When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

[vansmack]

must-read:

Brilliant.

The models are why I only fly where Virgin flies.

[Justin Tonation]

Massachusetts cyclist attacked by man swinging sausages

BROCKTON, Mass. (AP) - A Massachusetts man is facing charges for allegedly attacking a bicyclist with sausage links and a wrench before making off with jewelry and the bike.
 
Police say Michael Baker is scheduled to be arraigned Monday on charges including assault and battery with a dangerous weapon in connection with the Sunday morning attack.
 
According to The Enterprise, the victim told police his assailant at first started swinging a string of sausage links at him before hitting him with a wrench. The victim was hospitalized.
 
Police say Baker was caught a short time later with the bike and a wrench.
 
Police later found that sausages and other food had been stolen from a food stand at the Brockton Fairgrounds.

[sweetcell]

so there's this kid on youtube, ReactionResponseKING, whose shtick is eating ridiculous thing (hot peppers, the cinnamon challenge, menthos + coke, etc) and filming the outcomes.  pretty standard fare is this post-jackass era, really.  what makes this video a classic are the auto-generated captions.

1) go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnVOFSs75RA, start & immediately pause video (skip the commercial if one is served to you)
2) press the "CC" button in the video player's bottom toolbar
3) select "transcribe audio", click OK to the pop-up disclaimer
4) lol

hondacarland & drug use dead,
SC

[James Ford]

This guy has balls

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2161294/Wesley-Warren-Jr-Man-100-pound-scrotum-REJECTS-free-1m-corrective-surgery.html?ICO=most_read_module

[gaaaaaaaaah]

http://deadspin.com/5918718/manny-ramirezs-dreads-will-lead-to-drug-use-abortion-gayness-fan-tells-oakland-athletics-triple+a-affiliate-in-insane-voicemail

[kosmo vinyl]

NBC interviews famous tourist in London for Olympics  and doesn't realize who it is.

http://deadspin.com/5930258/nbc-interviewed-a-random-tourist-about-the-queen-and-didnt-realize-he-was-evander-holyfield

[Jaguar]

Four bears break into cabin; drink 100 beers

The party was wild enough. Can you imagine the hangover period!?!

[Jaguar]

Every soon-to-be father's dream come true:

Study: Oral Sex Cures Morning Sickness

The 1st comment is a classic! Even as a woman, I had to laugh.

Sorry ladies, but this finding is just too crazy not to post. But do take note: that stuff must be from the biological father or it's no cure for you.

[i am gay and i like cats]

oral sex in the morning . . . also cures a bad relationship.

[sweetcell]

Rattlesnake Bites Pot Grower at Walmart
http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/05/15/rattlesnake-bites-pot-grower-at-walmart/

(from Time, no less...)

[sweetcell]

Insane Clown Posse's Fans Aren't a Gang, Duo to Sue FBI
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/14/tagblogsfindlawcom2012-celebrityjustice-idUS232271613920120814

more: http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/16/showbiz/icp-juggalo-fbi-lawsuit/index.html

[grateful]

If you live in Arizona, you could be pregnant even before you have sex.

http://www.examiner.com/article/new-law-arizona-states-pregnancy-begins-two-weeks-before-conception

[sweetcell]

If you live in Arizona, you could be pregnant even before you have sex.

http://www.examiner.com/article/new-law-arizona-states-pregnancy-begins-two-weeks-before-conception

so.  fucking.  ridiculous.

how can these people take themselves seriously?  how can they not be embarrassed by their so-called "logic"?

[grateful]

They'll feel empowered if Romney gets elected.  Paul Ryan's reaction to the Akin mindfuck was to agree with him, saying that rape is just another means of conception...HuffPo link complete with video.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-slansky-/paul-ryan-said-something-_b_1832377.html

[Justin Tonation]

Curiosity rover to beam Will.i.am song from Mars

Clearly, with so much of their collective brain power being used on the actual mission, there was nothing left for music.