Hey Yada, how was Portugal?
Anybody else married to a 50+ 200lbs+ person who starts bitching and moaning that "this is not relaxing and a vacation should be relaxing" anytime they are asked to walk anywhere more than 10 minutes away (almost always the next eating or drinking experience, because "I don't like tourist things, and I don't like being around people.")?
A couple of highlights of our trip:
The first full day in Portugal, Father's Day, we got a leisurely 11:30am start walking in Porto. We had no definitive plans (see the part where spouse and kid refuse to do tourist attractions.) However, I'd read enough about Porto to know that the spirit of Porto emanates up from its' river and across its' beautiful pedestrian bridge. So I suggested we saunter down to the river, and grab some breakfast on the way.
This involved maybe a 30 minute walk from the hip, studenty neighborhood our Airbnb was in (that we had spent the first partial day in.) Knowing that walking is frowned upon by two third of the family, I allowed Google Maps to pick the quickest route.
About 15 minutes into the walk, my spouse started bitching and screaming that I "picked the most unscenic route possible, and why can't you fucking pick a more scenic route." Well, I think because Goole Maps doesn't tell you which routes are the most scenic?
At this point, my teen picks up on the negative energy being spewed, and proclaims that she's not walking an inch further, and she wants to go back to where we came from and eat at an acaii bowl place (I think Portugal is the birthplace of the acaii bowl?). When told that "No we're going to keep walking toward the river and we'll grab something on the way, quite possibly even an acaii bowl," she flat our refused to walk any further and starts loudly demanding for us to give her cash so she could go off on her own (again, on the first full day of vacation.) When reminded by her parents that it's Father's Day, she proclaims multiple times that "It's not Father's Day in Portugal." She take the 30 Euros cash that I give her and starts quickly walking the other way. My spouse decides that she doesn't trust her 16 year old alone in a city she's never been in, chases after her, and leaves me alone for the rest of the day. I did make it to the bridge and river, alone, and it was lovely. When we meet up again later, I am reemed out for being selfish and not giving in to our child's demands (which, again were to walk 15 minutes right back to where we started, the 30 minute round trip being the female limit to the amount of walking desired in a day.)
The second story involved our time on Madeira. We had a 5:50am flight that got us to Madeira at 7:30am, and with a 4pm checking in time, we had time to kill. So I noted that there was an amazing hike on the coast just 20 minute from the airport.
https://www.alltrails.com/trail/portugal/madeira--2/miradouro-de-sao-lourenco-cais-do-sardinha-pico-do-furado We drove there any my daughter started screaming that she was not going on the hike, that she would just wait in the car. After many tears and pleading, she ended up going, purposely hiking much faster than her fat old parents. My spouse demanded that I try to keep up with our daughter (no way my spouse could) to ensure that she remained safe. I managed to stay close enough, and dare I say that both of them ended up loving the hike. It was just that fanastic.
My biggest planning error was planning a hike the next day. That was this hike.
https://www.alltrails.com/trail/portugal/madeira--2/pico-do-areeiro-pico-ruivo-achada-do-teixeira. I paid around $100 to have a service pick us up in the city, crop us of at the start, pick us up at the finish, and drop us off back in the city. No way was I going to ask them to do that hike as an out and back...my wife is not physically capable, and my daughter is not mentally capable.
We stayed in in amazing villa with stunning seaside views (best Airbnb we've ever stayed in, by far) about 35 minutes outside of the city. So we got up early, drove the crazy Madeira roads to the city (or I should say I drove them, as my anxiety ridden wife would never attempt such harrowing driving), and parked near our pre-arranged pickup spot, which I guess was a small apartment building with nothing much else around. As we awaited the eight seat tour van, it becaume obvious, I needed to take a shit.
So we were actually parked near a small abandoned house with lots of overgrown weeds, so taking an outdoor shit was possible, and taking it outdoors seemed the only option. I also had some paper towels, so paper was available. As I departed the car, my wife handed me a pack of wipes and one free wipe and said "Don't destroy the package." Confession #1: I've never used a package of wipes. Confession #2: I'm very nearsighted.
I managed to find a good crouching spot and take the shit without getting any on me. I used the first wipe and realize I'm going to need a couple more. So I carefully rip open the package, taking extra care not to completely destroy the package. I manage to complete the job, head back to the car, and hand the wipes back to my wife.
Within seconds, she explodes with ten times the fury my ass just did, screaming that "how could I be such a stupid idiot, you destroyed the pack of wipes." I found this odd because I had managed to make the smallest possible opening possible. She fould that incredibly stupid because apparently the packaging is such that she had already opened it (but why would she ask me not to destroy it if it was already open? She could have told me that and instructed me how to take the wipes out of the already opened package) and how could I do such a thing (because I'm nearsighted and I had shit running out of my ass and don't know the workings of a pack of wipes). In spite of my best apologies, she literally screamed at me and called me names for 20 minutes straight until our ride arrived. We were the first ones in the van, and there were several other pickups, so she changed her voice to a whisper and continued to berate me, call names, and threaten divorce for the next 25 minutes as other hikers joined our van.
