:48:58 pm
 Woman Arrested For Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom  (http://now8news.com/jimmy-dean-sausage-in-walmart-bathroom/)

(http://now8news.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/SAUSAGE.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 23, 2015, 05:03:57 pm
We've all been there.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 23, 2015, 05:21:51 pm
Now 8 News ain't reality.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 26, 2015, 10:48:30 am
How ?Texas? became Norwegian for ?crazy? (http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/10/26/how-texas-became-norwegian-for-crazy/)

They're just not following the news out of Florida.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on October 26, 2015, 11:56:38 am
http://news.yahoo.com/unidentified-space-junk-labelled-wtf-is-about-to-102543276.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on October 26, 2015, 03:04:51 pm
http://news.yahoo.com/unidentified-space-junk-labelled-wtf-is-about-to-102543276.html
*flash forward to the Indian Ocean in 3 weeks where 1 lowly fisherman hears a loud whistling above his head*
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on October 27, 2015, 02:43:46 pm
SXSW Panel on Harassment in the Gamer Community Cancelled Due to Harassment by the Gamer Community (http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/10/26/sxsw-cancels-gamer-panels-after-threats/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 28, 2015, 12:48:11 am
Dog named Trigger steps on gun, shoots owner (http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/27/us/indiana-trigger-the-dog-shoots-owner/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 28, 2015, 03:00:19 pm
Insane Clown Posse cancel show over Faygo Shower ban (http://consequenceofsound.net/2015/10/insane-clown-posse-cancel-show-over-faygo-shower-ban/)

Unwilling to part with the soft drink shenanigans, ICP went ahead and canceled its October 22nd gig at North Park Observatory. ?Well, it ain?t an Insane Clown Posse show without Faygo so that means we?ve been left with no choice but to call off the show? as stale as fuck as that is,? the group wrote in an official statement.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 28, 2015, 03:19:40 pm
That is far from Onion-like for that group though... That is normal business for them. 

If I win free tickets to their upcoming show, I will definitely report back on what it is actually like to be at a concert where Faygo spraying is the top priority.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 28, 2015, 03:24:32 pm
JLENS blimp has come free of its mooring at APG, now floating over Pennsylvania; fighter jets monitoring
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/harford/aberdeen-havre-de-grace/bs-md-jlens-blimp-loose-20151028-story.html
Quote
One of the two military surveillance blimps that has been watching the East Coast from Maryland has broken free of its mooring at Aberdeen Proving Ground and is now drifting over Pennsylvania, authorities said.

Two F-16 fighter jets from an Air National Guard base in Atlantic City, N.J., are monitoring the unmanned aircraft, and the North American Aerospace Defense Command is working with the Federal Aviation Administration "to ensure air traffic safety," a spokesman said. The blimp is drifting at an altitude of 16,000 feet.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Relaxer on October 28, 2015, 03:28:11 pm
Wanna wish you were dead? Read on! (http://gawker.com/jared-fogle-brags-in-secretly-recorded-tapes-about-sex-1739113935)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on October 28, 2015, 03:41:24 pm
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/27/heart-stopping-canadian-restaurant-chain-debuts-reeses-peanut-butter-cups-stuffed-burger.html

(http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/deaconsbench/files/2015/10/screen-shot-2015-10-26-at-11.01.15-pm-575x337.png)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 28, 2015, 04:02:14 pm
Wanna wish you were dead? Read on! (http://gawker.com/jared-fogle-brags-in-secretly-recorded-tapes-about-sex-1739113935)
ya know what is sad is Jared will only get 5 years max
kids are scared for life

and there are 100,000 people doing 30 years to life for non-violent drug offenses
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 28, 2015, 04:11:14 pm
I believe he faces 5 years minimum and up to like 15.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on October 29, 2015, 10:04:54 am
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/27/heart-stopping-canadian-restaurant-chain-debuts-reeses-peanut-butter-cups-stuffed-burger.html

(http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/deaconsbench/files/2015/10/screen-shot-2015-10-26-at-11.01.15-pm-575x337.png)
It seems like every week I see someone saying "God, the world is really turning into Idiocracy" and I scoff, but god damn, seeing this thing..... good lord.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 29, 2015, 10:16:35 am
I believe he faces 5 years minimum and up to like 15.
but he's got money and ergo good lawyers
but it is high profile and any prison he goes to...he will probably wish they gave him the death penalty as child molesters don't do well there

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 29, 2015, 10:20:00 am
I will never forget leaving my lunch at home and going to Sheetz to buy a veggie sandwich only to have the screen inform me "Fries are the new lettuce" and ask me if I'd like to swap my lettuce for french fries directly on the sandwich. This is why people are fat.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on October 29, 2015, 10:23:23 am
I believe he faces 5 years minimum and up to like 15.
but he's got money and ergo good lawyers
but it is high profile and any prison he goes to...he will probably wish they gave him the death penalty as child molesters don't do well there



Not to defend the guy or the severity of the sentence, but I think he only had sex with one 17 year-old hooker.  Other than that, the charges are mostly about condoning (and watching) child porn made by the head of his charity.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 29, 2015, 10:26:02 am
Not to defend the guy or the severity of the sentence, but I think he only had sex with one 17 year-old hooker.  Other than that, the charges are mostly about condoning (and watching) child porn made by the head of his charity.

not if this is to be believed:
Wanna wish you were dead? Read on! (http://gawker.com/jared-fogle-brags-in-secretly-recorded-tapes-about-sex-1739113935)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 29, 2015, 10:28:32 am
 Someone's written a PhD thesis about Gogol Bordello: http://bbktheses.da.ulcc.ac.uk/29/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Relaxer on October 29, 2015, 10:28:35 am
I believe he faces 5 years minimum and up to like 15.
but he's got money and ergo good lawyers
but it is high profile and any prison he goes to...he will probably wish they gave him the death penalty as child molesters don't do well there




Not to defend the guy or the severity of the sentence, but I think he only had sex with one 17 year-old hooker.  Other than that, the charges are mostly about condoning (and watching) child porn made by the head of his charity.


This is not what I've been lead to believe. Now, I'm not saying everything I've read is true, and I know that the media tends to run with salacious stuff, but if he said this:

Quote
?I had a little boy. It was amazing,? Fogle reportedly said, in response to a question about being with children. ?It just felt so good. I mean, it felt?it felt so good.?

I can't imagine him calling a 17 yr old a "little boy". Plus my impression is that there's been more than just this. It was just the kiddie porn that implicated him.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on October 29, 2015, 10:31:25 am
If those tapes are real then I would presume (hope) that further charges and jail terms are forthcoming. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 29, 2015, 10:34:41 am
what shocked me is she was taping this stuff for 4 years
guess they needed to build up a case?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 29, 2015, 10:37:17 am
what shocked me is she was taping this stuff for 4 years
guess they needed to build up a case?
That was curious to me too: did the FBI think after year 3 of compiling this, "hey, wait, he might still lead us to some NAMBLA cabal?"

Isn't it some sort of super-serious felony to make plans to leave the country to commit what would be a sex crime here? I think I remember something like that on Law and Order: SVU, the surest source of on-point legal information.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 29, 2015, 06:14:48 pm
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/27/heart-stopping-canadian-restaurant-chain-debuts-reeses-peanut-butter-cups-stuffed-burger.html

(http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/deaconsbench/files/2015/10/screen-shot-2015-10-26-at-11.01.15-pm-575x337.png)
It seems like every week I see someone saying "God, the world is really turning into Idiocracy" and I scoff, but god damn, seeing this thing..... good lord.

Something seemed off about this to me, and there it was: "Reese"? Not "Reese's"? Was this from another Onion wannabe?

Turns out that our Reese's are Reese in Canada. Your least useful fact of the day.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on October 30, 2015, 10:49:46 am
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/27/heart-stopping-canadian-restaurant-chain-debuts-reeses-peanut-butter-cups-stuffed-burger.html

(http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/deaconsbench/files/2015/10/screen-shot-2015-10-26-at-11.01.15-pm-575x337.png)
It seems like every week I see someone saying "God, the world is really turning into Idiocracy" and I scoff, but god damn, seeing this thing..... good lord.

Something seemed off about this to me, and there it was: "Reese"? Not "Reese's"? Was this from another Onion wannabe?

Turns out that our Reese's are Reese in Canada. Your least useful fact of the day.
Reese Pieces? Sounds like cannibalism.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on October 30, 2015, 11:40:21 am
From Wikipedia in regards to REESE:
Quote
In Canada, where they are packaged as Reese Peanut Butter Cups (except Reese's pieces), but still widely referred to by their American name, they come in a standard pack of three 0.55 oz. cups or the king-size variation with four cups.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 02, 2015, 11:00:36 am
Guy named Bombardier designs supersonic jet called Skreemr (http://www.sciencealert.com/the-new-scramjet-concept-could-take-you-from-london-to-new-york-in-30-minutes)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 04, 2015, 11:09:25 am
punk rock's very own Onion: The Hard Times (http://thehardtimes.net/)

examples:
Henry Rollins Driving App Tells You How Hard It Would Have Been to Get There in the 80?s (http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/03/henry-rollins-driving-app-tells-you-how-hard-it-would-have-been-to-get-there-in-the-80s/)
Health-Conscious Punks Begin Vaping Glue (http://thehardtimes.net/2015/10/26/health-conscious-punks-begin-vaping-glue/)
etc...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 04, 2015, 11:20:31 am
punk rock's very own Onion: The Hard Times (http://thehardtimes.net/)

examples:
Henry Rollins Driving App Tells You How Hard It Would Have Been to Get There in the 80’s (http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/03/henry-rollins-driving-app-tells-you-how-hard-it-would-have-been-to-get-there-in-the-80s/)
Health-Conscious Punks Begin Vaping Glue (http://thehardtimes.net/2015/10/26/health-conscious-punks-begin-vaping-glue/)
etc...
Holy fuck ^^^^
HAHAHAH!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 04, 2015, 02:29:54 pm
The Henry Rollins driving app story was gold.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 04, 2015, 02:46:16 pm
The Henry Rollins driving app story was gold.
Has anyone read the comments? Lol. It's all people asking for a different language on the website lol.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 04, 2015, 03:10:03 pm
The Henry Rollins driving app story was gold.
Has anyone read the comments? Lol. It's all people asking for a different language on the website lol.

those aren't people, those are bots automatically posting the same message.

there is another comments section above, with "real" comments.  much funnier, several people wrote additional directions from Hank :)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 09, 2015, 05:25:48 pm
Florida Cop Too Drunk to Collect Prize From Mothers Against Drunk Driving (http://www.gq.com/story/florida-cop-too-drunk-to-collect-prize-from-mothers-against-drunk-driving?mbid=social_twitter)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 10, 2015, 01:52:56 pm
not entirely sure that this story belongs here, but you folks have a right to know:

?Jem and the Holograms? movie pulled from theatres after dismal two-week run
http://globalnews.ca/news/2330281/jem-and-the-holograms-pulled-from-theatres-after-dismal-two-week-run/

why is it that it takes a canadian news outlet to report this hard-hitting news?  are american news corporations all in the back pocket of Big Movies?  (oh wait, this wasn't a big movie... nevermind)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 10, 2015, 02:07:01 pm
wow...some great quotes too

It?s not all that much for a studio the size of Universal, but Jem and the Holograms now holds the distinction of having one of the worst openings in film history.


?This is unprecedented, and shows just how badly this film flopped. Not only is it the lowest-grossing debut for a studio film this year, but it?s the worst all-time ? by a considerable margin ? for any film released in 2,000-plus theatres.?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 11, 2015, 11:59:52 am
I hadn't seen this until today:

(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61bqgpFSufL._SL1000_.jpg)

It's an Amazon "Dash" button (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00WJ13MVM/ref=s9_acss_bw_ct_winetype_ct3_a2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_r=1JGZ2XPAW7WHPVV80YXG&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=2223735322&pf_rd_i=10667898011) for ordering stuff. There's a couple dozen of them, each for 5 bucks which is refunded with first orders, but they're only available to Prime customers. I'm gonna buy one just for its kitsch value.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 11, 2015, 12:03:16 pm
I hadn't seen this until today:

(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61bqgpFSufL._SL1000_.jpg)

It's an Amazon "Dash" button (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00WJ13MVM/ref=s9_acss_bw_ct_winetype_ct3_a2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_r=1JGZ2XPAW7WHPVV80YXG&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=2223735322&pf_rd_i=10667898011) for ordering stuff. There's a couple dozen of them, each for 5 bucks which is refunded with first orders, but they're only available to Prime customers. I'm gonna buy one just for its kitsch value.
I understand these for, like, cleaning supplies or diapers. But how much macaroni and cheese are people eating!?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 11, 2015, 01:50:39 pm
this seems more appropriate for the older boardies
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61SxNs3oVaL._SY355_.jpg)


They really need one for Beer and Condoms...although those would need to be same day delivery
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 11, 2015, 01:56:16 pm
I hadn't seen this until today:

(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61bqgpFSufL._SL1000_.jpg)

It's an Amazon "Dash" button (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00WJ13MVM/ref=s9_acss_bw_ct_winetype_ct3_a2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-3&pf_rd_r=1JGZ2XPAW7WHPVV80YXG&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=2223735322&pf_rd_i=10667898011) for ordering stuff. There's a couple dozen of them, each for 5 bucks which is refunded with first orders, but they're only available to Prime customers. I'm gonna buy one just for its kitsch value.
I understand these for, like, cleaning supplies or diapers. But how much macaroni and cheese are people eating!?

Dash Button responds only to your first press until your order is delivered.
that's a good feature...as I could imagine after a party getting 200 boxes of Mac and Cheese

because if I ever was in the humble abode of Julian, I would press that button 200 times
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 11, 2015, 02:04:39 pm
They also have one for Gatorade but it's just the current G logo, which is boring. If someone who didn't know the logo saw it they'd have no idea what a "G" button does.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 11, 2015, 02:11:35 pm
There's one for Orbit gum lol. Who the hell needs gum in a jiff like that?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 11, 2015, 02:14:21 pm
There's one for Orbit gum lol. Who the hell needs gum in a jiff like that?
My bigger question is who is going through gum at that sort of frenetic pace? Same thing as the mac and cheese: you just ate mac and cheese for dinner. Why do you need touch of a button, next-day delivery of mass quantities of mac and cheese? How many days in a row are you eating mac and cheese!?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 11, 2015, 02:15:17 pm
They also have one for Gatorade but it's just the current G logo, which is boring. If someone who didn't know the logo saw it they'd have no idea what a "G" button does.

I actually triggers a member of G Unit coming to your house and rapping.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 12, 2015, 10:46:47 am
They also have one for Gatorade but it's just the current G logo, which is boring. If someone who didn't know the logo saw it they'd have no idea what a "G" button does.

I actually triggers a member of G Unit coming to your house and rapping.
It took about 10 years, but you made me lol irl.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 12, 2015, 11:49:26 am
dash buttons for Julian:

http://www.amazon.com/Olay-Dash-Button-Limited-Release/dp/B00WJ12ZFG/
http://www.amazon.com/LOreal-Youth-Code-Dash-Button/dp/B00WJ11HZ0/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 12, 2015, 11:50:57 am
dash buttons for Julian:

http://www.amazon.com/Olay-Dash-Button-Limited-Release/dp/B00WJ12ZFG/
http://www.amazon.com/LOreal-Youth-Code-Dash-Button/dp/B00WJ11HZ0/

Call me when they have one for Montaudon.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 12, 2015, 02:56:59 pm
^ pray tell that montaudon is your "everyday" champagne...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 12, 2015, 03:03:33 pm
^ pray tell that montaudon is your "everyday" champagne...
I mean, it's my "house" champagne. I don't drink champagne "everyday".
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on November 14, 2015, 09:05:39 am
There's only so much time in the day: Pornhub reports traffic drop on Fallout 4 launch
http://www.digitaltrends.com/gaming/fallout-4-launch-pornhub/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on November 14, 2015, 09:10:11 am
Era's just aren't what they used to be... 23 months

End of an era: Apple shutters Beats Music for good
http://www.digitaltrends.com/music/apple-shutters-beats-music-for-good/

 

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 14, 2015, 12:40:40 pm
Era's just aren't what they used to be... 23 months

End of an era: Apple shutters Beats Music for good
http://www.digitaltrends.com/music/apple-shutters-beats-music-for-good/

POTW material
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 16, 2015, 11:51:10 am
Drew Daniel (Matmos) tweeted about this:

Make the Censors Watch 'Paint Drying' (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/charlielyne/make-the-censors-watch-paint-drying?ref=thanks_tweet)

The British Board of Film Certification (previously known as the British Board of Film Censors) was established in 1912 to ensure films remained free of 'indecorous dancing', 'references to controversial politics' and 'men and women in bed together', amongst other perceived indiscretions.

Today, it continues to censor and in some cases ban films, while UK law ensures that, in effect, a film cannot be released in British cinemas without a BBFC certificate.

Each certificate costs around 1000 for a feature film of average length. For many independent filmmakers, such a large upfront can prove prohibitively expensive.

Luckily, there?s a flipside to all of this: while filmmakers are required to pay the BBFC to certify their work, the BBFC are also required to sit through whatever we pay them to watch.

