From Bill Simmons...
1. You have to love any show where people get voted off and say final words like, "it was an honor being here, I grew up idolizing you guys, you're all legends" ... and the legends are Tommy Lee, Gilby Clarke and the dude with weird ears from Metallica.
2. Not only did the winner (Lucas) go from cooking chicken wings at Hooters to headlining a band of washed-up rock stars, but his original song "Head Spin" sounded like one of those haunting, Cure-like, romance-gone-bad tunes ... well, until he revealed that the song was actually about his mother. I'm telling you, stuff like this happened every week on "Rock Star."
3. The girl who should have won and didn't -- Dilana -- may or may not have been a dude. We'll never know. And frankly, I'm fine with that.
4. There wasn't a more mesmerizing summer TV presence than Storm Large (not a stage name, she claimed), who looked like the cute sister from Heart crossed with Jennie Finch, only with Mark Madsen's personality from every 2003 Lakers game thrown in. If she ever reproduced with Dane Cook, their kid would just stomp around holding its arms in the air, screaming "yeahhhhhhhh!" and making weird hand gestures until its head exploded. I am not prepared to live life without her. Couldn't she replace Elisabeth Hasselbeck on "The View"? I want to see Storm show off her pelvis tattoo to the girls, followed by Barbara Walters keeling over and falling to the ground.
5. Tommy Lee can't be calibrated on the Unintentional Comedy Scale anymore. It's impossible. Every time he decided to sit in on a performance and play drums, I couldn't handle it and had to leave the room. I'm not kidding. Watching him reminds me of being tickled as a kid, then the tickling going on for about 15 seconds too long, until you almost feel like you're going to throw up if it doesn't stop. That's Tommy Lee drumming for me. I can't handle it.
