When reality reflects The Onion (redux)

[grateful]

Well they got the name of the terrorist who go the podium. His name is Via Getty.

https://www.news18.com/news/buzz/confused-americans-think-the-rioters-name-who-stole-podium-from-us-capitol-is-via-getty-3256226.html

That's delicious.

[Justin Tonation]

Wait, that's not Richard Branson?

I was more disturbed that he said "podium" instead of lectern.

[kosmo vinyl]

I missed this the first time but "Elizabeth from Knoxville" who went viral with her claims of being maced while "storming the capital" actually had half an onion in her towel and was rubbing her eyes with it... and apparently from Maryland

this becomes a Hall Of Fame post

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

^^ Can we all just agree if you are the kind of person who wears a piano key scarf to a revolution, perhaps storming the Bastille is not for you.

[kosmo vinyl]

So apparently an onion is used as an antidote to tear gas, a fact I just learned from TMZ.

https://www.tmz.com/2021/01/08/elizabeth-from-knoxville-accused-rubbing-eyes-with-onion-towel-maced/

So excuse me while I go flush my eyes having both read TMZ and seeing that piano scarf again..

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

[grateful]

Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘vagina’ candle reportedly explodes in UK woman’s home

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘vagina’ candle reportedly explodes in UK woman’s home

I mean, better in her home than her vagina, honestly.

[Yada]

Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘vagina’ candle reportedly explodes in UK woman’s home

I mean, better in her home than her vagina, honestly.

Came here to say that

[grateful]

Lawsuit Alleges Subway's Tuna Salad Doesn't Contain Any Actual Tuna

https://www.foodandwine.com/news/subway-tuna-lawsuit

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

This has to be an onion headline...
Jared Kushner ... nominated for Nobel Peace Prize by Alan Dershowitz for Israel deals

[hutch]

Of course

https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/01/us/capitol-rioters-non-voters-invs/index.html

[grateful]

SCIENTISTS HAVE TAUGHT SPINACH TO SEND EMAILS

https://www.euronews.com/living/2021/02/01/scientists-have-taught-spinach-to-send-emails-and-it-could-warn-us-about-climate-change

[grateful]

Lil Uzi has $24M pink diamond implanted in his forehead

https://twitter.com/STRAPPEDUS/status/1357012002971865088?s=19

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

Post Malone has released a cover of Hootie and the Blowfish's 1995 hit song "Only Wanna Be With You" for Pokémon's 25th anniversary.