My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45

[Relaxer]

One interesting dynamic of My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45 is that technology has changed so much. Back in my prime loverman days, the ways to get in the womb were pretty much limited to bars and Dewey Beach. And for the most part, you rolled the dice any time you approached a lady because what if she's not looking to meet someone? What if she doesn't like my look? What if she's nursing a heartbreak or a pulled groin?

Tinder does away with all of these concerns. First of all, if you're on there, you're looking. Second, the way it's set up is a photo of a woman comes up and you decide whether you want to Like her (swipe right!) or say Nope (swipe left!). And then? Nothing happens! Until. That same woman, doing her own grocery shopping of men, sees your photo and decides you look good and swipes right on you. And then BOOM a match is made and a text box opens up and it's time to lay down some sexy language.

This is a revelation, I have to say. That first obstacle has already been overcome. Sure, some women might just swipe right on lots of guys, even ones they don't really intend to chat with. But shit, that's their problem! For the most part, you are thrown into a sexual arena with a woman that is A) looking for a man, and B) likes the looks of you. The hard work has literally been done for you.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

So enough about my past, I'm here to talk about my future.

I learned a very important lesson the other day. When I download an app, like for example Tinder, not only does it show up on my phone, it shows up on the phones of the whole family, including the ex-wife, and the 7 year old, and the 11 year old. Even better, when they click on it, they have instant access to my account! And all my photos! And all my sexy conversations! And my plans and intentions! Oh terrific!

oh man that's embarrassing, how long had they been seeing the updates before you knew

[Space Freely]

One interesting dynamic of My Journey into Becoming Single Again at Age 45 is that technology has changed so much. Back in my prime loverman days, the ways to get in the womb were pretty much limited to bars and Dewey Beach. And for the most part, you rolled the dice any time you approached a lady because what if she's not looking to meet someone? What if she doesn't like my look? What if she's nursing a heartbreak or a pulled groin?

Tinder does away with all of these concerns. First of all, if you're on there, you're looking. Second, the way it's set up is a photo of a woman comes up and you decide whether you want to Like her (swipe right!) or say Nope (swipe left!). And then? Nothing happens! Until. That same woman, doing her own grocery shopping of men, sees your photo and decides you look good and swipes right on you. And then BOOM a match is made and a text box opens up and it's time to lay down some sexy language.

This is a revelation, I have to say. That first obstacle has already been overcome. Sure, some women might just swipe right on lots of guys, even ones they don't really intend to chat with. But shit, that's their problem! For the most part, you are thrown into a sexual arena with a woman that is A) looking for a man, and B) likes the looks of you. The hard work has literally been done for you.

Be careful dude.

http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/26/technology/rhode-island-tinder-stds/

[Relaxer]

So enough about my past, I'm here to talk about my future.

I learned a very important lesson the other day. When I download an app, like for example Tinder, not only does it show up on my phone, it shows up on the phones of the whole family, including the ex-wife, and the 7 year old, and the 11 year old. Even better, when they click on it, they have instant access to my account! And all my photos! And all my sexy conversations! And my plans and intentions! Oh terrific!

oh man that's embarrassing, how long had they been seeing the updates before you knew

Fortunately, only a day or so. Unfortunately, my ex-wife came upon it when she was home alone and feeling sad and had hours to kill.

I joined it last Tuesday, made like 15 matches, chatted up 7 or 8 of them, and was starting to feel overwhelmed because I kept getting new matches. And then I got two pissy messages from women saying "Why are you even on here if you're not going to say anything" and then my ex read my profile, so I totally panicked Saturday morning, sent a canned message to my top prospects saying "I'm quitting Tinder, text me at ###-###-#### if you want to keep chatting" and then deleted my account.

Which is a bummer because I did have a BALL Tuesday night going through the bevy of beauties on offer. But ultimately, I've got a whole bunch of prospects to continue developing. Had a wonderful dinner and drinks with S last night, I have dinner and drinks with another S tonight, and tomorrow night, J the sexy mailwoman is visiting me at my home. Then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I have the kids, so I'll go into domestic mode. But next week is already looking good.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

umm the app doesn't give you stds
hooking up with random people does...the app just makes it easier...to get stds

[bob72]

and the 7 year old, and the 11 year old.

what does a 7 & 11 year old need a smart phone for?

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

Um, you do know you could deactivate iCloud on your device and your problem goes away, right?

[Relaxer]

Um, you do know you could deactivate icloud on your device and your problem goes away.

