930 Forums
=> GENERAL DISCUSSION => Topic started by: ye-ole-hatch ıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl on August 02, 2021, 04:48:25 pm
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As it says, just post great headlines...stories don't matter.
Plague-infected chipmunks force closures around Lake Tahoe
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Boscombe 'sea creature': fisherman's kayak almost capsized
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Aphex Twin’s Sister Is Wales’ New Climate Change Minister
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Aphex Twin’s Sister Is Wales’ New Climate Change Minister
Nice one!
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Aphex Twin’s Sister Is Wales’ New Climate Change Minister
Nice one!
I know ....I read the article ...but this made me chuckle
The politician mentioned that her brother, a notoriously reclusive artist.... She is “very much” a fan of her brother’s work, she reveals, but “not all of it”.
“Some of it’s, I think Charlie Brooker once said, it was like being inside a CT scanner for an hour,”
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Sperm-on-a-Postcard Breakthrough Opens Door to Massive 'Sperm Books'
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Don't read this article simply because of this awful headline:
Pandora’s sparkling comeback powered by stimmy checks and lab-grown gems (https://fortune.com/2021/08/17/pandora-q2-comeback-stimmy-checks-lab-grown-gems-diamonds/)
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UK lorry driver shortage could be plugged by prisoners on day release
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i can't imagine what could possibly go wrong with that plan.
this brexit thing is really working out for them!
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Wisconsin woman spots cow in car while waiting in drive-thru line
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The City of Eureka Has Removed the Mysterious Dildo Atop the Old Town Gazebo
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Musician Richman won’t perform Saturday in Olympia after organizers scammed
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E_AcdzMXsAgRH7m?format=jpg&name=900x900)
https://twitter.com/colinphoenix/status/1436679583152156677?s=21
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Aaron Rodgers: 1st INT vs. Saints 'Was Entirely Due to the Double Nut Shot I Took' (https://bleacherreport.com/articles/10012413)
"In the case of Rodgers, getting hit below the belt while throwing an interception was a microcosm of Week 1. When something like that happens, the football gods clearly aren't on your side."
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Yes, it's the onion, but really a great headline
Joe Manchin Reverses Stance On Abolishing Filibuster After Son Diagnosed With Filibuster Disease (https://www.theonion.com/joe-manchin-reverses-stance-on-abolishing-filibuster-af-1846326684)
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Update Your PC Now to Protect Windows 10 From Internet Explorer (https://www.howtogeek.com/755162/update-your-pc-now-to-protect-windows-10-from-internet-explorer/)
as a former web developer, i've been telling people to protect themselves from IE for 20 years ;D
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Philip Morris Is Buying An Asthma Inhaler Company.
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FBI arrests Michigan bomb suspect who was angry with cell phone companies over porn and cussing
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FBI arrests Michigan bomb suspect who was angry with cell phone companies over porn and cussing
Porn? Unacceptable. Cussing? Unacceptable. Murdering people with bombs? Fine.
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Are getting close to a "Because, Michigan" thread?
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Are getting close to a "Because, Michigan" thread?
thought has crossed my mind many times...would keep the dreck out of the JA thread for sure
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Besides being a great headline this is a good roundup of the mess in Texas
A tax cheat, a disbarred attorney, and an attempted firebomber: meet the folks trying to collect on Texas’ abortion bounty law.
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/political-commentary/texas-abortion-law-first-lawsuits-1230248/
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Btw this is the juicy bit from that Michigan bomber story
In late August, Allen is accused of placing threatening letters inside polka-dotted envelopes that were addressed to AT&T, Verizon, and “all other carriers” at various locations in northern Michigan, according to an FBI affidavit filed in federal court obtained by The Detroit News. The letters, which were sent from the “Coalition for Moral Telecommunications (CMT),” threatened to “begin destroying inner city tower communication” unless the providers created software to stop the spread of “immoral content.”
Guess he raided his wife’s stash of stationery
https://www.metrotimes.com/news-hits/archives/2021/09/21/fbi-arrests-michigan-bomb-suspect-who-was-angry-with-cell-phone-companies-over-porn-and-cussing
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Koz…. I think you are missing the point of this thread
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do we really need a commentary thread for this?
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do we really need a commentary thread for this?
Some people come here purely for a dry recitation of Great Headlines, Kosmo, and in their busy lives, they can't be delayed for a few seconds having to wade through our "thoughts" about the Great Headlines.
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fine...
i just thought the use of Polka-dotted envelopes was highly amusing and worth sharing with the class
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I get it and can see pointing out some key points in the story...but then maybe it goes to the Random thread, or the sky is falling thread
I feel like the key here is, it doesn't really matter the content of the article, it's just headline is the Dog’s Bollocks...those should go here
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Tim Cook says employees who leak memos do not belong at Apple, according to leaked memo
https://www.theverge.com/2021/9/22/22687747/tim-cook-employee-leak-memos-do-not-belong-at-apple
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Young Drinkers Are Pissed Their Fake IDs Don’t Match Their Real Vaccine Cards
At least it's not the other way around
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if you can make it to the end of this article, you are a stronger person than i:
‘Sun-powered orgasms are fantastic’: why I went to live in a desert cave (https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2021/oct/02/sun-powered-orgasms-desert-cave-stephanie-theobald)
Armed with only a solar charger, a vibrator and some marijuana gummy bears, I rode out the pandemic – and my fear of spiders – in a California commune
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I don’t want to
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I don’t want to
i think that makes you a wiser person than i
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if you can make it to the end of this article, you are a stronger person than i:
I made it to the photo.
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FBMD0sdWUAQOhtU.jpg)
From Scottish Twitter
https://twitter.com/brianbtd1967/status/1446504111898251267?s=21
Dinna ken if this is good or bad news for Dundee?
Update
Of course it was to good to be true… crafty lot those photoshopping Scots
Some Killjoy had seen it when it read Major Jobs Blow
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I THROW DOWN THE GAUNTLET:
Monkey belonging to Texas special team's coach stripper girlfriend bites child on Halloween (https://www.foxnews.com/sports/monkey-belonging-to-texas-special-teams-coach-stripper-girlfriend-bites-child-on-halloween)
She explained how the monkey is up-to-date on her shots and is an 'emotional support animal who (is) not to be touched'
NOW ACCEPTING ALL CHALLENGERS
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not up to monkey owned by stripper bites child, but an interesting intersection of software development and local government
Swale council seeks to quash planning decisions issued in error by junior staff member with one application rejected as 'whack'
lots of ads on this link
https://www.kentonline.co.uk/sittingbourne/news/charity-told-proposal-is-whack-in-planning-blunder-253536/
Officials have been left red faced after a junior staff member was unwittingly let loose on approving and rejecting planning notices, with one applicant, a charity boss, told their scheme was turned down because: “Your proposal is whack”.
The blunder came about when the Mid Kent Planning Support team, which handles the online submissions on behalf of Swale council, was trying to resolve software issues.
In doing so, five ‘dummy’ decisions, used to test the website was working, were accidentally published.
Among them was the sarcastic refusal to a desperate bid by Happy Pants animal sanctuary to stay on its site in Bobbing, near Sittingbourne.
The charity received the response “your proposal is whack” and “no mate, proper whack”. Making good the mistaken planning decisions is now set to cost £8,000.
Terry Rowse butchers’ change of use to a takeaway in Chaucer Road, Sittingbourne, was also turned down, with the official comments reading simply “no”, and “just don’t”, while the partial demolition of The Wheatsheaf pub in East Street, Sittingbourne, was granted, with the response “incy, wincy, spider”.
Meanwhile, an application for the change of use for a barn to provide storage for seeds and crop protection products, precision farm services and office space in Bredgar Road, Tunstall, was granted, as was the fifth application, for the demolition of the Old House At Home pub in Sheerness High Street, to make way for flats. The latter's comment was “why am I doing this, am I the chosen one?”
Swale council is now seeking to quash the planning decisions issued in error.
