i'll eventually get the Fing pic up but till then
I'm Calling all Red Sox fans.
Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of The New York Yankees Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan conversion revisitations for Boston Red Sox fans. Conversion requests for other teams will be accepted once all former Red Sox fan requests have been processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based on the current number of requests.
Please take a few minutes and complete the conversion form below to help us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover from your previous fan experience.
1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Red Sox win the World Series:
1918 (Please leave your form in the main office of your nursing home for mailing).
I have never witnessed this event
2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Red Sox history. (Check all that apply)
Babe Ruth sold to the Yankees
Pesky holds ball as the Yankees score the winning run in 1948
Bob Gibson shuts down the Sox in the 1967 series
Sox trade Sparky Lyle to the Yankees for Danny Cater
Big Red Machine beats the Sox in Game 7 of the 1975 series
Sox lose 14½ game lead to the Yankees in 1978
The "Boston Massacre" in 1978 (four-game sweep by the Yanks in Fenway in September)
Bucky Dent's homer in the 1978 playoff game
Bob Stanley throws wild pitch in Game 6 of the 1986 series
Grounder goes through Buckner's legs in Game 6 of the 1986 series
Future Hall of Famer Wade Boggs rides policeman's horse after the Yanks win the 1996 series
Future Hall-of-Famer, Roger Clemens traded to the Yankees
Yanks wipe out Sox in five games in the 1999 ACLS
Roger Clemens wins Game 4 for the Yankees to clinch the 1999 World Series
3. Reasons you believe the Red Sox have NOT won a World Series since 1918:
The Curse of The Bambino
Lack of Pitching
The Curse of The Bambino
Lack of Hitting
The Curse of The Bambino
Lack of Defense
The Curse of The Bambino
Bad calls by the umps
The Curse of The Bambino
4. Have you experienced any of the following symptoms after another inevitable Red Sox collapse?
Headache
Uncontrollable anger
Heartache
Holes punched in doors/windows
Nausea
Smashed TV screens
Depression
Avoided Yankee fans for three or more days
5. October is your favorite month of the year:
Yes
No
6. Are you tired of saying, "Wait Until Next Year"?
Yes
No
7. Are you ready to admit that:
a. Joe DiMaggio was better than Ted Williams:
Yes
No
b. Thurman Munson was better than Carlton Fisk:
Yes
No
c. Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciapara:
Yes
No
d. Don Zimmer is a managerial genius:
Yes
No
e. The Red Sox will be no better this century than last:
Yes
No
f. The "Green Monster" is ugly and stupid:
Yes
No
Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Yankee Stadium. Then burn all of your remaining Red Sox clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Yankee Fan Club will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.
If accepted, you will receive:
A recommended recuperation program, including a recording of Frank Sinatra singing "New York, New York"
An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2004 World Series at Yankee Stadium
An "I've Come to my Senses" Yankee T-shirt
Posters of Boggs and Clemens in Yankee uniforms, complete with their championship rings
A dart board sporting a picture of Yaz
A copy of our ever popular handbook, "Harassing Red Sox Fans For Fun and Profit"
A coupon for a future poster of Pedro Martinez in a Yankee uniform
A one-year subscription to a weekly support group for ex-Red Sox fans in your area
If Rejected, you will receive:
Our pity and condolences, plus a 25-second video capturing the past 100 years of Red Sox highlights in head-to-head competition against the Yankees.