That?s why I?m Kickstarting a BBFC certificate for my new film Paint Drying ? a single, unbroken shot of white paint drying on a brick wall. All the money raised by this campaign (minus Kickstarter's fees) will be put towards the cost of the certificate, so the final length of the film will be determined by how much money is raised here.

For instance, if we raise 108.59, the film will be one minute long. If we raise 526.90, it'll be an hour long. And so on.


As of this post, it's 34 minutes long with 29 days to go.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 16, 2015, 12:23:20 pm
GENIUS!! Hahahahaha!!!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on November 16, 2015, 02:00:52 pm
oh yes, that's smart.  that will work, beyond an article to report on it.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Got Haggis? on November 16, 2015, 02:49:01 pm
onion article from 2003

http://www.theonion.com/multiblogpost/this-war-will-destabilize-the-entire-mideast-regio-11534
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 17, 2015, 02:16:22 pm
My peeps getting some respect!~
A Boston woman was allowed to wear a spaghetti strainer on her head for her driver's license photo, due to her belief in the Pastafarian religion.  (http://www.snopes.com/2015/11/16/pastafarian-spaghetti-strainer-photo/)
(http://www.snopes.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/spaghetti-monster.jpg)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 21, 2015, 01:11:04 pm
Facebook doesn't believe Phuc Dat Bich is man's real name (http://www.sfgate.com/weird/article/Facebook-doesn-t-believe-Phuc-Dat-Bich-is-man-s-6646670.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 02, 2015, 12:28:40 pm
Facebook doesn't believe Phuc Dat Bich is man's real name (http://www.sfgate.com/weird/article/Facebook-doesn-t-believe-Phuc-Dat-Bich-is-man-s-6646670.php)

apparently I was pwned
Turns Out That Guy Named Phuc Dat Bich Is A Dirty Lying Bich (http://distractify.com/humor/2015/11/25/mustafa-phucking-jerk)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 02, 2015, 02:42:33 pm
A Turkish court appointed five ?Lord of the Rings? experts to figure out whether this Gollum meme is offensive
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/12/02/a-turkish-court-appointed-five-lord-of-the-rings-experts-to-figure-out-whether-this-gollum-meme-is-offensive/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 03, 2015, 01:56:43 pm
Pitchfork reviews the Pope's LP, awards it a score of 3:16. (http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/21235-wake-up/)

"Chill Pope, the leader of 1.2 billion people, urges you to accept this weird-ass album as your spiritual Genesis, your graceless way of saying Yes."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 08, 2015, 02:06:52 pm

To whom it may concern: please claim your Boeing 747s
 (http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/to-whom-it-may-concern-please-claim-your-boeing-747s/ar-AAga0gU?ocid=iehp)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 08, 2015, 02:16:32 pm
Fox News Suspends Two Analysts over Profane Obama Insults  (http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/12/fox-hosts-suspended-swearing)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on December 08, 2015, 02:24:29 pm
I?m a big fan of ?snow could be heavy at times.? Yes, it could be. If the high-end of the snowfall forecast pans out, it will have snowed 266 inches ? or more than 21 feet (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/capital-weather-gang/wp/2015/12/08/wondering-where-all-the-snow-is-mt-rainier-forecast-to-get-over-15-feet-this-week/) ? in six days. Snowfall rates could easily reach 6 inches per hour Tuesday and Wednesday.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on December 09, 2015, 03:02:31 pm
Norman Reedus: Please Don't Bite Me
http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/09/entertainment/fan-bites-norman-reedus-walking-dead-feat/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 12, 2015, 02:24:42 am
Buffalo Wild Wings Unveils Mountain Dew-Flavored Wings (https://www.yahoo.com/food/buffalo-wild-wings-unveils-mountain-dew-flavored-220000417.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on December 12, 2015, 02:19:24 pm
people in my area, just had their computer mouse fly off the desk, from getting up so fast.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 14, 2015, 11:55:38 am
North Carolina citizenry defeat pernicious Big Solar plan to suck up the Sun
Town council votes to deny zoning permit that would allow solar farm development.

Quote
The citizens of Woodland, N.C. have spoken loud and clear: They don't want none of them highfalutin solar panels in their good town. They scare off the kids. "All the young people are going to move out," warned Bobby Mann, a local resident concerned about the future of his burg. Worse, Mann said, the solar panels would suck up all the energy from the Sun.

Another resident?a retired science teacher, no less?expressed concern that a proposed solar farm would block photosynthesis, and prevent nearby plants from growing. Jane Mann then went on to add that there seemed to have been a lot of cancer deaths in the area, and that no one could tell her solar panels didn't cause cancer. ?I want information," Mann said. "Enough is enough."

http://arstechnica.com/science/2015/12/north-carolina-citizenry-defeat-pernicious-big-solar-plan-to-suck-up-the-sun/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 14, 2015, 12:56:24 pm
welp...take NC off that list of places I might move
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 14, 2015, 12:57:29 pm
welp...take NC off that list of places I might move
The research triangle is a great place to visit/live. The rest of the state is Kentucky.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on December 14, 2015, 01:06:44 pm
welp...take NC off that list of places I might move
The research triangle is a great place to visit/live. The rest of the state is Kentucky.

I'd hardly compare Asheville to Kentucky. Although I've never been to Kentucky, so maybe there is someplace in Kentucky with great beer, great food, and great outdoor activities.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 14, 2015, 01:21:58 pm
welp...take NC off that list of places I might move
The research triangle is a great place to visit/live. The rest of the state is Kentucky.

I'd hardly compare Asheville to Kentucky. Although I've never been to Kentucky, so maybe there is someplace in Kentucky with great beer, great food, and great outdoor activities.
this says it all
In the 2012 presidential election, Barack Obama won the entirety of Buncombe County with 55% of the vote
Asheville is a city in and the county seat of Buncombe County, North Carolina

for it's physical location, I was very surprised
Ok NC you're back on the list

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on December 14, 2015, 02:07:35 pm
Asheville and the Research Triangle are nice.

and Wilmington's a decent place to stop for a night or two. the battleship is cool.

the rest of the rest of the state should be forgotten.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on December 14, 2015, 02:15:05 pm
No love for Charlotte?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 14, 2015, 02:20:31 pm
No love for Charlotte?
Charlotte is basically Pittsburg. It's a trash city. I'll give you Asheville and possibly even Wilmington as exceptions but Charlotte is fucking terrible.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 14, 2015, 02:35:32 pm
No love for Charlotte?
Charlotte is basically Pittsburg. It's a trash city. I'll give you Asheville and possibly even Wilmington as exceptions but Charlotte is fucking terrible.
Charlotte is now the nation's second-largest banking center, after New York, and why one out of every five people in the region now has a finance-related job..
 ...that speaks volumes

I agree with Jules it's a city without a soul and lot of money to burn
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on December 14, 2015, 02:37:07 pm
No love for Charlotte?
Charlotte is basically Pittsburg. It's a trash city. I'll give you Asheville and possibly even Wilmington as exceptions but Charlotte is fucking terrible.

Only been there once. Had a friend who moved there from Charlotte, and she seems to have no complaints. Perhaps the fact that her husband is likely pulling in big bucks working for Microsoft softens the blow. I think in any decent size city you can probably find pockets of beauty or pockets of hipness or pockets of progressiveness...or whatever it is that determines livability for you.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 14, 2015, 02:39:34 pm
I agree with Jules it's a city without a soul and lot of money to burn
I didn't say that: I said it's a trash city.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 14, 2015, 04:09:30 pm
cosby (http://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebrity/bill-cosby-sues-alleged-victims-for-defamation/ar-BBny5IZ?ocid=spartanntp) is suing the women he raped!
classy bill, very classy
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on December 14, 2015, 08:21:01 pm
legally, he can.  there has never been proof that any of this happened, though everybody knows it did.  without proof, you are technically defaming.  shitty move on his part, but lawyers can and will do anything, and I very much applaud all the woman who came forward.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on December 14, 2015, 08:50:01 pm
http://gawker.com/california-cop-guns-down-man-crawling-from-car-wreckage-1747954638

cops shoots man climbing out of the vehicle he just wrecked, for no reason, without warning, without words, without anything that was even basic protocol.  Just shot him, and calmly put his gun pack in the holster. then lied to dispatch claiming he was refusing to get out of the vehicle.  and the whole thing was caught on tape.  and he wasn't charged with anything.  it was called an accident by d.a.

yep.  another day.

yeah, I know. he was drunk, wrecked his car and killed his wife.  did he deserve to be shot and paralyzed for no reason?  hmmm . . .  let me think about that.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on December 16, 2015, 08:16:11 pm
PBS series finds Bill Maher, Bill O'Reilly are related
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/pbs-series-finding-your-roots-finds-bill-maher-bill-oreilly-are-related/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 18, 2015, 09:59:13 pm
Although Bands Don?t Know It, Conservatism Is The True Home For Indie Music (http://thefederalist.com/2015/12/03/although-bands-dont-know-it-conservatism-is-the-true-home-for-indie-music/)

Oh hey, indie rockers, please stop making me think I'm wrong about everything.  ::)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 21, 2015, 06:58:50 pm
CBGB Is Reopening At Newark Airport, As A Restaurant (http://gothamist.com/2015/12/21/cbgb_newark_restaurant.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 22, 2015, 02:13:02 am
CBGB Is Reopening At Newark Airport, As A Restaurant (http://gothamist.com/2015/12/21/cbgb_newark_restaurant.php)

eww eww eww eww...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on December 22, 2015, 02:16:50 am
I saw that..


nothing says punk like an airport...

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on December 22, 2015, 02:22:43 am
right, and not just any airport.  newark.  clearly the most punk rock of all NYC area airports.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 22, 2015, 10:19:06 am
I saw that..


nothing says punk like an airport...


and all those cherished memories those punkers had of the fine food there too
for me it was the food, but the bathrooms keep me coming back
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 22, 2015, 12:04:02 pm
not onion material, but just saw this
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10406741_10153286414138601_1842564026759614091_n.jpg?oh=4aef92b6e7868739b055cdb25dcffcd0&oe=56D820DC)

I bet that was a rocking show!

(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtf1/v/t1.0-9/q82/s720x720/12360198_10153286413968601_5987300913618015266_n.jpg?oh=7b75d6f4ce3de59a9ca43951a0f18053&oe=56D6A4FA)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 26, 2015, 09:02:40 pm
Guy Fieri Wants Out of Restaurant Chain "Johnny Garlic's" (http://www.nbcwashington.com/entertainment/entertainment-news/Guy-Fieri-Wants-Out-of-Johnny-Garlics-Restaurant-Chain-363555761.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on December 28, 2015, 03:12:03 pm
Kentucky mall St. Matthews closes after brawls involving 2,000
http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/kentucky-mall-st-matthews-closes-after-brawls-involving-2000

2000???? That many people A: were involved in a brawl and B: were shopping at a mall at the same time in 2015? 

Quote
St. Matthews, a suburb of about 18,000 people outside of Louisville, is a normally quiet city that sees no more than two murders a year, McDonald said. ?I?ve been a police officer 33 years, and I haven?t ever seen anything like this before,? he said. ?We always plan for worst-case scenario, but this exceeded that.?

^ so a huge percentage of the population was at the mall at the same time, and fighting???
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on December 28, 2015, 03:53:02 pm
you know, this is totally belittling the situation that innocent people could have gotten hurt and damages and all that . . . but i still cant believe, people actually go to malls.  when i went Christmas shopping, it was like, wow, these places still do stay afloat.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on December 28, 2015, 05:38:57 pm
you know, this is totally belittling the situation that innocent people could have gotten hurt and damages and all that . . . but i still cant believe, people actually go to malls.  when i went Christmas shopping, it was like, wow, these places still do stay afloat.
Are they? I feel like all of them are being "revamped" as "town centers" or something like that. They're all god damn nightmares.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 29, 2015, 12:39:38 pm
Whole Foods to pay for overcharging customers (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/12/29/whole-foods-to-pay-500000-for-overcharging-nyc-customers/)

Ummm I thought that was their business model?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on December 29, 2015, 12:57:52 pm
Verizon to pay for overcharging customers (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Deadline-Approaches-for-Customers-Owned-Money-From-Verizon-or-Sprint-363416001.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 06, 2016, 11:19:46 pm
The Offspring just sold their entire catalog for $35 million (http://consequenceofsound.net/2016/01/the-offspring-just-sold-their-entire-catalog-for-35-million/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 07, 2016, 12:55:27 am
Worth every penny...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAlZyajmcIM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji9NPW3mi8o
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 07, 2016, 09:46:40 am
The Offspring just sold their entire catalog for $35 million (http://consequenceofsound.net/2016/01/the-offspring-just-sold-their-entire-catalog-for-35-million/)

Here's the money shot: ?We have some masters like the Bush catalog . . . but we wanted more exposure and you won?t get a more high-quality catalog than The Offspring.?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 07, 2016, 10:58:34 am
The Offspring just sold their entire catalog for $35 million (http://consequenceofsound.net/2016/01/the-offspring-just-sold-their-entire-catalog-for-35-million/)

Here's the money shot: ?We have some masters like the Bush catalog . . . but we wanted more exposure and you won?t get a more high-quality catalog than The Offspring.?
So when they were popular The Offspring?s catalog allegedly produced $3.1 million in net publisher or net label revenue
so since it's been close to 2 decades since we've been popular...why wouldn't a company want to pay 10x the total revenue we made

I just don't know how you could make a profit after spending 35 mil on their catalog
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on January 07, 2016, 11:07:19 am
Especially in the modern age of downloading music for free.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 07, 2016, 11:13:21 am
So when they were popular The Offspring?s catalog allegedly produced $3.1 million in net publisher or net label revenue
so since it's been close to 2 decades since we've been popular...why wouldn't a company want to pay 10x the total revenue we made
To be fair, the music and movie business has long been a shell game where "net" profits are extremely tiny on paper for tax purposes. Every time George Lucas flies somewhere and speaks at a nerd convention, the cost of the trip is deducted from Star Wars' net profit. The Offspring have sold 36 million albums. The idea that the record label only "profited" between 8 and 9 cents per sale is ludicrous.

That said, I agree with your general point that I don't see how they hope to recoup that much money for it in 2016 onward unless "Keep 'Em Separated" is tailor-made for commercials and I am just missing it.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 07, 2016, 11:57:53 am
"Keep 'Em Separated" 

the name of the song is "come out and play", you MORAN.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 07, 2016, 12:07:41 pm
"Keep 'Em Separated" 

the name of the song is "come out and play", you MORAN.
(https://lwtc247.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/get-a-brain-morans.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 07, 2016, 12:16:32 pm
Especially in the modern age of downloading music for free.
True, but there is still money in licensing music for tv, movies, and commercials.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 07, 2016, 12:23:20 pm
From the article: The band?s best-selling record, 1994?s Smash, remains owned by Epitaph Records, but Round Hill Music has reportedly acquired publishing rights to the songs on Smash and the band?s earlier Epitaph albums.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on January 07, 2016, 02:01:39 pm
Not sure this is Onion Level or Celebrity Scandal or a Country Song....

Kacey Musgrave's car was broken into and her boots were stolen.  Then this happened



Suspect tries to return Kacey Musgraves' boots, gets arrested

http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/crime/2016/01/07/suspect-tries-return-kacey-musgraves-boots-gets-arrested/78401982/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 07, 2016, 02:09:29 pm
Suspect tries to return Kacey Musgraves' boots, gets arrested

http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/crime/2016/01/07/suspect-tries-return-kacey-musgraves-boots-gets-arrested/78401982/
For clarification: he attempted to return the boots to the store from which they were purchased in hopes of getting the face value, not returning them to Musgraves herself.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 08, 2016, 01:15:47 pm
Melbourne man faces stiff opposition to penis signature (http://www.theage.com.au/national/melbourne-man-faces-stiff-opposition-to-penis-signature-20160106-gm0sx6.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 08, 2016, 02:20:34 pm
Slightly NSFW at the beginning... This is probably the most absurd thing I have seen this year.  hairy Krishna news, A Burrito Takes over Seattle (by Rappy McRapperson)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CshMEU_pi_c
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 08, 2016, 02:25:31 pm
hairy Krishna news,
At the Richmond vegetarian festival this summer, I was handed a pamphlet from some Krishna kids (rocking the beads!) entitled "Are You Righteous Enough For The Bhagavad Gita?" I was like, what year is this!?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 08, 2016, 02:27:58 pm
At the Richmond vegetarian festival
bet that was a rocking good time on par with the GWAR-BQ
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 08, 2016, 02:52:48 pm
At the Richmond vegetarian festival
bet that was a rocking good time on par with the GWAR-BQ

I did wake up in a ditch overdosed on vegan cheese.

But seriously, its a great event and one of the biggest ones on the East Coast. Great food and a fun day every year.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 08, 2016, 02:56:35 pm
hairy Krishna news,
At the Richmond vegetarian festival this summer, I was handed a pamphlet from some Krishna kids (rocking the beads!) entitled "Are You Righteous Enough For The Bhagavad Gita?" I was like, what year is this!?
Oops, I meant to post this in the YouTube Thread.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on January 08, 2016, 03:12:39 pm
That said, I agree with your general point that I don't see how they hope to recoup that much money for it in 2016 onward unless "Keep 'Em Separated" is tailor-made for commercials and I am just missing it.

