Author Topic: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell  (Read 2631 times)

HoyaSaxa03

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Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell

All that was lacking was background imagery of strip malls and the Kardashians

Nobody turns to American music award ceremonies to see a true representation of the best music of the year. But do they turn to them to see the worst? Yes, would seem to be the verdict from whatever devilish minds put together Wednesday night's evil special, "The Grammy Nominations Concert Live!"

Other than sadism, there can be no other explanation for the sonic boom of hell that was a live duet featuring that master of subtlety, Ludacris ? a singer perhaps best known for a song that features the Shakespearean chorus of "Get back, motherfucker, you don't know me like that" ? and Jason Aldean, an extraordinary young man whose life ambition appears to be to marry the two genres of rap and country music.

If you think that sounds like a marriage that would make Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? look a model of romance, you would be underestimating what it's like to watch a man do hip-hop hand gestures while wearing a cowboy hat with Ludacris gurning in the wings. All that was lacking was background imagery of strip malls and the Kardashians for the tableau of American hell to be complete.

As is always the way with these shows, the nominations themselves were the least memorable part of the event, primarily because they were both predictable and daft. Adele and Lady Gaga got their inevitable nods; Bruno Mars ? a young man whose popularity remains a mystery to me, possibly because I always confuse him with Jamie Cullum ? was another popular choice. Any surprises were surprising only by their nonsensical nature. Bon Iver, for example, were nominated in the Best New Artist category because, according to the Grammys, if you've never been nominated before, you're a newcomer, even if you have already released an album. If that makes sense to anyone, please do email me to elaborate. Maybe you can also explain the precise distinction between Album, Song and Record of the Year as that strikes me as being as unnecessarily convoluted as the popularity of Katy Perry (Record of the Year).

While Kanye West got seven nominations in total, his album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, was not nominated for Best Album, despite most music critics lavishing so much praise on it one might have thought it was the cure for cancer. Hilariously, Skrillex ? a man recently featured in the Guardian in an article headlined ? Is Skrillex the most hated man in dubstep? ? must now be referred to as "Grammy-nominated Skrillex."

Then there was the equally predictable and equally cringe worthy Let's Honour the Old and/or Dead! segment, which, as usual, featured modern singers trampling on the legacy of their elders.

To be fair, LL Cool J, Lupe Fiasco, Rick Ross and Common's rendition of The Message with the Grandmaster Flash wasn't too painful, even if they all appeared to be having a lot more fun than anyone else. L L Cool J ? who was also the host and came to the event dressed as Guy Ritchie, replete with tweeds and flat cap ? bounced about the stage with all the reticence one would expect of a man whose self-given name is an avowal of his popularity with the ladeez.

Usher's homage to Leiber & Stoller and Ashford and Simpson, in which he was joined by the surviving member of each of those songwriting duos, was decidedly not fun, mainly because Usher's facial expressions suggested he was just about breaking through some severe constipation. So maybe fun for him, then.

The show opened and closed ? as it surely had to ? with performances by Lady Gaga who came dressed as the lovechild of Adam Ant, Marilyn Manson and every bad Alexander McQueen show some of us had ever seen. Yet for all her much flaunted unconventionality (if not originality), Gaga still is not averse to saying such decidedly conventional things as "I want you all to stand up and have a good time!" while flanked by a bunch of buff backing dancers doing synchronised aerobics as though the 80s never ended. But she does deserve credit for sporting make up that appeared to be designed so as to render her noseless. I surely speak for us all when I say that I look forward to Vogue doing a "Get the look" version of that one.

After that, Nicki Minaj, who announced the nominees for Record of the Year, looked downright conventional, not least because she seemed to be a zombie reading an autocue that was written by robots ("If you record music you want to win Record of the Year!") She served as a double confirmation that just because a woman might dress crazy, she isn't necessarily all that interesting.

But while Lady Gaga's first performance was solo, her final one was a duet with Sugarland, a deeply tedious country and western duo. This was a useful reminder of how big C & W is in the States, and why it is hated everywhere else.

So given that the nominations were all over the shop, to say nothing of the performances, and the winners won't even be announced until February, I bring you, the Guardian Grammys!


Worst hair
Tough one, what with Minaj's Barbie doll pink confection and the fact that L L Cool J's hair is clearly so terrible he now protects the public's eyes from it by keeping it covered with a flat cap. But ultimately, the prize has to go to The Band Perry, a popular C & W band comprised of one blonde perm and two Noel Fieldings, but without the, you know, irony.

Best snub
Kanye West, for getting more nominations than anyone else, but still not bothering to turn up. I like to think that he got distracted en route and is currently running around F A O Schwartz, re-enacting scenes from Big.

Second best snub
The voice-over presenter who kept referring to LL Cool J as "the star of NCIS: Los Angeles." And seminal rapper? Whoa, don't call it a comeback!

