This has to do with downloading so I guess it's somewhat tangential.
There's few people I enjoy hating on more than little Johnny Cougar. I almost hate him as much as I hate Russell Brand:
Rocker John Mellencamp Likens Internet to A-BombWay to keep things in perspective, John. Not famine, violence, genocide, terrorism. No. The internet has caused you not to make NEARLY as much money peddling your bullshit so it's almost as a bad as the atomic bomb.
Where to start....
- First, unlike most, I think Springsteen is a tired, nostalgic fraud who is incapable of writing a song that isn't A. maudlin B. clichéd (It's no coincidence that the most popular songwriters from Jersey are Springsteen and Bon Jovi) or C. both. And Mellencamp is like the generic Springsteen. He's the worst elements of Dylan and the worst elements of Springsteen.
- He wrote an un-ironic (it was back in 1985 before irony was even invented) song called "Small Town" which contains the lyrics:
"Got nothing against a big town.
Still hayseed enough to say
'Look who's in the big town.'
But my bed is in a small town.
Oh, and that's good enough for me."
and then he went out and married an f'ing supermodel.
- He had a heart attack and yet still chain smokes which just shows he's WEAK.
- He's working on a musical with Stephen King. Nothing more needs to be said.
- Except that the title is "Ghost Brothers of Darkland County." That title is so bad it's beyond parody. You CAN'T make fun of it. Bono or the singer from Creed wouldn't even call something that.
- His last two studio albums were called "Freedom's Road" and...wait for it..."Life, Death, Love and Freedom" I really hope some day he goes back and completes the trilogy with "I Woke Up One Day and Someone Took All My Freedom."
- He called his anthology "Words & Music". Because apparently "Turd Sandwich" was taken.
- He was Mr. NO SELL OUT! He thought selling your songs for use in commercials was "awful" and "disgusting" and "how much money do you need?" and THEN when HIS songs stopped getting played on the radio (because the American public and radio industry came to their senses and realized they were shit) he SUDDENLY finds religion and sells his stupid, simplistic "This is OOOOOUUUURRRRR COUNTRY!" song to Chevy which proceeds to get played about 70 times each sporting event broadcast.
- And NOW the internet is "evil." It's killing "rock n roll". He's just going to be a "footnote." (Footnote? Try aiming a little lower, buddy. You don't even make the first draft.) Which may be valid points. But coming from HIM, he's just bitter and incredulous that the gravy train has stopped. No one has bought or played his music in 10 to 15 years and he just can't IMAGINE how the public can't recognize how awesome he is. Don't they know he's our poet laureate of greasy spoon diners...Friday night high school football...working double shifts at "the plant"...chicks with bad bird tattoos and Stevie Nicks hair who are working a little too hard at the 7-11 to get their ungrateful step kid an X-box...cans of Skoal...NASCAR...and things that JUST MATTER, DAMMIT!?!?
Listen, John Mellencamp. You're not Woody Guthrie. You're not even Conor Oberst. You may be Billy Bob Thorton, but that's pushing it. You're a hack. Always were. Still are. Always will be. So put on your monkey suit and go out and play your greatest hits CDs. You're in no way special. You were lucky enough to have a few hits in the 80s and you'll be able to make enough to pay for Rogaine and Viagra for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! So just shut up and go away.
Brian
