The Great Headline thread

[grateful]

"Poopy Stupid Butt" was the working title for "Hey Jude". True story.

[kosmo vinyl]

not an Onion article and yes this could be cross posted into several threads

 https://www.newscientist.com/article/2334149-sac-with-a-mouth-and-no-anus-wasnt-our-earliest-ancestor-after-all/

[grateful]

Alright, which of you scofflaws is doing shots on the roof?

https://www.fox5dc.com/news/naked-man-fires-shots-in-northwest-dc

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

Alright, which of you scofflaws is doing shots on the roof?

https://www.fox5dc.com/news/naked-man-fires-shots-in-northwest-dc

Well they’re naked, so you’d think Relaxer. But then again they’re hyper violent so you’d think RatBastard. But then again they’re on drugs on a roof which really opens it back up to a lot of you degenerates.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

so that headline was indeed fantastic...but the way they ended that story

There is currently no active threat, according to police, and no active shooter. The man has since put on his clothes.

[kosmo vinyl]

Speeding woman on cocaine kills drunk driver high on meth in North Las Vegas, police say

[sweetcell]

this one checks a lot of boxes:

Elon Musk agrees: chess champion cheated, used anal beads for comms

[grateful]

Beyond Meat COO arrested for biting man’s nose near Razorback Stadium

[vansmack]

"Greg Abbott is a Little Piss Baby"

[vansmack]

Area Man Is Arrested for Parody. The Onion Files a Supreme Court Brief.

[sweetcell]

Area Man Is Arrested for Parody. The Onion Files a Supreme Court Brief.

cross-copy to "when reality reflects the onion" thread??

[vansmack]

Area Man Is Arrested for Parody. The Onion Files a Supreme Court Brief.

cross-copy to "when reality reflects the onion" thread??

I scrolled until which of the two threads came up first (it was this one).  Now if we had a thread titled when the onion reflects reality it would have been a no brainer. 

Here is the full brief.. I was in tears by the Table of Contents.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

Wild Pig Drinks 18 Beers, Gets in Fight with Cow

[Justin Tonation]

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

Too much information and also not nearly enough all at the same time. Inquiring minds desire to know more!