Author Topic: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but  (Read 6141 times)

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Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« on: December 17, 2005, 10:40:00 am »
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
 
 There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
 
 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
 
 Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with 5 times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This of course, to limit his strength & mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
 
 Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris punched his way out of his mothers womb. Shortly thereafter, he grew a beard.
 
 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
 
 Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 
 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 
 Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
 
 When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
 
 To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
 
 In "Way of the Dragon", Bruce Lee pulls out Chuck Norris's chest hair by the roots. Bruce Lee is dead.
 
 Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
 
 Chuck norris flew back in time using a secret technique tought to him by bruce lee. There he roundhouse kicked leonardo da vinci and stole his plans to a machine leonardo has been working on his whole life. That machine was the total gym.
 
 Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
 
 Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't $%&# with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
 
 Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
 
 The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
 
 Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
 
 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
 
 Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
 
 Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
 
 There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
 
 Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
 
 One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
 
 Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living poo out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
 
 Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
 
 Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
 
 After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
 
 Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the poo out of little kids.
 
 The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
 
 Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
 
 When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
 
 Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
 
 Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
 
 Chuck Norris ate a rubiks cube and pooped it out solved.
 
 A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
 
 In WWII Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
 
 Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
 
 Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
 
 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
 
 The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
 
 Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
 
 Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley.
 
 Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
 
 The roundhouse kick has been proven to be more deady than kryptonite. The Death of Superman? Yeah, that was from Chuck Norris.
 
 Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns.
 
 Chuck Norris is the only one ever in history to stare Medusa straight in the eyes and not be turned to stone. The result was Roseanne Bar.
 
 Chuck Norris went on a jungle trek and spit into a hole. His saliva created the Fountain of Youth.
 
 At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.
 
 Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.
 
 Chuck Norris is so gifted in baseball that everytime he hits a homerun everyone watching becomes pregnant. Hence the reason he doesn't play in the major leagues.
 
 Chuck Norris is the final picture on an Evolution chart.
 
 Ghandi used to be a Nazi before Chuck Norris Round House Kicked him in the face. Showing him that violence is not the answer.
 
 Chuck Norris once challenged Oprah to a grudge match after she gave his biography bad reviews. She declined so he round house kicked her face.
 
 One time Chuck Norris took a hot steaming dump inside a four-dollar hooker with webbed feet. 9 months later, Steve Ballmer was born. He roundhouse kicked Steve Ballmer, and at that moment, the "360" era was born.
 -----
 
 When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
 
 If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
 
 Vin Diesel was scheduled to be Stalone's stunt double in Rambo, but he was replaced after refusing to wearing a parachute when jumping from the plane.
 
 There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
 
 Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
 
 When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
 
 There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
 
 When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
 
 In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
 
 Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
 
 Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
 
 Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
 
 Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
 
 Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
 
 Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
 
 When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
 
 Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
 
 Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
 
 Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
 
 If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
 
 Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
 
 You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
 
 In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
 
 Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
 
 Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
 
 The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
 
 On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
 
 Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
 
 It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
 
 Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
 
 If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
 
 During the dark ages, Vin Diesel narrowly avoided being burned at the stake by building a bridge out of five witches.
 
 Sheep count Vin Diesels when they can't sleep.
 
 Vin Diesel consumed 16oz. of Chinese mustard, breathed fire, then proceeded to climb the Empire State Building after watching the 1930's version of King Kong.
 
 Curiousity killed the cat. If by "curiosity" you mean "Vin Diesel" and by "killed" you mean "killed".
 
 Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel, not the Emancipation Proclamation, set the slaves free years before the Civil War. The Civil War was actually just a clan battle between L1nc0ln and xx_J3ff3rs0n_xx, which Vin Diesel won anyway.
 
 In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him
 -----
 
 Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
 
 Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
 
 Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
 
 Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the heck are you going to do about it?
 
 Mr. T survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He was the first and only one to do so.
 
 
 Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.
 
 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
 
 Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
 
 Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
 
 Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
 
 Mr. T doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics. It obeys him.
 
 Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
 
 Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
 
 The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
 
 Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
 
 When the end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day". Rather, it shall be called "T-Day", when Mr. T ends the world by simultaneously pitying all six billion fools on this planet to death.
 
 Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
 
 When Mr. T cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.
 
 Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
 
 The Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put Mr. T?s pity in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.
 
 During the filming of Rocky III, Burgess Meredith asked Mr. T why he wore so much gold. To make a long story short, the script had to be changed to include Mickey's "accidental" death.
 
 Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
 
 When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
 
 Mr. T rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the coming administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to pity.
 
 Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
 
 Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as heck would've been.
 
 If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
 
 Mr. T invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity Pops, which he then sells to buy more gold chains.
 
 Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
 
 Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.
      <img src="http://www.davidlegatt.com/images/albums/userpics/10002/mrt1.jpg" alt=" - " />

Jaguar

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2005, 04:12:00 pm »
Are you bored this afternoon, Dupek?
#609

Julian, Alleged Computer F**kface

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2005, 09:45:00 am »
Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Vin Diesel are just poor-men's Bill Brasky's.

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2005, 09:51:00 am »
<img src="http://www.blackbeltmag.com/images/Spread1.jpg" alt=" - " />
 
 Chuck Norris' film review: Battleship Potemkin
 
 ``The Battleship Potemkin'' has been so famous for so long that it is almost impossible to come to it with a fresh eye. It is one of the fundamental landmarks of cinema. Its famous massacre on the Odessa Steps has been quoted so many times in other films (notably in ``The Untouchables'') that it's likely many viewers will have seen the parody before they see the original. The film once had such power that it was banned in many nations, including its native Soviet Union. Governments actually believed it could incite audiences to action. If today it seems more like a technically brilliant but simplistic ``cartoon'' (Pauline Kael's description in a favorable review), that may be because it has worn out its element of surprise--that, like the 23rd Psalm or Beethoven's Fifth, it has become so familiar we cannot perceive it for what it is.
 
 Having said that, let me say that ``Potemkin,'' which I have seen many times and taught using a shot-by-shot approach, did come alive for me the other night, in an unexpected time and place. The movie was projected on a big screen hanging from the outside wall of the Vickers Theater in Three Oaks, Mich., and some 300 citizens settled into their folding chairs in the parking lot to have a look at it. The simultaneous musical accompaniment was by Concrete, a southwestern Michigan band. Under the stars on a balmy summer night, far from film festivals and cinematheques, Sergei Eisenstein's 1925 revolutionary call generated some of its legendary rabble-rousing power.
 
 It's not that anybody stood up and sang ``The Internationale.'' The folding chairs for this classic exercise in Soviet propaganda were on loan from the local Catholic church. Some audience members no doubt drove over to Oink's in New Buffalo afterward for ice cream cones. But the film did have headlong momentum, thrilling juxtapositions and genuine power to move--most especially during the Odessa Steps sequence, which had some viewers gasping out loud.
 
 The movie was ordered up by the Russian revolutionary leadership for the 20th anniversary of the Potemkin uprising, which Lenin had hailed as the first proof that troops could be counted on to join the proletariat in overthrowing the old order.
 
 As sketched by Eisenstein's film, the crew members of the battleship, cruising the Black Sea after returning from the war with Japan, are mutinous because of poor rations. There is a famous closeup of their breakfast meat, crawling with maggots. After officers throw a tarpaulin over the rebellious ones and order them to be shot, a firebrand named Vakulinchuk cries out, ``Brothers! Who are you shooting at?'' The firing squad lowers its guns, and when an officer unwisely tries to enforce his command, full-blown mutiny takes over the ship.
 
 Onshore, news of the uprising reaches citizens who have long suffered under czarist repression. They send food and water out to the battleship in a flotilla of skiffs. Then, in one of the most famous sequences ever put on film, czarist troops march down a long flight of steps, firing on the citizens who flee before them in a terrified tide. Countless innocents are killed, and the massacre is summed up in the image of a woman shot dead trying to protect her baby in a carriage--which then bounces down the steps, out of control.
 
 That there was, in fact, no czarist massacre on the Odessa Steps scarcely diminishes the power of the scene. The czar's troops shot innocent civilians elsewhere in Odessa, and Eisenstein, in concentrating those killings and finding the perfect setting for them, was doing his job as a director. It is ironic that he did it so well that today, the bloodshed on the Odessa Steps is often referred to as if it really happened.
 
 News of the uprising reaches the Russian fleet, which speeds toward Odessa to put it down. The Potemkin and a destroyer, also commanded by revolutionaries, steam out to meet them. Eisenstein creates tension by cutting between the approach fleet, the brave Potemkin, and details of the onboard preparation. At the last moment, the men of the Potemkin signal their comrades in the fleet to join them--and the Potemkin steams among the oncoming ships without a shot being fired at it.
 
