I used to be teenybopper. That all changed a few years ago when it finally hit me. "These teenyboppers are fuckheads. I'm gonna hang out with my real friends, whether people hate them or not." In this rant, I'm going to pretty much attack all these JT teenyboppers.
Point 1: Free Thought? What's That?
My first point is that all teenyboppers are preps. Yes, all of 'em. It's not that I hate preps because they are, well, preppy. I hate some preps because they are mostly morons. Of course there are few exceptions, who are actually pretty close friends of mine. But that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that all teenyboppers are preps, yet not all preps are teenyboppers. You see what I'm getting at here?
The thing with all teenyboppers is that they're easily brainwashed. Tell 'em anything you want and they won't give two shits. However, tell a friend that everyone thinks is cute the same thing and ask him to tell it to said teenyboppers, they'll believe you. They won't give you credit, they'll give the cute person credit. Why? Looks. Pop culture has always been bull-shitted by looks. There's nothing you can do, it will always happen. TV, movies, music, magazines, EVERYTHING in today's society has been bull-shitted by anything with good looks. Always has, always will. Many of the great shows I've loved have been destroyed because the TV-industry and its surprisingly huge network of lawyers will choose crap over good shit. Angry Beavers, Rocko's Modern Life, Invader Zim, Sifl and Olly, Family Guy, Futurama, TONS of shows have had great potential and humor, and were dumped for crap. Enough of it. Bring back the good ol' days. Destroy the crap.
But ranting about TV would have to come later. This goes on to say that teeny-boppers will say, think, do, eat, and wear whatever you want so long as you get a pretty person to tell them so. Why, you could make a terrorist organization of teeny-boppers so long as you got Justin Timberlake, Brittney Spears, and Carson Daly to be their leaders. I thought that long and hard, and I know you can. Get Justin and Brittney on TRL, have the three talk about terrorism and how it's "fun". The next morning you'll have six million+ teenyboppers and parents who think they're cool signed up and ready to die. That's one war I'll love to fight.
I hate teenyboppers. They have no free will. Anything they know is bullshit. And you know what's worse? The fact that they take looks over personality. I've made attempts over the last year to make friends with these people (mainly because I didn't want my Accounting class to be shit with no friends in there), and lemme tell ya, they think you're ugly. That's the first thing they'll say to you.
Me: Hi, I'm Andy. Accounting will suck. (true statement, it did, in fact, suck)
Teenybopper: You know what? You're wrong. I think Accounting will be great. All you ugly freaks will go to Hell. (he ended up taking answers from me, of course I gave him false info after that, so he ended up failing. SUCKER!)
But that's not the first time it happened. Try SIX YEARS. Six years I've tried to make friends with these people. All the time they've made my life fucking hell by spreading rumors, calling me a fag, punching me, and I was an idiot. I came back for more. I thought, "You know what? Maybe they'll accept me this time." for six years. It hit me my sophomore year, "These aren't my friends. Fuck 'em." and then I turned punk. In one week I've been given the equal amount of respect I actualy got from the teenyboppers in six years. Six years versus one week. I think I'll stay this way.
Also, once you've gone punk, they try and convert you. Seriously. The stupid teenyboppers will sit by you and your friends. One of your friends pokes fun at another person for something he said, and a teenybopper will say, "Aren't they scaring you? Come sit by us!" Idiots. The guy said something very funny, and I laughed at it. I followed up, it was funny. Had this been at the teenybopper table, they would've ignored me. Nothing will go through those thick skulls. Not even entertainment. Like Mary Kate and Ashley.
Point 2: Mary Kate and Ashley: STOP
I did a Photo Comic about a Mary Kate and Ashley game. I told a teenybopper the other day, and his response was, "Andy, WHY do you hate Mary Kate and Ashley? I'd bone 'em in a second! Are you a dumb faggot?" Well, if hating people because the majority of their fans think they're cute rather than their acting skills means I'm a faggot, than I guess I am one. But, in reality, faggot means a bundle a sticks, which I am not one. The perspective is that I am apparently gay because the game that was released was crap (the Funcoland guy made me play it out of his amusement for ten minutes before taking his pictures. Let me reassure you, I was right, you were right. The game sucks because it's Mary Kate and Ashley that and control and graphics sink very low.) and I didn't want to fork over $50 because of it. Remember, teenyboppers only care about looks, and anything else is tossed out the window.
Back to Mary Kate and Ashley; they need to stop. Seriously. Stop merchandising, stop singing, acting, everything. Wait until you're 18. Then, the day you both are officially turn 18, go into lesbian porn. I guarrantee you'll sell a copy to me. Hell, hire the writers you've used for your other crap movies, I don't care. 10-minute cutscenes? I'll fast forward so long as you two are making love to each other. Even if you have to go to Switzerland on a $5000 budget, that movie will be the only one I'll enjoy.