It said that, on August 19, officers for the Mid Kent Planning Support team were trying to find a solution for issues with the software behind the public access site but, during the exercise, ‘dummy’ decision notices on five randomly selected Swale applications were published on the live system.
After being alerted to the mistake, the decision notices were swiftly removed from the site, but legal advice has subsequently confirmed they are legally binding and must be overturned before the correct decisions are made.
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Terminally ill man arrested for 'mooning' at speed camera
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Convicted Murderer Wins Election to Office in DC From Behind Bars
(epoch times, but the story is actually true...but a Ward 7 ANC position is hardly a position of power)
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Michael Jackson Impersonator Charged With Storming Capitol Alongside Oath Keepers
Some quality replies to the Rolling Stone tweet
https://twitter.com/rollingstone/status/1463520706973552657?s=21
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WALMART REMOVES LISTING FOR KIDS’ TOY THAT SINGS ABOUT COCAINE
This is truly so random
Ania Tanner, a grandmother from Ontario, Canada, was shocked when an innocent-looking dancing cactus toy she bought for her granddaughter at Walmart started swearing and singing about doing cocaine in Polish, CTV News reports.
“This toy uses swear words and talking about cocaine use,” Tanner told the broadcaster. “This is not what I ordered for my granddaughter.”
Unsurprisingly, Walmart yanked the toy from its online store — although people had been complaining about the toy for at least five months, according to CTV.
But its rapping skills in Polish weren’t age-appropriate. In addition to rapping about cocaine, the jovial succulent also covered other pleasantries such as suicide and depression.
“It just so happens that I am Polish and when I started to listen to the songs and I heard the words,” Tanner told CTV News. “I was in shock. I thought what is this some kind of joke?”
“It’s about taking five grams of cocaine and being alone… It’s a very depressing song,” she added.
As it turns out, the Chinese manufacturer apparently had no idea it was using a song by Polish rapper Cypis — who, according to CTV News, had no idea his song was being used for a children’s toy at all.
https://futurism.com/the-byte/walmart-removes-toy-cocaine
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End Times Preacher: A Reptile Alien Imitating My Husband Tried to Sleep with Me (https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2021/11/23/end-times-preacher-a-reptile-alien-imitating-my-husband-tried-to-sleep-with-me/)
she could have just said "not tonight honey i have a headache" and avoided all this attention...
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MCPD Warns of Scam Violin Players at Local Shopping Centers
https://mocoshow.com/blog/mcpd-warns-of-scam-violin-players-at-local-shopping-centers/ (https://mocoshow.com/blog/mcpd-warns-of-scam-violin-players-at-local-shopping-centers/)
Apparently the buskers aren't really playing the violin, so buyer beware.
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MCPD Warns of Scam Violin Players at Local Shopping Centers
https://mocoshow.com/blog/mcpd-warns-of-scam-violin-players-at-local-shopping-centers/ (https://mocoshow.com/blog/mcpd-warns-of-scam-violin-players-at-local-shopping-centers/)
Apparently the buskers aren't really playing the violin, so buyer beware.
we had something similar in our little town, except it was an accordion player. he would set up with amplification in the local grocery store's parking lot and wail away for hours in front of signs stating "hungry please help" and "out of work due to pandemic". anyone with a minimal amount of musical knowledge could tell that the music coming out of the speakers wasn't coming from his instrument - he was ok, but not great, at miming along to the prerecorded music. only lasted for a month before he disappeared... wonder where he ended up.
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Amazon not loading? Can't hook up on Tinder? The internet has failed you again. Here's what to do[/i] (https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2021/12/07/aws-amazon-outage-what-do/6419140001/[i)
Well done USAtoday. tbh didn't realize you weren't already dead
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Amazon not loading? Can't hook up on Tinder? The internet has failed you again. Here's what to do[/i] (https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2021/12/07/aws-amazon-outage-what-do/6419140001/[i)
Corrected link: https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2021/12/07/aws-amazon-outage-what-do/6419140001/
dude...
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Amazon not loading? Can't hook up on Tinder? The internet has failed you again. Here's what to do[/i] (https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2021/12/07/aws-amazon-outage-what-do/6419140001/[i)
Corrected link: https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2021/12/07/aws-amazon-outage-what-do/6419140001/
dude...
yes, I screwed up the link...but honestly this is the headline thread and you shouldn't even need the link or discuss the article, just thought it would be good for contex, as I imagine 2/3s of this board doesn't know what AWS is or does
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Anti-5G necklaces found to be radioactive
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this could go in many threads, but this headline made me chuckle...
Dismay and glee as Coldplay say they will stop recording in 2025
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Damn… came here to post in the Coldplay hate thread
Can’t believe they are going to make us wait until 2025, just stop now
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Scientists Defy God, Teach Goldfish to Drive on Land
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Scientists Defy God, Teach Goldfish to Drive on Land
we're already defying god with our vaccines, what harm is there in a little finned driving?
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Thieves Steal Gallery Owner’s Multimillion-Dollar NFT Collection: ‘All My Apes Gone’
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This may win the thread, via Jon Wuster:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CYXG4i1PCyD
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An album made entirely of endangered bird sounds beat Taylor Swift on a top 50 chart
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Pig heart transplant recipient stabbed a man seven times years ago.
Heartless bastard?
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Cross posting to Meanwhile in Canada
Police searching for man who stole an $8,000 Gibson Custom Shop '59 Les Paul by cramming it down his pants
https://www.guitarworld.com/news/gibson-les-paul-theft
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That's how I got my cello
Cross posting to Meanwhile in Canada
Police searching for man who stole an $8,000 Gibson Custom Shop '59 Les Paul by cramming it down his pants
https://www.guitarworld.com/news/gibson-les-paul-theft
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I also stuff my "grand piano" down my pants everyday
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Truck with 100 monkeys crashes in PA, people told not to approach missing animal
...so many questions...
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I have many questions
Dorset knob-throwing festival axed over size issues
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-dorset-60122825
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Johnny Marr responds to Morrissey’s plea to stop mentioning him: “An ‘open letter’ hasn’t really been a thing since 1953“
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Oscar Mayer wants you to put ‘bologna’ on your face.
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EXCLUSIVE: 'Peter Dinklage just put seven of us out of a job!' Dwarf actors' fury at Disney for canceling seven dwarves from Snow White remake because the woke multimillionaire Game of Thrones star said they were offensive
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10449549/Dwarf-actors-slam-Peter-Dinklage-canceling-seven-dwarves.html
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Jethro Tull’s Ian Anderson: ‘Dressing up was fun – but my codpiece was distinctly unfragrant’
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Smoking in cars with children in Northern Ireland now illegal (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-60209734)
Well, there goes my idea for a Julian Netflix series!
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Smoking in cars with children in Northern Ireland now illegal (https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-northern-ireland-60209734)
Well, there goes my idea for a Julian Netflix series!
26,195. Quite the marathon.
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Gluten free potato brownies very satisfying
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^ whoever wrote that was high AS FUCK
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(https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/7XJIDKHBA5CC3ETYV7MALLXF2A.jpg&w=916)
Nun who stole $835,000 from school to fund her gambling habit is going to prison: ‘I have sinned’ (https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/2022/02/08/california-nun-gambling-school-prison-kreuper/)
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she's going to jail...good. Now what about all those priests "fiddlin about"? (shoutout to The Who touring this spring).
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A giant donut-shaped machine just proved a near-limitless clean power source is possible
Is Homer somehow involved?
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Hudson mayor suggests ice fishing could lead to prostitution in ice shanties
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To be fair this is probably standard practice in Canada
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How did you guys not post this one yet?
80-year-old’s unsent Wordle score saves her from naked kidnapper, Illinois woman says
Read more at: https://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/news/nation-world/national/article258258720.html#storylink=cpy
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It’s in the unofficial Wordle thread
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A Porno-Metal Song About Gay Cowboys Is Disrupting the Anti-Vax Trucker Convoy
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Kurt Cobain’s Daughter Is Dating Tony Hawk’s Son
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The mayor of Hudson, Ohio, has resigned after he suggested that permitting ice fishing could lead to prostitution.