The plan is this (and it's been going on for a while):  The record companies are going to renegotiate their deals with the streaming companies (most current deals are about 3 years) and the record company revenues are going to increase in the future.  By doing deals like this, they're hedging that by owning both the label and the artists' rights, they'll be able to turn profits by buying cheap "popular" assets that will be played over and over again.

I don't agree with it, but that's the theory.   
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 08, 2016, 03:16:10 pm
That said, I agree with your general point that I don't see how they hope to recoup that much money for it in 2016 onward unless "Keep 'Em Separated" is tailor-made for commercials and I am just missing it.

The plan is this (and it's been going on for a while):  The record companies are going to renegotiate their deals with the streaming companies (most current deals are about 3 years) and the record company revenues are going to increase in the future.  By doing deals like this, they're hedging that by owning both the label and the artists' rights, they'll be able to turn profits by buying cheap "popular" assets that will be played over and over again.

I don't agree with it, but that's the theory.   
I can see the ad room now


"we need a new pitch line for this lights and Darks combined Tide"
"yeah mom is always so frustrated with separating all those lights from the darks"
"I know we can use that cheezy pop-punk song from the 90's...who owns the rights to that?"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 08, 2016, 03:24:56 pm
Police called to McDonald's over claims staff fat-shamed teenage girl for ordering six cheeseburgers
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/police-called-mcdonalds-over-claims-7138115
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/12495212_940859929337157_2493589793625660275_n.jpg?oh=30428c12f5fe10254143c24c4d9d845c&oe=57454C9C)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on January 08, 2016, 03:28:35 pm
I can see the ad room now

Dexter Holland is no idiot - I'm sure he handled most of this and the rest just followed.

The conversation probably went like this:

"But Dexter, what if our songs end up on crappy commercials for stuff?"
"I just asked my daughter - she said 'what's a commercial?'..."
"Good point.  Let's do this."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Relaxer on January 08, 2016, 03:36:59 pm
Police called to McDonald's over claims staff fat-shamed teenage girl for ordering six cheeseburgers
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/police-called-mcdonalds-over-claims-7138115
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xat1/v/t1.0-9/12495212_940859929337157_2493589793625660275_n.jpg?oh=30428c12f5fe10254143c24c4d9d845c&oe=57454C9C)

God, this article is really something.
The girl and mother are quoted over and over saying that she wasn't just buying the food for herself, and this is never disputed in the article, which ends with this:

Quote
According to their website, one McDonald's cheeseburger contains 301 calories and a regular portion of fries comes in at 337 calories.

This means, if one woman were to consume six cheeseburgers and four portions of fries, they would take in almost 3,500 calories - 1,500 calories more than the recommended daily amount.

They would also consume twice the recommended amount of fat and more than twice the recommended amount of salt.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 08, 2016, 03:40:24 pm
I do not even know if that site is satire.  I figured Carlos would get a chuckle.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 08, 2016, 03:53:27 pm
Look at that girl. I don't believe for one second she was eating less than 50% of that order.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 11, 2016, 01:56:45 pm
so you can buy Hef's Playboy mansion for $200mil (http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/realestate/playboy-mansion-for-sale-for-dollar200m-%e2%80%94-hef-included/ar-CCnOxZ?ocid=spartanntp)...the catch is you have to let him live there until he dies
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on January 12, 2016, 09:48:10 am
"Here's a better photo of me" - Ohio man with warrants sends police a better-looking picture for mugshot

http://wric.com/2016/01/12/here-is-a-better-photo-ohio-man-unhappy-with-mug-shot-sends-new-pic-to-police/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 12, 2016, 01:50:08 pm
"Here's a better photo of me" - Ohio man with warrants sends police a better-looking picture for mugshot

http://wric.com/2016/01/12/here-is-a-better-photo-ohio-man-unhappy-with-mug-shot-sends-new-pic-to-police/
well his original mugshot was pretty bad
(http://media1.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2016_02/1372531/16012-donald-a-chip-pugh-jpo-532a_e998f70df4d8c416d3fcae279e863a34.nbcnews-ux-2880-1000.jpg)
but come on with the glasses...

I did find this classic mugshot though
(https://saboteur365.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/funny-mugshots-2.jpg?w=474)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on January 12, 2016, 04:23:15 pm
"Here's a better photo of me" - Ohio man with warrants sends police a better-looking picture for mugshot

http://wric.com/2016/01/12/here-is-a-better-photo-ohio-man-unhappy-with-mug-shot-sends-new-pic-to-police/
well his original mugshot was pretty bad
(http://media1.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2016_02/1372531/16012-donald-a-chip-pugh-jpo-532a_e998f70df4d8c416d3fcae279e863a34.nbcnews-ux-2880-1000.jpg)
but come on with the glasses...

First I was like, Alfonso Ribiero got arrested?!?

(http://images.entertainment.ie/images_content/rectangle/620x372/CarltonBanksFreshPrince.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 12, 2016, 11:02:47 pm
"Here's a better photo of me" - Ohio man with warrants sends police a better-looking picture for mugshot

http://wric.com/2016/01/12/here-is-a-better-photo-ohio-man-unhappy-with-mug-shot-sends-new-pic-to-police/

Busted! (http://wtop.com/national/2016/01/police-wanted-man-unhappy-with-mugshot-offers-selfie/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on January 13, 2016, 02:25:41 pm
Angry Militia Leader: Stop Mailing Us Dildos
http://gawker.com/angry-militia-leader-stop-mailing-us-dildos-1752580458
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 15, 2016, 01:52:01 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CYwcnxDWcAA5Xa8.jpg)

h/t @LaurelHalo
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 15, 2016, 01:54:11 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CYviGp5UEAAG-B6.jpg)

h/t @matdryhurst
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 15, 2016, 01:56:46 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CYviGp5UEAAG-B6.jpg)

h/t @matdryhurst
To be fair, daily beatings toughens one up at some point.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on January 15, 2016, 04:54:53 pm
Is this the right thread for this one?
Maybe I should start a "Religions suck" thread.

http://nytlive.nytimes.com/womenintheworld/2016/01/15/indian-high-court-to-rule-on-accepting-menstruating-women-in-places-of-worship/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on January 15, 2016, 05:07:35 pm
you were molested, by a priest, weren't you?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 15, 2016, 05:08:27 pm
you were molested, by a priest, weren't you?
Gurrrrrrrl. . .
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on January 15, 2016, 05:20:36 pm
you were molested, by a priest, weren't you?

No, but I was repeatedly told that god impregnated a woman mary who had a son named jesus who walked on water and died on a cross to save me from my sins and if i didn't believe it i was going to burn in hell. how is that for lack of punctuation?

I've never even met a priest as best i can remember.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on January 15, 2016, 05:29:36 pm
you don't believe in jesus?  you do know, that jesus invented beer?  at least, thats what i heard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwSVskQW3Uo
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on January 15, 2016, 05:43:35 pm
you don't believe in jesus?  you do know, that jesus invented beer?  at least, thats what i heard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwSVskQW3Uo

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/12/18/did-historical-jesus-exist-the-traditional-evidence-doesnt-hold-up/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on January 15, 2016, 05:46:46 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9vP8DjEB6Y
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 19, 2016, 12:05:49 pm
Univision buys The Onion (http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/01/19/463535648/area-satiric-publication-the-onion-sold-to-univision-seriously)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 19, 2016, 12:06:56 pm
^love the headline
Area Satirical Publication The Onion Sold To Univision (Seriously)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 19, 2016, 12:08:58 pm
They need to translate their entire page into Spanish for the day. La Cebolla!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 21, 2016, 06:34:41 pm
It turns out Donald Trump's father was the racist landlord Woody Guthrie hated (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/01/21/1472974/-It-turns-out-Donald-Trump-s-father-was-the-racist-landlord-Woody-Guthrie-hated?detail=facebook)

(yes, cross posted)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: AnalogFossa on January 26, 2016, 02:24:34 pm
http://pitchfork.com/news/63152-bob-disses-neil-degrasse-tyson-promotes-holocaust-denier-on-new-track-flatline/

This headline speaks for itself.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on January 27, 2016, 09:37:14 pm
Rumsfeld: "If it was a fact, it wouldn't be called intelligence"

Interview with Colbert on Monday night.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on January 28, 2016, 05:16:43 pm
dis shit, getting good.

http://pitchfork.com/news/63216-martin-shkreli-releases-insane-ghostface-killah-diss-video/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 05, 2016, 03:40:52 pm
France is changing the spelling of onion and people are angry  (http://www.foodandwine.com/blogs/france-changing-spelling-onion-and-people-are-angry)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 29, 2016, 06:35:42 pm
Security Detail Tackles Homeless Man On Oscars Red Carpet, Turned Out To Be Rob Zombie

http://heaviermetal.net/security-detail-tackles-homeless-man-on-oscars-red-carpet-turns-out-to-be-rob-zombie
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 29, 2016, 11:04:29 pm
^ good story, but fake ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 08, 2016, 11:19:25 pm
Wachowski brothers are now sisters
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on March 11, 2016, 03:36:05 pm
http://tmzworldnews.com/employee-admits-to-pooping-in-wendys-chili-for-over-2-years/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 11, 2016, 03:52:48 pm
I guess that's a little better than this
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2068652/Woman-killed-grandmother-lacing-Wendys-chilli-morphine.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2068652/Woman-killed-grandmother-lacing-Wendys-chilli-morphine.html)


also what's up with that guys ears?
(http://foxnews3.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/WENDYS-_CHILI.jpg)
those are rubberbands, not some new piercing trend?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on March 11, 2016, 04:09:12 pm
I guess that's a little better than this
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2068652/Woman-killed-grandmother-lacing-Wendys-chilli-morphine.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2068652/Woman-killed-grandmother-lacing-Wendys-chilli-morphine.html)

 

not a bad way to go, TBH.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 16, 2016, 11:08:25 am
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/liveblog-live/files/2016/03/image1-8.jpg)

Surprised commuter had no idea Metro was closed (https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/liveblog-live/liveblog/updates-d-c-metro-shutdown/#a6af91cb-3a6d-4367-b8e3-d53ec06e8bfc)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on March 16, 2016, 11:10:12 am
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/liveblog-live/files/2016/03/image1-8.jpg)

Surprised commuter had no idea Metro was closed (https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/liveblog-live/liveblog/updates-d-c-metro-shutdown/#a6af91cb-3a6d-4367-b8e3-d53ec06e8bfc)
I'm stunned that the one person unaware Metro was closed today was a waiter. I thought for sure he would be a VPO or a captain of industry in some way.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on March 16, 2016, 03:52:21 pm
I believe it, one hundred, percent.  waiters party harder than ceos/coos/cmos.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on March 16, 2016, 03:58:41 pm
I believe it, one hundred, percent.  waiters party harder than ceos/coos/cmos.
I think the joke went over your head.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on March 16, 2016, 04:22:14 pm
yeah, I guess.  I was too lazy to read the article.  America.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 17, 2016, 10:23:03 pm
meep meep (http://www.mandatory.com/2016/03/16/a-graffiti-artist-painted-a-road-runner-tunnel-on-a-wall-and-som/)

(http://o.aolcdn.com/hss/storage/midas/8b80668008dfb920b7ad905e2f50e2f/203554109/guy+drives+through+painted+tunnel.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on March 24, 2016, 03:50:47 pm
Corey Feldman takes to Indiegogo to fund his next Album

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/elev8or-2-ascension-the-feldfanfam-fundraiser#/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 24, 2016, 03:58:02 pm
Ga. parents, offended by the ?Far East religion? of yoga, get ?Namaste? banned from school (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/03/24/ga-parents-offended-by-the-far-east-religion-of-yoga-get-namaste-banned-from-school/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on March 24, 2016, 06:12:08 pm
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/local/man-arrested-for-not-returning-freddy-got-fingered-vhs-from-2002/177186020

Concord man accused of not returning VHS rental 14 years later

"A Concord man was arrested for failing to return a 2002 VHS rental movie, ?Freddy Got Fingered.? "
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 24, 2016, 10:34:21 pm
Palo Alto considers subsidized housing for families making under $250,000 (http://www.sfgate.com/news/article/Palo-Alto-considers-plan-to-offer-subsidized-6977112.php)
really wasn't sure if the Smakie, Jules Elec Boog or this thread would be the best place
flipped a 3 sided coin
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 24, 2016, 11:56:44 pm
Neil Young's ranch must be unimaginably valuable.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on March 29, 2016, 10:13:14 am
smart fella.

https://www.rt.com/usa/337481-lawnmower-explosion-tannerite-amputation/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on March 29, 2016, 05:53:40 pm
"People of the future will no doubt study this picture (http://gizmodo.com/hijack-pics-or-it-didnt-happen-1767776105) as the tipping point for humanity, when the last fuck was given."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on March 29, 2016, 08:17:26 pm
Blame, kim.  Blame, kim.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on March 30, 2016, 04:59:22 pm
Study Finds Cat Owners To Be Complete Losers (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-fisher/cat-owners-losers_b_9516218.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 06, 2016, 12:48:05 am
GMU law school renaming after Antonin Scalia hits snag (http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/05/politics/george-mason-university-antonin-scalia-law-school-name-change/index.html?sr=fbCNN040616george-mason-university-antonin-scalia-law-school-name-change1226AMVODtopLink&linkId=23099908)

So fucking well deserved.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 06, 2016, 07:18:21 am
GMU law school renaming after Antonin Scalia hits snag (http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/05/politics/george-mason-university-antonin-scalia-law-school-name-change/index.html?sr=fbCNN040616george-mason-university-antonin-scalia-law-school-name-change1226AMVODtopLink&linkId=23099908)

So fucking well deserved.
totally...what annoys me is there is some 'anonymous donor' with $30 mil to spare make sure we remember that idiot
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on April 06, 2016, 12:13:18 pm
Study Finds Cat Owners To Be Complete Losers (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-fisher/cat-owners-losers_b_9516218.html)

some,how . . . I will not click on that link.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on April 06, 2016, 03:10:38 pm
Crew member on United Airlines flight out of Sacramento slides out on runway, walks off

Mic Drop. (http://www.sacbee.com/news/local/article69994927.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 06, 2016, 05:31:26 pm
Taylor Swift to Receive First-Ever Taylor Swift Award (http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/7325271/bmi-pop-awards-taylor-swift-award-barry-mann-cynthia-weil)

(https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2014-08/12/13/enhanced/webdr11/anigif_enhanced-30363-1407866384-12.gif)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on April 09, 2016, 02:46:48 pm
 Cops: Man sets up fake DUI checkpoint, gets charged with DUI  (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cops-man-sets-up-fake-dui-checkpoint-gets-charged-with-dui/?linkId=23258798)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 13, 2016, 10:22:50 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cf996fRUYAA8_if.jpg:large)

Holy shit! It's UMD President Loh!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CfeuGuJWcAEiorp.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 15, 2016, 10:42:13 am
(http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g16/beetsnotbeats/fb1_zpsdtgs0lny.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 17, 2016, 10:59:33 am
I posted this in Just Announced on April Fool's:

Election Night Jigs n Blues
w/ O'Malley's March and Huckabee's Bassment
Tue 11/8

Now there's this: Former presidential contenders Martin O?Malley and Mike Huckabee might start a band (http://wtop.com/politics/2016/04/former-presidential-contenders-martin-omalley-and-mike-huckabee-might-start-a-band/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 19, 2016, 01:19:04 pm
announcer expects philly fans to "Have some class.? (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/dc-sports-bog/wp/2016/04/18/an-nhl-team-embarrassed-itself-in-philadelphia-it-wasnt-the-capitals/?hpid=hp_rhp-top-table-main_nhl-7am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 19, 2016, 08:33:04 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgbKh_XWcAEQyAL.jpg)

@DaytonPolice (https://twitter.com/DaytonPolice/status/722487476594585600)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on April 21, 2016, 12:44:02 pm
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-future-arrested-stealing-arby-article-1.2607949
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 25, 2016, 09:07:40 am
Get ready for the Ted Cruz sex tape.

(http://i.imgur.com/kFCpC0Ul.jpg)

http://www.dailydot.com/lol/ted-cruz-lookalike-sex-tape/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on April 25, 2016, 06:05:17 pm
Holy crap... That woman is from a small city in Mississippi across the river from the town where I grew up in Louisiana and where my parents still live.

