Originally posted by eddie:
I think I saw the only bumper sticker that made me laugh recently yesterday:
IF YOU CAN READ THIS
YOU ARE NOT THE PRESIDENT
Just curious,how many of you would vote for this guy for President? My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
now to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some
of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The
money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the
costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at
home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Tangle with us
and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from
the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can
go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there.
Big tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to
this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious
Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop
shops in the world. I love New York ..
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt
government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple
extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am
going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with
your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty . . . starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own
citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by
saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final
thought. "Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget."
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. "Drop dead."
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