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FLqBDKRX0AMOEww?format=jpg&name=900x900)
(of course, he was from Michigan)
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Massachusetts game show winner gets trip to New Hampshire (https://apnews.com/article/39e6be91f937b9bd1cde8ac9f0a889ff)
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what do you expect when most of the state is shaped like a mitten... as usual Michigan We Get It Done
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Arizona Priest Steps Down After Discovering Thousands of His Baptisms Don't Count Because He Said One Word Wrong
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Arizona Priest Steps Down After Discovering Thousands of His Baptisms Don't Count Because He Said One Word Wrong
As I said over on the social medias, this is the sort of thing that had it happened a thousand years ago, Europe would be plunged into decades of bloodshed as a result.
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Utah student displaces 22 in dorm after attempt to create rocket fuel on stove
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This. Has. Everything.
Top 15 fugitive wanted for DC gender-reveal party shooting arrested in Florida (https://wtop.com/dc/2022/02/top-15-fugitive-wanted-for-dc-gender-reveal-party-shooting-arrested-in-florida/)
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Do we need a Russia/Ukraine/WWIII thread?
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Do we need a Russia/Ukraine/WWIII thread?
where was that a headline?
but yes, we do
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Now invading the rest of Ukraine is pretty shitty
They should have kept their nukes
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since we don't have a "dystopian nightmare headlines" thread, i guess i'll drop this here:
Putin calls for the "demilitarization" of Ukraine after announcing military action in Donbas (https://www.cnn.com/europe/live-news/ukraine-russia-news-02-23-22/h_0a25f82dbcd2c593c00a857873bf2723)
sooooo... how's that "demilitarization of Ukraine" going?
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Canceled comedian Louis CK to perform in Kyiv despite Russian invasion
Now, that's a great headline!
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Harvey Weinstein Caught With Contraband Milk Duds in L.A. Jail
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Denver police investigate after box of human heads being transported for medical research is stolen
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FNSgo6hXsAMrlFt?format=jpg&name=medium)
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FNYLG14XsAop0u-.jpg)
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Almost.
Trump asks supporters to pay for new plane after emergency landing
https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/us-elections-government/ny-trump-asks-supporters-to-buy-new-plane-20220310-bs6h3r7czve6lmfd5dyeco5e34-story.html
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Hey I'm a billionaire, but please help me get a new engine to my 35-year-old plane...makes me think he's really not a billionaire
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Hey I'm a billionaire, but please help me get a new engine to my 35-year-old plane...makes me think he's really not a billionaire
I read somewhere else that it wasn't even his plane, it was a supporter's.
"Hey my friend's plane broke, so buy me a new one so I don't have to borrow my friend's junky plane."
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Hey I'm a billionaire, but please help me get a new engine to my 35-year-old plane...makes me think he's really not a billionaire
I read somewhere else that it wasn't even his plane, it was a supporter's.
"Hey my friend's plane broke, so buy me a new one so I don't have to borrow my friend's junky plane."
it wasn't his plane, but apparently they thought they could use the incident so the rubes would pony up so they could bring back a new Tr**p Force One to the skies... apparently his 757 is sitting unused somewhere unable to be flown in disrepair... so just grifting away as per usual...
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yeah, his personal 757 was falling apart just as he was elected in 2016. since he suddenly had access to Air Force One, they mothballed his 757. now after all those years of disuse, it apparently needs millions of dollars in maintenance before it can fly again - i vaguely remember reading that both engines need to be replaced.
trump already has tens of millions of dollars in his superPACs, and he could use that money to fix up his plane (lots of flexibility there, and a plane is a legitimate "transportation" expense) but of course donnie isn't going to use "his" money - why pass up a perfectly good opportunity to get the suckaz to pay for it?
grifters gonna grift.
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‘My Ferrari can’t go through’: Rod Stewart fills potholes outside his Essex estate (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/13/my-ferrari-cant-go-through-rod-stewart-fills-potholes-outside-his-essex-estate)
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Why Minnie Mouse's chill-out album actually makes sense
https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-60785409
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Hairy Black Holes Key to Solving Paradoxes of Universe
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Goldman Sachs' CEO will perform at Lollapalooza
Hopefully he pays his ghost producers well
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"Buffalo Wild Wings Is Not Worth Prison Time"
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‘I want a beer’: Paralysed man communicates first words in months using brain implant (https://finance.yahoo.com/news/want-beer-paralysed-man-communicates-154452109.html)
men are so awesome... you're in a coma, and what's the first thing you wanna communicate - "what happened, how did i get here? "tell my wife i love her"? "are my kids ok?" "how bad is it, will i be ok?"
nope... it's "gimme a brewski." if he's in a coma, would he even be aware of his consumption of the beer? could he taste it?
auto-pilot!
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Fart Attack: Brazilian Singer Hospitalized After Holding in Gas Around Boyfriend
Also...no commentary or article snips needed...it's all about the Headlines, baby
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Mushrooms communicate with each other using up to 50 ‘words’
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Mushrooms communicate with each other using up to 50 ‘words’
I actually already read that :)
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Ted Cruz Trolls Mr. T
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Bolsonaro faces hard scrutiny over military’s purchase of penile implants
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https://www.the-sun.com/news/5145341/american-men-penis-size-beaten-by-australians-french/
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PROBING URANUS IS OUR NEXT SPACE EXPLORATION PRIORITY
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Cross posting to the JA thread
Canals, charcuterie and beer: how record shops are staying afloat
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The Quest for "Forbidden Nut Flavor"
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Canadian astronauts no longer free to rob and kill with abandon in space or on the moon (https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/canadian-astronauts-2022-federal-budget)
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...
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Canadian astronauts no longer free to rob and kill with abandon in space or on the moon (https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/canadian-astronauts-2022-federal-budget)
It also means, presumably, that Canadians can currently murder and rob all they want, provided that they do it while in orbit.
just can't come home
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Man dies of heart attack while burying woman in backyard
(Reported by a Florida TV station, leading to an ill advised edit, took place in South Carolina)
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A Texas Christian Lady Went To A School Board Meeting And Proudly Proclaimed That She’s Never, Ever Had Anything Put In Her Butt (https://uproxx.com/viral/texas-school-board-meeting-woman-yelling-about-anal-sex/)
follow-up from a librarian author of the book that the woman wanted banned...hysterical
https://ashleyperez.com/2021/10/video-response-talking-back-to-angry-texas-mom-whose-tirade-got-out-of-darkness-banned/
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Gene-editing experiment turns fluffy hamsters into ‘aggressive’ mutant rage monsters
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Mona Lisa: Man dressed as old woman throws cake at da Vinci painting
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Tractor-trailer crash sends 15,000 pounds of hot dog filler onto Pennsylvania highway
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FUEyyF8XsAE9_xG?format=jpg&name=small)
cue QOP blaming Biden for the future hot dog shortage
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^ that area should be declared a biohazard disaster zone, and deemed uninhabitable for a few centuries.
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Tractor-trailer crash sends 15,000 pounds of hot dog filler onto Pennsylvania highway
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FUEyyF8XsAE9_xG?format=jpg&name=small)
cue QOP blaming Biden for the future hot dog shortage
Sarah Sherman (SNL) on Twitter @SarahSquirm: "my nudes just leaked:" (https://twitter.com/SarahSquirm/status/1531488340830212098)
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The United States is the only country with more civilian-owned firearms than citizens
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BREAKING NEWS: CNN cutting back on over-hyping everything as "breaking news"
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Pierogi burglar strikes in Pennsylvania
The deets
The press release stated troopers are looking for a suspect who stole a five-pound bag of Mrs. T’s Pierogies from the victim’s residence and caused $10 worth of damage to the victim’s drywall.
