Washington DC - Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas as of June 30, the end of this fiscal year. The move is being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith(D-Wash) who, with the aid of the Congressional research arm, the
General Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage," said Congressman Smith. Exporting American jobs has been an increasingly popular trend lately, ironically at the urging of President Bush.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his
final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
"I'm in shock," Mr. Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he further lamented.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move. Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the
Office of President of the United States as of July 1. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 USD a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the US Government will be open. "I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday.
"Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A
Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern.
The spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have already been used previously by Mr.
Bush here in the US. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself, "Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions. At a quickly called late night session Congress did pass legislation excluding all Congressional positions from consideration for outsourcing. "It is essential that some authority remain present within the United States to oversee this important outsourcing initiative," said Congresswoman Leslie Nurabi (D-NY).