Her accent is right.  She is definitely a native...
https://www.facebook.com/mauryshow/videos/10154266856707518/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 26, 2016, 06:23:45 pm
Man Sucker-Punched On LES "Because You Look Like Shia LaBeouf" (http://gothamist.com/2016/04/26/labeouf_lookalike_roughed_up.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 28, 2016, 01:10:03 pm
(http://media3.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2016_17/1514386/160427_spam_can_central_musubi_1fd79931afd62dc74c9427e957ded1f4.nbcnews-ux-2880-1000.jpg)

New 14,000-Square-Foot Spam Museum Opens in Minnesota (http://www.nbcnews.com/news/asian-america/new-14-000-square-foot-spam-museums-opens-minnesota-n563436)

The only thing that would make this better would be for the Spam can to spin like the KFC buckets decades ago. Matter of fact, spinning signs should make a comeback.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 29, 2016, 12:35:47 pm
Philly band Beach Slang,  unable to play songs, offers fans refund, breaks up onstage.

http://www.spin.com/2016/04/beach-slang-broke-up-salt-lake-city/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 29, 2016, 01:31:25 pm
Philly band Beach Slang,  unable to play songs, offers fans refund, breaks up onstage.

http://www.spin.com/2016/04/beach-slang-broke-up-salt-lake-city/
funny NPR did a bit on them 'punk band ready to break...dad and punk talks about both roles'
well back to being a Dad I guess
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 02, 2016, 10:41:38 am
Lawsuit says Starbucks' iced drinks have too much ice  (http://money.cnn.com/2016/05/02/news/companies/starbucks-ice-lawsuit/index.html)
 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on May 04, 2016, 10:30:09 am
Lawsuit says Starbucks' iced drinks have too much ice  (http://money.cnn.com/2016/05/02/news/companies/starbucks-ice-lawsuit/index.html)
 
Will this be like the McDonald's coffee cup incident at all? They'll have to put warnings on there warning about the level of ice?

EDIT: totally mentioned in the article. Jesus Christ. This country!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 04, 2016, 05:15:03 pm
(https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13174012_10104560658695268_8563847965458971886_n.jpg?oh=42dda0ad878002da0f1111f659eccd83&oe=57A205A8)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 04, 2016, 05:32:29 pm
so the joke is...that popmarket doesn't know the that's MT in the photo that they talk about Fugazi?

I'm certain people barraged them with complaints....
looks like this now
(http://media.myplaydirect.com/dda/117674104/c058ae309e238c84fab8727a477a6574.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 05, 2016, 12:51:52 am
The pic with Minor Threat was in the email. There were several comments on the deal page ribbing them about the mix-up.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on May 09, 2016, 04:36:15 pm
"Antique Roadshow" mistakenly values high school art project at $50,000

http://hyperallergic.com/296905/antiques-roadshow-mistakenly-values-high-school-art-project-at-50000/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 10, 2016, 11:27:57 am
Budweiser seeks approval to be called ?America? this summer (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/05/10/budweiser-seeks-approval-to-be-called-america-this-summer/?hpid=hp_no-name_morning-mix-story-k%3Ahomepage%2Fstory)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on May 10, 2016, 01:51:29 pm
Budweiser seeks approval to be called ?America? this summer (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/05/10/budweiser-seeks-approval-to-be-called-america-this-summer/?hpid=hp_no-name_morning-mix-story-k%3Ahomepage%2Fstory)
Can't wait!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 10, 2016, 08:53:12 pm
Budweiser seeks approval to be called ?America? this summer (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/05/10/budweiser-seeks-approval-to-be-called-america-this-summer/?hpid=hp_no-name_morning-mix-story-k%3Ahomepage%2Fstory)

"Does this mean they will be renaming Bud Light to "Canada"?"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on May 10, 2016, 09:40:29 pm
"Puerto Rico"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 12, 2016, 09:44:38 am
(http://nextshark.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/howlermonkey_03.jpg)

Monkeys With Smaller Testicles Scream Louder to Compensate, Study Finds (http://nextshark.com/howler-monkey-testicles-study/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 12, 2016, 09:47:50 am
(https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/582086_10150627044756981_97736505_n.jpg?oh=8f65293c9bda28296afd644c3d9652d5&oe=57A53F72)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 13, 2016, 11:22:54 am
Def Leppard Meet ?Deaf Leopards? During Arkansas Tour Stop
http://ultimateclassicrock.com/def-leppard-deaf-leopards/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on May 13, 2016, 11:25:00 am
lordy.. now I  have seen it all...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on May 27, 2016, 09:38:45 pm
Heimlich, 96, finally gets chance to use his maneuver
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/27/us/heimlich-inventor-uses-maneuver/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 30, 2016, 09:19:19 pm
Heimlich, 96, finally gets chance to use his maneuver
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/27/us/heimlich-inventor-uses-maneuver/index.html
loved this story and was wanting to post this
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on June 02, 2016, 03:51:16 pm
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/06/02/a-man-killed-his-girlfriend-and-posted-a-selfie-with-her-corpse-on-facebook-police-say/
"A man killed his girlfriend and posted a selfie with her corpse on Facebook, police say"
(I am not trying to make light of her death; this is a horrible story)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 02, 2016, 04:49:24 pm
(I am not trying to make light of her death; this is a horrible story)
that was a horrible story!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 05, 2016, 12:43:39 pm
how could they tell?
http://www.tmz.com/2016/06/04/richard-simmons-bizarre-behavior/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 09, 2016, 03:13:22 pm

(http://files.ctctcdn.com/dc31c5ec001/2c6dd78f-7df2-4a87-8f69-b541b69d3cca.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 09, 2016, 05:10:22 pm
nice ^
such and odd line up
There are some gems on that list tho
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on June 10, 2016, 12:22:24 am
Yes, nice.  And some real stinkers, to balance out the bunch.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on June 10, 2016, 08:11:12 am
funny to see Gregg Allman billed that low
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on June 10, 2016, 08:13:54 am
wow.. I think the lineup is awful.. other than G Love and Aerosmith nothing interesting..
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unsanity on June 11, 2016, 03:13:00 am
Yeah that is one of the worst music line ups I have ever seen. I dig Cypress Hill and maybe St. Paul would be fun live but jeez the rest of those artists are not up my alley at all.

However, the comedy portion is actually not bad at all. If I ended up at that shitfest somehow, I would spend all my time watching the comedians/actors.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on June 11, 2016, 03:18:50 pm
musical opinions, and how they vary from folk to folk, is fas,cinating.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 13, 2016, 11:13:09 am
(https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-O8ODXAW-4cE/Vsu-3hTprlI/AAAAAAAAQFA/XOUwCbUlRwg/s1600/jerk.jpg)

Donald Trump Calls for Guns to Be Allowed in Bars (http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/donald_trump_calls_for_guns_to_be_allowed_in_bars)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 17, 2016, 03:26:28 pm
Someone Screamed 'Free Bird' At A Bob Dylan Show and He Actually Performed It

http://wbig.iheart.com/articles/rock-news-104703/someone-screamed-free-bird-at-a-14813673/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 17, 2016, 03:30:19 pm
Someone Screamed 'Free Bird' At A Bob Dylan Show and He Actually Performed It

http://wbig.iheart.com/articles/rock-news-104703/someone-screamed-free-bird-at-a-14813673/
I have said for a long time that if I was a professional rock musician, I would learn Free Bird and do it EVERY TIME someone yells it. Turn the joke back around on them.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on June 18, 2016, 01:33:13 pm
 Man runs out of gas, sets up drum kit on Interstate 695  (http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2013-05-21/news/bs-md-co-drums-stop-20130521_1_interstate-695-drum-kit-gas)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on June 18, 2016, 01:42:56 pm
Man runs out of gas, sets up drum kit on Interstate 695  (http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2013-05-21/news/bs-md-co-drums-stop-20130521_1_interstate-695-drum-kit-gas)
that is a blast from the past.  I remember when that happened. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on June 20, 2016, 03:06:57 pm
Tom DeLonge says he quit Blink-182 to focus on ?national security? (http://www.avclub.com/article/tom-delonge-says-he-quit-blink-182-focus-national--238478)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 20, 2016, 03:10:59 pm
Tom DeLonge says he quit Blink-182 to focus on ?national security? (http://www.avclub.com/article/tom-delonge-says-he-quit-blink-182-focus-national--238478)
He's been on about this for over a decade. He claims to have all sort of alien autopsy films and that he's being constantly surveilled by the CIA and stuff. He's kind of a loon.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 20, 2016, 05:00:03 pm
wait, didn't he claim that he never quit the band and that in his (insert qualifier here) mind he was still a member?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 22, 2016, 04:06:53 pm
Robert Plant testifies he can?t read music or remember the ?60s (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2016/06/22/robert-plant-testifies-at-stairway-to-heaven-trial-he-cant-read-music-or-remember-the-60s-verdict-still-a-rock-star/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on June 28, 2016, 04:59:16 pm
 
Former Colts Running Back Fatally Shoots Himself After Moving Gun-Filled Bag At Auto Dealer  (http://deadspin.com/former-colts-running-back-fatally-shoots-himself-after-1782762077)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on July 12, 2016, 04:37:24 pm
Holocaust Museum to visitors: Please stop trying to catch Pokemon here

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2016/07/12/holocaust-museum-to-visitors-please-stop-catching-pokemon-here/?wpisrc=nl_most-draw7&wpmm=1
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 20, 2016, 11:48:52 am
Man stole human brain, named it Freddy and used it to get high, police say (http://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-world/national/article90283412.html)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 20, 2016, 12:03:26 pm
^ can't believe that guy isn't a Florida resident

but my takeaway from the article....
Spraying or soaking marijuana with embalming fluid is ?an emerging drug trend,? according to a statement from the Drug Enforcement Administration. ......

Reactions to the drug appear to vary, with users reporting ?anger? and ?paranoia? as well as an ?increase in women?s sexual appetites,? the DEA added.


well well well...wifey might be getting an extra helping of Embalming fluid tonight with her Pinot Noir
 ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 25, 2016, 10:31:42 am
Lil' Wayne plays Medical Cannabis Concentrates Cup, storms off stage because crowd is sluggish and ambivalent (http://www.fuse.tv/2016/07/lil-wayne-medical-cannabis-cup)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 25, 2016, 08:53:57 pm
Non-Spanish-Speaking Teacher Sues Miami-Dade After She's Denied Job Teaching Spanish (http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/non-spanish-speaking-teacher-sues-miami-dade-after-shes-denied-job-teaching-spanish-8619707)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 26, 2016, 10:20:45 am
This might be fake but it's enjoyable.

This Band?s Craigslist Ad For Studio Time Is Just Too Much (http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2016/07/22/bands-craigslist-ad-just-much/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 28, 2016, 11:09:23 am
GOP accusing Mr. Obama of ?cynically and systematically using his position as President to lead the country. (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/republicans-accuse-obama-of-using-position-as-president-to-lead-country)
(this is from 2013)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 28, 2016, 11:17:22 am
GOP accusing Mr. Obama of ?cynically and systematically using his position as President to lead the country. (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/republicans-accuse-obama-of-using-position-as-president-to-lead-country)
(this is from 2013)
Uh, the Borowitz Report is basically the New Yorkers version of The Onion.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: killsaly on July 29, 2016, 12:38:39 pm
Court rejects Ohio law banning police sex with minors

http://www.thenewscenter.tv/content/news/Court-rejects-Ohio-law-banning-police-sex-with-minors-388556342.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on July 29, 2016, 12:53:37 pm
Forum user creates thread that primarily consists of Intergers

http://forum.930.com/index.php?topic=24385.0
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 29, 2016, 01:27:33 pm
Forum user creates thread that primarily consists of Intergers

http://forum.930.com/index.php?topic=24385.0
GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on July 29, 2016, 01:39:51 pm
If that's the case you should have stopped at 151 or even 42
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on July 29, 2016, 01:40:33 pm
If that's the case you should have stopped at 151 or even 42
I DO NOT GET THIS REFERENCE.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on July 29, 2016, 01:46:30 pm
151 = the number of Pokemon's to be caught

and if you don't get the 42 reference, we'll have to consider your double secret probation status
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 29, 2016, 01:49:09 pm
151 = the number of Pokemon's to be caught

and if you don't get the 42 reference, we'll have to consider your double secret probation status
a pop culture reference referenced by another pop culture reference....very meta
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on July 29, 2016, 02:20:54 pm
Florida man arrested when officer mistakes Krispy Kreme doughnut glaze for meth (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/florida-man-arrested-when-officer-mistakes-krispy-kreme-donut-glaze-for-meth/?hpid=hp_no-name_hp-in-the-news%3Apage%2Fin-the-news)

Understandable....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 29, 2016, 02:47:40 pm
^already posted in Human Weight Issues thread :)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on July 29, 2016, 08:32:51 pm
Larry the Lobster Rescued From Restaurant by Activists, Dies Getting Shipped to Aquarium (http://gizmodo.com/larry-the-lobster-rescued-from-restaurant-dies-getting-1784511949)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 02, 2016, 11:25:13 am
Boston Police Add $89k Ice Cream Truck as Part of "Operation Hoodsie Cup." (http://whdh.com/news/boston-police-add-89000-ice-cream-truck-to-patrol-fleet/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 02, 2016, 03:37:22 pm
Time to cross "Ice Cream Man in Boston" off my list of possible career choices.  Thanks police guys.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 03, 2016, 07:33:10 am
(http://odditymall.com/includes/content/upload/shittens-disposable-mitten-shaped-moist-wipes-8202.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 03, 2016, 02:38:42 pm
Drunk Florida Man Tries to Use Taco as ID After His Car Catches Fire at Taco Bell (http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/drunk-florida-man-tries-to-use-taco-as-id-after-his-car-catches-fire-at-taco-bell-6535056)
 
because florida...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 03, 2016, 05:45:15 pm
?Suicide Squad? Fans Petition To Shut Down Rotten Tomatoes Over Negative Reviews (http://variety.com/2016/film/news/suicide-squad-fans-petition-rotten-tomatoes-bad-reviews-shut-down-1201829631/)

Is Hot Topic sponsoring the petition?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 05, 2016, 10:28:22 am
Mayor of Fairfax arrested for Distributing Meth (in exchange for gay sex) (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/City-of-Fairfax-Mayor-Arrested-for-Distributing-Meth-Police-Say-389282112.html)

To steal a phraseology from Bill Maher: I don't know for a fact he went to Ohio State, I just know it's true.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on August 05, 2016, 12:52:16 pm
Toronto residents call the police on man with rifle; turns out to be cardboard cutout of The Terminator

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/08/04/man-seen-with-a-gun-in-toronto-turns-out-to-be-terminator-cutout.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 09, 2016, 09:05:58 pm
New Order Announce Beer
They?ve partnered with Moorhouse?s Brewery for Stray Dog (http://pitchfork.com/news/67425-new-order-announce-beer/?mbid=social_twitter)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 12, 2016, 03:19:08 pm
Dennis Rodman Claims To Have Broken His Penis Three Times (https://www.monteoz360.com/2016/08/dennis-rodman-claims-to-have-broken-his-penis-three-times/)

Article itself is SFW but the included video probably is not.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 15, 2016, 11:10:40 am
Dennis Rodman Claims To Have Broken His Penis Three Times (https://www.monteoz360.com/2016/08/dennis-rodman-claims-to-have-broken-his-penis-three-times/)

Article itself is SFW but the included video probably is not.
He told this story for Viceland's "Party Legends" and I binged on this show over the weekend. Holy crap. So funny. Hit the Vice YouTube channel and look it up, they have a few of the full episodes up there. Stories about partying from famous actors, comedians, musicians, authors. Great stuff.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 16, 2016, 10:51:10 pm
You-know-who will surely respond to this:

McDonald's hands out activity trackers with Happy Meals (https://www.engadget.com/2016/08/16/mcdonalds-activity-trackers-happy-meal/?sr_source=Facebook)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on August 16, 2016, 11:32:58 pm
Where's Billy?  He just ate at McDonalds. Let's look at the activity tracker that we got in his Happy Meal. Oh look, he's on the shitter.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 16, 2016, 11:39:31 pm
You-know-who will surely respond to this:

McDonald's hands out activity trackers with Happy Meals (https://www.engadget.com/2016/08/16/mcdonalds-activity-trackers-happy-meal/?sr_source=Facebook)
I don't care about truckers BMIs. They're already less than people.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 17, 2016, 09:57:09 pm
my candidate for headline of the year:

Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokmon teens (http://www.thelocal.se/20160816/pig-mask-pair-enjoy-waterwheel-sex-after-pokmon-hunter-attack)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 18, 2016, 03:27:28 pm
You-know-who will surely respond to this:

McDonald's hands out activity trackers with Happy Meals (https://www.engadget.com/2016/08/16/mcdonalds-activity-trackers-happy-meal/?sr_source=Facebook)
Actually. . .

McDonald's decides, "On second thought, maybe drawing attention to how many steps it would take to burn off that Happy Meal isn't a good idea." (http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/17/health/mcdonalds-removes-fitness-tracker-happy-meal-step-it/?iid=ob_homepage_deskrecommended_pool)

(Or something about skin irritations. But my version is funnier.)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 22, 2016, 04:09:08 pm
'Americans everywhere' as wind blows 1,500 U.S. partiers to Canada

An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally and unexpectedly washed up in Canada late Sunday after strong winds blew them across the St. Clair River near Sarnia, Ont.

They were participating in the annual Port Huron Float Down, during which people simply float down the river on rafts, inner tubes and other flotation devices from Port Huron, Mich.

