Smackie, you must go to
this. Go, for the both of us, go. Suck in twice as much of the air to make up for the air I cannot be there to suck up. Buy a second ticket and leave the seat empty in my honor. When someone -- inevitably -- says "Welcome to the OC, bitch!" high-five the space above the empty chair, and know I am there with you in spirit, if not in person. And if they include Oliver in this thing, for some reason, tell me how excited he gets about the crudites. But gently, because I just don't know if I can stand it.