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Pierogi burglar strikes in Pennsylvania
@johnfetterman
Don’t look at me, my alibi is rock solid. I’ve been resting + recovering at home in Braddock. ☺️
@Bob_Casey on the other hand… 👀
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Sucks he had a stroke…he needs more time before hitting campaign trail (the fact he has been resting three weeks indicates stroke wasn’t nothing)
Not sure it matters now but eventually he will need to be 100% or he will lose…I have this race as solid republican
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Naked Florida Couple Crashes into FedEx Truck While Doing Things We Can't Explicitly Describe in a Headline (https://jalopnik.com/naked-florida-couple-crashes-into-fedex-truck-while-doi-1849023272)
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Sucks he had a stroke…he needs more time before hitting campaign trail (the fact he has been resting three weeks indicates stroke wasn’t nothing)
Not sure it matters now but eventually he will need to be 100% or he will lose…I have this race as solid republican
Geez
https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/06/politics/john-fetterman-campaign-trail-break-july/index.html
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She got an STD during car sex. Now, Geico could pay her $5.2 million (https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2022/06/09/geico-std-car-sex-missouri-insurance/)
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that is a great headline!
I will say I like the stock photo the NYpost ran with better ;)
(https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2022/06/car-couple-steam-1.jpg?quality=75&strip=all)
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Two stuck in waist-high chocolate at MnM factory
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A greatly understated headline:
To some surprise, Youngkin hosts series of Pride events (https://wtop.com/virginia/2022/06/to-some-surprise-youngkin-hosts-series-of-pride-events/)
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18-wheeler hauling orange juice catches fire on beltway
-
Fugitive captured after he drops from ceiling into Stafford Co. church
-
Post Malone Literally Shits Out His Music: “I Write All My Songs on the Can”
-
makes perfect sense
Post Malone Literally Shits Out His Music: “I Write All My Songs on the Can”
-
https://www.newsweek.com/elephant-kills-woman-returns-funeral-tramples-corpse-india-1715075?amp=1
-
holymoley that wins the GH for the week
Elephant Kills Woman Then Returns to Funeral and Tramples Corpse
(https://www.newsweek.com/elephant-kills-woman-returns-funeral-tramples-corpse-india-1715075?amp=1)
newsweek no less!
-
Ok, not the greatest headline, but wins for not being a headline I would ever expect
Steve Albini Wins Second World Series of Poker Event
(won $200k)
-
I don't even understand what's happening here:
Bennett and Lapid agree to dissolve Israel's government
https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/20/middleeast/israel-government-dissolve-vote-intl/index.html
-
I don't even understand what's happening here:
Parliamentary system where coalitions rule. When your coalition starts to disagree, you have two choices - dissolve it yourself or have it dissolved for you. In this instance, they have agreed to dissolve it themselves and have yet another election. 5th time in 4 years....
I believe I made a snarky comment In the belly up thread about Netanyahu and it not really mattering - they can only hope that they held the coalition long enough that the coalitions don't run back to Bibi.
-
this made me chuckle...although it'd be better if it said Chris martin
Noel Gallagher banned from China for life as he is 'enemy of the people'
-
Justin Timberlake Apologizes For ‘Dancing,’ Wearing Khakis At Pharrell’s Festival
-
KISS mistakenly displayed an Australian flag during their performance in Austria
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FWbSqZIX0AEvV4s?format=jpg&name=medium)
-
You know when Kiss plays germany they use this logo
(https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-3c8071241ad00af1aa14f41e03c53b06.webp)
as the logo looks like the german ss
-
VIP Section at The Eagles Concert Breaks into Brawl During “Take It Easy”
-
VIP Section at The Eagles Concert Breaks into Brawl During “Take It Easy”
Holy shit those cockneys paid a LOT to not take it easy AT ALL
-
Poison canceled over bad reaction to medication. Brett Michaels hospitalized.
-
UNESCO declares borsch cooking an endangered
-
Giant African land snails force Florida town into quarantine
-
Giant African land snails force Florida town into quarantine
no joke!
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FW5E1X6XgAI5W64?format=jpg&name=small)
although it's Florida, wonder if you can sub them in your Conch Chowder
-
This story has been going around and this is a great concise version of it…
Fake cricket league dupes some online bettors
https://www.npr.org/2022/07/12/1111131964/fake-cricket-league-dupes-some-online-bettors
-
The best and brightest
Charges: Man lit his camper on fire, defaced own garage to appear targeted due to Trump flag
https://www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/news/denis-molla-brooklyn-center-arson-charges/
Just a minor case of wire fraud
-
This one is ok; I just like it because I worked at a lot of pizza places.
"Rescuers free man stuck in pizza oven vent."
-
And from England:
'Naughty' retired vicar, 74, caught carrying out a sex act with a HENRY HOOVER in church while wearing stockings claims he did it because his 'diabetes was not medicated'
-
And from England:
'Naughty' retired vicar, 74, caught carrying out a sex act with a HENRY HOOVER in church while wearing stockings claims he did it because his 'diabetes was not medicated'
in case anyone was wondering meet Henry Hoover
(https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/718qjWapq2L._AC_SX466_.jpg)
-
he does seem to be staring right at my package
-
Does Henry have a sister? Asking for a friend.
-
Chess robot grabs and breaks finger of seven-year-old opponent
-
Chess robot grabs and breaks finger of seven-year-old opponent
(T)he machine had played many previous exhibitions without upset. “This is of course bad.” (https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/jul/24/chess-robot-grabs-and-breaks-finger-of-seven-year-old-opponent-moscow)
Also, it was the kid's fault ::)
Moscow incident occurred because child ‘violated’ safety rules by taking turn too quickly, says official
-
Elon Musk’s Dad Says Colombians Want His Sperm for Elon Army
-
Man crashes into shop, runs off and is attacked by emu
Swerving into the shop wasn't the worst thing to happen to him
https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/man-crashes-shop-runs-attacked-7380249
The driver leapt a fence and found himself face to face with an emu
-
Spain: Prosecutors to seek 8-year prison term for Shakira
Associated Press
-
Spain: Prosecutors to seek 8-year prison term for Shakira
Associated Press
Ridiculous. The woman is a saint. Put her cheating husband in jail!
-
Spain: Prosecutors to seek 8-year prison term for Shakira
Associated Press
Ridiculous. The woman is a saint. Put her cheating husband in jail!
Those Hips Don't Lie
-
Passenger fined $1,874 after two undeclared McMuffins found in luggage
-
Former White House physician Rep. Ronny Jackson pledges to never eat 'a whole plate of dog penis' again
-
but he is still good with half a plate.
Former White House physician Rep. Ronny Jackson pledges to never eat 'a whole plate of dog penis' again
-
but he is still good with half a plate.
Former White House physician Rep. Ronny Jackson pledges to never eat 'a whole plate of dog penis' again
Really not sure, also what if it was served in a cup or a bowl?
are cat penises off the table or is that still an option to eat
But I like that he's making campaign promises, we'll see how well he does resisting the temptation of BBQ Dog Penis at the next MAGA rally
-
Former White House physician Rep. Ronny Jackson pledges to never eat 'a whole plate of dog penis' again
any relation to:
Trump Says White House Doctor Ronny Jackson 'Loved Looking at My Body' (https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-white-house-doctor-ronny-jackson-loved-looking-my-body-1731562)
-
Meet this year's child Mullet Championship finalists
(NPR?!)
-
Richmond restaurant mogul hit with $3.2 million donut defamation suit
Donut defamation suit is my new band name
-
Any story about a $3.2 million donut belongs in the JA thread.
-
For space…
Traffic brought to standstill after JK Rowling publicly trims her bush
-
Lorde Swam the Potomac in a possible bid to become the worlds top Mutant Pop Star (https://www.avclub.com/lorde-potomac-river-washington-dc-1849473736)
-
The Trump Taj Mahal casino sold for 4 cents on the dollar
See this is a great one sentence description of how horrible he was at running businesses.
-
Kids Yell “Poop” At Alexa, And These Musicians Profit (https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/katienotopoulos/alexa-play-the-poop-song)
-
"Poopy Stupid Butt" was the working title for "Hey Jude". True story.
