When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

[Yada]

http://nypost.com/2017/06/15/breatharian-couple-survives-on-the-universes-energy-instead-of-food/

[Yada]

http://sundayinquirer.com/2017/06/12/hendersonville-man-caught-molesting-pig-after-his-penis-gets-stuck/

[sweetcell]

NASA wants to probe Uranus in search of gas
https://www.yahoo.com/tech/nasa-wants-probe-uranus-search-gas-232157525.html

[grateful]

Fitness model killed by whipped cream

[Justin Tonation]

A terrifying threat from Tropical Storm Cindy: Floating masses of deadly fire ants

[grateful]

Whole foods chicken salad contains no actual chicken.

http://www.fox5dc.com/news/265818477-story

[Yada]

I feel like Space could be involved in something like this.

https://wonkette.com/619890/vegan-restaurant-owners-triggered-just-because-diner-didnt-want-to-see-their-kids-butthole

[grateful]

An unfortunate typo...

Walking Dead stuntman John Bernecker dies after on-set injury

John Bernecker, a stuntman who was injured earlier this week on the Atlanta set of the TV horror series The Walking Dead, has died from his injuries. The cause of death was blunt force drama, according to Coweta County Coroner Richard Hawk.

[Kemosabe]

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-40667991
"Benefit fraudster 'too weak to walk' climbed Kilimanjaro"

Mark Lloyd, of Ynysybwl, Rhondda Cynon Taff, claimed £6,551.80 in Personal Independence Payments, saying a slipped disc in his back left him in agony.
At the same time, the 33-year-old competed in races, climbed Africa's highest peak, went wing-walking and skied in the Alps.

[Kemosabe]

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-merseyside-40668960
"Prosthetic penis sex attacker Gayle Newland jailed"

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

^Ok not really sure how that is a reality/onion article...seems more random to me

but jez-lou-ise
girl is getting 6 years in prison for convincing women to have sex with her
the women admitted " she was persuaded by the defendant to wear a blindfold at all times when they met"

Umm...who the fuck goes on a date with someone only wearing a blindfold!

also apparently this is the 3rd time and once before she got a 8 year sentence, but it ended up getting thrown out


edit - can't believe I'm looking into it
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jul/21/understand-gayle-newland-catfish-pretended-to-be-a-man-online-sex

100 hours blindfolded with this person!
Newland provided Kye with a complex backstory to get Chloe to wear a blindfold during their meetings, and during sex, and after at least 100 hours of wearing the blindfold in Kye’s presence, Chloe removed it. She discovered Kye was, in fact, Newland, with whom she hadn’t consented to sex.

[Kemosabe]

I saw that article as being Onion-esqe, so I posted it in here.  I did not know we had hard and fast rules for posting in this thread. 

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

THERE MUST BE RULES
the fabric of society is depending on it

[Kemosabe]

Michael Phelps loses 'race' to Great White shark

[Justin Tonation]

A local story this time: Man Returns From Trip to Find Apartment Cleaned, Nothing Missing