Parenting issues

[Yada]

Is it my partner's fault if she herself says she's willing to go "out of a sense of wanting me to be happy?" I mean, it's 90% her fault the kid is so spoiled, but isn't the blame to be laid in the kid in this instance? As kids get older, more of the blame slides off the parent onto the aging child but what particular percentage you put on each in this case, IDK.

I mean, how much can you do to "make" your kid do something that isn't in their own selfish best interest? I think you definitely have to do some. Part of living in a society is doing things not immediately in your own self interest. Part of functioning in the workforce is doing things you do not want to do. I am a huge advocate of children's rights and think we will soon be in a society that looks back on a time where we remove agency from 17 year olds under the guise they're "minors" as monstrous, but the idea a kid needs to go see their grandparent annually on their birthday is such a small ask.

That said, when i was a kid, there was not question on something like this. You did as your parents said, and you shut up about it. I think that's too far. There needs to be some balance.

Thanks to all for the conversation. Julian, if we ever meet, I owe you a beer. I used a couple of your lines within a a longer email to my wife. She agreed 100% with the email, and the next thing I knew, they were all in agreement that they would be going for the visit. Though I know my kid isn't entirely happy about it. At least she's happy that there's cake and and ice cream and maybe donuts involved.

That said, Yada is probably right that I would be better off going solo.

So... you guys are both at home within a pretty close proximity and you sent her an email to discuss this topic?

[hutch]

So judgy

[Space Freely]

Is it my partner's fault if she herself says she's willing to go "out of a sense of wanting me to be happy?" I mean, it's 90% her fault the kid is so spoiled, but isn't the blame to be laid in the kid in this instance? As kids get older, more of the blame slides off the parent onto the aging child but what particular percentage you put on each in this case, IDK.

I mean, how much can you do to "make" your kid do something that isn't in their own selfish best interest? I think you definitely have to do some. Part of living in a society is doing things not immediately in your own self interest. Part of functioning in the workforce is doing things you do not want to do. I am a huge advocate of children's rights and think we will soon be in a society that looks back on a time where we remove agency from 17 year olds under the guise they're "minors" as monstrous, but the idea a kid needs to go see their grandparent annually on their birthday is such a small ask.

That said, when i was a kid, there was not question on something like this. You did as your parents said, and you shut up about it. I think that's too far. There needs to be some balance.

Thanks to all for the conversation. Julian, if we ever meet, I owe you a beer. I used a couple of your lines within a a longer email to my wife. She agreed 100% with the email, and the next thing I knew, they were all in agreement that they would be going for the visit. Though I know my kid isn't entirely happy about it. At least she's happy that there's cake and and ice cream and maybe donuts involved.

That said, Yada is probably right that I would be better off going solo.

So... you guys are both at home within a pretty close proximity and you sent her an email to discuss this topic?

She has a serious job and can't be interrupted during her workday. Which sometimes is all day and night.

I have a fake job and post on internet forums all day.

Words above not necessarily mine, nor not necessarily my own thoughts. Perhaps I overdramatize.


Also, I tend to better express myself in writing than I do in person...in spite of my sometimes nonsensical ranting on this forum. Emails sometimes get the job done better face to face, when they are actually read.

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

I used a couple of your lines within a a longer email to my wife. She agreed 100% with the email, and the next thing I knew, they were all in agreement that they would be going for the visit.

Well, this is unexpected.

[Yada]

So judgy

How am I judging?? He's asking for insight into his life problems, my suggestion is talking and not writing emails. But Space already explained his reasoning above.

[Julian, Bespoke SEXPERT]

My wife and I are totally fans of "occasionally you need to just put it down in writing so the other person can read and process it at their own speed and not feel on the spot to respond instantly when their fight or flight modality may be engaged". This obviously cannot be most discussions but used in the right spot, the email method can be gold.

[Space Freely]

My wife and I are totally fans of "occasionally you need to just put it down in writing so the other person can read and process it at their own speed and not feel on the spot to respond instantly when their fight or flight modality may be engaged". This obviously cannot be most discussions but used in the right spot, the email method can be gold.

This, too. And sometimes, not all the time. Previous face to face chats on this topic had not netted good results, only building tensions

Also, our kid is around us 24/7 these days or at least it seems, and it's hard not to have a conversation without her overhearing and often inserting herself into it. Email is a way around that.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

My wife and I are totally fans of "occasionally you need to just put it down in writing so the other person can read and process it at their own speed and not feel on the spot to respond instantly when their fight or flight modality may be engaged". This obviously cannot be most discussions but used in the right spot, the email method can be gold.

I 100% agree.  The nice thing about an email is you can get out a complete thought without the person interrupting/sidetracking/focusing on a missed button

Doesn't always mean the message is well received...

[challenged]

My wife and I are totally fans of "occasionally you need to just put it down in writing so the other person can read and process it at their own speed and not feel on the spot to respond instantly when their fight or flight modality may be engaged". This obviously cannot be most discussions but used in the right spot, the email method can be gold.

I 100% agree.  The nice thing about an email is you can get out a complete thought without the person interrupting/sidetracking/focusing on a missed button

Doesn't always mean the message is well received...

Over here at challengehouse we text one another TikTok videos as our primary means of communication, and also for the recipes.

[Space Freely]

My wife and I are totally fans of "occasionally you need to just put it down in writing so the other person can read and process it at their own speed and not feel on the spot to respond instantly when their fight or flight modality may be engaged". This obviously cannot be most discussions but used in the right spot, the email method can be gold.

I 100% agree.  The nice thing about an email is you can get out a complete thought without the person interrupting/sidetracking/focusing on a missed button

Doesn't always mean the message is well received...

Over here at challengehouse we text one another TikTok videos as our primary means of communication, and also for the recipes.

Please don't tell me your partner is a teenager, Matt!

Like cute videos that you make of yourself singing and dancing and being seductive, or tik tok videos of other people.?

[Cock Van Der Palm]

Should I feel bad that reading this thread makes me feel pretty good about my life?

[Yada]

Should I feel bad that reading this thread makes me feel pretty good about my life?

Absolutely not, the point of this forum is to belittle others and in general make yourself feel better about your life decisions.

[Dejecty-hatch lııllı|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llıl]

Should I feel bad that reading this thread makes me feel pretty good about my life?

Absolutely not, the point of this forum is to belittle others and in general make yourself feel better about your life decisions.

can confirm

[Cock Van Der Palm]

Thanks.  That is reassuring!

Should I feel bad that reading this thread makes me feel pretty good about my life?

Absolutely not, the point of this forum is to belittle others and in general make yourself feel better about your life decisions.

can confirm

[Space Freely]

Well to put a cap on the story, my daughter was delighted to find out she won't be visiting her grandmother on her birthday after all.

My brother was the one who was going to host us (my mom doesn't have the room, and is anti-vax, anti-mask anyway). It turns out some of his in-laws visited on Saturday, stood around talking in the kitchen for three hours (with my anti-vax sister in law, while my once vaxxed brother went upstairs and opened a window), and two of the kids tested positive yesterday. One has a high fever and the shits.