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FcD5axGX0AEsHam?format=jpg&name=small)
not an Onion article and yes this could be cross posted into several threads
https://www.newscientist.com/article/2334149-sac-with-a-mouth-and-no-anus-wasnt-our-earliest-ancestor-after-all/
-
Alright, which of you scofflaws is doing shots on the roof?
https://www.fox5dc.com/news/naked-man-fires-shots-in-northwest-dc
-
Alright, which of you scofflaws is doing shots on the roof?
https://www.fox5dc.com/news/naked-man-fires-shots-in-northwest-dc
Well they’re naked, so you’d think Relaxer. But then again they’re hyper violent so you’d think RatBastard. But then again they’re on drugs on a roof which really opens it back up to a lot of you degenerates.
-
so that headline was indeed fantastic...but the way they ended that story
There is currently no active threat, according to police, and no active shooter. The man has since put on his clothes.
(https://media4.giphy.com/media/B1SGR1LN5kxHqfwzrr/giphy.gif?cid=ecf05e47qnyi0uu09exm3xf7hcg3g4nave6vow1pul4ns55n&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
-
Speeding woman on cocaine kills drunk driver high on meth in North Las Vegas, police say
-
this one checks a lot of boxes:
Elon Musk agrees: chess champion cheated, used anal beads for comms (https://www.tweaktown.com/news/88364/elon-musk-agrees-chess-champion-cheated-used-anal-beads-for-comms/index.html)
-
Beyond Meat COO arrested for biting man’s nose near Razorback Stadium
-
"Greg Abbott is a Little Piss Baby" (https://www.techdirt.com/2022/09/26/subreddit-discriminates-against-anyone-who-doesnt-call-texas-governor-greg-abbott-a-little-piss-baby-to-highlight-absurdity-of-content-moderation-law/)
-
Area Man Is Arrested for Parody. The Onion Files a Supreme Court Brief. (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/04/us/the-onion-supreme-court.html)
-
Area Man Is Arrested for Parody. The Onion Files a Supreme Court Brief. (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/04/us/the-onion-supreme-court.html)
cross-copy to "when reality reflects the onion" thread??
-
Area Man Is Arrested for Parody. The Onion Files a Supreme Court Brief. (https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/04/us/the-onion-supreme-court.html)
cross-copy to "when reality reflects the onion" thread??
I scrolled until which of the two threads came up first (it was this one). Now if we had a thread titled when the onion reflects reality it would have been a no brainer.
Here is the full brief. (https://www.supremecourt.gov/DocketPDF/22/22-293/242292/20221003125252896_35295545_1-22.10.03%20-%20Novak-Parma%20-%20Onion%20Amicus%20Brief.pdf). I was in tears by the Table of Contents.
-
Wild Pig Drinks 18 Beers, Gets in Fight with Cow (https://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/3981/20130914/australian-wild-pig-drinks-18-beers-gets-fight-cow.htm)
-
(https://i.ibb.co/Jm6s2rp/Screen-Shot-2022-10-13-at-11-05-20-AM.png) (https://twitter.com/CHIMPSINSOCKS/status/1580480648695119872)
-
(https://i.ibb.co/Jm6s2rp/Screen-Shot-2022-10-13-at-11-05-20-AM.png) (https://twitter.com/CHIMPSINSOCKS/status/1580480648695119872)
Too much information and also not nearly enough all at the same time. Inquiring minds desire to know more!
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FfJ2MUIXEAIKK7G?format=jpg&name=large)
25! that's quite a party. Who did the counting?
-
The Walky thread is over there..
-
Ok...this is just kind of amazing and weird at the same time
Patient plays saxophone while undergoing brain surgery in Italy
(https://cdnph.upi.com/svc/sv/i/5751665778762/2022/1/16657788871828/Patient-plays-saxophone-while-undergoing-brain-surgery-in-Italy.jpg)
Thoughts on what he was playng?
I'm going with "I can't get you out of my head"
oddly found a 1 hour loop of this song https://youtu.be/EmcAf__3ZT8
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FfSdNEHXwAIC5HC.jpg)
-
Ok...lots of snark in this post
K-Pop stars BTS will be forced to serve in South Korea’s military after all—and reconvene as a group ‘around 2025’
-
Shane MacGowan would “wave his willy” at passing trains from Bono’s house
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FfSdNEHXwAIC5HC.jpg)
This is fake and there’s many versions out there with different stock photos of women attached. This is put out by ex-JWs to spark discussion about JWs online.
-
This is fake and there’s many versions out there with different stock photos of women attached. This is put out by ex-JWs to spark discussion about JWs online.
and you know this, why?
-
This is fake and there’s many versions out there with different stock photos of women attached. This is put out by ex-JWs to spark discussion about JWs online.
and you know this, why?
As I commented before, I have family members who are part of, and some who have left, that cult. I’m weirdly plugged into many things Jehovahs Witnesses.
-
This is fake and there’s many versions out there with different stock photos of women attached. This is put out by ex-JWs to spark discussion about JWs online.
and you know this, why?
As I commented before, I have family members who are part of, and some who have left, that cult. I’m weirdly plugged into many things Jehovahs Witnesses.
my condolences, well at least you don't have to buy birthday presents
-
This is fake and there’s many versions out there with different stock photos of women attached. This is put out by ex-JWs to spark discussion about JWs online.
and you know this, why?
As I commented before, I have family members who are part of, and some who have left, that cult. I’m weirdly plugged into many things Jehovahs Witnesses.
my condolences, well at least you don't have to buy birthday presents
Christmas is cheap too, bro.
-
Body found in truck bed turns minor Macomb County fender-bender into major police investigation
-
Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico reveal they secretly got married
-
Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico reveal they secretly got married
Are they hyphenating their nations or is one of them taking the other's country?
-
Puertina?
-
Puertina?
Argenrico, obvs.
-
Puertina-Argenrico, obvs.
-
Taylor Swift’s Tour Is Ruining Weddings Across the Country
-
Taylor Swift Added 8 Stops To Her Tour, But Still Skipped D.C.
-
Air Force claims ‘no intent by the pilots’ to draw sky penis near Russian base in Syria
-
Baltimore, DC, Richmond among America’s most sinful cities
Finally one of these lists awards we win and can have a little pride about
Dang, don’t read the article… as we are not even in the top 10
Richmond is 35!
WTF
-
STUDENTS REBEL AGAINST HEAT-SENSING CROTCH MONITOR SURVEILLANCE DEVICES (https://hackaday.com/2022/12/12/students-rebel-against-heat-sensing-crotch-monitor-surveillance-devices/)
-
Passengers Kicked Off Flight for Saying 'Penis' Think Penalty Too Stiff (https://jalopnik.com/passengers-kicked-off-flight-for-saying-penis-think-pen-1849888941)
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fj93yJJXoAUF7rJ?format=png&name=900x900)
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fj93yJJXoAUF7rJ?format=png&name=900x900)
Future Boardie of the Year goes to....this kid!
-
Free Band Name Alert
A Murderer Known as ‘the Human Hyena’ Escaped Prison During a Conjugal Visit
Convicted killer José Carmona went on the lam briefly during a state-permitted visit to his wife's house in Cordoba, Argentina this week. He was captured soon after getting into two car crashes.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/7k8ang/a-murderer-known-as-the-human-hyena-escaped-prison-during-a-conjugal-visit
-
does that mean he won't get to play in the finals?
-
does that mean he won't get to play in the finals?
rumor has it a number of policeman have signed on to escort him to the final as a way to see the game
-
George Clooney Once Took a Shit In Richard Kind’s Cat Litter Box
-
Doctor, I've got a bomb in my bum: Man, 88, sparks hospital evacuation in France after arriving with 8ins WWI artillery shell stuck in his rectum
-
Doctor, I've got a bomb in my bum: Man, 88, sparks hospital evacuation in France after arriving with 8ins WWI artillery shell stuck in his rectum
They're taking this World Cup loss hard.
