Rumsfeld: "We need regime change north of the border. We beleive Osama is hiding in the Rockies" Canada sets its small rusty war ships upon the oceans, a few battle canoes upon the great lakes. Trusty Sea King helicopters buzz along the border. They're ready!
------Meanwhile-----------
Blame Ca-nadaaaa.... In Atlantic Canada, politics is a way of life.
In Quebec, it's a religion.
In Ontario, it's a business.
In the prairies, it's a cause.
And in BC, it's entertainment.
<img src="http://ak.imgfarm.com/images/ap/PEOPLE_OBRIEN.sff_FNG101_20040216182437.jpg" alt=" - " />
I Wish I Was Back In Old Canada
[There are 3 characters abord the SOL: Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot. Skit starts with Mike and Crew on stage]
Mike (telling a joke): ...and the drunk guy says, "I can't help being an idiot, I'm Canadian!"
Crow (Laughs): You're right, they're so pathetic, Mike!
(Whistle blows, Tom comes in wearing Mountie uniform)
Tom: Enough! There's been too much Canada-bashing for far too long! I say: no more!
Mike: Don't you mean: "No more, eh"?
Crow (Laughs): Good one, man! They are SO stupid!
Tom: Stop it now! Instead, let us offer our Northern brothers and sisters this song of tribute!
(Music starts)
(Singing)
Oh, I wish I was back in old Canada,
A land which I never shall lampoon!
How I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba,
And the beauty that is Saskatoon!
Mike (spoken): I got one.
(Singing)
Oh, I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta,
Drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur!
Tom (spoken): Hey!
Mike (singing):
As he scraped and chiseled all the moose dung off his boots,
I would learn that he's the Prime Minister!
Tom (spoken): Oh, stop that!
Crow (singing):
Oh, I wish I was in the land gave us Peter Jennings,
Alanis Morissette, Mike Myers, too!
Tom (spoken): Yeah!
Crow (singing):
No, I take that back, I wouldn't go there even if you paid me,
Oh, Canada, you are a place I must eschew!
Tom (spoken): Now, this is NOT in the spirit I intended!
Mike: Oh, come on, give in! I mean, after all, they gave us Ed the Sock and Rush!
Crow: Yeah, what are you defending? They're such feebs!
Tom: Okay, I'll try!
Mike: All right! Good man!
Tom (singing):
Oh, I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island,
And going on to bomb Ontario!
The destruction of Canada and all of its culture,
Is by far my fav-o-rite scenario!
Mike (spoken): Okay, that's a little strong...
Tom (interrupting, spoken): No, no, you were right, Mike, this is much more fun!
(Singing)
Just where the hell does Canada get off sharing a border
With countries far superior to it?
Crow (spoken): Yikes!
Tom (singing):
Why, you lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards,
Your country's just a giant piece of sh...(Mike leaps on Tom and covers his
mouth with his hand, while he and Crow shout "Hey! Whoa! Whoa!")
Mike (spoken): I think that's enough. I think we've... Cambot, (Music stops) okay, thanks. All right.
Tom (sobbing): I'm sorry! I have no sense of proportion! I'm a disgrace to my uniform!
Mike: No, no, that's okay, calm down. Mustn't hate! Mustn't hate!
Crow: At least so overtly.
Mike: Exactly, right. Must disguise our hate, just a little. (Commercial sign light goes on) Okay, we'll be right back. (To Tom) It's okay, now, Dudley.
Tom (still sobbing): Pardonez moi! Pardonez moi