High winds pushed them to a number of points along the Canadian shore. They had to be rescued by Sarnia police, the OPP, the Canadian Coast Guard, Canada Border Service Agency and employees from a nearby chemical company Lanxess Canada

continued: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/floatdown-sarnia-americans-wash-ashore-1.3730792

lol... michiganers. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 22, 2016, 04:11:34 pm
lol... michiganders. 
^FTFY
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 22, 2016, 04:13:32 pm
thanks, jules!

i'm still awaiting your humorously disparaging commentary on the canadians.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 22, 2016, 04:25:07 pm
i'm still awaiting your humorously disparaging commentary on the canadians.
I have never said anything disparaging against Canadians, that's Smackie. I think Canada is great. I was in Montreal last month.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on August 22, 2016, 04:25:30 pm
"Some of my best friends are Canadians"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 22, 2016, 05:54:32 pm
i'm still awaiting your humorously disparaging commentary on the canadians.
I have never said anything disparaging against Canadians, that's Smackie. I think Canada is great. I was in Montreal last month.

in sincerely apologize.  i was sure that at some point you had taken some pot-shots at canuckistan, but a search has shown that you have done no such thing.  i take it all back.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 24, 2016, 08:16:49 pm
'Americans everywhere' as wind blows 1,500 U.S. partiers to Canada

An estimated 1,500 Americans illegally and unexpectedly washed up in Canada late Sunday after strong winds blew them across the St. Clair River near Sarnia, Ont.

They were participating in the annual Port Huron Float Down, during which people simply float down the river on rafts, inner tubes and other flotation devices from Port Huron, Mich.

High winds pushed them to a number of points along the Canadian shore. They had to be rescued by Sarnia police, the OPP, the Canadian Coast Guard, Canada Border Service Agency and employees from a nearby chemical company Lanxess Canada

continued: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/floatdown-sarnia-americans-wash-ashore-1.3730792

lol... michiganers michiganders. 

'We do love Canada': Americans aim to repay Sarnia for $8K rescue of floating partiers
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/float-down-sarnia-1.3733788
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 26, 2016, 10:02:04 am
Lobster Festival Forced to Eat Hot Dogs After Airline Loses Lobsters (http://vocm.com/news/lobster-festival-forced-to-eat-hotdogs-instead-after-air-canada-loses-lobsters/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on August 26, 2016, 10:31:33 am
Lobster Festival Forced to Eat Hot Dogs After Airline Loses Lobsters (http://vocm.com/news/lobster-festival-forced-to-eat-hotdogs-instead-after-air-canada-loses-lobsters/)
lmao
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on August 27, 2016, 04:58:37 pm
Man tries to rob store with sword; finds clerk also has a sword

http://globalnews.ca/news/2169438/watch-man-tries-to-rob-store-with-sword-finds-clerk-also-has-a-sword/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walk,on,by on August 28, 2016, 01:07:26 am
Man tries to rob store with sword; finds clerk also has a sword

http://globalnews.ca/news/2169438/watch-man-tries-to-rob-store-with-sword-finds-clerk-also-has-a-sword/

I call snatch.  That's right; I said snatch.  The man was robbing the store with a machete, not a sword.  Good god, think of the children who have to read this stuff.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 31, 2016, 12:06:21 pm
Teacher fired for sex with student, finds work in missionary position (http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/news/14714225.Shamed_teacher_struck_off_for_having_sex_with_pupil_has_been_working_in_missionary_position/)

Pardon the general "Golly, I'm Bri'ish"-ness of the writing.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 07, 2016, 08:30:29 pm
http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/294708-gingrich-coughs-while-remarking-on-clintons-coughing
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on September 12, 2016, 04:44:53 pm
Norwegian Black Metal Legend Runs For Town Council As A Joke; Wins Unexpectedly

http://www.factmag.com/2016/09/12/fans-elect-black-metal-legend-fenriz-to-town-council-darkthrone/

Quote
Fenriz jokingly shared a photo of himself holding his cat (whose name roughly translates to Peanut Butter) specifically asking people to not vote for him. Now he will be required to serve as Councilman Gylve Fenris Nagell for four years before stepping down is an option.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 13, 2016, 10:20:12 am
(https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/14291672_684340978381891_5248255290490618910_n.jpg?oh=5c1b69f775dc6ce3c5e25da4e210c77e&oe=587A7986)

This just might be the most insipid "inspirational" thing I've ever seen litter my FB feed.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 13, 2016, 10:24:59 am
i saw something almost identical on my feed recently...   something to the effect that "the grass is not greener on the other side.  it is greener wherever you put effort into making it green".

is this a guerrilla marketing campaign from the lawn care industry?!?  if so, isn't their timing a little off?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on September 13, 2016, 02:44:10 pm
I live in the city. I don't have any grass to water.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 19, 2016, 10:37:42 pm
Reports of clown sightings in Annapolis prompt safety warning from police (http://www.capitalgazette.com/news/for_the_record/ph-ac-cn-clown-sighting-0920-20160919-story.html?adfaf)

Oh, AA County  ;D
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 20, 2016, 11:57:37 am
you know where the grass is the greenest....over the septic tank!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 20, 2016, 01:11:06 pm
you know where the grass is the greenest....over the septic tank!

Erma Bombeck (https://www.amazon.com/Grass-Always-Greener-over-Septic/dp/0345471725)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on September 20, 2016, 02:50:15 pm
Reports of clown sightings in Annapolis prompt safety warning from police (http://www.capitalgazette.com/news/for_the_record/ph-ac-cn-clown-sighting-0920-20160919-story.html?adfaf)

Oh, AA County  ;D

Fake.

http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/children-report-suspicious-clown-in-md/321931418
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 20, 2016, 07:08:06 pm
you know where the grass is the greenest....over the septic tank!

Erma Bombeck (https://www.amazon.com/Grass-Always-Greener-over-Septic/dp/0345471725)
all my best work is plagiarized...so stop pointing it out and deal with it :)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 21, 2016, 12:20:51 pm
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/beaver-comes-out-of-water-bites-mans-shoe-man-punches-beaver-in-head/2016/09/21/c5e4c6d6-7ff5-11e6-8d13-d7c704ef9fd9_story.html?hpid=hp_local-news_beaver-915am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 21, 2016, 01:35:16 pm
Mint employee may have smuggled gold where the sun don't shine
http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/21/world/mint-employee-may-have-smuggled-gold-rectum-trnd/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: evilizac on September 23, 2016, 01:25:30 pm
Not sure if it's entirely Onion-esque. . .
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/suicidal-man-talked-off-bridge-via-hatred-of-cowboys-163058492.html (http://sports.yahoo.com/news/suicidal-man-talked-off-bridge-via-hatred-of-cowboys-163058492.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on October 03, 2016, 10:56:38 am
 Trump Supporters Spent The Debate Tweeting At Jon Lester Because They Thought He Was Moderator Lester Holt  (http://deadspin.com/trump-supporters-spent-the-debate-tweeting-at-jon-leste-1787351028)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on October 04, 2016, 09:48:00 pm
90 minutes ahead of the debate, GOP's site declares Mike Pence the winner

http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/trailguide/la-na-vice-presidential-debate-live-90-minutes-ahead-of-the-debate-gop-s-1475625301-htmlstory.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 06, 2016, 01:12:47 pm
Olympic Athlete Avoids 4 Year Suspension by Claiming Cocaine in His System Was From Sex With a Prostitute (http://deadspin.com/world-champion-pole-vaulters-explanation-for-positive-c-1787490640)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on October 14, 2016, 05:23:28 pm
(https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2016/10/the-most-bizarre-and-terrible-titles-on-the-web-29-photos-25.jpg?quality=85&strip=info&w=600)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on October 19, 2016, 02:13:48 pm
10,000 Endangered "Scrotum Frogs" Have Died Near Lake Titicaca
http://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/10000-endangered-scrotum-frogs-have-died-near-lake-titicaca/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on October 19, 2016, 07:13:04 pm
Samsung Files Copyright Infringement Notice to Grand Theft Automakers after Note 7 Appears in Game as Exploding Weapon (https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20161018/23350035833/samsung-issues-takedown-video-grand-theft-auto-5-mod-turning-galaxy-note-7-into-weapon.shtml)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on October 21, 2016, 03:49:15 pm
Citizen Scientists Help Locate ?Spiders? On Mars

http://www.iflscience.com/space/citizen-scientists-help-locate-spiders-on-mars/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 31, 2016, 12:47:50 pm
Popular RVA Music Booker, Chris Bopst, asks "What's more scary than the dark history of institutional racism?" by dressing in blackface for Halloween (https://www.reddit.com/r/rva/comments/5a9arz/booking_agent_music_promoter_of_balliceaux/)

EDIT: Here's (http://www.nbc12.com/story/33522455/blackface-costume-leads-to-richmond-music-bookers-resignation) a more proper article about this.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on October 31, 2016, 01:42:08 pm
Popular RVA Music Booker, Chris Bopst, asks "What's more scary than the dark history of institutional racism?" by dressing in blackface for Halloween (https://www.reddit.com/r/rva/comments/5a9arz/booking_agent_music_promoter_of_balliceaux/)

EDIT: Here's (http://www.nbc12.com/story/33522455/blackface-costume-leads-to-richmond-music-bookers-resignation) a more proper article about this.
I can't help but laugh lmao
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 31, 2016, 01:43:54 pm
It has been a drama bomb that has encapsulated the entire city.

Bopst is a dick so I've been laughing mightily.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on October 31, 2016, 04:48:37 pm
For once, someone genuinely apologized instead of issuing a "sorry if you were offended" non-apology.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on October 31, 2016, 09:59:31 pm
For once, someone genuinely apologized instead of issuing a "sorry if you were offended" non-apology.
I mean, his wife literally said "we were trying to paint his faces white and the wrong color got applied." The initial apologies from Chris, his wife, and the venue were all lame as hell.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on October 31, 2016, 10:09:30 pm
For once, someone genuinely apologized instead of issuing a "sorry if you were offended" non-apology.
I mean, his wife literally said "we were trying to paint his faces white and the wrong color got applied." The initial apologies from Chris, his wife, and the venue were all lame as hell.

My question is, was it done with hatred in the heart or was the guy just suffering from stupidity in the brain?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 01, 2016, 10:21:56 pm
My interactions with him have led me to believe he is egotistical and a bit of a jackass. Not a racist, but just a jackass.


Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 02, 2016, 08:52:45 am
My interactions with him have led me to believe he is egotistical and a bit of a jackass. Not a racist, but just a jackass.
Very well put, betao. I will just put my legendary fisking of the jackass that he felt the need to make an account to "refute" (http://forum.930.com/index.php?topic=12734.msg290282#msg290282) here for the enjoyment of small children and adults alike.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkie,talkie on November 02, 2016, 08:59:00 am
"egotistical and a bit of a jackass"

you just, described . . . the human, race.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 02, 2016, 09:38:06 am
"egotistical and a bit of a jackass"

you just, described . . . the human, race.
well at least the trump voter
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 02, 2016, 10:19:09 pm
My interactions with him have led me to believe he is egotistical and a bit of a jackass. Not a racist, but just a jackass.
Very well put, betao. I will just put my legendary fisking of the jackass that he felt the need to make an account to "refute" (http://forum.930.com/index.php?topic=12734.msg290282#msg290282) here for the enjoyment of small children and adults alike.

Haha, that's great. Not bad, Julian.

He (used to) DJ at Balliceaux for their post-punk nights, along with another person; I was a frequent attendee for years. The other person was a great DJ for it. Bopst just played what he wanted to, didn't take any requests, and made the dance floor a very awkward space.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 03, 2016, 02:19:18 pm
Speaking of this topic, Virginia now has it's own satirical, Onion-esque news site: The Peedmont


Area Man Surprised That Costume Specifically Designed To Offend People Actually Offended People
http://www.thepeedmont.com/single-post/2016/11/01/Area-Man-Surprised-That-Costume-Specifically-Designed-To-Offend-People-Actually-Offended-People

God Postpones Apocalypse After Hiking Through Shenandoah Fall Foliage
http://www.thepeedmont.com/single-post/2016/10/21/God-Postpones-Apocalypse-After-Hiking-Through-Shenandoah-Fall-Foliage

Elementary Student Totally Stoked For 9th Consecutive Field Trip To Colonial Williamsburg
http://www.thepeedmont.com/single-post/2016/09/28/Elementary-Student-Totally-Stoked-For-9th-Consecutive-Field-Trip-To-Colonial-Williamsburg

www.thepeedmont.com
https://www.facebook.com/thepeedmont/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 04, 2016, 11:53:05 am
Speaking of this topic, Virginia now has it's own satirical, Onion-esque news site: The Peedmont


Area Man Surprised That Costume Specifically Designed To Offend People Actually Offended People
http://www.thepeedmont.com/single-post/2016/11/01/Area-Man-Surprised-That-Costume-Specifically-Designed-To-Offend-People-Actually-Offended-People

God Postpones Apocalypse After Hiking Through Shenandoah Fall Foliage
http://www.thepeedmont.com/single-post/2016/10/21/God-Postpones-Apocalypse-After-Hiking-Through-Shenandoah-Fall-Foliage

Elementary Student Totally Stoked For 9th Consecutive Field Trip To Colonial Williamsburg
http://www.thepeedmont.com/single-post/2016/09/28/Elementary-Student-Totally-Stoked-For-9th-Consecutive-Field-Trip-To-Colonial-Williamsburg

www.thepeedmont.com
https://www.facebook.com/thepeedmont/
This is awesome!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 04, 2016, 11:54:00 am
This almost has to be the same guys who ran Tobacco Avenue, the former RVA Onionesque site.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 04, 2016, 04:17:48 pm
I'm not familiar with that one? I like the name though. How long ago was that?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 04, 2016, 04:39:40 pm
I'm not familiar with that one? I like the name though. How long ago was that?
Oh, man, a while. 2010-ish.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 04, 2016, 04:54:50 pm
I'm not familiar with that one? I like the name though. How long ago was that?
Oh, man, a while. 2010-ish.
for perspective....it was this long ago
(https://media.giphy.com/media/14kqI3Y4urS3rG/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 07, 2016, 05:43:32 pm
Snake on a Plane Disrupts Flight in Mexico (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/weird/Snake-on-a-Plane-Disrupts-Flight-in-Mexico-400282321.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 08, 2016, 02:11:39 pm
This was in my spam folder:

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/ThikR-QGgqV1OadcFrQtyfH2Ml0ev1ESxLsrQgSf85FXrHGTmlcqB0RjyFGchIM5QdNrlotLTm4AJqQe9h3Hfct-gtkYrHTMZ15yO3PXwYbwweufvS3jOiz3yO54uUOVXJmdwmVVSQ8TFbF_c1Gxm0sqXMUX-p7JjZ8t7_ti76e2hF5ecNOxUVAL8hmgNTQGSzp4_RfieIAX0pjoDZR9vl6xNHltcaiHu8TN-tKKHtoNr6tsL0KtNsQ8wchwX4q98vUdv13zfDHJM5n9HjidiwnLUtZNuVxHXyhHtfAX0wxPcCopQ-h7xEIRIvRA5Wc6tuyP4qWuRWB9jfppkb0lg0eSNNStVDxFhADsbj6dPPJvIn3p3GMEKjCxdxjwE4twjRdpwHog7x1J5namF09qQ1jPt0kkHgy3URWKNDdix45_dtdPZ3zt274cgeHBRnlVeS7uEaI39GoNQ0HdEUYWmI6QxJUQGw9T2fjYMw5H5Fc_I6pfe5tUCI-Eehq-oIV6HEC5yYXgWy2uvrVX7qfMyGWlM6lZsXsM3mnoLdhioGLv8yhDzFd3Z-RpuhcCx_Jq6TZCGEKkmxMx-MIrqC_aOrY-03ycFE0FyR4QCWpyzNRaAtw=w1153-h913-no)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 08, 2016, 02:47:00 pm
I'm not familiar with that one? I like the name though. How long ago was that?
Oh, man, a while. 2010-ish.

I've tried to look it up but I can't find. Oh well.