-
Plane of Vomiting Passengers Lands After Horror Flight
-
South Korea formally ends ban on imported sex dolls
Whew, it was really a dark time in SK when we could only use sex dolls created on the peninsula
-
Rapper Young Thug and co-defendant conducted in-court drug transaction, prosecutors say (https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/20/entertainment/rapper-young-thug-courtroom-drugs/index.html)
-
Irish rooster with a violent past kills man with attack to the back of his leg, court says
-
Heinz wants to find the man who survived nearly a month at sea with nothing but ketchup and seasonings to help him buy a new boat
Although, if I was lost at sea for a month, probably wouldn’t be too excited to get back out on the high seas
-
Heinz wants to find the man who survived nearly a month at sea with nothing but ketchup and seasonings to help him buy a new boat
Although, if I was lost at sea for a month, probably wouldn’t be too excited to get back out on the high seas
Extra ketchup is always handy though.
-
Justin Bieber cancels rest of World
(Yes I clipped it, but looked better this way)
-
Best sub headline seen in a while
Man had sex on neighbour's bollard in angry parking row
He also masturbated near it
https://www.dorset.live/news/dorset-news/man-sex-neighbours-bollard-angry-8213328
https://twitter.com/angrypiln/status/1631760235927879681?s=46&t=tEI6L_3IZhAczTAh5AtXcg
-
Man crashes pastor’s book burning event — throws a bible into the fire and yells: ‘Hail Satan!’
-
cue Foo Fighters - "My Hero"
-
From 2015, but worth it
Amphibious pitcher makes debut.
https://twitter.com/NeillWoelk/status/608018850760650752
-
Naked man driving stolen school bus with dead deer inside leads police on chase
Aka Pennsylvania Man
-
Naked man driving stolen school bus with dead deer inside leads police on chase
Aka Pennsylvania Man
could be Michigan man too
-
This insect flings pee from a 'butt catapult.' Now engineers are studying practical uses (https://www.cnn.com/videos/tech/2023/04/07/curiosity-daily-glassy-winged-sharpshooter-contd-orig-ht.cnn)
-
Woman stuck in child's swing cut free by firefighters
“at 2.35 in the morning” ;D
we've all been there...
-
"What 169 feral hippos can teach us about the war on drugs" (https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2023/04/20/colombia-president-biden-cocaine-hippos/) (homepage link)
vs.
"Why Colombia’s president should talk to Biden about cocaine hippos" (article title)
-
Pixies Apologize for “Where Is My Mind?” Preemptively Turning Off Google Alarms
-
*chef's kiss*
Vince Neil to Judge Other People’s Music (https://www.metalsucks.net/2023/05/08/vince-neil-to-judge-other-peoples-music/)
-
Widow who wrote grief book after husband died charged with his murder
-
Widow who wrote grief book after husband died charged with his murder
Gotta respect the hustle.
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fv6i-BmWwAEeOWD?format=jpg&name=large)
-
What is the pig-to-platter conversion rate...I want to know
-
If that image is legit as it appears to be from a single blog post in 2016, but it popped a couple times on Twitter today.
My thought is platter to pig ratio would have been higher than verses today…
-
Man arrested after stealing 5-ton military vehicle and leading police on highway chase in Maryland
"Michael D. Stevens II, 38, stole a privately owned 1986 923-A 5-ton military vehicle from a residence in Bel Air, Maryland."
I have so many questions...
-
The agony and ecstasy of scoring last-minute face value Taylor Swift tickets
-
Local GOP politician resigned after police found him passed out in his car holding what appeared to be a crack pipe
-
Those wacky Scots at it again
Stolen car found on top of metal drum at roundabout in Annan
(https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/1658857063114584064/LY-hC7Gu?format=jpg&name=small)
-
TED NUGENT SAYS HE'S BEING SUED BY THE STATE OF MICHIGAN
-
Lamb found wandering field with motorcycle helmet fitted 'perfectly' over head.
-
really thought this was the onion...but not the case
DNA Test Proves Ex-Wrestler Not Lauren Boebert’s Father
-
My kinda church
Pastor Caught Dealing Weed and Mushrooms Out of Church
-
CT couple alleges state is illegally filming their property by attaching camera to wandering bear
-
A man has been arrested after being caught sunbathing naked outside a Taco Bell restaurant in Lowestoft.
A Lowestoft police spokesman said: "So yes, this happened. He's been slathered with aftersun and will be attending the court this morning."
-
Despite it being one of my favorite films of last year, I did not, until this moment, know that “aftersun” is a thing.
-
Colombia’s ‘Cocaine Hippo’ Population Is Even Bigger Than Scientists Thought
-
A white supremacist took MDMA for a study, and it snapped him out of his beliefs: 'Why am I doing this?'
-
New search for actor Julian Sands on California mountain is unsuccessful
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FzL_N04XgAEUEAS.jpg)
-
The writer of that headline has peaked. Nothing will ever top that.
-
With headlines like that, who needs articles anymore
-
With headlines like that, who needs articles anymore
Gilgamesh: the Headline
-
Janitor heard ‘annoying alarms’ and turned off freezer, ruining 20 years of school research worth $1 million, lawsuit says
-
England 'wanted to pick Wood' but settle for Tongue in all-seam attack
https://www.espn.com/cricket/story/_/id/37921700/ashes-2023-josh-tongue-named-lord-test-moeen-ali-misses-out
-
tongue is not settling!
-
there have been some great Julian Dead headlines. But I truly regret clicking on one of them as google now thinks I care about Julian
-
there have been some great Julian Dead headlines. But I truly regret clicking on one of them as google now thinks I care about Julian
Oh, yeah, that article is what did it.
-
The Author of 'Goodnight Moon' Died From Doing a High Kick and Other Awful Facts We Just Learned
-
Ok...this is actually a sad headline from an Austrian paper that stopped its daily edition after 320 years
116,840 days, 320 years, 12 Austrian presidents, 10 Kaisers, two republics and one newspaper (https://www.theguardian.com/media/2023/jul/01/worlds-oldest-newspaper-prints-final-edition-after-320-years)
(https://static.dw.com/image/66084086_1004.webp)
-
not an Onion headline
Michael Imperioli forbids ‘bigots and homophobes’ from watching his work following Supreme Court ruling
-
Julian Sands spoke of finding ‘spooky things’ in interview before he went missing
-
Julian Sands spoke of finding ‘spooky things’ in interview before he went missing
It was also the night when the skeletons came to life.
-
Mike Lindell is auctioning off pillow-making equipment and hawking hundreds of random items in a sprawling yard sale of MyPillow's stuff
-
Mike Lindell is auctioning off pillow-making equipment and hawking hundreds of random items in a sprawling yard sale of MyPillow's stuff
Sreyarp dna sthguoht.
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F2Wtur_XsAAlMUQ?format=webp&name=small)
-
Italian man dies after being crushed by thousands of wheels of cheese
-
Italian man dies after being crushed by thousands of wheels of cheese
Sorry, I'm imagining a guy being chased down a hill by cheese wheels. Alas, it was much more mundane.
-
Italian man dies after being crushed by thousands of wheels of cheese
Sorry, I'm imagining a guy being chased down a hill by cheese wheels. Alas, it was much more mundane.
I like your version better and in my mind, that's the reality
-
Supermarket shut down due to spider that can cause long, painful erections
-
The walkie thread is over there
-
So much to unpack here, The Daily Mail have topped themselves here
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F3aF2eJXcAA34pM?format=jpg&name=large)
-
this is so bad it's good
Mr. Not-So-Brightside. The Killers booed in Georgia for bringing Russian fan onstage
-
this is so bad it's good
Mr. Not-So-Brightside. The Killers booed in Georgia for bringing Russian fan onstage
There's a thread over on the U. of Michigan athletics messageboard I read where people are debating if this will/should spell the end of Mr. Brightside getting played at football games, which is possibly the most liberal-Ann Arbor debate imaginable.
