When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

[shemptiness]

Woman Arrested For Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom

[vansmack]

We've all been there.

[Justin Tonation]

Now 8 News ain't reality.

[Justin Tonation]

How ?Texas? became Norwegian for ?crazy?

They're just not following the news out of Florida.

[walk,on,by]

http://news.yahoo.com/unidentified-space-junk-labelled-wtf-is-about-to-102543276.html

[DeathFromAbove1979]

http://news.yahoo.com/unidentified-space-junk-labelled-wtf-is-about-to-102543276.html

*flash forward to the Indian Ocean in 3 weeks where 1 lowly fisherman hears a loud whistling above his head*

[ggw]

SXSW Panel on Harassment in the Gamer Community Cancelled Due to Harassment by the Gamer Community

[Justin Tonation]

Dog named Trigger steps on gun, shoots owner

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

Insane Clown Posse cancel show over Faygo Shower ban

Unwilling to part with the soft drink shenanigans, ICP went ahead and canceled its October 22nd gig at North Park Observatory. ?Well, it ain?t an Insane Clown Posse show without Faygo so that means we?ve been left with no choice but to call off the show? as stale as fuck as that is,? the group wrote in an official statement.

[killsaly]

That is far from Onion-like for that group though... That is normal business for them. 

If I win free tickets to their upcoming show, I will definitely report back on what it is actually like to be at a concert where Faygo spraying is the top priority.

[killsaly]

JLENS blimp has come free of its mooring at APG, now floating over Pennsylvania; fighter jets monitoring
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/harford/aberdeen-havre-de-grace/bs-md-jlens-blimp-loose-20151028-story.html

One of the two military surveillance blimps that has been watching the East Coast from Maryland has broken free of its mooring at Aberdeen Proving Ground and is now drifting over Pennsylvania, authorities said.

Two F-16 fighter jets from an Air National Guard base in Atlantic City, N.J., are monitoring the unmanned aircraft, and the North American Aerospace Defense Command is working with the Federal Aviation Administration "to ensure air traffic safety," a spokesman said. The blimp is drifting at an altitude of 16,000 feet.

[Relaxer]

Wanna wish you were dead? Read on!

[walk,on,by]

http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/27/heart-stopping-canadian-restaurant-chain-debuts-reeses-peanut-butter-cups-stuffed-burger.html

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

Wanna wish you were dead? Read on!

ya know what is sad is Jared will only get 5 years max
kids are scared for life

and there are 100,000 people doing 30 years to life for non-violent drug offenses

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

I believe he faces 5 years minimum and up to like 15.