I know, but doing so also deactivates my ability to buy them apps and upgrades and stuff, doesn't it? I'm ridiculously dumb when it comes to consumer technology, but I can explain satellite broadcasting protocols all day!

And the 7 year old doesn't have an iPhone but does have a connected iPad.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

and the 7 year old, and the 11 year old.

what does a 7 & 11 year old need a smart phone for?

obviously you are kidless in 2016, I'm opposed to it, but it's the norm for most families now

Full disclosure, my 9 year old has an ipad that grandma got her for xmas that she can txt on
and it's creating a lot of tension in the household

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

Um, you do know you could deactivate icloud on your device and your problem goes away.

I know, but doing so also deactivates my ability to buy them apps and upgrades and stuff, doesn't it? I'm ridiculously dumb when it comes to consumer technology, but I can explain satellite broadcasting protocols all day!

And the 7 year old doesn't have an iPhone but does have a connected iPad.

You do know you could probably get another phone for free/an-extremely-nominal-amount and attached to your family plan, yes? Then turn iCloud off on that. Then online sexy times resume.

[Relaxer]

Um, you do know you could deactivate icloud on your device and your problem goes away.

I know, but doing so also deactivates my ability to buy them apps and upgrades and stuff, doesn't it? I'm ridiculously dumb when it comes to consumer technology, but I can explain satellite broadcasting protocols all day!

And the 7 year old doesn't have an iPhone but does have a connected iPad.

You do know you could probably get another phone for free/an-extremely-nominal-amount and attached to your family plan, yes? Then turn iCloud off on that. Then online sexy times resume.

That is likely going to be the plan. I'll just get myself a new phone for "personal sexy use" and then can Tinder all damn day. Thing is, right now I don't need to be back on it. I've got incredible prospects right now and I want to focus on that instead. I don't even know what I'm looking for necessarily (and I'm very upfront about that with everyone I'm chatting with) but I know that I don't need more candidates for my affections right now.

At the moment, I'm looking at:
- Beautiful 41 yr old Spanish woman who lives 6 blocks away from my house and is obsessed with running and crossfit, and really wants us to do these things together (which I want too!)

- Supercute weirdo anime 26 yr old Asian who lives a block from my office and loves booze and weed and sends my dozens of pictures of My Pretty Pony every day, oftentimes pornographic;

- Heart-stoppingly gorgeous 40 yr old Indian attorney who probably won't end being a winner because I think she's looking for something more conventional, but she has complimented my physique frequently and might want a fling with a hard body. I wasn't going to pursue her because she's way above my station, but I had to give it a shot and it might actually be panning out;

- Another very attractive Asian single mom who lives out in bumfuck Reston or something but works in DC and seems so nice and eager for companionship. I'm treading carefully with this one because she seems very much to want a long-term relationship;

- My 42 yr old sexy mailwoman with whom I've had outrageous text sessions and who has mapped out just exactly what we're going to do tomorrow night;

- Another very lovely woman who I've only had sporadic discussions with since we moved to text, so she might be off the radar but could come roaring back at any time.

[bob72]

- Supercute weirdo anime 26 yr old Asian who lives a block from my office and loves booze and weed and sends my dozens of pictures of My Pretty Pony every day, oftentimes pornographic;

well I think if you want to go full mid-life crisis here this is the winner

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

- Another very lovely woman who I've only had sporadic discussions with since we moved to text, so she might be off the radar but could come roaring back at any time.

well I think if you want to appear on an episode of MTV's Catfish this is the winner

[Yada]

and the 7 year old, and the 11 year old.

what does a 7 & 11 year old need a smart phone for?

obviously you are kidless in 2016, I'm opposed to it, but it's the norm for most families now

Full disclosure, my 9 year old has an ipad that grandma got her for xmas that she can txt on
and it's creating a lot of tension in the household

I want Space's opinion on this... No way his child has a smart phone and I hope to god mine doesn't at age 7.

[Relaxer]

- Supercute weirdo anime 26 yr old Asian who lives a block from my office and loves booze and weed and sends my dozens of pictures of My Pretty Pony every day, oftentimes pornographic;

well I think if you want to go full mid-life crisis here this is the winner

We had a text conversation the other night and when she mentioned she was a KPOP fan, I started dropping serious KPOP knowledge on her and she said it was making her so wet.

I knew my fucked up obsession with yowling Asian teenagers would pay off somehow.