Yeah, I don't call my kid names like that.
I should say that my wife busts her balls for my kid and is often and usually a much better parent than me. Only occasionally she is a much worse parent than me. Nasty name calling a case on point. I should probably list all the good things she does too. I'm an even keel person, she swings wildly. Opposites attract, but sometimes that makes it hard. Also, my spoiled, immature only child is not easy to deal with. She gets lots of trying traits from each of her parents.
I don't envy your autism situation and admire you for adapting and living and loving. That's what it's all about.