He's a douche.
Agreed. The kerfuffle seems to be many people think his behavior rises to the level of rape/sexual assault and others think its just terrible, boorish, douchey (non-criminal) sex.
based on my understanding of the kerfuffle, you seem to have missed the point. to be fair, the point here is that women and men view things very differently, in large part due to cultural norms and expectations (aka upbringing). so men saying "i don't get what these women are complaining about" is almost to be expected, since they're men and not women.
the #metoo movement pointed out how women, even powerful hollywood leading women, can be subjected to sexual harassment and assault; and society has covered for these men.
a step below this, but still on the spectrum of inequality of the sexes, is how women are treated in new sexual relationships - again, due to cultural norms and expectations (aka upbringing). the message in the ansari case isn't that he committed a crime. he didn't. the message is that women don't have the same leeway in skipping out of an awkward sexual situation (for men to simple-mindedly say "well why didn't she leave?" is showing your privilege and lack of empathy). hell, even
what constitutes "bad sex" isn't nearly the same for men and women.
here's another good read on the subject. please read through those two links for a better explanation.
