<img src="http://www.bettybowers.com/graphics/kwangreetings2.gif" alt=" - " />
Because of that blabbermouth Trent Lott's carelessness, our Republican slip has been showing. This hurt me deeply because Mr. Lott's candor jeopardized our ability to pass ourselves off as caring a flip about the folks we worked like crazy to keep from voting in Florida back in 2000. I mean, of course, you coloreds. But I want to remind all that the GOP is a big tent! We need all kinds of people. We are in particularly dire need right now of folks to clean and serve liquor. Which is why I come to you all and make an effort to take seriously this funky holiday of yours called Kwanzaa.
You people mean so very much to Laura and me. Being from Texas, with a fresh batch of wetbacks every day, we are used to minority-type people who don't speak English good. I remember when I went to Bob Jones University in South Carolina and boldly stood up for your right to only date your own and I so enjoyed waving to those few of you all who were in the back of the room.
It is my understanding that Kwanzaa celebrates traditional African values. So, I'm guessing you all spend the holiday living under the thumb of prissy British and Dutch colonialists, killing each other in bloody tribal wars and then cap off the week by starving to death. Don't sound like much of a holiday to me, but, Hell's bells, if that's what makes you all misty eyed, go for it!
From December 26th to January 1st, people of African descent thumb their noses at the better-organized celebration of the birth of a white guy called Jesus. Instead of getting cool gifts, you all apparently do stuff like give thanks for the blessings of family, community, and culture. Kwanzaa is also a time for Africans and African-Americans to honor their common heritage by participating in events based on early harvest gatherings called matunda ya kwanza [giggles], or first fruits. I think I need to point out here that whether they are the first or last fruits, it sounds dangerously like one of them "gay pride" thingies them queers are always trying to get me and my earnestly heterosexual wife Laura to enter a float in!
I'm sure the phone banks at every jail in this country are ringing like a Christmas carillon as individuals and families join together during Kwanzaa. By uniting people of diverse backgrounds (from high-yellow to double-dipped) and beliefs, this holiday promotes mutual understanding and respect. These universal principles inspire us as we work together for a future of freedom, hope, and opportunity for all -- or at least a warm illusion of same.
Laura joins me in sending our best wishes for a memorable Kwanzaa, and she says to you what she says to our very own white children: "Make your new year's resolution to stay out of jail!"
May the
source be with you.
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<img src="http://www.dizneypins.com/NovImages/kwanzaa.jpg" alt=" - " />
Have a
Happy Kwanzaa from the APE X Museum