-
this is so bad it's good
Mr. Not-So-Brightside. The Killers booed in Georgia for bringing Russian fan onstage
i kinda feel sorry for brandon... kinda. in his naiveté, he tried creating a "we're all brothers" moment, which is commendable, but: learn to read the room, dude. russia invaded georgia in 2008, killed a lot of people in a 5-day war, and to this day still holds about 20% of pre-2008 georgian territory. georgians despise russians. bringing a rooskiy on stage was never going to work, no matter how much some clueless american would like them to "just all get along"...
-
NASA Wants Your Help Studying Uranus From Behind Next Month (https://www.iflscience.com/nasa-wants-your-help-studying-uranus-from-behind-next-month-70299)
Neptune as well, for those not so given to innuendo.
-
Gonna need a mirror, stat
-
I know what they mean, but still...
John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater Revival joins WTOP ahead of Wolf Trap (https://wtop.com/entertainment/2023/08/john-fogerty-of-creedence-clearwater-revival-joins-wtop-ahead-of-wolf-trap/)
-
Stop kissing and snuggling turtles, CDC warns
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F4qZ4heXYAAM5ZY?format=jpg&name=large)
-
I see space is traveling again
Edinburgh Airport passenger 'only had seven minutes to down 5am pint' due to queues
-
Norfolk police pull over man with bull riding shotgun
Around 10:00 a.m. Norfolk Police Division responded to a call of a man driving eastbound on 275 with a Watusi bull in his passenger’s seat.
i know what everyone is thinking,,, but kosmo pictures or it didn't happen
well
(https://pbs.twimg.com/card_img/1696932283976949760/Q5mW_qIh?format=webp&name=small)
As a result, the officers performed a traffic stop and addressed some traffic violations that were occurring with that particular situation,” Reiman said.
The occupant of the vehicle was identified as Lee Meyer of Neligh. The Watusi bull’s name was Howdy Doody.
-
I always wonder how you 'do the watusi' or what it even was... now I know
-
Delta flight forced to turn around because of diarrhea incident
Ok I’m breaking form to add something from the article
“This is a biohazard issue,” said the pilot to air-traffic control. “We’ve had a passenger who’s had diarrhea all the way through the airplane, so they want us to come back to Atlanta
-
Not sure we have a Florida man thread..
A Florida man who tried to run across the Atlantic Ocean to London using a makeshift hamster wheel has been arrested.
Buried at the bottom of the story
This marked the end of Mr Baluchi's latest run-in with the coast guard, the papers allege, with previous incidents involving a similar homemade vessel in 2014, 2016 and 2021
-
guy has a wiki about him and his escapades
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reza_Baluchi
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guy has a wiki about him and his escapades
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reza_Baluchi
most recent attempt going to need a little more detail seeing as there was a bomb threat involved in this one
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https://www.espn.com/olympics/story/_/id/38339369/11000-runners-dqd-mexico-city-marathon-per-report
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Why We Keep Putting Up With Martin Short
(personally I love short, but this headline cracked me up)
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Eating the Rich Sounds Pretty Good to Most of Us Right Now
Bonus points for including schadenfreude in the article
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Watch slime-covered penis mushroom that smells like rotting flesh grow and decay in mesmerizing time-lapse
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Man crashes vehicle into police station while blasting Guns N' Roses, police say
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i 'like' the use of 'single' quotes by cnn
Disney sued over ‘severe’ injuries allegedly caused by ‘wedgie’ from water slide (https://www.cnn.com/travel/typhoon-lagoon-disney-sued-over-injuries-wedgie-water-slide/index.html)
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I like the mid sentence gulp… just don’t see that in headlines
Could We Really Be Headed Toward—Gulp—Speaker Stefanik?
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Dead Rat Found In Middlesbrough shop selling Illegal Vapes And Alcohol To Children
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Dead Rat Found In Middlesbrough shop selling Illegal Vapes And Alcohol To Children
So, a vape store?
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Dead Rat Found In Middlesbrough shop selling Illegal Vapes And Alcohol To Children
So, a vape store?
With one very ambitious rat
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Dead Rat Found In Middlesbrough shop selling Illegal Vapes And Alcohol To Children
So, a vape store?
With one very ambitious rat
what the headline leaves out is the rat was giving the profits, off the sales to these stupid human teens, to feed all the unhoused rats in his community, so lets not crucify this community-focused rodent
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The Black Eyed Peas have settled their case against a pooping unicorn toy
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The Black Eyed Peas have settled their case against a pooping unicorn toy
NOT THE INFO WE DESERVED, BUT THE INFO WE NEEDED
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Amish men carrying forbidden cell phones outed by national emergency alert test
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If they were on Rumspringa (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumspringa), it doesn't count.
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Man 32, goes blind in one eye after using Viagra
I have questions
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more like, scary headline
Scientists grow chickens with dinosaur legs as they aim to prove how evolution works
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Oh God No: Morrissey Actually Showed Up This Time (https://thehardtimes.net/blog/oh-god-no-morrissey-actually-showed-up-this-time/)
my date is suuuuper into Morrissey. All part of the plan: Morrissey no-shows, date gets bummed, I swoop in with a little bit of the ol’ “Don’t worry baby, let’s go listen to The Queen Is Dead at my place and throw gladioli all over our naked bodies” routine. Super solid plan, right? But then this pompadour with Tourette’s had to show up and shit all over it.
Didn't see any post show banter
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Finally someone fessed up!
Czech village priest sorry for smashing pumpkins
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Kurt Cobain's daughter marries Tony Hawk's son, officiated by Michael Stipe: Report (https://www.brooklynvegan.com/kurt-cobains-daughter-marries-tony-hawks-son-officiated-by-michael-stipe-report/)
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Cops: You Don't Have To Stop If The Booty Patrol Truck Tries To Pull You Over (https://jalopnik.com/florida-cops-want-you-to-know-you-dont-have-to-stop-if-1850981077)
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Man Jailed After Throwing A Beer At Bartender For Changing Black Sabbath To Christmas Music
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Fox & Friends Struggles To Explain Abortion Rights Election Results: ‘A Majority of Americans Don’t Like the Rape and Incest Thing’ (https://www.mediaite.com/tv/fox-friends-struggles-to-explain-abortion-rights-election-results-a-majority-of-americans-dont-like-the-rape-and-incest-thing/)
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Man Charged With Public Masturbation At Arlington Pickleball Courts
Ok which one of you did this!
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Are you trying to confess?!
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Man Charged With Public Masturbation At Arlington Pickleball Courts
Ok which one of you did this!
walky thread >>>>>
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Man's Life Saved By Emergency Breast Implants
although the moral of the story is Vaping is bad news
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I'm not sure what thread to drop this in, but the comments to this article are golden.
https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2023/11/08/wilco-rocker-jeff-tweedy-trashes-the-star-spangled-banner-admits-anthem-too-hard-for-him/
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Bruce Dickinson lands role in apocalyptic ABBA tribute band horror movie
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Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson to star in ABBA-inspired horror movie ‘Bjorn Of The Dead’
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F-77nacX0AAbJz-?format=jpg&name=medium)
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Tasmanian woman tells office she can't come in as 600kg 'Neil the seal' is blocking her car
(https://live-production.wcms.abc-cdn.net.au/6e03e1ff032242eca06c913795e48a0d?impolicy=wcms_crop_resize&cropH=1174&cropW=1761&xPos=0&yPos=169&width=862&height=575)
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Raunchy, alcohol-fueled L.A. Taco Bell party included open sex, lawsuit claims
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‘I have frozen my penis,’ says Swedish cross-country skier Calle Halfvarsson after racing in icy temperatures
https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/27/sport/calle-halfvarsson-frozen-penis-skiing-spt-intl/index.html
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Man accused of stealing MARTA bus, dropping off customers at Waffle House
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Woman Enters MRI Machine With A Gun, Gets Shot In Butt
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From ‘puff, puff pass’ to ‘puff, puff police:’ Critics frown on Ohio House’s proposed changes to recreational marijuana
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Gang jailed for £1m cocaine-coated broom handle plot
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as the Angry People in Local Newspapers social media accounts put it “I’m not quite dead”
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GBZmtY-WcAA936I?format=jpg&name=small)
‘I’m still alive’ declares Angus man after discovering his own grave in cemetery
this whole story is amazing
Mr Hattel said he had realised something was not right because his social life has been deathly quiet for the past three or four months.
