[Setting: Night club]
JERRY: My parents live in Florida now. They moved there last year. They didn't want to move to Floriday, but they're in their sixties, and that's the law. You know
how it works. They got the leisure police. They pull up in front of the old people's house with a golf cart, jump out, "Let's go Pop, white belt, white pants, white
shoes, get in the back. Drop the snow shovel right there, drop it!" I am not much for the family gathering. You know, you sit there, and the conversation's so boring.
It's so dull. And you start to fantasize. You know, you think, what if I just got up and jumped out that window? What would it be like? Just crashed right through the
glass.. You know. Come back in, there's broken glass, everybody's all upset. "No, I'm alright. I was just a little bored, there. No, I'm fine. I came back. I wanted to
hear a little about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. Let's pick it up right there."
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]
(Jerry's parents are in town. His father's watching T.V., his mother is ironing his father's jackets)
HELEN: (To Morty) You have so many nice jackets. I don't know why you had to bring this jacket. Who wears a jacket like this? (He doesn't respond) What's
wrong with that nice gray one? You have beautiful clothes. They sit in your closet. Morty, you can't wear - this!
(Phone rings)
MORTY: Are you getting that?
HELEN: I thought you were getting it.
MORTY: Should I pick up?
HELEN: You want me to get that?
MORTY: I'll get it!
HELEN: I'll get it!
(They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first)
HELEN: Hello?.. Hello?
(She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and carrying a bat and glove)
JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off)
MORTY: So, how'd you do?
JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on a fly! We'll be in the championship
game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment of my life.
HELEN: This is your greatest moment? A game?
JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course.
MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat.
HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party?
JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming. He knows what he's doing.
HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary.
MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today. They invited you again. I think you should go.
JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine.
HELEN: So bring her.
JERRY: I don't even know them. What is she, your second cousin? I mean, I've met them three times in my life.
MORTY: I don't know her either. (Gesturing to Helen) She makes me fly all the way from Floriday for this, and then she criticizes my jacket.
HELEN: At least come and say hello, have a cup of coffee, then you'll leave.
MORTY: How come he gets to leave?
JERRY: If I wind up sitting nest to Uncle Leo, I am leaving. He's always grabbing my arm when he talks to me. I guess it's because so many people have left in the
middle of his conversation.
MORTY: And it's always about Jeffrey, right?
JERRY: Hey, he talks about him like he split the atom. The kid works for the Parks Department.
(Enter Kramer)
KRAMER: Morty, are you coming in?
MORTY: Oh, yeah. I forgot all about it.
KRAMER: (To Jerry) Hey, how'd you do?
JERRY: We won. We're in the finals on Wednesday..
KRAMER: Yeah!
JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about?
KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle.
JERRY: What are you doing?
KRAMER: Levels.
JERRY: Levels?
KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You
know, like ancient Egypt.
JERRY: You drew up plans for this?
KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head.
MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that.
KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable.
JERRY: When do you intend to do this?
KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month.
JERRY: You're doing this yourself?
KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can?
JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't.
KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber.
MORTY: Hey, that's some big job.
JERRY: I don't see it happening.
KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even bet you.
JERRY: Seriously?
HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet.
KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of the month.
JERRY: I'll give you a year.
KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month.
JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock the deal)
(Scene ends)
[Setting: Manya's apartment]
(Jerry sits between Uncle Leo and Elaine. Leo grabs his choulder)
JERRY: Seriously, do you wnat to switch chairs?
ELAINE: No, no. I'm fine.
LEO: Jerry, are you listening to this?
JERRY: Yeah, Uncle Leo.
LEO: So, so, now the parks commissioner is recommending Jeffrey for a citation.
JERRY: Right. For reducing the pond scum?
LEO: No, for the walking tours.
JERRY: Oh, yeah. Where the people eat the plant life - the edible foliage tour.
LEO: That's exactly right. He knows the whole history of the park. For two hours he's talking and answering questions. But you want to know something? Whenever
he has a problem with one of these high-powered big shots in the Parks Department, you know who he calls?
JERRY: Mickey Mantle?
ELAINE: (Helping him worm out of the conversation with Leo) Jerry, Jerry. Did you taste these peas? These peas are great!
JERRY: (Eating a forkful) These peas are bursting with country-fresh flavor.
ELAINE: Mmm.. phenomenal peas..
MORTY: Are you ready for dessert?
JERRY: Well, actually, we do have to kind of get going.
MANYA: (Surprised) You're going?
ELAINE: I don't really eat dessert. I'm dieting.
JERRY: Yeah, I can't eat dessert either. The sugar makes my ankles swell up, and I can't dance.
MANYA: Can't dance?
HELEN: He's kidding, Manya.
MANYA: Is that a joke?
HELEN: (Canging subject) So, did you hear Claire's getting married?
MANYA: Yeah, yeah..
HELEN: I hear the fella owns a couple of racehorses. You know, trotters, like at Yonkers.
JERRY: Horses. They're like big riding dogs.
ELAINE: What about ponies? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies..
JERRY: I know, I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.
MANYA: ..I had a pony.
(The room is dead quiet)
JERRY: ..Well, I didn't really mean a pony, per se.
MANYA: (Angry) When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony, ..So, what's wrong with that?
JERRY: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just merely expressting..
HELEN: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
MANYA: He was a beautiful pony! And I loved him.
JERRY: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony?
MANYA: You! You said so!
JERRY: No, see, we didn't have ponies. I'm sure at the time in Poland, they were very common. They were probably like compact cars..
MANYA: That's it! I've had enough! (She leaves the room)
ISAAC: Have your coffee, everyone. She's a little upset. It's been an emotional day.
(Isaac leaves, everyone looks at Jerry)
JERRY: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on
that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come
hre if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong?
(Scene ends)
[Setting: Jerry's apartment]
(Morty and Helen are leaving, their bags are packed)
JERRY: I'll drive you to the airport.
HELEN: No, we're taking a cab.
JERRY: I just hope that whole pony incident didn't put a damper on the trip.
HELEN: Don't be rediculous. It was a misunderstanding.
MORTY: Hey, I agree with him. Nobody likes a kid with a pony.
JERRY: Well, if you ever talk to her, tell her I'm sorry. Elaine too. She feels terrible.
HELEN: You know, you should give Manya a call.
JERRY: Maybe I will.
(Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway)
KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags) ..Need any help with those?
MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along?
KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it.
JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock.
HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry.
JERRY: Take care.
HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves)
MORTY: Bye, Jer.
JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy.
MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer.
KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves)
JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner?
KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it.
JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet.
KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it.
JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it!
KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it.
JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done.
KRAMER: And it could be done.
JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels.
KRAMER: But I don't want the levels!
JERRY: That's the bet! (Phone rings, Jerry answers it) Hello? ..No, oh, hi.. no, they just left.. Oh my God.. hand on a second. Maybe I can still catch them. (Jerry
goes over to the window, and opens it. He yells out of it) Ma!.. Ma!.. Up here! Don't get in the cab! .. Manya died! ..Manya died!!
(Scene ends)