But enough about my fantasies. Any movie-goer will agree, the Mary Kate and Ashley franchise was shit ever since Full House ended. I've given their series a shot, but they're all the same plots. It's always "We're twins! Let's go shopping!!1" with those two. Same with the movies. I'd put up a review of a movie I sat through because I was bored, but I can sum it all up very quickly, a movie called "Getting There": "We're going to Salt Lake City! Look! Boys! Shopping! Cars! OMFG!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Girls Rule! Friendship! Going Home! BOY BANDS! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!1" I'd give it a .4/10, because they actually had good taste with a character named Toast, a stoner who acted like that one guy from Half Baked until they made him teenybopper in the end. It would've been better if they kept him the way he was, but they decide to add plot to it. Wow. I'm so amazed. I think I'll go convince my overly rich parents to buy me a new car so I can ride a plane to Salt Lake City so I can hook up with a blonde hair/blue eyed person of the opposite sex in a based-on-looks style. Please.
You two need to stop. Seriously. End it all. For the love of God, end the cruelty until you make lesbian porn. Then it'll get interesting. Especially the merchandising, "HEY KIDS! Get your parents to buy the Mary Kate and Ashley dildo! *Insert jingle here* MK&A Dildos may gave you SiphillysBUY ONE NOW!"
Back to teenyboppers. I've got another interesting thory of them, I'll call it...
Point 3: Teenyboppers are Neo-Nazis
For those of you who have stayed, thank you. You are either brave or have the same points of view as myself. Now let's get started.
My first and overly obvious point is that Teenyboppers are homophobic. This is very true. A large majority (I'd give 85-95%) of them will call people they hate fags. It dosen't matter if they are gay or not, if you are hated, then you are a fag. Even if you've banged 10 girls in two weeks, you're still a fag. Hey, teenyboppers hate gays. It's proven. Wasn't there a guy in Colorado killed because of this? Or two kids in that same state who shot up their school because they were called fags? What about all the other school shootings in the country? And the funny thing is is that they blame the punks. Why? They don't like us because of LOOKS, which goes back to Point 1. Even though some punks were bullied to the point of them killing people, half, if not, more, of the school shootings in the country were because of some prep didn't like another person, "because he was a fag". This is bullshit. Teenybopper kills people, label the punks. Idiots. Also, I believe a German mustached guy in David's comic put quite a few homosexuals in concetration camps. And they still discriminate.
My second point on this issue is race. Yes, race. Even though the 60's have ended, some teenyboppers will show this trait. I've seen it. Heard it dozens of times before. Fights have broken out in my school over this. A white teenybopper guy, who listens to only rap, calls a black guy a "N---er", thinking it's fine. Although since this guy is an IDIOT, a fight breaks out from a person's stupity. I had no idea a white guy could bleed that much. It was quite funny. But other than that, I do hear the N-word quite often, and that N word is not Nintendo. And Hitler went along and killed more Blacks.
Thirdly: Teenyboppers abilities to follow a leader with good charisma, even if their points are stupid and invalid. Germans followed Hitler, causing 12 million people to die in concentration camps, Teenyboppers follow Carson Daly, causing N*Sync. Coincidence? Not really, but still similar.
Forthly, religon. Now I'm going to go further into the punk stereotype. I talked to a teenybopper, he said, "I hate freaks." I go, "Why's that?" He says, "Because they worship Satan."
Still Bullshit. Once again the pop industry has bullshitted more teenyboppers to think that only Satanists are punks. This is a HUGE no. A good portion of the punks I know, including myself, are in a religon in the Christianity region. Many of them are Protestant (such as David, John, Adam), but small numbers are Catholic (like Joey). To say that we all worship Satan is bullshit. Although some of my friends are Atheist, I don't know anyone in reality that worships Satan. A few are Wiccan and hexed teenyboppers (to all our delight), but they're not devil-worshipers. Even if, dosen't the Bible say to love your enemies? If if Satan is supposed to be your worst enemy, that dosen't mean you should hate the followers. They could end up being your best friends. But that dosen't mean you have to share points of view with them. Get diverse. Learn other cultures. Meet people. Have fun. Isn't that why we're here? I can't find another reason why God created the universe, so I may as well enjoy it. I think the reason we're here is to have fun. Enjoy life. You only live about 80 years, so you should enjoy every second of it. Having 1/5 of my life gone already is sad, but I know I still have 80% of it left to enjoy. And I will. With God, my Christian friends, my Atheist friends, and my Wiccan friends. Every second of it.
But enough about that, how else do teenyboppers fare in this? Simple. Lend a guy you hate (teenybopper) a couple bucks. Because you're nice. Now, wait a few weeks, and you need lunch money. Hey! That guy owes you money! Why not politely ask him for it back? It's not a big deal, right?
"Andy, why the fuck you gotta be such a fuckin' Jew about it? It's just money! Go back to your fuckin' Synagouge, you'll find all the money there. Fuckin' Jew." A couple even backed him up. Various TV shows and webcomics from punks back up this to prove that about 5-10% of teenyboppers hate Jews. Idiots. And if my U.S. History, with a 98% Average, proves me correct, then Hitler killed over 6 Million Jews in WW2. And since we've got Jew-haters running around, we may as well take our eyes off the punks for a second and keep a close eye on the teenyboppers.