Hopefully The Peedmont can keep going.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 09, 2016, 03:07:01 pm
This was in my spam folder:

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/6_2A8C86Zy9ZztLpLwp_qmYfLcZ2dQvBzGVSgMlyaxE87fYxfWfbZ1Z-RPUzcHukzD25c4P0MONT6DhjParjfuhU_BqL2zmRJUIrEDtO6jeZdIvyHd6jlJ-ZuE6IBdRW_3WVFNr0JyDTWw4czOIWT8Q8y7ZDXz2FDNPvewwUIEu_F7hECylskrASXQydrEzslvmEX3q-0OrG_jVCLCHuc9zHJTKhKAOosatLn5p8TF_tSf1KParfChaPp4YLybvEufif4MrFADpWL-LoKCW2Cuqt8qGyvD3MoUEI5iIxUQ9tEZRSZvyvZ20ZZl-WC6iv1OqWYODeW43oRkI4GSKXm9HHLXGmAe5X4JPQVWnQZlA2l1dHIzNWm-Kbe-MUFR-UFsciby4JdtgQ_fbbljcqRZQQyaYrC_dDrr2TPWSDvw876z2zVQJYUkFk-E-8DpHEZ26uGlBYfnwQjiURa0-5JIOAnBbyvOY1E0WT15QV5JFsls95qjNJk4WDn9UdcrQl-i-igr0xYLlGotpHaibpyxDwc_72w3WLu9nrtU3XXEbdtXfchdUL1Y0A65NeUW1xCSH2DxvAV0J3VaqIm34Z7mrmwHfyKSIJ80qaRhVFpMPM90U=w1280-h1014-no)

image blocked, or no longer available?
 
either that, or you are easily offended by a grey circle with a horizontal line through it...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 15, 2016, 04:57:08 pm
(http://media.nbcwashington.com/images/679*367/air-horn-el-segundo-mug.jpg)

Cops Arrest Man Accused of Terrorizing Calif. City With Air Horn (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/weird/Wild-Mugshot-El-Segundo-Air-Horn-Arrest-401184385.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 15, 2016, 05:10:28 pm
This was in my spam folder:

(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/6_2A8C86Zy9ZztLpLwp_qmYfLcZ2dQvBzGVSgMlyaxE87fYxfWfbZ1Z-RPUzcHukzD25c4P0MONT6DhjParjfuhU_BqL2zmRJUIrEDtO6jeZdIvyHd6jlJ-ZuE6IBdRW_3WVFNr0JyDTWw4czOIWT8Q8y7ZDXz2FDNPvewwUIEu_F7hECylskrASXQydrEzslvmEX3q-0OrG_jVCLCHuc9zHJTKhKAOosatLn5p8TF_tSf1KParfChaPp4YLybvEufif4MrFADpWL-LoKCW2Cuqt8qGyvD3MoUEI5iIxUQ9tEZRSZvyvZ20ZZl-WC6iv1OqWYODeW43oRkI4GSKXm9HHLXGmAe5X4JPQVWnQZlA2l1dHIzNWm-Kbe-MUFR-UFsciby4JdtgQ_fbbljcqRZQQyaYrC_dDrr2TPWSDvw876z2zVQJYUkFk-E-8DpHEZ26uGlBYfnwQjiURa0-5JIOAnBbyvOY1E0WT15QV5JFsls95qjNJk4WDn9UdcrQl-i-igr0xYLlGotpHaibpyxDwc_72w3WLu9nrtU3XXEbdtXfchdUL1Y0A65NeUW1xCSH2DxvAV0J3VaqIm34Z7mrmwHfyKSIJ80qaRhVFpMPM90U=w1280-h1014-no)

image blocked, or no longer available?
 
either that, or you are easily offended by a grey circle with a horizontal line through it...

Google Photo sucks for linking images.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkie,talkie on November 16, 2016, 02:53:23 pm
(http://media.nbcwashington.com/images/679*367/air-horn-el-segundo-mug.jpg)

Cops Arrest Man Accused of Terrorizing Calif. City With Air Horn (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/weird/Wild-Mugshot-El-Segundo-Air-Horn-Arrest-401184385.html)

I love, that his last name is nuggent. 

And, he looks just like a gentleman who served me lunch the other day.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 16, 2016, 10:34:43 pm
http://www.foodandwine.com/fwx/food/krispy-kreme-sued-not-using-real-fruit
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 18, 2016, 04:29:57 pm
Mysterious foam engulfing Santa Clara

http://www.ktvu.com/news/218392849-story
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on November 21, 2016, 02:05:17 pm
Muslim-Americans warming up to 2nd Amendment after Trump victory

https://khabaristantimes.com/world/muslim-americans-warming-up-to-2nd-amendment-after-trump-victory/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 21, 2016, 02:26:37 pm
Muslim-Americans warming up to 2nd Amendment after Trump victory

https://khabaristantimes.com/world/muslim-americans-warming-up-to-2nd-amendment-after-trump-victory/


why are we calling them "Muslim-Americans"?"

Do we call other people Christian-Americans or Catholic-Americans or Buddhist-Americans?


Do Jews get called "Jewish-Americans"? or is it "American Jews"?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 21, 2016, 02:39:40 pm
Muslim-Americans warming up to 2nd Amendment after Trump victory

https://khabaristantimes.com/world/muslim-americans-warming-up-to-2nd-amendment-after-trump-victory/

you realize this is a satirical website, right?

on second thought, don't answer that.  you'll only indict yourself...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on November 21, 2016, 02:45:40 pm
Muslim-Americans warming up to 2nd Amendment after Trump victory

https://khabaristantimes.com/world/muslim-americans-warming-up-to-2nd-amendment-after-trump-victory/


why are we calling them "Muslim-Americans"?"

Do we call other people Christian-Americans or Catholic-Americans or Buddhist-Americans?


Do Jews get called "Jewish-Americans"? or is it "American Jews"?

That's a good question. Why not send an email to these guys and ask them?

http://www.muslimamericansociety.org/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 21, 2016, 02:50:26 pm
Muslim-Americans warming up to 2nd Amendment after Trump victory

https://khabaristantimes.com/world/muslim-americans-warming-up-to-2nd-amendment-after-trump-victory/


why are we calling them "Muslim-Americans"?"

Do we call other people Christian-Americans or Catholic-Americans or Buddhist-Americans?


Do Jews get called "Jewish-Americans"? or is it "American Jews"?

That's a good question. Why not send an email to these guys and ask them?

http://www.muslimamericansociety.org/

WHy? I'm sure they'll just say "that is what people call us..."

Again, why do you call them "Muslim Americans".. or is it because of a website?


Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 21, 2016, 02:51:23 pm
you know Space.. your anti-Muslim act has grown very stale.. you might want to give it a rest...seriously.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on November 21, 2016, 02:59:55 pm
Muslim-Americans warming up to 2nd Amendment after Trump victory

https://khabaristantimes.com/world/muslim-americans-warming-up-to-2nd-amendment-after-trump-victory/


why are we calling them "Muslim-Americans"?"

Do we call other people Christian-Americans or Catholic-Americans or Buddhist-Americans?


Do Jews get called "Jewish-Americans"? or is it "American Jews"?

That's a good question. Why not send an email to these guys and ask them?

http://www.muslimamericansociety.org/

WHy? I'm sure they'll just say "that is what people call us..."

Again, why do you call them "Muslim Americans".. or is it because of a website?





I call them Muslim Americans because that's the phrase the NYT, Washington Post, and other online new sources I read use.

http://www.nytimes.com/topic/subject/muslim-americans
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/19/us/muslim-americans-speak-of-escalating-worries.html?_r=0
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on November 21, 2016, 03:01:28 pm
you know Space.. your anti-Muslim act has grown very stale.. you might want to give it a rest...seriously.

I am not anti-Muslim. I am anti-Fundamentalist-Muslim. Just as I am anti-Fundamentalist-Christian, or any other kind of religious fundamentalism.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 21, 2016, 03:11:23 pm
you know Space.. your anti-Muslim act has grown very stale.. you might want to give it a rest...seriously.

I am not anti-Muslim. I am anti-Fundamentalist-Muslim. Just as I am anti-Fundamentalist-Christian, or any other kind of religious fundamentalism.


ummm no.. sorry.. when you pick ONE GROUP to focus all your negative posts on and they happen to be Muslims.. you're pretty much anti-Muslim

you can say you're anti Fundamentalist Muslim but it doesn't wash....sorry.. I don't recall all your anti-Fundamentalist-Christian posts so for you to say that is bullshit and I'm kind of surprised the moderators have let it go this long but you keep it up and you're going to be looking for your 88th comeback on this site...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on November 21, 2016, 03:15:13 pm
I mean WTF dude.. you're even posting fake news now?? WTF are you in the alt-right or something?


give it a rest.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on November 21, 2016, 03:21:25 pm
you know Space.. your anti-Muslim act has grown very stale.. you might want to give it a rest...seriously.

I am not anti-Muslim. I am anti-Fundamentalist-Muslim. Just as I am anti-Fundamentalist-Christian, or any other kind of religious fundamentalism.


ummm no.. sorry.. when you pick ONE GROUP to focus all your negative posts on and they happen to be Muslims.. you're pretty much anti-Muslim

you can say you're anti Fundamentalist Muslim but it doesn't wash....sorry.. I don't recall all your anti-Fundamentalist-Christian posts so for you to say that is bullshit and I'm kind of surprised the moderators have let it go this long but you keep it up and you're going to be looking for your 88th comeback on this site...

I think fundamentalist-Christians have been effectively marginalized, and hope it remains the case (though who knows in a Trump world). If Fundamentalist Christianity starts presenting dangers comparable to that of Fundamentalist-Islam, I'll call them out with equal vitriol.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on November 21, 2016, 03:23:00 pm
I mean WTF dude.. you're even posting fake news now?? WTF are you in the alt-right or something?


give it a rest.

Chill out, dude. It was a satire piece that was tweeted about by a guy who is a Muslim. While not exactly fitting the definition of what this thread is about, the piece was very much in the spirit of the Onion.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkie,talkie on November 21, 2016, 03:35:11 pm
Hutch, is anti . . . anti.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on November 22, 2016, 11:55:40 am
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/11/22/suicide-bomber-squirrel-hospitalizes-chicago-politician-who-spoke-out-against-squirrels/?hpid=hp_rhp-morning-mix_mm-squirrel%3Ahomepage%2Fstory
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 22, 2016, 02:37:15 pm
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/11/22/suicide-bomber-squirrel-hospitalizes-chicago-politician-who-spoke-out-against-squirrels/?hpid=hp_rhp-morning-mix_mm-squirrel%3Ahomepage%2Fstory
lol
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 28, 2016, 02:32:57 pm
Takeda told CNN the park would unfreeze the skate rink to remove the fish, hold an "appropriate religious service" and then reuse them as fertilizer.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/28/asia/japan-frozen-fish-rink-trnd/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 29, 2016, 01:54:49 pm
UK money contains animal parts. Vegans horrified.

The U.K.'s new plastic money has a surprise ingredient: Animal fat
http://money.cnn.com/2016/11/29/news/pound-animal-fat-money-in-notes-bills/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 29, 2016, 06:23:13 pm
Argument Between Grandmas Ends In Shootout At Texas Walmart, Cops Say

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/grandma-shootout-at-walmart_us_583d828ce4b0860d611656ee
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkie,talkie on November 29, 2016, 10:36:25 pm
this has always been the beacon thread, away from the crazy threads.  how, ironic.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 30, 2016, 11:57:13 am
this has always been the beacon thread, away from the crazy threads.  how, ironic.
Haha!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on November 30, 2016, 03:49:04 pm

New Yorker Casually Walks Off With $1.6 Million In Gold Out Of An Armored Truck (http://truckyeah.jalopnik.com/new-yorker-casually-walks-off-with-1-6-million-in-gold-1789518229?utm_source=jalopnik_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2016-11-30)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on November 30, 2016, 04:46:18 pm

New Yorker Casually Walks Off With $1.6 Million In Gold Out Of An Armored Truck (http://truckyeah.jalopnik.com/new-yorker-casually-walks-off-with-1-6-million-in-gold-1789518229?utm_source=jalopnik_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2016-11-30)
GROUNDHOG DAY
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 30, 2016, 11:16:49 pm
here's one for Space:

Arrested German spy was a onetime gay porn actor ? and a secret Islamist
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/europe/arrested-german-spy-was-a-onetime-gay-porn-actor--and-a-secret-islamist/2016/11/30/57c44f1e-e068-4307-8ddf-848fda772306_story.html

i wonder if he liked lagers.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 07, 2016, 11:33:52 am
Widow of man forced to clean bathroom sues claiming he died from emotional distress (http://www.wftv.com/news/local/man-dies-of-emotional-distress-after-being-forced-to-clean-walgreens-bathroom-widow-says/473525151)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on December 08, 2016, 02:37:54 pm
Trump?s pick to lead EPA is part of group suing the agency
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on December 08, 2016, 03:16:47 pm
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/07/trump-to-pick-oklahoma-attorney-general-pruitt-as-head-of-epa-source-confirms-to-cnbc.html

*head asplodes*

Yep.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 09, 2016, 05:05:25 pm
Chair of Prince George's County Liquor Board Charged With DUI After Crash Outside MGM National Harbor (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Chair-of-Prince-Georges-County-Liquor-Board-Charged-With-DUI-After-Crash-Outside-MGM-National-Harbor-405674035.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on December 13, 2016, 12:29:00 pm
 ?There?s lots of questions why?: 8-year-old dies after tombstone falls on him  (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2016/12/13/theres-lots-of-questions-why-8-year-old-dies-after-tombstone-falls-on-his-head/?hpid=hp_no-name_hp-in-the-news%3Apage%2Fin-the-news&utm_term=.555adea1e9d7)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 15, 2016, 12:37:20 pm
Pinball ? once a source of ?vice and immorality? ? now legal in Kokomo, Ind., after 61-year ban (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/12/15/pinball-once-a-source-of-vice-and-immorality-legal-in-ind-city-after-61-year-ban/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 15, 2016, 01:02:07 pm
Pinball ? once a source of ?vice and immorality? ? now legal in Kokomo, Ind., after 61-year ban (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/12/15/pinball-once-a-source-of-vice-and-immorality-legal-in-ind-city-after-61-year-ban/)
Ya got trouble, folks! Right here in Kokomo! Trouble with a capital "T" And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pinball!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 17, 2016, 03:27:00 pm
(https://img.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://img.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp-content/uploads/sites/45/2016/12/Moonsong-lic.jpeg&w=1484)

Pagan priest wins right to wear goat horns in license photo, saying they are ?religious attire? (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2016/12/17/maine-man-wins-right-to-wear-goat-horns-in-license-photo-saying-they-are-religious-attire/?hpid=hp_hp-more-top-stories_aof-pagan-937am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on December 17, 2016, 05:17:34 pm
N.C. Central Loses Celebration Bowl Thanks to Excessive Celebration Penalty  (http://screengrabber.deadspin.com/n-c-central-loses-celebration-bowl-thanks-to-excessive-1790231625)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 17, 2016, 05:21:02 pm
N.C. Central Loses Celebration Bowl Thanks to Excessive Celebration Penalty  (http://screengrabber.deadspin.com/n-c-central-loses-celebration-bowl-thanks-to-excessive-1790231625)
The most cringeworthy part of this was the announcer (who is African American) said after the penalty had been called but before the miss something to the affect of "you can't call celebration penalties the same way for HBC players". Holy shit, dude.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on December 17, 2016, 05:25:26 pm
^^ wait, your link has video of the exact quote. My bad.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on January 10, 2017, 05:14:03 pm
Good ole Dundalk

 Man shoots at wife after she eats his grilled cheese sandwich  (http://www.kptv.com/story/34222166/man-shoots-at-wife-after-she-eats-his-grilled-cheese-sandwich)

(http://meredith.images.worldnow.com/images/12880464_G.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on January 10, 2017, 05:15:20 pm
Does he have pink eye? Way to bury the lead.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on January 10, 2017, 05:33:10 pm
was it from GCDC (http://grilledcheesedc.com/evening/)?  cause that place is...a whole dedicated grilled cheese restaurant.  wait, that guy's not a hipster....
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 10, 2017, 05:41:22 pm
wait, that guy's not a hipster....

Sure he is. Haven't you heard of DundalKore?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 11, 2017, 12:37:16 am
for smackie:

TV news report about unwanted Alexa orders triggers unwanted Alexa orders
http://boingboing.net/2017/01/09/tv-news-report-about-unwanted.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 13, 2017, 03:19:14 pm
ICYMI from the Trump thread (http://forum.930.com/index.php?topic=24157.msg458740#msg458740)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on January 28, 2017, 05:34:39 pm
(https://68.media.tumblr.com/7ab617f375ccfa63e455a3a23aab85f6/tumblr_oao8z3IQhi1qep5zro1_1280.png)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 30, 2017, 10:57:53 am
(https://images.washingtonpost.com/?op=resize&url=https://s3.amazonaws.com/wapopartners.com/dbknews-wp/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/29230206/012617_DrinkingApp_jcl04.jpg&mode=crop&w=1200&q=99)

Three University of Maryland students made a drinking game into an app (http://www.dbknews.com/2017/01/30/drinking-game-peer-pressure-umd/)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on February 01, 2017, 02:04:48 pm
because you can't make this shit up:

WATCH: Jeff Sessions grills Sally Yates on saying no to the president when she was Obama?s nominee
http://www.rawstory.com/2017/01/watch-jeff-sessions-grills-sally-yates-on-saying-no-to-the-president-when-she-was-obamas-nominee/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: kosmo vinyl on February 06, 2017, 07:38:46 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C37YQO7WEAAvCLx.jpg)

Supporters of President Trump rally in Portland

http://wgme.com/news/local/supporters-of-president-trump-rally-in-portland
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on February 07, 2017, 06:12:32 pm
link to article about woman who died because her arm got trapped in a donation bin...

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/34542d3e-9128-3503-b031-e0de1a22df24/ss_pennsylvania-woman-dies-with.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 10, 2017, 02:58:39 pm
Get It Up: Chickenfoot to Issue Greatest Hits Collection (https://theseconddisc.com/2017/02/get-it-up-chickenfoot-to-issue-greatest-hits-collection/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 11, 2017, 07:02:24 pm
Rick Derringer charged with having loaded gun on Delta flight (http://www.bradenton.com/entertainment/article131961284.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 22, 2017, 10:45:17 pm
Andrew W.K.?s New App Gives You a Bloody Nose (http://pitchfork.com/news/71820-andrew-wks-new-app-gives-you-a-bloody-nose/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on March 03, 2017, 02:09:14 pm
Ed Sheeran Admits He Once 'Cracked Justin Bieber Right in the Face' With a Golf Club

http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/7710087/ed-sheeran-hit-justin-bieber-golf-club-guardian-interview
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on March 03, 2017, 03:08:29 pm
Ed Sheeran Admits He Once 'Cracked Justin Bieber Right in the Face' With a Golf Club

http://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/pop/7710087/ed-sheeran-hit-justin-bieber-golf-club-guardian-interview

I'm torn on this one as cracking Justin Bieber sounds pretty punk rock but using a golf club most certainly does not.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on March 22, 2017, 09:39:11 am
A Masterchef winner has opened a restaurant where diners are served food on the backs of their hands as the so-called 'no plates' fad reaches a new extreme.

