Author Topic: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45  (Read 103527 times)

Relaxer

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #75 on: February 25, 2016, 04:27:21 pm »
Relaxer: Why aren't you interested in women in their fifties? Those in their early fifties are closer to your own age than the 26-35 you target.


K was young, to be sure, but that was just the circumstances. R was a 40 year old mother of five. And my current Tinder age limitations is 35 to 50, so I'm not reaching too far into the playground. Thing is, I'm a young 45 and I'm extremely active and immature, so there won't be too many 50+ year olds that I'm going to mesh with. The women I'm talking to right now on Tinder are almost all in their early 40s. Divorced, have money, have freedom to go out luxuriously, and down to get down. If anyone makes mention of loving to wear heels or is wearing pearls in their pic or have a series of banquet pics, I move on. If it's a scowling woman clutching a cocktail in a shitty bar, I'm swiping right.

Also, I'm in the middle of writing a response, with story, to the charge that I only go after married women. I think in the long run, those two examples of infidelities will be anomalies. I'm not talking to anyone on Tinder that is married. I got busy so I probably won't be posting it today, but I will.
oword

Relaxer

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #76 on: February 25, 2016, 04:36:28 pm »
Part One

There very well may be something to the shameful theory that I?m drawn to unavailable women. Perhaps in order to understand my future, I need to recognize my past. And it all started in the lazy summer of 1985 in small town Oregon. A young relaxer found hisself coming to the end of his 15th year. Drivers licenses, dates, drive-ins, drunk-driving, road head ? all awaited just a few months away, hopefully.

Anticipation was strong, because I heretofore had never had any action or interaction with a female. Oh sure there?d been 4 Square at recess and PE Class atrocities and the strange feelings I?d get in my grundle on Pool Day. But in terms of physical interaction, nothing. So you can imagine, I felt I had a lot to look forward to, despite abject terror over making it happen.

Living next door was a family of three, husband, wife and 12 year old son. The wife, called L, was 35 years old, but was the ?fun? stay-at-home mom who was always out being crazy with the kids. She and my mother at one point were good friends, but I remember my mother once commenting, ?I feel like I?m getting older while L just gets younger.? L was funny, lenient, whacky, and there were times when I thought, "I think she might be attractive but it?s hard to tell because she is old." But she was the one instigating the water-hose fights, who played referee when we played hoops, who corralled all of us back into her house for cookies and lemonade.

Reaching the age of 16 really is a divide between being an older kid and a young adult, so this fateful summer found me reaching the end of one phase as I approached the next. Even if nothing dramatic had happened, this still would have been the last summer of playing with neighborhood kids in the yard.

For the longest time, L always seemed to favor me. I was a little older than her son, which meant he idolized me, and she used to make a point of telling me this frequently. One particularly telling afternoon, I was standing in her living room with her and a group of kids. She bent over to pick something up, allowing her shirt to fall lasciviously forward as well, giving me a bullseye view of her bra-less bosom. It was like a burst of gold bullion painted my eyes in glorious wonder for a few sexy seconds, but I will never forgot the cold steel that then shot through my heart when she suddenly looked up, right into my eyes, and smiled. She?d busted me checking out her boobs, and she was pleased to know it.

On the other side of our block was a Shell gas station, which is where I won my first job. This gas station was run by morons who priced their gas about 10 cents per gallon more than the station directly across the street. As a result, an eight hour shift might have a total of eight customers. Which meant I had a lot of downtime on this job, which I spent mostly on the phone calling people and chatting about jack shit. Because L?s was the ?fun house? I?d occasional prank call them or just call to talk to her son or even to talk to her. It then increased to where I?d spend an hour or so on the phone with her, just babbling about nothing. Until one day.

It was a conversation no different than most, except at the end, she said in an odd voice, I have a question for you. I sensed a shift in the universe?s axis, but I had no real idea what she was getting at. In fact, I had the notion that she was going to ask if I wanted a job at her husband?s business, which he was off attending to all day and often well into the night. Lacking any other ideas on what it might be, and wanting very much a higher paying job, I pressed her to reveal her inquiry. Thus followed an annoying-even-then game of tell me/I don?t want to/tell me/I don't want to. Finally I blurted out, L What Do You Want?
And I?ll never forget the small voice over the other end that replied ?You?.

