deep thoughts?

[sonickteam2]

Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.

[yinzer]

corny deep thought(not by jack handey):
 
 

It was one of those days when it's a
 minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was just... dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For
 fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. Ever.
 Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... I need to remember...Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it... and my heart is going to cave in.

[sonickteam2]

Is that frmo American Beauty?

[yinzer]

yeah, i used to love that movie, and i still like it quite a bit, but thoses lines are painful.  i saw it again the other day.

[vansmack]

The Crows are calling me, thought Caw.

[vansmack]

Remember this one?
 
 To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

[BookerT]

every couple years or so i spend two days reading all of these. great stuff. here's one that i always liked, not necessarily a classic.
 
 It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.

[vansmack]

They were always so well timed too.  Just as my buzz was kicking in, I'd see something like:
 
 If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
 
 And it made perfect sense.

[clyde725]

Originally posted by vansmack:
  They were always so well timed too.  Just as my buzz was kicking in, I'd see something like:
 
 If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
 
 And it made perfect sense.

Ha, Ha. Sounds like a mitch hedberg quote.  You ever heard mitch hedberg, he's hilarious.
 
 
 http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
 
 
 I used to buy a lot of M&Ms, they're a delicious candy. But then I switched to aspirin. I find that if you hand your friend two aspirin, he doesn't look at you like you're selfish.
 
 I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summertime, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine: with grill marks."

[HoyaSaxa03]

Originally posted by clyde725:
 he's hilarious.

past tense, right?

[clyde725]

Unfortunately... I guess its still kinda hard to believe.
 
 I saw him live once, he was a pretty awesome guy.

[beetsnotbeats]

Here's a timely one:
 
 I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans" as their mascot.

[beetsnotbeats]

And speaking of American Beauty:
 
 Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.

[BookerT]

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

[HoyaSaxa03]

the closest thing to "Deep Thoughts" these days is the onion's horoscopes ... i've saved some of my favorites:
 
 Sagittarius: (Nov. 22â??Dec. 21)
 You've never been afraid to make bold statements concerning what you're all about, which leaves a lot of people emotionally unsatisfied by your ending.
 
 Cancer: (June 22â??July 22)
 It's looking like they're not going to call you the Double-Dustpan Killer until you kill someone with a pair of dustpans.
 
 Leo: (July 23â??Aug. 22)
 It will be hard to take on the dual role of teacher and parent, but that's the life you'll lead as the enchanted rabbit companion to two plucky orphans.
 
 Aries: (March 21 - April 19)
 People would have disapproved of your long-term career plans even if you hadn't carved them into the flesh of your enemies.
 
 Pisces: (Feb. 19â??March 20)
 Your fear that "your family doesn't care about you anymore" is incorrect. The proper phrasing is "your family no longer cares about you."
 
 Cancer: (June 22â??July 22)
 People will finally admit that you fulfilled your potential when you pass out in bed and your crack pipe sets off a massive goat-porn fire.
 
 Pisces: (Feb. 19â??March 20)
 A little hard work never hurt anyone--unless, like you, they were trying to move 16 beef sides off an assembly line during a runaway meat-warehouse fire.
 
 Libra: (Sept. 23â??Oct. 23)
 That man who just wrapped a trombone around your neck was Jim Knepper, a Mingus sideman and notorious crank.
 
 Leo: (July 23 - Aug. 22)
 You're tired of people accusing you of throwing money at your problems. Luckily, these people can usually be bribed to shut up.
 
 Cancer: (June 22â??July 22)
 You tend to hate and fear that which you do not understand. But since you're such a big genius, your hatred and fear of soap must come from some other source, Mr. Stinky.
 
 Aquarius: (Jan. 20â??Feb. 18)
 You will be reincarnated as a being whose status is commensurate with your behavior in your last life. Enjoy governing Texas, you nurse-murdering bastard.
 
 Aries: (March 21â??April 19)
 You could be bound in a nutshell and count yourself a king of infinite space, were it not for the fact that you have no imagination whatsoever.
 
 Leo: (July 23â??Aug. 22)
 After the events of next Sunday, for the rest of your life, people will stop you on the street and ask you to autograph packages of pork chops.
 
 Cancer: (June 22â??July 22)
 Three wonders will you see this week: seven falling stars, a rainbow 'round the moon, and a person drinking Stoli Vanilla whom you don't want to hit.
 
 Taurus: (April. 20â??May 20)
 The question of whether human consciousness can exist outside the body remains unanswered, but at least you and your trusty Thermos gave it a good try.
 
 Aries: (March 21â??April 19)
 Your threats to the other bar-goers would have seemed a lot more frightening if your Vespa hadn't stalled while you were trying to race away.
 
  Libra: (Sept. 23â??Oct. 23)
 Alarming developments this week mean that withholding sex will no longer be one of your more effective threats.
 
 Virgo: (Aug. 23â??Sept. 22)
 You will have a violent argument with a pastor, a congressman, and a judge over how many wrongs make a right.