Author Topic: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread  (Read 6417 times)

hutch

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Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« on: May 08, 2015, 01:03:02 pm »
so i just mowed lawn... neighbor mows twice a week..

do i need to up my game?

Space Freely

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2015, 01:12:24 pm »
I think it depends on the lawn.

I may be the only person in my neighborhood who doesn't pay someone else to mow his lawn. Every other week for me.

Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2015, 01:12:48 pm »
You should hire a poor person of Hispanic descent to do it for y-- Oh, wait nevermind.
LVMH

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2015, 01:19:43 pm »
OMG my lawn guy is totally ripping me off.  I've tried to cancel, but he keeps showing up every week while I'm at work.  Thing is, rather than billing me monthly, he sends me one bill at the end of the year.  Hard to dispute that I didn't want the service after the fact.  Predatory mowing is the new first world problem.

i am gay and i like cats

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2015, 01:23:16 pm »
we have an acre to mow.  three acres total.  I am scared of riding lawn mowers.  I like to lay on the deck in the sun as my partner does it.  we are gay fabulous in our neighborhood.

Yada

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2015, 01:25:19 pm »
I retired from mowing my lawn a few years ago, but mowing your lawn twice a week is ludicrous.

Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2015, 01:39:57 pm »
Predatory mowing is the new first world problem.
A BMI of 21.6 and now this?

LVMH

StoneTheCrow

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2015, 01:57:02 pm »
we have an acre to mow.  three acres total.  I am scared of riding lawn mowers.

Lucky you.  I have to mow all three of mine.

Riding mowers are awesome.  The hour-and-forty-five it takes to mow the grass is a chance to get away from everyone and think.

Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2015, 02:00:33 pm »
why don't you just get a Roomba for you lawn

slack

Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2015, 02:11:22 pm »
for jules

slack

sweetcell

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2015, 02:40:33 pm »
this thread is a turning point.  started with parking in the 'mats thread, but it's now official:

the 930 bboard is old.
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sweetcell

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2015, 02:43:10 pm »
but since we're talking suburban first-world problems: how do y'all deal with compaction?

soil around my place is 99% clay.  with time, the most trodden parts of the lawn have gotten so compacted and hard that grass won't grow any more.  tried taking out plugs but the patches remain bald (talking about the yard, hair is doing just fine thank you very much).

muchas grassy-ass.
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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2015, 03:03:38 pm »
Ouch.

Sounds like you need an expensive, multi-stage remediation.

You'll first need to plow under your entire yard, then mix in 4%-6% clean fine sand, based on the volume of clay assuming a three-foot deep box.  Ideally, you'd re-till, then wait for 10 days or until the next soaking rain.  At that point, you want to remove 30% - 40% of the volume of the new mixture (assuming you want to keep the same, level yard), then replace it with organic humus.  (Essentially, you've just built the ideal loam.)

A truly standup guy would introduce a colony of earthworms, grubs and other beneficial insects to add life (ha!) and longevity to your soil.

Finally add a healthy coating of grass seed, daily watering - unless it rains - and hopefully lots of sunshine.  You'll want to keep humans and large animals off the grass while it's growing, so a temporary fence (or webbing) may be necessary depending on your setup.

In no time, you'll have ultimate bragging rights and will put your neighbors lawns to shame. 

ggw

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2015, 03:04:18 pm »
Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra?

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Re: Official 930 Club Lawncare Thread
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2015, 03:07:24 pm »
btw, please don't actually do any of that.  I really just made it all up on the spot. Consult an actual lawncare professional prior to seeking treatment.