Most boring trend
Pink hair, as sported by Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry. For those of us who were the proud owners of Jem dolls in the 80s, this trend is not nearly as groundbreaking as the ladies seem to think.

Worst dancing
Nicki Minaj, by a long shot. It's not so much dancing as just waggling her boobs at the camera while opening her mouth in 'hilarity.' Yes, exactly like your Aunt Doris at your cousin David's bar'mitzvah. Exactly that.
(o|o)

i am gay and i like cats

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2011, 10:42:20 am »
what is worse . . . a kardashian, or the people who once were interested/obsessed and now aren't? and i really hate ludacris as an actor, can't hate on gaga, don't understand and never will kanye, and for some reason miss minaj just grows on me. 

hutch

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2011, 10:46:56 am »
i liked the show..


The Message was great.. Who knew Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel still shared the stage..


bellenseb

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2011, 12:59:21 pm »
Nothing makes life seem so bizarrely, mind-fuckingly random as Bon fucking Iver racking up major Grammy nominations. Our Paste-ian overlords are pleased.

HoyaSaxa03

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2011, 01:46:18 pm »
Nothing makes life seem so bizarrely, mind-fuckingly random as Bon fucking Iver racking up major Grammy nominations. Our Paste-ian overlords are pleased.

he sealed this with the kanye / rick ross collabs - doesn't seem too out of place for his current Q rating
(o|o)

Thousand Made-Up Loves

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2011, 01:58:20 pm »
I have a cousin who actually gets fired up for this shit and pollutes my facebook news feed with her excitement. She's 33 and needless to say she's a music simpleton.

hutch

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2011, 02:18:02 pm »
I have a cousin who actually gets fired up for this shit and pollutes my facebook news feed with her excitement. She's 33 and needless to say she's a music simpleton.


Nothing says simpleton like appreciating an all star live performance of The Message- incuding both Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel- or tributes to Jerry Leiber and Nickolas Ashford featuring their songwriting partners.

Mobius

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2011, 08:19:11 am »
sadly missing was a fake pregnant beyonce calling out haters for calling her out for being fake pregnant. 

DeathFromAbove1979

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2011, 10:29:18 am »
I don't get the hate for Skrillex, Dubstep isn't some profound society, it's for a bunch of ecstasy chomping underagers. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of amazing Dubstep out there and a lot of melodic stuff too, but people trying to imitate Dubstep have made it a fucking joke. As a dj I think it's amazing he got nominated for a Grammy. On the other hand, who gives a shit about the Grammy's anymore? Shitting on the Grammy's it's like shitting in a toilet, it gets done all the time but you never notice or care because..... that's what it's there for. If The Weeknd was nominated for 15 Grammy's everyone would shit on it and say OH OF COURSE, NOW HES GONNA SELL OUT or some shit. Who cares.
‼‼?‼‼

stevewizzle

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2011, 11:02:03 am »
what is worse . . . a kardashian, or the people who once were interested/obsessed and now aren't? and i really hate ludacris as an actor, can't hate on gaga, don't understand and never will kanye, and for some reason miss minaj just grows on me. 

why is she growing on you?  generally curious, i can't stand her and can't seem to understand others infatuation.

Brian_Wallace

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2011, 11:09:08 am »
what is worse . . . a kardashian, or the people who once were interested/obsessed and now aren't? and i really hate ludacris as an actor, can't hate on gaga, don't understand and never will kanye, and for some reason miss minaj just grows on me. 

why is she growing on you?  generally curious, i can't stand her and can't seem to understand others infatuation.

There's a VD joke in there somewhere.


Brian

Mobius

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2011, 11:12:49 am »
Its fun to make fun of the grammies b/c they are an out of touch dad who still thinks he's cool.  He gets it right when its his wheelhouse . . .adult contempory and the like . . .and embarrases himself when he tries to be hip.  Most of the nominations are 'who would be my daughters dream bat mitzvah performer', 'who does my nerdy son listen to when he steals my meds and goes out and tries to pretend he's cool' . . .and then some decent well produced adult contemporary that sounds especially good on your over thought out stereo equipment after doing a j
« Last Edit: December 02, 2011, 11:14:43 am by Mobius »

i am gay and i like cats

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2011, 11:42:53 am »
don't ask me about minaj . . . my gayness probably has a lot to do with it.  i see her pulling a gaga soon and "embracing" her gay fans, whether real or to cash in.  i have always loved females in the world of rap/hip hop (missy, lil kim, amil, and yes even latifah).  but i have heard people complaining that she is "too popular / too much for white people" rap artist, but i just like her music.

Mobius

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Re: Grammy nominations concert: close to the complete tableau of American Hell
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2011, 11:59:06 am »
I would describe gaga as 'aggressively antisexual'.  Her art has become the manipulation of inherently sexual ideas in ways that come across as the exact opposite of sexual.  Minaj is clearly being engineered to be 'urban' gaga