Since it is all the rage to 'Identify" as whatever the fuck you want to identify as, and as a result it is required for all of society to accept you as that, I hereby identify myself as a multi-billionaire and majority owner of every business in this country. As a result of this, everyone who has ever interacted with me in any means, virtual or real, will be required to send me a brand new crisp $100 bill. In addition I shall be given full and unfettered access to all areas of all businesses that I so choose to access. To not do so will indicate that you are billionaire-phobic, guilty of hate, and be subject to criminal and civil prosecution. Thank you. Cash only, no checks.