Once we had all the passengers picked up, the driver started telling details about the hike. He totally oversold the difficult of the hike, and warned us that it was very cloudy and foggy and we might not see much. He even offered to drive people back to their pickup point after the initial dropoff (no refund, and he was driving that way anyway) if they didn't want to hike in possible foggy conditions. I asked him if this was common and he said "No, 99.9% of people do the hike, we only ever had one Italian couple who took them up on the return offer."
So we get to the dropoff point, and it's could, cloudy, foggy. No rain. And my daughter starts screaming and crying that she's not going to do the hike. My wife decides she doesn't want to do it eithter due to the overselling of the diffculty by the driver. So they become the second couple to everr turn back and not do the hike. As for me, this was a bucket list hike, and I was going to do it every in total fog. The first 20 minutes offered no views, but then I turned a corner into a valley, and the views were glorious for much of the rest of the hike. And the hike ended up being fairly easy (very smooth pathway, no boulders or rocks or roots to navigate.)
The final story involved our second stay in Porto. We had flown back form Madeira, rented a car and driven six hours each way, so ny daughter could spend her 17th birthday in the Algarve. After similiarly aborting another hike in the Algarve
https://www.alltrails.com/trail/portugal/faro/pr1-lga-sete-vales-suspensos (We actually planned to hike less than half of it), we drove the six hours back to Porto the next day.
I had planned a rental return the next morning at the city location, but I noted that I was early enough to do the dropoff before the 7pm closing. After safely depositing the girls at the Airbnb in Vila Nova de Gaia (historic area right across the bridge from Porto) I navigated some crazy hills, one way roads, and rush hour traffic to make it there before 7.
I had cheaped out on the liability insurance, but taken extra special care in driving and where I parked the car, and no way did I hit anything (it was parked safely in Lagos most of the time.) However, the Sixt man found a couple of scratches that he claimed I put in the car. I explained that this was not possible. Perhaps the moral of the story is to try to communicate better at the time of pickup (and to pay the fucking liability insurance), even if the guy giving you the car is a Brazilian who doesn't know two words of English. Don't take his word for it, always check for scratches..their records may be incomplete. Anyway, I'm going to owe Sixt $400 for two small scratches I didn't do, and they've lost a customer for life.
After that debacle, I had a 65 minute walk back to the apartment. The Metro would have cut it to 40, and Bolt to 30, but I like walking, and there was a good craft beer stop and city to explore, so I chose to walk. After some dinner and some surprisingly good craft beer (this place had Cantillon in bottles), I headed home. Note: I have a cheapo five year old phone whose battery drains pretty quickly. I was still about 15 minutes from home (maybe 10:30 or 11 pm by this time) and my last message to my wife was " My battery isn't going to last, I'll figure out how to get home."
Mind you taxis don't seem to exist anymore, and I didn't see a cop the whole time I was in Portugal. So I did my best guess as to how to get home. I even made it to a park that I knew to be four minutes from our place. I even found a map in the park there that showed the street were were staying on. Though oddly the map was about eight feet in the air and it was dark and super difficult to read. The confusing thing is that there are different levels to the part of town, with tricky stairs and different bridge levels. I essentially thought I know where to go, but it seemed impossible to get there. I probably asked a dozen people for directions, some of them even mapped me on their phones. Others insisted that I was on the right road, because the name of the road I was looking for shared the name of the Metro stop (it was not that road, nor did the road I wanted even touch the road they were telling me was my road.) Anyway, I got hopelessly lost for a long, long time until I found the parking lot near our place and asked someone for directions, which guided me to our place. Thank goodness, I was finally home. It was actaully kind of an adventure...it got tiring but I felt like I had stubbornly accomplished something on my own and it reminded me of being lost in European cities in 1989 without GPS or a good map.
I entered the door code correctly, but the door wouldn't open as my wife had dead bolted it. She proceeded to let me in and immediately started calling me a "stupid idiot who can't even figure out how to open the door" (kind of tough when it's dead bolted) and that she was worried sick and had visited the police station 15 minutes way and was having them call all of the area hospitals. When I was finally able to explain myself (it's tough when are being berated in multiple long paragraphs and told that you are not allowed to talk.), I was told how stupid I was and alternatively that I "must be lying, for sure you were off with a tranny doing disgusting things" (* I have never had sexual relations with a trans person). I was told how stupid I was, that I should have just asked to borrow someone's phone to cal lher so that she could come get me and guide me home (no doubt lodly berating me for everyone to hear.)
I realize it is hard to be lost for three hours, but trust me...the lack of road signs, numerous locals giving erroneous directions, and the tricky in the dark multi-leveled terrain that I had not previously traversed made it all possible. But honestly, it wsa kind of fun.
Anyway, I'm so, so glad my next trip is a solo work trip to the PNW which I have tacked some solo travel on at the end. (See my post last year in this thread about my work trip to Toronto) Hey Sweetcell, wanna meet up in Seattle for a beer, or have me drop by the homestead?