 ``The Battleship Potemkin'' is conceived as class-conscious revolutionary propaganda, and Eisenstein deliberately avoids creating any three-dimensional individuals (even Vakulinchuk is seen largely as a symbol). Instead, masses of men move in unison, as in the many shots looking down at Potemkin's foredeck. The people of Odessa, too, are seen as a mass made up of many briefly glimpsed but starkly seen faces. The dialogue (in title cards) is limited mostly to outrage and exhortation. There is no personal drama to counterbalance the larger political drama.
 
 Eisenstein (1898-1948) was a student and advocate of Soviet theories of film montage, which argued that film has its greatest impact not by the smooth unrolling of images, but by their juxtaposition. Sometimes the cutting is dialectical: point, counterpoint, fusion. Cutting between the fearful faces of the unarmed citizens and the faceless troops in uniform, he created an argument for the people against the czarist state. Many other cuts are as abrupt: After Potemkin's captain threatens to hang mutineers from the yardarm, we see ghostly figures hanging there. As the people call out, ``Down with the tyrants!'' we see clenched fists. To emphasize that the shooting victims were powerless to flee, we see one revolutionary citizen without legs. As the troops march ahead, a military boot crushes a child's hand. In a famous set of shots, a citizen is seen with eyeglasses; when we cut back, one of the glasses has been pierced by a bullet.
 
 Eisenstein felt that montage should proceed from rhythm, not story. Shots should be cut to lead up to a point, and should not linger because of personal interest in individual characters. Most of the soundtracks I've heard with ``Potemkin'' do not follow this theory, and instead score the movie as a more conventional silent drama. Concrete, the Michigan band (Boyd Nutting, Jon Yazell, Andrew Lersten), underlined and reinforced Eisenstein's approach with an insistent, rhythmic, repetitive score, using keyboards, half-heard snatches of speech, cries and choral passages, percussion, martial airs and found sounds. It was an aggressive, insistent approach, played loud, by musicians who saw themselves as Eisenstein's collaborators, not his meek accompanists.
 
 It was the music, I think, along with the unusual setting, that was able to break through my long familiarity with ``Battleship Potemkin'' and make me understand, better than ever before, why this movie was long considered dangerous. (It was banned at various times in the United States and France, and for a longer time than any other film in British history; even Stalin banned it, at a time when mutiny was against the party line.)
 
 The fact is, ``Potemkin'' doesn't really stand alone, but depends for its power upon the social situation in which it is shown. In prosperous peacetime, it is a curiosity. If it had been shown in China at the time of Tiananmen Square, I imagine it would have been inflammatory. It was voted the greatest film of all time at the Brussels, Belgium, World's Fair in 1958 (ironically, the very year ``Citizen Kane'' had its great re-release and went to the top of the list for the next 40 years). The Cold War was at its height in 1958, and many European leftists still subscribed to the Marxist prescription for society; ``Potemkin'' for them had a power, too.
 
 But it suffers when it is seen apart from its context (just as ``The Graduate,'' by striking the perfect note for 1967, strikes a dated note now). It needs the right audience. In a sense, the band Concrete supplied a virtual audience; the loud, passionate, ominous music by the three young musicians worked as an impassioned audience response does, to carry and hurry the other watchers along. ``Battleship Potemkin'' is no longer considered the greatest film ever made, but it is obligatory for anyone interested in film history, and the other night in that small-town parking lot I got a sense, a stirring, of the buried power it still contains, awaiting a call

Big KC

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2005, 01:15:00 pm »
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FOUND THIS WEBSITE....
 
 http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty
 
 A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS

amnesiac

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2005, 01:22:00 pm »
Quote
Originally posted by Big KC:
  LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY FOUND THIS WEBSITE....
 
  http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty
 
 A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS
It's actually also in an email that's making its rounds...

pj

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2006, 11:39:00 am »
From the Chuck Norris website...seriously...
 
 IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET
 
 
 I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
 ~ Chuck Norris

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2006, 12:41:00 pm »
After Chuck wrote that he roundhouse-kicked his computer and the entire Bible, KJV started to print on the laser jet.

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2006, 05:39:00 pm »

samanthaalison

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2006, 01:40:00 am »
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

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Re: Chuck Norris had sex with me, not because he is gay, but
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2006, 11:29:00 am »
Chuck Norris Facts
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