. I'm a woman in an LTR. Recently I had a discussion about anal sex with my guy. Knowing that I was a little nervous, he was GGG and let me experiment on him first. Well, it worked out great, and we both found pleasure in anal play. However, last time I was fingering him, I felt something different than normal. Instead of soft flesh, I felt something rough and uneven inside him. It took a moment before I realized it was probably a turd! He didn't realize what was going on and wanted me to go deeper. I kept pleasuring him, without going deeper, until he came, letting him enjoy the moment. But now I don't know what to do: Was that actually shit in him? Is that normal? How should I handle a situation like that if it happens again? â??WARY ABOUT BUTTS NOW
A. Shit? You think? Right up there in your boyfriend's butt? Are you sure, WABN? I mean, it could have been a braille dictionary you felt up thereâ??they're pretty rough and uneven. Or an almond croissant. Or a twice-baked potato. Or a meteorite. I mean, the world is full of rough and uneven things, WABN, and frankly it's disturbing that you would assume it was shit you encountered in your boyfriend's ass.
Or are you the type of girlfriend who always assumes the worst where her boyfriend is concerned? Do you never give him the benefit of the doubt? Look, lady, anal play is swell, and there are rewards for men and women willing to explore their rear ends. I speak of the kind of blue-state pleasures that can only be derived through the expert manipulation of (1) the butt's delicate nerve endings, (2) men's prostate glands, and (3) women's mysterious clitoral "wings" (the exposed bit of the clit is not the "man in the canoe," ladies and gentleman, only the top of the man's hat). The deliciously naughty sensation and reputation that comes with bursting the whole butt taboo are not to be underestimated either. But it's still an ass you're playing with, WABN, and barring radical elective surgery and a lifetime of changing colostomy bags, shit comes with the territory. This isn't something anal-sex fans celebrate (save for a few sickos), just something they come to grips with.
So, yeah, that was shit. Get over it. How do you handle this if it happens again? Repeat after me: Anal playâ??from JV fingers to varsity-level "Louisville Pluggers"â??requires the temporary suspension of disbelief. It's a hole; a pleasure center; an entry, not an exit. When mature anal-sex fans encounter an unwelcome reminder of the lower GI's primary functionâ??a rough and uneven lump, a sudden release of gas, a spreading santorum slickâ??they regard it as a sign from the anal-sex gods that the butt-sex portion of the program is canceled. So the next time you encounter something rough and uneven in your boyfriend's assâ??or if he ever encounters something rough and uneven in your ownâ??don't keep digging around in there. However much your boyfriend may be enjoying the moment, the anal action is over. It is not disrespectful under the circumstances you've described to say, "You're not clean, sweetie," or, "There isn't room in there for me," or the simple and effective, "Occupied!" Suggest a quick break, maybe a shower, and laugh and wipe it off.