He said: “People think that I’m dead.
“My phone hasn’t rung for three or four months. I’ve been confused by it all but now I know why nobody has been calling.
Plot Twist
“I don’t even want to be buried – I plan to be cremated.”
He has put the blame for the headstone at the door of his ex-wife, from whom he separated some 26 years ago.
https://www.thecourier.co.uk/fp/news/angus-mearns/1092665/human-interest-im-still-alive-declares-angus-man-after-discovering-his-own-grave-in-cemetery/
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He has put the blame for the headstone at the door of his ex-wife, from whom he separated some 26 years ago.
women! can live with 'em, can't be alive without them...
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Crikey!
Massive flood in Australia strands hundreds, prompts crocodile warnings (https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2023/12/18/australia-flooding-queensland-cairns/)
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Crikey!
Massive flood in Australia strands hundreds, prompts crocodile warnings (https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2023/12/18/australia-flooding-queensland-cairns/)
Looks serious, but not serious enough that it can't have a jovial photographer's signature!
(https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/ZRKJQSQPARSXZGWHEITBJ7Y3CM.JPG&w=916)
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NASA laser message beams video of a cat named Taters back to Earth, and it’s a big deal
-
Finally!
Illinois enacts law to legalizing fuzzy dice hanging from rearview mirrors
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Alright whose job was it keep an eye on <redacted> this week
Nude man nabbed by police after ‘cannonball’ plunge into giant aquarium at Bass Pro Shop in Alabama
In the words of George Takei
OH MY
A man crashed his car outside a Bass Pro Shop in Alabama, stripped down to his birthday suit and plunged into the giant aquarium inside the store, police said.
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That happened a while back
There is video if I recall
-
https://apnews.com/article/bass-pro-shops-aquarium-nude-man-arrested-1e3cd9caf8a5eea6e1c4718498c914b3
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Oh dang, this is a new incident, must be a tictok thing:)
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Ugh there is video of this on twitter
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Ugh there is video of this on twitter
apparently ken was who jumped in
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The CPR dummy of the future can piss blood (https://www.engadget.com/the-cpr-dummy-of-the-future-can-piss-blood-165533305.html?src=rss)
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Asteroid the size of 64 Canadian geese to pass Earth Tuesday
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Asteroid the size of 64 Canadian geese to pass Earth Tuesday
We all know what sound effect that needs.
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I wasn't sure if that was a 64-goose formation or a 64-goose rillette.
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i simply LOVE that the canada goose has become a standardized unit of measure.
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NASA Says Empire State Building-Sized Asteroid To Pass Earth Friday
https://www.newsweek.com/nasa-asteroid-empire-state-building-size-flyby-1865684
No mention of goose equivalence or link to converter.
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No mention of goose equivalence or link to converter.
This is where my mind went as soon as I read this headline, the human race needs this calculator!
If you were looking for a “purpose” for your life, this is a noble cause and your legacy will be remembered by this very act
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No mention of goose equivalence or link to converter.
have i mentioned that i love how the goose has become a standardized unit of measure? because i do. i truly do.
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No mention of goose equivalence or link to converter.
have i mentioned that i love how the goose has become a standardized unit of measure? because i do. i truly do.
Well, it won’t if someone doesn’t create a conversion tool, take the baton here
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Custom unit converter (https://www.rapidtables.com/convert/custom-converter.html)
I have not vetted this.
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if i have time i'll build a proper one tonight
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Michael Bublé was apparently on mushrooms during the entire NHL All-Star Draft
-
The club better be on the lookout for antenna thieves
‘What do you mean, the tower is gone?’: thieves steal 200ft structure from Alabama radio statio
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I don’t know who pat McAfee is, but I like him so far
Pat McAfee and crew slam U2 concert at MSG Sphere: ‘U2 sucks’
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I don’t know who pat McAfee is, but I like him so far
Pat McAfee and crew slam U2 concert at MSG Sphere: ‘U2 sucks’
This is the first thing Pat McAfee, a chucklehead who platforms chucklefucks, has said that makes sense in years.
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Yes, the one hit wonder band who barely had a career at all and regularly only plays for three or four people at local chili cookouts next to the greased pig contest with only one original band member . . . sure does "suck."
::)
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GGncpy0WcAAjAaW?format=jpg&name=large)
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Phish Hits No. 1 On A Billboard Chart With A 20-Year-Old Album
-
It’s Friday
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GG-FOfoXoAEASV5.jpg)
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It’s Friday
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GG-FOfoXoAEASV5.jpg)
“He used to be a baby, now he’s just a criminal “
Viagria boys
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May need to lock this thread as this is a Peak headline
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GHbLoyjWMAA95Jw?format=jpg&name=900x900)
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What Happened After a Man Got 217 Coronavirus Shots
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Crazy Town Members Beat Each Other Up in Bloody Fight After Disastrous Gig
-
Boy, 11, found driving BMW towing caravan on M1
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Anti-LGBTQ+ governor signs bill codifying same-sex marriage in Virginia
-
Trouble in the JA
$500K Sand Dune Designed to Protect Coastal Homes Washes Away in Just 3 Days
-
Yada, what are you doing in C'ville on a work day?
Masturbating man interrupts forum on Charlottesville jail renovation
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A cat in western Japan fell into a vat of toxic chemicals and scampered off into the night, prompting a warning from local officials.
-
A cat in western Japan fell into a vat of toxic chemicals and scampered off into the night, prompting a warning from local officials.
Covid 2: Electric Boogaloo
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Ted Cruz roasted after PornHub pulls out of Texas
really think they actually could have done a much better job with the puns on this one
Jules, how would you title this article?
this isn't bad, but still missed the opportunity for a good pun
Ted Cruz and porn: a brief history
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Ted Cruz roasted after PornHub pulls out of Texas
really think they actually could have done a much better job with the puns on this one
Jules, how would you title this article?
this isn't bad, but still missed the opportunity for a good pun
Ted Cruz and porn: a brief history
Sure he wasn't spitroasted?
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Ted Cruz roasted after PornHub pulls out of Texas
really think they actually could have done a much better job with the puns on this one
Jules, how would you title this article?
What they've got is pretty good but subbing out "roasted" for "ramrodded" would take it next level.
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Ben Folds Five Marriages
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Ben Folds Five Marriages
takes so little effort, but damn is that good
I bet the onion pitched that after his 3rd
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GJIzQrmWcAAxhtV.jpg)
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GJIzQrmWcAAxhtV.jpg)
I knew the end of the automatic 6% commissions was going to shake up the real estate industry but I didn’t think Walkie would throw in the cumtowel and find a new profession quite this quickly.
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GJIzQrmWcAAxhtV.jpg)
I knew the end of the automatic 6% commissions was going to shake up the real estate industry but I didn’t think Walkie would throw in the cumtowel and find a new profession quite this quickly.
First use of cumtowel in board history
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(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GJIzQrmWcAAxhtV.jpg)
I knew the end of the automatic 6% commissions was going to shake up the real estate industry but I didn’t think Walkie would throw in the cumtowel and find a new profession quite this quickly.
First use of cumtowel in board history
I remain a trendsetter well into my third decade on here.
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Toddlers Smell Like Flowers, Teens Smell ‘Goatlike,’ Study Finds (https://www.nytimes.com/2024/03/21/science/odor-adolescents-chemistry.html)
Paid for by Matt Gaetz, i'd assume?
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My toilet is sweating (https://www.washingtonpost.com/home/2024/03/29/how-to-stop-toilet-condensation/)
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I mean bound to happen to all of us at one point or another… they do get up to all sorts in Wales
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GLhU0j-XEAAP67P.jpg)
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What could possibly go wrong
Watch a swarm of cyborg cockroaches controlled by computers