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/masterchef-winner-causes-stir-with-new-restaurant-which-serves-food-directly-onto-diners-hands-a3495896.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 22, 2017, 11:03:21 pm
David Pogue tested 47 pill-reminder apps to find the best (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/david-pogue-tested-47-pill-reminder-apps-to-find-the-best-154017023.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on March 23, 2017, 09:49:33 am
People are trolling the shit out of Cracker Barrel's FB page ever since someone known only as "Brad's Wife" was fired. Apparently the husband, Brad, posted "Why did you fire my wife?" and the internet basically took over from there.

https://www.facebook.com/crackerbarrel/

Pure gold.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on March 23, 2017, 09:52:24 am
Pure gold.
Very funny.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on March 29, 2017, 12:03:39 pm
A bust of Real Madrid and Portugal superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has been slammed as "questionable" and "horrifying" after it was unveiled at the Aeroporto da Madeira. (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2700620-twitter-reacts-to-cristiano-ronaldos-statue-unveiling-at-madeira-airport)
 
"For a very handsome man, Ronaldo has had some appalling luck with statue-makers" - luck?  or revenge of the average-looking?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on March 29, 2017, 12:16:39 pm
A bust of Real Madrid and Portugal superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has been slammed as "questionable" and "horrifying" after it was unveiled at the Aeroporto da Madeira. (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2700620-twitter-reacts-to-cristiano-ronaldos-statue-unveiling-at-madeira-airport)
 
"For a very handsome man, Ronaldo has had some appalling luck with statue-makers" - luck?  or revenge of the average-looking?
Perhaps we have a Dorian Gray situation on our hands. . .
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on March 29, 2017, 01:10:55 pm
A bust of Real Madrid and Portugal superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has been slammed as "questionable" and "horrifying" after it was unveiled at the Aeroporto da Madeira. (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2700620-twitter-reacts-to-cristiano-ronaldos-statue-unveiling-at-madeira-airport)
 
"For a very handsome man, Ronaldo has had some appalling luck with statue-makers" - luck?  or revenge of the average-looking?
Can't believe people are handsome-shaming him. Sad!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on March 29, 2017, 01:52:49 pm
^ both of the above replies are excellent.  this is why i come to this board.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 31, 2017, 06:38:45 pm
.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on March 31, 2017, 06:40:15 pm
I really prefer the bulge one
(http://dlisted.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/crispystatuebulge.jpg)

speaking of, found this fantastic one
(http://dlisted.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/1242226186_ronaldo-stunned.gif)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 07, 2017, 09:40:12 pm
NRA employee accidentally shoots himself during firearm training at headquarters (https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/nra-employee-accidentally-shoots-himself-during-firearm-training-at-headquarters/2017/04/07/ae78cf10-1bd6-11e7-bcc2-7d1a0973e7b2_story.html?hpid=hp_local-news_nrashooting715pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 18, 2017, 11:21:33 am
Philippine clinic uses Wolverine to sell circumcisions
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/04/05/Philippine-clinic-uses-Wolverine-to-sell-circumcisions/8641491415455/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: evilizac on April 27, 2017, 11:54:46 pm
America!
https://www.yahoo.com/news/cremation-apos-overly-obese-apos-124507710.html (https://www.yahoo.com/news/cremation-apos-overly-obese-apos-124507710.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 28, 2017, 03:34:50 pm
DC forgets to withhold Social Security and Medicare taxes from employees paychecks.  For 10 years.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Social-Security-Medicare-Wasnt-Withheld-From-Hundreds-of-DC-Government-Employees-Paychecks-420747533.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: evilizac on May 02, 2017, 09:28:06 am
Not sure if this belongs, but it seems mildly humorous minus the actual racial sensitivities... Also, it's Canada.

http://www.popularmechanics.com/culture/tv/a26328/star-trek-assimilate-license-plate/  (http://www.popularmechanics.com/culture/tv/a26328/star-trek-assimilate-license-plate/)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on May 04, 2017, 01:48:08 pm
Man breaks into a Burger King and drinks gallons of deep frying oil  (http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/man-breaks-into-a-burger-king-and-drinks-gallons-of-deep-frying-oil/)

(http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/burgerkingthief.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 04, 2017, 02:11:27 pm
^that is the World Daily News....the original Onion

that is one scary mug shot....you can barely see his ears
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on May 04, 2017, 03:08:38 pm
Formerly, an actual Onion headline, now reality:

Wacken Lays Beer Pipeline (https://www.pollstar.com/article/wacken-lays-beer-pipeline-131620)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on May 05, 2017, 02:32:06 pm
http://www.tmz.com/2017/05/05/porn-star-bitten-by-shark-trying-to-film-underwater-promo/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: herman otto on May 08, 2017, 12:41:04 am
Julian's real name.   I know it; do you.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 09, 2017, 12:55:21 pm
Julian's real name.   I know it; do you.

i do, but that shouldn't come as a surprise...

hi jules!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on May 09, 2017, 01:42:21 pm
Julian's real name.   I know it; do you.

I knew it once but have forgotten it.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on May 09, 2017, 01:47:43 pm
I have never known, don't much care.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on May 09, 2017, 02:10:26 pm
Why must I always be the center of attention? Why can I not just be?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: herman otto on May 09, 2017, 02:19:47 pm
Has anybody, noticed something else?

There. Nobody cares about you anymore.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on May 09, 2017, 03:32:05 pm
Why must I always be the center of attention? Why can I not just be?

20,000
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on May 22, 2017, 01:19:11 pm
 Man Who Dedicated His Life To Killing Elephants Killed By Elephant  (http://jezebel.com/man-who-dedicated-life-to-killing-elephants-killed-by-e-1795429484)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 23, 2017, 02:23:14 am
^ beat me to it, came here to post the same (https://www.buzzfeed.com/briannasacks/a-big-game-hunter-was-crushed-to-death-by-an-elephant-in).
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 23, 2017, 06:16:47 pm
Truck plows into Delaware company AnalTech, releasing odor that leads to HazMat situation (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/truck-plows-analtech-odor-leads-hazmat-situation-article-1.3189762)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on May 23, 2017, 06:38:55 pm
God
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 24, 2017, 08:37:07 am
AnalTech a manufacturer of thin-layer chromatography plates and the butt of every joke

How could someone open a company with that name and not be in buttplug business
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: DeathFromAbove1979 on June 02, 2017, 12:47:29 pm
Sean Hannity is shocked and appalled at The Onion

http://www.avclub.com/article/sean-hannity-shocked-and-appalled-onion-256233
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 02, 2017, 02:20:19 pm
Sean Hannity is shocked and appalled at The Onion

http://www.avclub.com/article/sean-hannity-shocked-and-appalled-onion-256233

this is epic.  talk about META...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on June 03, 2017, 12:40:14 pm
Man upset with 7-Eleven opens 6-Twelve across the street

http://m.nbc12.com/nbc12/db_383465/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=mRyMct0R
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 03, 2017, 06:56:30 pm
Man upset with 7-Eleven opens 6-Twelve across the street

http://m.nbc12.com/nbc12/db_383465/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=mRyMct0R

You must be new around here. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/business/1990/02/27/6-twelve-looking-at-7-eleven/9d719c4f-7aa8-4856-a66f-3f4dd971ae18/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 04, 2017, 08:40:23 pm
Dutch Children Might Sue Sperm-Donor Father Simply for Causing Them to Exist in This Wretched Universe (http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/06/02/dutch_children_may_sue_sperm_bank_father_for_making_them_exist.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 08, 2017, 12:08:56 pm
DC woman get's arrested for possession of pot on federal land... during a demonstration in which activists gave joints to congressional staffers
...charges get dropped
...but now she wants her pot back (https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/capitol-police-arrested-a-woman-smoking-pot-in-dc-but-charges-were-dropped-shes-fighting-to-get-her-weed-back/2017/06/07/1a9f5c04-46d4-11e7-98cd-af64b4fe2dfc_story.html?hpid=hp_local-news_marijuana605am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.203c8a996940)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 11, 2017, 09:56:03 pm
(http://pop.h-cdn.co/assets/17/23/768x512/gallery-1496951074-excel.JPG)

Samsung's Absurd New Curved Monitor Will Drown You in Screen (http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/gadgets/a26830/samsung-chg90-gaming-monitor/?src=socialflowFB)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on June 12, 2017, 08:52:31 am
^man that's a lot of columns in one view...bet you could get a->zz on one screen and still read it


Kind of makes sense.  Most companies I've worked at and the clients I've supported for the last few years...2 x 27 inch wide screens are the bare minimum
Most have a laptop too (so a third screen).   Personally I have a hard time with just one screen when I'm working. 
If just surfing the net/email I'm fine, but if there is work to be done, multiple screens are a must.

Problem I'd have with this is, you'd have to constantly size your apps
I am a full screen app guy, that is just how I roll
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on June 12, 2017, 08:42:00 pm
White House confirms Jerry Falwell Jr. will participate in task force on education reform

http://www.rawstory.com/2017/06/white-house-confirms-jerry-falwell-jr-will-participate-in-task-force-on-education-reform/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 12, 2017, 10:17:49 pm
how 'bout that "cabinet meeting"?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2017/06/12/trump-touts-amazing-progress-basks-in-praise-of-his-cabinet/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 15, 2017, 06:44:22 am

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/06/15/gene-simmons-of-kiss-tries-to-trademark-the-sign-language-gesture-for-love/

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 15, 2017, 10:37:58 am

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/06/15/gene-simmons-of-kiss-tries-to-trademark-the-sign-language-gesture-for-love/

(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1p5UESrq7TQ/UOUCtcL586I/AAAAAAAAALk/kc9UAHOBO5s/s1600/gene_simmons.jpg)
AND MOIST
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on June 15, 2017, 03:11:10 pm
Trump sells Qatar $12 billion of U.S. weapons days after accusing it of funding terrorism

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-sells-qatar-12-billion-arms-days-after-accusing-it-of-funding-terrorism/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on June 16, 2017, 10:54:06 am
http://nypost.com/2017/06/15/breatharian-couple-survives-on-the-universes-energy-instead-of-food/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on June 16, 2017, 03:53:19 pm
http://sundayinquirer.com/2017/06/12/hendersonville-man-caught-molesting-pig-after-his-penis-gets-stuck/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 20, 2017, 12:35:43 pm
NASA wants to probe Uranus in search of gas
https://www.yahoo.com/tech/nasa-wants-probe-uranus-search-gas-232157525.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on June 22, 2017, 04:32:47 pm
Fitness model killed by whipped cream (http://www.cnn.com/2017/06/22/world/rebecca-burger-whipped-cream-instagram-fitness-model-death-trnd/index.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 22, 2017, 04:43:56 pm
A terrifying threat from Tropical Storm Cindy: Floating masses of deadly fire ants (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/capital-weather-gang/wp/2017/06/22/a-terrifying-threat-from-tropical-storm-cindy-floating-masses-of-deadly-fire-ants/?utm_term=.e50ff5e861be)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 05, 2017, 01:19:41 pm
Whole foods chicken salad contains no actual chicken.

http://www.fox5dc.com/news/265818477-story
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on July 07, 2017, 08:46:00 am
I feel like Space could be involved in something like this.

https://wonkette.com/619890/vegan-restaurant-owners-triggered-just-because-diner-didnt-want-to-see-their-kids-butthole

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on July 14, 2017, 10:44:12 am
An unfortunate typo...

Walking Dead stuntman John Bernecker dies after on-set injury (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/tv/2017/07/14/walking-dead-stuntman-john-bernecker-dies-on-set-injury/)

John Bernecker, a stuntman who was injured earlier this week on the Atlanta set of the TV horror series The Walking Dead, has died from his injuries. The cause of death was blunt force drama, according to Coweta County Coroner Richard Hawk.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Kemosabe on July 20, 2017, 10:40:33 am
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-40667991
"Benefit fraudster 'too weak to walk' climbed Kilimanjaro"

Quote
Mark Lloyd, of Ynysybwl, Rhondda Cynon Taff, claimed 6,551.80 in Personal Independence Payments, saying a slipped disc in his back left him in agony.
At the same time, the 33-year-old competed in races, climbed Africa's highest peak, went wing-walking and skied in the Alps.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Kemosabe on July 20, 2017, 08:33:47 pm
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-merseyside-40668960
"Prosthetic penis sex attacker Gayle Newland jailed"
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 21, 2017, 09:08:36 am
^Ok not really sure how that is a reality/onion article...seems more random to me

but jez-lou-ise
girl is getting 6 years in prison for convincing women to have sex with her
the women admitted " she was persuaded by the defendant to wear a blindfold at all times when they met"

Umm...who the fuck goes on a date with someone only wearing a blindfold!

also apparently this is the 3rd time and once before she got a 8 year sentence, but it ended up getting thrown out


edit - can't believe I'm looking into it
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jul/21/understand-gayle-newland-catfish-pretended-to-be-a-man-online-sex

100 hours blindfolded with this person!
Newland provided Kye with a complex backstory to get Chloe to wear a blindfold during their meetings, and during sex, and after at least 100 hours of wearing the blindfold in Kyes presence, Chloe removed it. She discovered Kye was, in fact, Newland, with whom she hadnt consented to sex.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Kemosabe on July 21, 2017, 09:12:55 am
I saw that article as being Onion-esqe, so I posted it in here.  I did not know we had hard and fast rules for posting in this thread. 
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 21, 2017, 09:18:47 am
THERE MUST BE RULES
the fabric of society is depending on it
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Kemosabe on July 24, 2017, 09:16:56 am
Michael Phelps loses 'race' to Great White shark (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-40702752)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on August 09, 2017, 10:08:35 pm
A local story this time: Man Returns From Trip to Find Apartment Cleaned, Nothing Missing (http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Man-Returns-From-Trip-to-Find-Apartment-Cleaned-Nothing-Missing-439543383.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 16, 2017, 02:09:25 pm
Belle and Sebastian accidentally leave drummer in pyjamas in Walmart (https://amp.theguardian.com/music/2017/aug/16/belle-and-sebastian-accidentally-leave-drummer-in-pyjamas-in-walmart)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on August 16, 2017, 04:35:37 pm
that is hysterical

 stuart murdoch‏ @nee_massey

Shit, we left Richard in North Dakota. Anyone want to be a hero and get him to St Paul, Minnesota somehow. The gig hangs in the balance..😳

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 23, 2017, 12:19:44 am
ESPN broadcaster Robert Lee taken off UVA game due to name (https://apnews.com/f5723fd1e7e84e579c847fd7b7538b6e?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=AP)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on August 23, 2017, 08:21:47 am
ESPN broadcaster Robert Lee taken off UVA game due to name (https://apnews.com/f5723fd1e7e84e579c847fd7b7538b6e?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=AP)
Anyone who has seen UVA play football the last few years knows this a great show of mercy from ESPN to the young man.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on September 12, 2017, 08:02:25 am
I can't remember what Julian's fat woman thread is called, so this one seemed like the next best option.

https://jezebel.com/kmart-will-now-refer-to-plus-size-as-fabulously-sized-1803133720
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 12, 2017, 09:32:55 am
I can't remember what Julian's fat woman thread is called, so this one seemed like the next best option.

https://jezebel.com/kmart-will-now-refer-to-plus-size-as-fabulously-sized-1803133720
Something to the effect of "ITT, we shallowly objectify other people," IIRC.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on September 12, 2017, 11:21:12 am
I can't remember what Julian's fat woman thread is called, so this one seemed like the next best option.

https://jezebel.com/kmart-will-now-refer-to-plus-size-as-fabulously-sized-1803133720

Seems like a savvy business move considering that the average American woman is a size 16 (https://www.today.com/style/what-s-average-size-16-new-normal-us-women-t103315).
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on October 24, 2017, 10:57:13 am
Canadian Man Fined For Singing In His Car  (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/man-fined-car-everybody-dance-now-1.4366342)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on October 24, 2017, 11:20:37 am
Canadian Man Fined For Singing In His Car  (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/man-fined-car-everybody-dance-now-1.4366342)
well in the police officers defense, he was singing 'everybody dance now' at the top of his lungs
practically a justifiable homicide IMO he got off luck
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on November 03, 2017, 02:47:46 pm
Trump Administration Issues Report That Climate Change Is Real (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-03/trump-administration-issues-report-that-climate-change-is-real)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on November 03, 2017, 06:14:22 pm
Trump Administration Issues Report That Climate Change Is Real (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-03/trump-administration-issues-report-that-climate-change-is-real)

to add a bit of subtlety, from NYT (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/03/climate/us-climate-report.html):


"Directly contradicting much of the Trump administrations position on climate change, 13 federal agencies unveiled an exhaustive scientific report on Friday that says humans are the dominant cause of the global temperature rise that has created the warmest period in the history of civilization."


