I almost posted this in the faux Onion thread but it's just too dark for that:
North Carolina school system to allow pepper spray
A North Carolina school system has adopted a policy allowing high school students to carry pepper spray this fall, a policy one board member said may be useful for students who encounter transgender classmates in the bathroom.
i can see the scenario now:
Principal: "Biff, you maced Billy. Explain yourself."
Biff: "Well... uhh... it's like... I thought he was one of them transgendereds! Yeah, that's it!"
Principal: "Well, normally this would be grounds for pressing criminal charges of assault against you, but gosh darnit if you say you thought he was one of those trans-generationals, then I guess it's self-defense. Off with you whipper-snappers!"