It is stolen from something very, very funny:
ROSS IS INTERVIEWING PAULINE FOR THE EXERCISE.
ROSS:
And youâ??re interested in the trolley job?
PAULINE:
Er, that is right. Iâ??m very interested, yes. I feel that my ability to work well as part of a team, and yet to take individual responsibility, are important factors in a job of this nature.
SHE WINKS AT THE REST OF THE GROUP, SHOWING OFF. MICKEY SMILES.
ROSS:
What work experience do you have?
PAULINE:
I left school early and started to workâ?¦
ROSS:
Oh, so you didnâ??t go to college?
PAULINE:
No, Iâ??ve had actual work experienceâ?¦
ROSS:
So you have no qualifications?
PAULINE:
Well if you donâ??t count twenty years in the employment serviceâ?¦
ROSS:
Well, no, no I donâ??t. Iâ??m talking about academic achievement â?? degrees, diplomasâ?¦
PAULINE:
Oh, come off it Ross! Shoving trolleys round Asda car park? A frigging monkey could do it!
ROSS ROLLS HIS EYES AND PURSUES A NEW LINE OF QUESTIONING.
ROSS:
Would you say youâ??re a fairly egregious person?
PAULINE:
What?
ITâ??S OBVIOUS SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THIS WORD MEANS.
ROSS:
Are you an egregious person? Do you have an egregious personality?
PAULINE:
Ermâ?¦yeah, yeah I do.
ROSS:
Alright, Iâ??m going to say some other words to you now, and I want you to reply wth the first thing that comes into your head, alright?
PAULINE:
Alright.
ROSS:
Home.
PAULINE:
Royston Vasey.
ROSS:
Family?
PAULINE:
Dead.
ROSS:
Friends.
PAULINE:
Pens.
ROSS:
No, friends!
PAULINE:
Pens! Theyâ??re the best friend you can have! Everything I know about people, I leant from pens. If they donâ??t work, you shake them. If they still donâ??t work â?? you chuck them away, bin them!
ROSS:
Reallyâ?¦Work.
PAULINE:
Everything. My work is everything to me.
ROSS:
Love.
PAULINE:
No. Somebody once, butâ?¦
ROSS:
And can I get your age, please, Pauline?
PAULINE:
I think thatâ??s a ladyâ??s prerogative!
ROSS:
I need to know how old you are for the recordsâ?¦
PAULINE:
Well letâ??s just say Iâ??m as old as my gumsâ?¦
ROSS:
How old are you?
PAULINE GIVES IN.
PAULINE:
Forty eight!
ROSS:
Right, thanks for coming to see us today.
PAULINE STANDS.
PAULINE:
Thank you very much, when do I start?
ROSS:
Oh, Iâ??m sorry, I canâ??t offer you this position.
PAULINE:
You what?
ROSS:
You failed the interview. You strike me as a bully. Youâ??re ill-mannered, ignorant and foul mouthed. Youâ??re not qualified for this job, and apart from anything elseâ?¦youâ??re too old, Miss. Sorry.
PAULINE LOOKS CRUSHED.
PAULINE:
But I canâ?¦
ROSS LOOKS AWAY, IGNORING HER. SHE SLOWLY GETS TO HER FEET, UNSTEADILY. THEN, REMEMBERING ITâ??S A ROLEPLAY, BRIGHTENS UP.
Good! Thank you very much. I feel that Ross handled that situation very wellâ?¦can I have my things back?
HE GIVES THEM TO HER.
Yeah, although it did make me wonder how well heâ??d handle a situation more like thisâ?¦
SHE TURNS AND SMACKS ROSS IN THE FACE WITH A BRUTAL STRIKE OF HER CLIPBOARD. ROSS WRITHES IN PAIN.
Eh? Ooh, a bully am I? Foul fucking mouthed? Now, youâ??ll eat those wordsâ?¦
SHE RIPS A SHEET OF PAPER OFF THE CLIPBOARD AND BEGINS STUFFING IT DOWN ROSSâ?? THROAT.
Egregious! Egregious! Egregious! Are you listeningâ?¦?
MICKEY GETS UP FROM HIS SEAT.
MICKEY:
Stop it, Pauline! Stop it, you nutter!
PAULINE STOPS AND TURNS TO FACE MICKEY, WONDERING IF SHE REALLY IS MAD.
PAULINE:
Oh, Mickeyâ?¦what IS egregious?
MICKEY THINKS BUT DOESNâ??T KNOW EITHER.