Author Topic: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)  (Read 647144 times)

Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #555 on: July 08, 2015, 09:44:47 am »
Cat terrorist terrorizes town

http://gothamist.com/2015/07/07/cat_terrorizing_upstate_town.php
This quote is classic

A black cat has been attacking and terrorizing residents of a Rockland County town, as part of an ongoing effort among animals to destroy humankind and return the Northeast to its rightful furry owners.


Although the link to this article made me smile Human Flesh-Craving Squirrels Are Attacking MTA Workers
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Julian, Forum COGNOSCENTI

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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #556 on: July 08, 2015, 10:15:57 am »
Britney Spears' music used by British navy to scare off Somali pirates

Merchant naval officer Rachel Owens explained the tactics to Metro: "Her songs were chosen by the security team because they thought the pirates would hate them most. These guys can't stand western culture or music, making Britney's hits perfect. As soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can."
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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #558 on: July 10, 2015, 11:58:53 am »
he is only one man . . . what do you want for him to do; become jesus and change the world in the blink of an eye?  change takes time, which takes money, which takes patience, which takes hope, which take faith, which takes a chance to try.

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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #559 on: July 10, 2015, 01:09:45 pm »
Boyband member collapses on flight after wearing all his clothes to avoid extra luggage costs

"The woman said either one bag went in the hold or we weren't getting on. The rest of the band had gone through so I couldn't give them any of the clothes. I was told I?d either have to pay a 45 fee to get it on the plane, get the flight the next morning, bin the clothes or wear them." In all, McElvar wore six T-shirts, five jumpers, three pairs of jeans, two sweat pants, two jackets and two hats.
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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #560 on: July 11, 2015, 10:54:11 am »
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/55a01a80e4b0a47ac15c889e?

Cosby episode about "secret sauce" that makes people want to have sex.



Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #563 on: July 15, 2015, 11:00:09 am »
Maricopa County?s Sheriff Joe Arpaio gives a play-by-play of the events that led up to the arrest of suspect Michael Crawford, who purchased round-trip air fare and met up with an undercover police officer who was fronting as a horse pimp.
Within that article is a link to another worthy submission:

Man dies after butt-fucking himself against scarecrow with strap-on
that made me laugh out loud
this quote from that was pretty classic too
Moure also told the press that ?there were no signs of violence? and, while they await the autopsy results, believe that the sex was of mutual consent

The scarecrow was consenting...how would they determine that?


although he was Argentine....so that does explain alot (awaits Hutch's smite of furious anger)
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Lunatic Fringe: Honorary Board Members
« Reply #564 on: July 15, 2015, 11:06:19 am »
There should be a new title to this thread

Re: Lunatic Fringe: Honorary Board Members
« Reply #565 on: July 15, 2015, 11:12:07 am »
There should be a new title to this thread
best Red Rider song ever!
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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #567 on: July 22, 2015, 10:19:50 am »
in the original WRRtO thread, the initial post contained something to the effect that politics should not be included in this thread, since political news in inherently surreal, absurd, etc.  the rise of Trump pushes political news into territory that not even the Onion could have dreamed up.

Trump to introduce Def Leppard at Iowa State Fair

Cedar Rapids, Iowa (CNN)Donald Trump is set to introduce 80s hair metal band Def Leppard at the Iowa State Fair on Aug. 15, two Iowa Trump campaign aides told CNN on Friday.

The concert, which also features bands Styx and Tesla, will take place at the State Fair Grandstand on the fairgrounds in Des Moines.

continued: http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/17/politics/donald-trump-iowa-state-fair-def-leppard/

donald trump... hair metal... get it?
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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #568 on: July 22, 2015, 11:19:36 am »
There should be a genre called "Toupee Metal".

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Re: When reality reflects The Onion (redux)
« Reply #569 on: July 22, 2015, 12:07:17 pm »
Buttergolem has convinced herself she eats 1800 calories a day despite being morbidly obese

I swear to God, the next revision DSM-V needs to include fatlogic. This has to be a mental illness.

"I became fat during my teenage years due to a combination of medication and genetics." Uhh, no, you became fat because you're a lazy glutton.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2015, 12:12:35 pm by Julian, Verified SHITLORD »
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