so it's not that the WH wrote the report, it's more like they didn't block or edit what the federal agencies wrote.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on November 12, 2017, 04:45:41 pm
(http://brightcove.vo.llnwd.net/v1/unsecured/media/377748811/201711/3824/377748811_5639435136001_5639419386001-vs.jpg?pubId=377748811&videoId=5639419386001)

Yeah, I won't be ordering a pan pizza from Papa John's
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 15, 2017, 01:17:17 pm
American Heart Association president has heart attack https://t.co/fOZoui8gPb
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on November 15, 2017, 01:27:43 pm
American Heart Association president has heart attack https://t.co/fOZoui8gPb
It's like that Hair Club for Men guy: he's not just the President, he's a member.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on November 17, 2017, 03:55:30 pm
Navy plane traces obscene sky drawing over Washington town

https://apnews.com/337e97752e204beaafbfdccb7552121e
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on November 17, 2017, 04:35:41 pm
came here to post that...can't believe you didn't add the photo
this headline is great too GREAT BALLS OF FLYER US Navy apologises after cocky Top Gun pilot drew a giant willy in the sky with his fighter plane
(https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/nintchdbpict000367585419-e1510943446690.jpg?strip=all&w=657)

pretty impressive if you ask me
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on November 21, 2017, 03:33:28 pm
Bon Secours X-ray tech accidentally shows porn to students during a presentation at Midlothian High School

http://wtvr.com/2017/11/20/midlothian-high-school-porn/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 21, 2017, 04:51:05 pm
Girl Scouts warn parents about forcing kids to hug relatives for the holidays (http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/girl-scouts-force-kids-hug-relatives-holiday-season/story?id=51275036)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on November 27, 2017, 08:26:36 pm
Scientists name three new species of microbe after the members of Rush, citing long hair and rhythmic wiggling (https://consequenceofsound.net/2017/11/scientists-name-three-new-species-of-microbe-after-the-members-of-rush-citing-long-hair-and-rhythmic-wiggling/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 13, 2017, 06:05:07 pm
Congressman announces cancer diagnosis months after characterizing illness as a personal failing (https://thinkprogress.org/mo-brooks-cancer-health-care-comments-0d472b2bc9ef/?utm_campaign=trueAnthem:+Trending+Content&utm_content=5a31a2e304d30144e9a0d64d&utm_medium=trueAnthem&utm_source=twitter)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on December 20, 2017, 12:27:01 pm
Virginia bill would require drivers to stop for pedestrians (https://wtop.com/arlington/2017/12/va-bill-would-require-drivers-to-stop-for-pedestrians/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on December 21, 2017, 05:09:40 pm
Virginia will decide tied race by pulling a name from a bowl.  (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/local/wp/2017/12/21/virginia-might-decide-a-tied-race-by-pulling-a-name-from-a-bowl-how-would-you-break-a-tie/?hpid=hp_local-news_varecount-1105am%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.330036ed1671)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on January 03, 2018, 12:07:24 pm
http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/Silicon-Valley-elites-are-spending-37-for-less-12469119.php
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkonbyeeeeeeeee on January 03, 2018, 12:30:55 pm
Darwinism, dude.  look around . . . it is every,where.  suddenly, reality is searching for ways, to erase us off the planet. 

fas,cinating.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 03, 2018, 12:42:59 pm
http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/Silicon-Valley-elites-are-spending-37-for-less-12469119.php

"You can't stop consenting adults from being stupid," Marler said. "But we should at least try."
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on January 03, 2018, 05:50:46 pm
(https://o.aolcdn.com/images/dims3/GLOB/crop/1207x792+24+0/resize/1028x675!/format/jpg/quality/85/http%3A%2F%2Fo.aolcdn.com%2Fhss%2Fstorage%2Fmidas%2Facd33a772606184e000f90dbf81519b3%2F205995090%2FScreen%2BShot%2B2018-01-02%2Bat%2B2.02.56%2BPM.png)

Jeopardy contestant loses $3,200 over mispronunciation of gangsta (https://wtop.com/tv/2018/01/jeopardy-contestant-loses-3200-mispronunciation-gangsta/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on January 05, 2018, 09:49:20 am
https://newmainenews.com/2018/01/03/hospitals-across-maine-report-epidemic-of-chipped-nipples/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: moeszyslak on January 05, 2018, 11:00:02 am
https://newmainenews.com/2018/01/03/hospitals-across-maine-report-epidemic-of-chipped-nipples/

From a scientific stand-point, there just isnt enough research into the causes of nipple chippage beyond the fact that its colder than a whores heart in church, Acharaya said.

This just made my day.  Thank you.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on January 24, 2018, 11:51:00 am
The Guy Who Played Barney the Dinosaur Now Runs a Tantric Sex Business (https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/zmzgbw/the-guy-who-played-barney-the-dinosaur-now-runs-a-tantric-sex-business)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on January 26, 2018, 04:18:49 pm
I'm not sure if this belongs in the Onion thread but my comment is that apparently orgies are a bit more violent in France than in America.

"People just rushed in, shoving everyone, breaking things. It was like an orgy," another employee in Forbach, northeast France, told AFP. "We were on the verge of calling the police."

http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/26/europe/nutella-discount-sparks-chaos-in-france-intl/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: shemptiness on February 02, 2018, 11:52:27 am
Goose shot from sky falls, knocks Maryland hunter unconscious (http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/eastern-shore/bs-md-hunter-unconscious-20180202-story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on February 14, 2018, 09:59:11 pm
Bill Haas drops out of golf tournament after fatal car crash (https://apnews.com/amp/723c83ac57a2456490007a68f68731e6)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Yada on February 19, 2018, 10:39:49 am
https://nypost.com/2018/02/18/farty-passenger-forces-flight-to-make-emergency-landing/
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on February 28, 2018, 06:01:40 pm
Red-tailed hawk at Washington National Cathedral gets a name: Millennium Falcon (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/local/wp/2018/02/28/red-tailed-hawk-at-washington-national-cathedral-gets-a-name/?utm_term=.beb27552e96f)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on March 24, 2018, 02:02:20 pm
This school districts plan to stop shooters: Arming students with a bucket of rocks (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2018/03/23/this-school-districts-plan-to-stop-shooters-a-bucket-of-rocks-for-students-to-throw-at-them/?utm_term=.5476e4d3490b)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 02, 2018, 05:25:57 pm
Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted (http://www.timescolonist.com/news/local/lifetime-ban-from-empress-for-pepperoni-seagull-fiasco-has-been-lifted-1.23247203)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 02, 2018, 05:58:35 pm
Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted (http://www.timescolonist.com/news/local/lifetime-ban-from-empress-for-pepperoni-seagull-fiasco-has-been-lifted-1.23247203)

(http://img1.wsimg.com/isteam/ip/7771679c-1685-4f34-af90-847cd1ecd409/a423f08c-6d45-4dd8-8538-77991ddb9aeb.jpg)

Don't fuck with these guys!
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Bent Reznor on April 11, 2018, 08:49:22 am
http://amp.fox5dc.com/news/fox-content-hub/study-shows-1-of-in-10-people-have-traces-of-cocaine-on-their-fingers
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on April 14, 2018, 12:52:40 pm
Boxer wearing 'America 1st' Trunks gets pummeled by Mexican Opponent  (https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5ad0ee0fe4b016a07e9c2a24)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on April 22, 2018, 07:54:53 am
Cnn headline today:

Nude gunman kills three at Waffle House
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 24, 2018, 01:51:19 pm
Sad news  :'(

Tractor-trailer carrying candy burns on Beltway late Monday (https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/tractor-trailer-carrying-candy-burns-on-beltway-late-monday/2018/04/24/b9a5bd2e-4783-11e8-8b5a-3b1697adcc2a_story.html?utm_term=.7cb1b2bf8128)

No information was available about what kind of candy was being carried or whether any could be saved.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on April 24, 2018, 03:16:36 pm
Update: None of the candy was salvageable.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on April 24, 2018, 03:36:18 pm
^had been waiting on pins and needles...thanks for the update, but sad to hear none survived
#neverforgettheburnedcandy
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 24, 2018, 03:44:56 pm
forget pills and pumps:

Doctors announce first successful penis and scrotum transplant
https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/24/health/penis-scrotum-transplant-surgery-hopkins/index.html
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Space Freely on April 24, 2018, 04:22:13 pm
forget pills and pumps:

Doctors announce first successful penis and scrotum transplant
https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/24/health/penis-scrotum-transplant-surgery-hopkins/index.html

Bruce Jenner finally has a reason to lop his off.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on April 25, 2018, 12:21:07 pm
Uranus smells like farts (https://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Uranus-has-a-familiar-odor-scientists-say-and-12860147.php)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on May 02, 2018, 02:52:59 pm
Alt-right Ding Dong defeated by a sign (https://theconcourse.deadspin.com/alt-right-ding-dong-defeated-by-sign-1825713760?)

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylfto5YnOww
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 10, 2018, 12:00:54 am
Oh no! Not again!

A tanker truck spilled tons of liquid chocolate on a Polish highway. Heres what that looked like. (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/food/wp/2018/05/09/a-tanker-truck-filled-with-tons-of-chocolate-spilled-on-a-polish-highway-heres-what-that-looked-like/?utm_term=.bb018f852c53)

(https://s.abcnews.com/images/International/chocolate-poland-gty-jpo-180509_hpMain_12x5_992.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 10, 2018, 02:36:25 am
dude got both sides of the split highway.

that is mastery.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 13, 2018, 11:15:29 am
Top-seeded Maryland lacrosse has four Meg(h)ans on the team (https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/win-titles-and-recruit-megs-thats-what-maryland-womens-lacrosse-does/2018/05/10/191b8a20-546f-11e8-a551-5b648abe29ef_story.html?utm_term=.d509ad81bb2e)

(headline from link on homepage)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on May 14, 2018, 03:44:26 pm
because apparently, some things can't be assumed:

New law: Kansas cops can't have sex during traffic stops (https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/new-law-kansas-cops-cant-have-sex-during-traffic-stops/ar-AAx85cA)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 15, 2018, 01:01:17 pm
This one's almost Inception-esque.

Actor who played Suge Knight gets probation for bank threats (https://apnews.com/1c5a18353b9e4bc7922e33bfc32ff14b?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=APEastRegion)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 17, 2018, 01:12:21 pm
Another truck spill. This shit is bananas! (http://www.capitalgazette.com/news/for_the_record/ac-cn-disabled-truck-20180517-story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 17, 2018, 01:17:57 pm
sounds like this would be an appropriate song to accompany that article
Harry Chapin - 30,000 Pounds of Bananas
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on May 18, 2018, 02:15:42 pm
Disgraceful Japanese Bullet Train Operator Apologizes For Leaving Station 25 Seconds Early (https://jalopnik.com/disgraceful-japanese-bullet-train-operator-apologizes-f-1826135050)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 23, 2018, 09:04:20 pm
A federal judge in New York ruled Wednesday that President Trump is in violation of the Constitution when he blocks users on Twitter. (http://money.cnn.com/2018/05/23/media/judge-rules-trump-cant-block-twitter-users/index.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on May 30, 2018, 03:40:27 pm
Trump, fast food lover and exercise avoider, lectures nation on importance of fitness (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2018/05/30/trump-fast-food-lover-and-exercise-avoider-lectures-nation-on-importance-of-fitness/?utm_term=.1d758a068ecf)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on May 30, 2018, 05:00:18 pm
Pompeii Resident had his head crushed by a Giant Stone while fleeing Eruption (https://gizmodo.com/pompeii-resident-had-his-head-crushed-by-a-giant-stone-1826416090)

(https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--llG7_dpY--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/uk9rrorwgcz3ejnioj93.jpg)

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on May 30, 2018, 05:07:21 pm
are you sure that wasn't in Florida?
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on May 30, 2018, 05:14:47 pm
are you sure that wasn't in Florida?

No, no I am not. 

But I really wanted to post a link to Pompeii, FL, but sadly, of all the shitty names FL usurped into their state, Pompeii was not one of them.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on June 05, 2018, 07:28:30 pm
Richard Ascroft is opening for the Rolling Stones because Liam Gallagher refuses to play at Old Trafford (https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/whats-on/music-nightlife-news/liam-gallagher-rolling-stones-manchester-14747832)

So much there......
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on June 07, 2018, 08:38:40 am
How did you guys miss this?

Guy steals an armored personnel carrier (basically a tank) from Ft. Pickett near Petersburg, drove it up Rte 460 and then onto I-95 all the way to Richmond (that's 25 miles at a top speed of 40mph), and then starts cruising around downtown Richmond in it before parking it in front of city hall. All while being pursued by a dozen police officers who can't do anything to stop him.

https://www.npr.org/2018/06/06/617454787/stolen-armored-vehicle-chase-ends-with-soldiers-arrest

The pictures and memes that have come from this are legendary.

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: hutch on June 07, 2018, 09:01:02 am
Wowee


First I hear of it!!

Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on June 07, 2018, 01:27:36 pm
^ i just assumed that was Julian on another one of his infamous benders.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on June 07, 2018, 01:31:12 pm
^ i just assumed that was Julian on another one of his infamous benders.
No, but I pre-ordered the commemorative novelty t-shirt.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: betao on June 07, 2018, 04:34:45 pm
^ i just assumed that was Julian on another one of his infamous benders.
No, but I pre-ordered the commemorative novelty t-shirt.

The Peedmont just put some out.

https://teespring.com/stores/the-peedmont

(https://vangogh.teespring.com/v3/image/SauVvsSySdw7RixcEUYJsT-94i0/480/560.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on June 12, 2018, 09:59:26 pm
Red Hot Chili Peppers fans are mistakenly buying tickets for Scottish bagpipe band Red Hot Chili Pipers (https://consequenceofsound.net/2018/06/red-hot-chili-pipers-mistake-red-hot-chili-peppers/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on July 02, 2018, 06:30:40 pm
Was wondering why this thread doesn't get action

(https://i.imgur.com/F0sfmCg.jpg[)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on July 03, 2018, 11:54:27 am
^ damn, i'm tempted to ask mods to lock this thread after the above POTY...
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on August 06, 2018, 01:02:00 pm
Two elderly men escape nursing home to go to German metal festival (http://'https://www.nme.com/news/music/two-elderly-men-escape-nursing-home-go-german-metal-festival-2363537')
 
(http://jacobsmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/RAWK2.jpg)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: vansmack on August 09, 2018, 06:06:23 pm
Illinois Gov. Rauner drinks chocolate milk to demonstrate his commitment to diversity (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chicagoinc/ct-met-rauner-chocolate-milk-0223-chicago-inc-20180222-story.html)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on September 07, 2018, 02:50:37 pm
Tesla Erupts in Chaos After Senior Execs Leave, Musk Tokes Up (https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-09-07/tesla-chief-accounting-officer-leaves-citing-level-of-scrutiny?srnd=premium)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkonbyeeeeeeeee on September 07, 2018, 03:23:09 pm
how joe rogan, went from killer comic, to fear factor, to ufc, to the best podcast out there, with a mind to rival most . . . amazes me.

pineal gland stimulation, will do it, every,time.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Julian, Semi-Retired WUNDERKIND on September 07, 2018, 04:31:55 pm
how joe rogan, went from killer comic, to fear factor, to ufc, to the best podcast out there, with a mind to rival most . . . amazes me.
Joe Rogan has sucked at every turn of his career, bro.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Unquotable-hatch ılılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılılı on September 07, 2018, 05:05:33 pm
how joe rogan, went from killer comic, to fear factor, to ufc, to the best podcast out there, with a mind to rival most . . . amazes me.
Joe Rogan has sucked at every turn of his career, bro.
I don't know if I 100% with julie, but this Joe rogan love from walkie always shocks me
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: walkonbyeeeeeeeee on September 10, 2018, 10:27:04 pm
how joe rogan, went from killer comic, to fear factor, to ufc, to the best podcast out there, with a mind to rival most . . . amazes me.
Joe Rogan has sucked at every turn of his career, bro.
I don't know if I 100% with julie, but this Joe rogan love from walkie always shocks me

he comes across as a meathead, when you look at him.  but he's funny and brutal and honest and smart and refreshing and quick and lively and awesome and sexy to some degree and trippy and willing to do things so we don't have to so we can learn from his mistakes.
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: ggw on September 12, 2018, 08:48:10 am
Author of "How to Murder Your Husband" arrested for murdering her husband (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nancy-crampton-brophy-romance-novelist-murder_us_5b98b2a9e4b0511db3e74300)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 12, 2018, 12:29:10 pm
^ POTW
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: sweetcell on September 12, 2018, 12:34:12 pm
(https://www.homebrewtalk.com/forum/attachments/39997277_10156590198745645_5142134159023538176_n-jpg.585180/)
Title: Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
Post by: Justin Tonation on September 22, 2018, 12:11:05 am
(https://www.cp24.com/polopoly_fs/1.4103998.1537544784!/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_620/image.jpg)

Sexy 'Handmaid's Tale' Halloween costume pulled amid backlash (https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Culture/sexy-handmaids-tale-halloween-costume-pulled-amid-backlash/story?id=57995337&cid=social_twitter_abcn)