I guess my bigger point is that any baseball player with even a handful of at-bats will inevitably have more strikeouts this year than times you will fall down the stairs. Unless you have a raging alcohol abuse problem, I suppose. Do you have a raging alcohol abuse problem? It would explain the disheveled nature of your lawn and the lack of funds to purchase a proper-sized house for a family of 4.
I think we might have cracked the case, guys!