being too personal . . . is my speciality. i am odd. but you know that. when i quit smoking pot, i just quit. no problems, no qualms. years and years of doing it, and i just quit. because i felt it was time to "grow up." i know this is not the norm, but i feel my mind is a steel trap of mind over matter. what my mind wants, does not matter. the same could be said with alcohol. to be more honest, i scared myself one day . . . no actually during two days. my drinking, on a normal everyday intake became like something you see on an old television episode where the person is drinking everything in the house without being able to stop. during those two days in question, i drank like someone with a problem. i could not stop and i did not want to. i remember driving to a store, twenty minutes from where i live, intoxicated, more than likely reeking of alcohol, to get more of that precious beer. i did not care. i wanted that escape. i saw it. i saw it happen from the first, second and third perspective and i was altered. who was this person i could become. i scared myself more than i have ever been. that was three months ago. i told myself that very next day, you will quit drinking . . . or you will kill yoursef. plain and simple. put a gun to your head and kill yourself. i became a mission. i became a cause. i knew that it ran in my family, and i knew it wanted me next. but i am a strong minded human who believes i can do anything i want to in this section of life we are given on the planet earth. use it wisely i tell myself. use it well. i am very proud of myself that i did what i did, and am equally proud that i so easily admit such things on a forum to complete strangers. i know that not all people can just do what i did, even if they do believe that they have a "problem" as well. i do not miss it, and i do not judge others that drink, for i simply tell myself . . . remember those two days.
