The USA Today's columnist's bit from today is great. Check #4.
Whitney Matheson: Pop Candy -
How I won't be spending my summer vacation Whitney Matheson, USA TODAY
Wed Jul 20
Five days from now, I'll be doing something.
Exactly what I'll be doing is unclear, because I'm taking a vacation. Perhaps I'll tackle that new Harry Potter novel. Maybe I'll fashion a bust of John Cusack out of tofu and Colgate Total. Who knows?
But I can tell you how I won't be spending my days next week. Barring insanity or time travel, I solemnly swear to refrain from the following activities:
1. Eating beige M&Ms. The fact that America's beloved candies now come in the same colors as my doctor's waiting room disturbs me more than you know.
2. Attempting to say the word "boojy" with a straight face. Four previous tries = four embarrassing failures.
3. Pre-ordering Tony Orlando and Dawn: The Ultimate Collection. Knock three times if you think the whole "TV shows on DVD" craze is getting way out of hand.
4. Asking anyone about his/her favorite American rock band of all time. If I had a nickel for every person who has greeted me with "Queensryche? What's up with that?" in the last two weeks, I'd have enough cash to book the band at my next kegger.
5. Learning to play Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl on the banjo. It would only drive my husband bananas - and not in the "this (expletive) is bananas" way Gwen sings about in the fourth verse.
6. Reading Rosie O'Donnell's blog. Grammar and punctuation, say hello to your ultimate nemesis.
7. Counting the rings beneath Vince Vaughn's eyes. By the time you finish this sentence, he'll have sprouted two more.
8. Spending $75 on Loggins & Messina reunion tickets. It turns out hearing a live version of Your Mama Don't Dance isn't priceless. Catch you next time, Kenny.
9. Imitating moves from Fox's new reality show, So You Think You Can Dance. My hips still haven't recovered from the impromptu krumping demonstration I performed last week.
10. Typing in Times New Roman. Everyone knows Futura Bold is the summer's must-have font.
11. Slipping into a Ryan Seacrest-designed "distressed polo." Frankly, the mere thought of Seacrest's name touching my bra is distressing enough.
12. Flipping through You: The Owner's Manual. Something tells me the best seller omits chapters on knee phobias and Ed Asner fixations - two crucial elements to understanding myself.
13. Grooming my soul patch. Try as I may, it's just not getting anywhere. (Sorry, Bo Bice.)
14. Catching up on Big Brother 6. I suggest you also steer clear, because that show is like The Ring. Think about it: Do you know anyone who has watched and lived to tell about it a week later?
15. Purchasing Frankie Muniz's engagement present. You know what they say: short guy, short marriage. (Exception: Danny DeVito.)
16. Googling the bejeezus out of Neal from Rock Star: INXS. Yeah, I know I said I'd hate this show. But that was before Kirk Pengilly hypnotized me with his flowing neckerchief.
17. Jumping on the furniture. Thanks, Tom, for wrecking one of my favorite pastimes.
18. Naming my imaginary Ethiopian baby. Though, between you and me, I'd like to call her Linda.
19. Reading Vanity Fair's Martha Stewart interview. I don't care if prison life was tough. She still can't hold a homemade candle to the Food Network's delicious Paula Deen.
20. Mentally undressing Oompa Loompas. Oh, who am I kidding? Some temptations are just too great to resist - especially when you're on vacation.
Pop Question: What will you be avoiding this summer?
Planning to skip late nights at the office? Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? Tell me about what you won't be doing, and I'll include some answers in my Aug. 3 column. Don't forget to include your full name, city and state. The deadline is July 23 at 4 p.m. ET.
Click here to read responses to last week's question, "What's your favorite music video?" To my surprise, the most frequently mentioned clip was A-ha's Take on Me.
Pop Candy is a weekly column about popular culture. Click here to visit the archive. Click here to read Hip Clicks, Whitney's entertainment blog. E-mail Whitney at
wmatheson@usatoday.com.