My fifth and final point: Looks again. An average teenybopper will tell you that their dream date would include "Blond hair, Blues eyes". Again, Hitler comes in. Hitler imported Swedish women, Blond/blue, to fuck a bunch of drunk German guys during the Holocaust. The Aryan race. Now that teenyboppers love the "Aryans" so much, it assures me that they are willing to make our country full of 'em.
All this, Racism, Homophobia, Brain-washing, and the Aryan race, makes me believe that the Nazis have been planing World War 3 ever since our troops left Germany.
"Let's see: First we get the people there to hate the Blacks and Jews, oh, and Gays! Can't forget about them! Hmm...They have to be Catholic. And we'll have to get the Swedes over there to fuck drunk Americans, too...We'll destroy them! We WILL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Seriously. I think they almost succeeded. The 60's are a good point. Mass racism there. And since the "Aryans" and Charismatic brain-washer "entertainers" are exploding today, I personally think the Nazis want more bombs up their asses.
Oh, but I'm not done yet. I've got one more thing that will shock everyone. It even shocked my punk friends. It is...
POINT 4: WHO'S POPULAR AGAIN?
This one is an interesting one. I'm going to be straight-forward about this. Popularity in High School does not exist.
See, since the pop industry is making us think that by "popular" it means preppy, smart, pretty, involved in 1092384 clubs at school, has the cutest boy/girl, and can only have a few good friends. This cannot be. That's the movie world. In the real world, popularity means the amount of friends you have. One could challenge this and say that popularity does exist, saying that "I have tons of friends, therefore I'm popular". I must then tell you wrong. "Well, I was nominated by my fellow students to be on the Prom Court!" Wrong again.
See, half the people don't really care about popularity races. They've got more important things to worry about. Grades, personal life, clubs, jobs, video games, webcomics, Saki, to even worry about who's popular. Everyone in my class in 8th grade voted someone at random because they didn't care. Although one girl was winner, it was rigged to make her, a very ugly girl, dance with a preppy guy we all hated. Names won't be named, but it did work. This carried on to last year. I can prove people don't care about popularity enough. Get a punk friend to run for prom, and convince all your friends to convince all the classmates to get the friend elected. Since it'll probably work, you get your friend to drop from the race when he is announced a nominee. I guarrantee that will happen.
And since nobody keeps track of who's popular, there is no popularity race. There is no statistics. No sane person does that sort of thing. Nobody likes a person based on his popularity.
Once again, popularity in the real world is based on the number of friends you have. Everyone has friends, even that nerd kid you hate. Even if that guy is friends with the janitor, he's still popular to that person. You have friends, right? Doesn't that make you popular to them? Your friends are then popular to you. Everyone is therefore popular. And nobody keeps track because there's no way to do it.
But since we've all been bullshitted by the media, the two cannot coexist. In the media world, popular people are liked by everyone, because the BS-ed people like them because they are popular. No actual friendship, just based on a non-existant popularity race. Since this dosen't happen in the real world, the popularity we are taught dosen't exist either. And everyone in the real world is popular, unlike people in the media world. And since the balance has been broken to the way we are taught, popularity in high school does not exist.
But since the media is still bullshitted like that, teenyboppers believe it does. A news story about two girls who died in a car crash pissed me off. Not because the roads were dangerous and the deaths could've been avoided, but because the media rambled on saying the girls were popular. Popularity in this sense means preppy, which may end up being teenybopper. Again, not all preps are teenyboppers, yet all teenyboppers are preps. Had two of my punk friends die in a car crash, the media wouldn't give two shits because they weren't preppy/popular. They'll go straight to sports. In fact, the school will have a Pep Rally the next day. A moment of silence, but then followed by loud annoying screams of BS-ed teenyboppers and preps about BS-ed School Rivalry.
Teenyboppers are bullshit. Enough said. Pracitcally everything they do is Bull-shitted on them. If you are a teenybopper, get a grip. You are being bull-shitted. You are being lied to. Stop thinking popularity exists and find your true friends, pretty or not. It'll make school go by quicker. I'm glad I know this. I'm happy for my true friends, ugly as they are. I don't care about looks. Just stop being the way they are, or at least stop discriminating against us. It's prejudice. You're prejudging on us for our looks, and you're prejudging your friends for their looks. Your prejudice is what's making the world go poo. And for that, you must find yourself. If you seriously like the things you do, go on with it. Enjoy it. If you don't, and think the things you do will make you cool, stop. You're hurting yourself, and nobody is buying your shenanigans. Stop being as asshole and start LIVING. And stop sitting by us as lunch and pretending like we can't hear you make cracks about us. That is wrong, prejudice, and may one day get you hurt. Just stop being someone you are not. You may not be punk, and that's fine, but at least stop being someone you're not. Find yourself.