Now, being 15, I wasn?t 100% certain what that entailed exactly and entirely, but I had a notion that it involved sex. I also had a very primitive idea of what sex involved. An interesting side-fact to all this is that I did not masturbate successfully until I was 20. Snort all you want and call me a liar, I don?t care. You are required to believe what I say in these stories, because it is true, and I just never was able to pull it off, so to speak. In later years before reaching 20, I was perfectly able to receive and enjoy hand and oral jobs from girls, but I couldn?t give myself a round of applause to save my life.

So in my heart of hearts, I wasn?t entirely certain that when you had sex with a woman, you didn?t just put it in and then go pee. I mean, it seemed logical. I wasn?t yet aware that anything else came out of there, so why wouldn?t it be pee or some close iteration of it?

Anyway, the phone line went quiet, she awaited a response that combined confidence with passion, and I took a deep seductive breath and said, ?I have to go? and hung up.

(part two coming tomorrow)
oword

Space Freely

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #77 on: February 25, 2016, 04:44:08 pm »
I read your first two stories to my wife and she insisted that you're a good writer who is completely full of shit. How am I going to get her to believe this one?

Are you saying you didn't have wet dreams when you were a kid either?

Relaxer

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #78 on: February 25, 2016, 04:49:17 pm »
I welcome you and/or all others to doubt my stories. They have no bearing on me and my experiences because I know what I've done. Just read them as salacious stories then.
oword

Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #79 on: February 25, 2016, 04:50:32 pm »
she insisted that you're a good writer who is completely full of shit.
honestly I really don't even care...best material on this board by a long strech
slack

Space Freely

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #80 on: February 25, 2016, 04:52:48 pm »
she insisted that you're a good writer who is completely full of shit.
honestly I really don't even care...best material on this board by a long strech

Wait, are you saying you'd rather read his stories than read about which shows killsally bought tickets to?

Julian, Forum COGNOSCENTI

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #81 on: February 25, 2016, 04:55:35 pm »
If he started these with "I know you won't believe this, but every word is true. . . " these would literally be Penthouse Forum submissions.

I believe the general narratives, at least of the first two, but think he's adding some details for dramatic effect. The "I forgot to pick up the condom and my parents found it" thing in story #2 is the most /r/ThatHappened thing in the history of ThatHappened.
LVMH

Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #82 on: February 25, 2016, 05:11:05 pm »
she insisted that you're a good writer who is completely full of shit.
honestly I really don't even care...best material on this board by a long strech

Wait, are you saying you'd rather read his stories than read about which shows killsally bought tickets to?
even more than the past concerts people went to
I already don't read the sports threads, so can't list those
slack

killsaly

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #83 on: February 25, 2016, 05:19:45 pm »
the new album by the 1975 - I am digging it  8)

killsaly

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #84 on: February 25, 2016, 05:23:36 pm »
^AKA if you do not like my posts, you do not have to read them

Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #85 on: February 25, 2016, 05:34:08 pm »
well...not exactly true if you post it in the wrong thread
Kinda hard not to see a post in a thread you are interested in
slack

killsaly

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #86 on: February 25, 2016, 05:57:58 pm »
My point was that I do not see why I am being mentioned in this thread.  What I post in other threads has nothing to do with this thread. 

I do not just post what tickets I buy.  I am an active member of this forum. 

I do not need to talk that about my personal life, so pardon me if I do not produce epic threads that you all will salivate over.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2016, 06:00:50 pm by killsaly »

Relaxer

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #87 on: February 25, 2016, 05:59:33 pm »
Gentlemen, gentlemen, this is a thread of love, and anecdotes about its sticky residue.
oword

killsaly

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #88 on: February 25, 2016, 08:30:58 pm »
Sorry, my bad, carry on.

vansmack

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Re: My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45
« Reply #89 on: February 25, 2016, 09:32:30 pm »
27>34